Sunday, February 1, 2004 - 3:32 p.m. \| Mood: \| Music: none
For anyone who direct links to this page, I now have a deadjournal that I will be updating instead of this. it's at www.deadjournal.com/~pinkspider19
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - 3:01 p.m. \| Mood: Heated \| Music: none
George Bush, pull your head out of your ass. That's fun, isn't it? Let's all say it together now! Really though, this is a mini-rant (short on time) that really should have gone up on Thursday after I saw a recording of the State of the Union address in US History. But better late than never, eh? What is the man thinking? Bush came extremely close to giving his support to an amendment that would prevent gay marriages all across the country. Since when, exactly, has the constitution been used to deny our rights? That is flat out discrimination. How is banning same-sex marriages any different than, say, inter-racial marriage? Bush talked of his strong support for the Defense of Marriage Act, saying that it "protects marriage under a federal law as a union of a man and a woman." I just love how he states that. Why not tell it like it is, Georgie? The act says that a state does not have to recognize and give benefits to a same-sex marriage that was performed in a different state. Speaking of the recent Massachusetts ruling to allow gay marriages, Bush said, "Activist judges, however, have begun redefining marriage by court order, without regard for the will of the people and their elected representatives." This I don't understand at all. Why do people who are not affected by the ruling care at all? It doesn't have anything to do with them whatsoever. What gives people who don't understand and who are not involved the right to make life-altering decisions for another group of people? (Yes, yes, I know it happens all the time. Doesn't make it right.) "If judges insist on forcing their arbitrary will upon the people, the only alternative left to the people would be the constitutional process." That got me heated. That's where he pretty much stated that, if more judges begin giving marriage rights to same-sex couples, and enough of Bush's nice little homophobic supporters don't like it, we should write it into the constitution that 10% of our population will be denied rights to the status and benefits of marriage. This rant is not as well-worded as I would have liked, seeing as how I've put it all together in about 10 minutes. I shall try to come back later and edit it.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 12:43 p.m. \| Mood: Kinda bored \| Music: Bob Marley
I would start this entry by saying "No, I'm not dead," but I think everyone who reads this already knows that. Apologies for not updating in so long. The computer was broken for a while, and frankly, I'm just been too busy. The only time I'm really at my house is when Bernie comes over or when I'm asleep at night. Ah, the freedom. Life is good. But yes. I figure that it's only fair that I update since Bernie's started updating his again. Today is our second snow day in a row, and I must say that wasting time here is much better than wasting time in school. Such work ethic I have. So, what's new, you ask? Probably not anything you don't already know. Bernie and I are doing just wonderfully. We've seen each other every day since we got together so long ago. Er, about 3 months ago. That messes with my head; it seems a lot longer than that. It's been criticized that I spend too much time with him and not enough with _______. However, it's really only natural that when I'm with someone who makes me happier than anyone I've ever met, I'd like to spend most every moment with him. Rachel and I have had a couple of what I guess you'd call arguments, but I think everything is okay now. I hope. Paul randomly called me yesterday to tell me that he misses me. That was extremely left field. I'm not entirely sure what he expected from that, but it just resulted in me feeling guilty for a while. I told him sorry. What else could I say? There's nothing I can do to make what he's feeling go away. My life has moved on. The aquarium that I got for Christmas is all set up! I loves it to death. Here's a picture. Yay! I also recently bought a coffee table aquarium from my coworker. This is a picture of it. Just imagine it without the ugly stuff in it. It'll be quite a while before I get anything in mine. Prom! Yay! Very excited about that. I've started picking out dresses. I haven't gone to any stores yet, but I've picked out a few online that I really like. Not in any order: one two three four. Tell me what you guys think so far. Especially you, Bernie. Quick side note: It's Schwab, sweetie. ^^ And, as the coup de gr�ce, there's this. Hahaha!
Tuesday, November 25th- 11:32 p.m. \| Mood: Happy \| Music: dog snoring
Ok, I really need to go to bed. But first: Possibly the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. And this too. Whee!
Thursday, November 20th- 4:01 p.m. \| Mood: Pissed \| Music:
I really wish people would stop forming opinions of me and of Bernie when they don't know ANYTHING. You have no right. I removed my journal entry from last night. I don't normally do that, but it was full of anger and words that are very uncharacteristic of me. I just want people to stop thinking they can judge me. And I know you're never online to read this, but I'll say it anyway: Have you any idea how much what you said today at Blackhurst hurt me? I value your opinion above most others' for obvious reasons. I cannot even express how your words make me feel. Ica, maybe you could pass that message on for me? I think you know who it's for.
Wednesday, November 12th- 10:08 p.m. \| Mood: Goofy \| Music: Cake
So I definitely just registered online to become an ordained minister. My certificate is gonna come in the mail. Anyone wanna get married? Lol, I have a very strange sense of humor. Just the thought that someone can become a minister by filling out a little form online makes me laugh. I'm so freaking lucky. I have the most wonderful boyfriend EVER. I am up and out of my depression, and I'm so thankful for that. Know what else I'm thankful for? You can buy M.A.S.H. episodes on DVD. That rocks. I hate winter, but I sure do love curling up under a thick pile of blankets. This entry was pretty pointless, other than the Bernie is awesome part. Oh! And I'm going to Germany this summer!!!!!!!!
Thursday, November 6th- 4:14 p.m. \| Mood: Excited \| Music: Cake
Heeeeey. I updated my pictures section. Put up a few pictures of me, and also posted the good birthday party pictures. I still have ones from the German exchange stuff, Rocky Horror, trip, and a bunch of other random stuff. I sure do enjoy not having to scan all these anymore. ^^ I put up my Kiss poster today. I wonder what Dad will say when he sees it. Lol, probably nothing. Waitin' for Bernie to get off school. We're gonna go see The Matrix: Revolutions tonight if we can get tickets. Whee! I should pick up Finding Nemo this weekend. Great movie, that is.
Wednesday, November 5th- 11:14 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: nuffin'
I don't really want that last entry to sit at the top as the most recent thing I've said, since everything seems to be okay now. So, everybody look at this instead: There, now everyone's happy, no?
Tuesday, November 4th- 10:38 p.m. \| Mood: Disgusted \| Music: Malice Mizer
Do you realize that, in the end, people will agree with me because I'm the sensible one? I don't understand what you've become. I do what I can to help things, like I thought you were doing. But I've seen in you a total personality flip from when we were together. You're full of yourself. You think that you can have everyone and women and men alike would beg at your feet to be with you. You truly believe that you're wise to the world, but your wisdom doesn't extend much past your video games and R. Kelly CD. You flat out lied to me by saying that you never said you wanted to go out with Rachel. If you don't want people to read your immaturities, then don't post them in a public fucking journal.
Saturday, November 1st- 2:28 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Pearl Jam stuck in my head
Wooooooooo long time no update. I feel like I should talk about things that happened between last update and now, but I just don't have it in me to do that. Um. Been really majorly depressed lately: not motivated to do anything, totally apathetic, suicidal at times, without any coordination or short term memory, never hungry, tired all the time, BLAGH. I talked to Dad about it, and he seems to think that my birth control pills are causing it, so I'm gonna try switching brands. Hoepfully it'll work, cuz I don't imagine I'm too pleasant to be around. I am feeling a bit better right now though, cuz last night was hella fun. We dressed Paul up in full blown drag for the trip to Des Peres Theater at midnight to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kudos to Michelle who did his hair and makeup. Beautiful job, babe. Ica and I took Paul various places to see how many people we could shock with his outfit. He seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly. After some wasting of time, we headed to Catherine's, then to the show to meet up with Michelle, Rachel, Russell, and company. It was great. I dun remember the last time I was so entertained. The audience participation is awesome. Afterwards, Paul stayed with Cath, and I took Ica home T_T and went to Russell's around 3:00. There, I wasted no time in getting completely drunk off my ass. It was a great drunken time, because I didn't get sick. I'm a really entertaining drunk, cuz I get really slap happy and laugh hysterically at everything even slightly funny. And I fall over a lot. Brandon definitely at one point barely pushed my shoulder and I fell over in the street. Russell and Michelle both get really friendly when they're drunk, and they were both hitting on me. o.O Around 6:30, when I was pretty sobered up, I started talking with Michelle's friend Bernie, whom I'd met a couple times prior. We hung out for a couple of hours, then slept for a while, and woke back up to a hilariously drunk Luke. That guy's funny as hell. I took Rachel to cheerleading at 10:30 and went back to Russell's, where there were a few people left but only Bernie and Luke awake. Luke went to sleep and Bernie and I cuddled and talked for a really long time. He's such a sweetie. Now we're going out and I wonder what I'm gonna do about my assumption of Dad's disapproval of his age. o.O
Tuesday, September 30th- 7:49 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: None here T_T
Lol, so, where to start? I'm still in Wisconsin! Bleh. I was suppossed to fly in yesterday morning, and leave tonight. Well, of course, things can NEVER go as planned. I got to the airport in St. Louis about an hour before my flight left. Sat and waited. Missed my flight because they changed gates on me and no one told me they switched and no one told me that I should confirm all that crap. Went home. Called people. Couldn't get ahold of Dad and Ann, so they were waiting for me in Green Bay, and, lo and behold, I WASN'T THERE! Scared the crap out of them. They called my cell phone and I told them what was going on. They lined up another flight for me later that afternoon. I caught that flight to Chicago, walked a REALLY long ways through the Chicago airport, and got on another plane to Green Bay. Got to Green Bay completely exhausted around 6:30. Met Dad and Ann, had to sit for a 2 hour car ride to where they were staying. We got up this morning and got all ready for the wedding. It was really nice. We went shopping for a while after that, and went to the GB airport to check me in for my flight at 6:17 pm. We then found out that the flight was cancelled due to mechanical problems, and there were no more flights into St. Louis tonight. The airport people said that we could all stay free at the airport hotel, but Dad and Ann didn't like that because all their stuff was 2 hours away at the little lighthouse cabin thing they're staying in. So, with some negotiation, I was allowed to stay here by myself and I'll catch a flight tomorrow at 5:00. My hotel room is really nice; it has a jacuzzi, fridge, Nintendo 64, and some other stuff. And there's free internet in the "business center" of the hotel. Whee! So I guess it's all good, though I'd rather be at home. And now I have to get up at 4:00, fly on 2 planes (layover in Cincinnati), go to school, then work until 8:00. BLAH! Heh.
Sunday, September 28th- 9:43 p.m. \| Mood: Exhausted \| Music: Evolution is on in the living room
Did I say no party, no way? Heh, guess I lied.
Tuesday, September 23rd- 10:10 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: Anmaku - Duel Jewel
So the party totally freaking rocked! Wahoo! We had a big cake fight and all kinds of craziness, will get pictures up as soon as I can. With my new KICKASS digital camera. I also got a CD player for my car. Whoot! Thank you everyone! I loved my gifts and I am SO happy that everyone had a good time. It's wonderful! Dad and Ann are going out of town Saturday morning to next Saturday evening. Rock on! Gonna paaaaarty! (Not here, though. NO way.)
Tuesday, September 16th- 10:40 p.m. \| Mood: Dead \| Music: none
When will it all end? I'm going to fucking curl up into a ball and die. I feel like I'm a rather insignificant part of people's lives right now. Like, if I were to disappear, it seems like people would be sad, or at least act sad because they're suppossed to, but then I'd be forgotten quickly. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of everyone and screaming as hard as I can, but no one is listening to me. I'm not motivated to do anything. I don't care about school, I don't care about homecoming, I don't care about world issues, and I don't care about what's happening tomorrow. I care about my rats, and I care about the little kitten I rescued the other night. And a select few people. The rest of the fucking world can jump off a cliff.
Wednesday, September 10th- 10:03 p.m. \| Mood: Dead \| Music: Zan - Dir en grey
Please, please don't do this to me. It makes me feel like an awful person. I don't think you realize. I need sleep. I need to eat. And I need a freaking hug. I don't want to go to school tomorrow either. Maybe I'll play dead. Or run away. Just hop in my car and drive. Get far away from everything. Everything that hurts me. What did I ever do to anyone? I make myself miserable worrying about other people. I try to think about myself for once. I try to make a change in my life in an attempt to eventually make myself happy, and instead, I feel like shooting myself in the head. I feel like a child. A lost, confused child. If this is what happens when I try to do something for myself once, then fuck it. I don't care about me anymore. I was probably born to do things for other people, anyway. I have no other use.
Sunday, September 7th- 10:41 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Black - Pearl Jam
I guess I should compile a birthday list as well. I'm really perfectly happy if you make me a card, though. Most of what I want is JRock CDs, so if you're feeling particularly generous, there's .... Ok, you know what? I just looked through some JRock CDs I want, and they're all really expensive because Japanese CDs are outrageously priced, here and in Japan. So I'm not posting them. If you're still interested, ask me. Moving on. American CDs. These aren't in any order. 1. Anything by the Doors besides Morrison Hotel and Waiting for the Sun 2. Any Godsmack CD 3. Vast - Visual Audio Sensory Theater 4. The Chicago Soundtrack 5. Any Rammstein 6. Disturbed - The Sickness I also really want Velvet Goldmine on DVD. Then there are these posters: one two three That's all I can really think of.
Saturday, September 6th- 7:45 a.m. \| Mood: Awake \| Music: none
ERICA WE NEED TO WORK ON PARTY PLANS AND DECORATIONS AND EVERYTHING ELSE THIS WEEKEND!!! AHHHHH! Time's running out quickly. Anyway...I was really sick yesterday. It sort of felt like a sinus infection, but I was completely exhausted and achy all over. During school, I was pretty miserable, but I hate missing school (hate makeup work), so I stayed. I got to sleep for about 45 minutes in Biology II, because Mr. Wheeler rocks beyond all compare. ^^ After school, I slept for about 2 hours, then I got up and went to see Finding Nemo with Paul. Finally got to see it! It was a really cute movie, but the beginning made me cry. It was really sad. We were going to go to dinner, but I was exhaused by then. I got home around 8, and slept until about half an hour ago. It was nice, and I feel a lot better. So far. Erica is suppossed to spend the night, so hopefully I get through work and feel ok. Speaking of work, I have to go get ready now.
Sunday, August 31st- 11:17 p.m. \| Mood: Confused \| Music: Celebration - X Japan
So I have yet another rat. Yesterday, Jimi decided that he wanted a rat. Cool, I thought, everyone needs a pet of some sort. So I took him shopping for it, and he picked out a little baby albino one. I took him home, and he got her all set up in an aquarium. Today, he called me and told me that his mom said he couldn't keep her. I could tell that he was really upset. So I told him that he could keep her here with my rats, and visit her whenever he wants. I really don't think it's fair. Jimi is constantly depressed, to the point that he rarely sleeps and eats. Not in a long, long time have I seen him truly happy. He's been kicked out of his father's house, his mom doesn't treat him right, he's unhappy with his girlfriend, and just...I dunno. A lot of people he cares about seem to treat him like shit. And so we go buy this rat, and he was happy! He absolutely loves her. He was playing with her constantly, and something seemed to...I don't know. It seemed like it was sort of a stability in his life. Here's this little critter that's all his, that he can love and take care of, and it will never hurt him or tell him it doesn't love him or hit him or say it doesn't have time for him. And then he finds out that he has to give her away. I don't understand it at all. Not at all. Why would you do that to someone? And the only thing I can do is keep her here for him. People confuse me.
Friday, August 29th- 3:01 p.m. \| Mood: Excited \| Music: none
Anyone want to go to the Japanese Festival at the Botanical Gardens with me Saturday afternoon or Sunday? (Provided Dad will let me go.)
Wednesday, August 27th- 10:18 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: The fan rattling over my head
So, today was Paul's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ::throws confetti:: Wahoo! So yeah. I bought him balloons at school today just to embarass him. ^^ Before work, I gave him a card and a collage of pictures that I made. I felt really bad that I had to go to work. : / But I got off an hour early, and went to his house and we watched movies. It was really fun. Kinda like old times. Love you, hun! Happy Birthday! And I'm sure you've all heard the rat story by now, so I won't bother to type it. But if you haven't heard it, do ask, because I love to tell it. It's really funny.
Thursday, August 20th- 9:40 p.m. \| Mood: Happy \| Music: Alice's Restaraunt - Arlo Guthrie (lol)
Wahoo! I got into the photography class! So now I'm taking photography 1st block instead of human relations. I get to host a German student in October! That will be so much fun. So I showed dad Erica's picture of her neighbor's tank. He went into this big rant about how he wants one and it isn't fair: "I want a tank! I've wanted a tank since I was a little boy! That's not fair! I'm depressed now. Everybody's got a tank but me. I'm gonna go cry. I want a tank. I've wanted a tank my whole life. I'd sell my house for a tank. We'll sleep in the damn tank. I want a tank! There ain't nothin better than a tank. I've been looking at every used car lot...where the hell do you buy a tank? Now I'm pissed. Tell Erica she can't come over anymore unless she brings the tank. I'd drive down the street in it. 'SUV this, you prick! Get off your cell phone!' I need a tank for Christmas. Where'd they get that? You can't just go buy a tank. Do you think they'd let me sit in it? ::sighs and walks out of the room::" LOL! Oh! And I got my phone back. Dad did it somehow, but he did it after I had my heart set on getting a picture phone. T_T Oh well. So yeah, you can all call me again.
Wednesday, August 13th- 11:20 p.m. \| Mood: Eh \| Music: Show me the Way - Styx
So I went to Paul's tonight. We watched Aladdin and had mucho fun. Very refreshing. I get my braces off a week from Friday! ::does a little dance:: Wahoo! Oh, got my schedule, too: A Days 1 - Human Relations - Holstein (Hopefully to be replaced by photography) 3 - Gifted English 3 - Dinkela 5 - Biology 2 - Wheeler 7 - Pre-Calc - Highland B Days 2 - German 2 Independent Study (in the German 1 class) - Shuey 4 - Seminar - Dinkela (Not quite sure why that's changed. Gotta talk to Mrs. Wootten.) 6 - AP History of Art 1 - Henrikson 8 - US History - Pryor (sooooooo happy about that.) So there you have it for first semester. Um, second semester, I have sociology 1st block, and psychology 2 6th block. Everything else stays the same.
Monday, August 11th- 11:36 p.m. \| Mood: Sick \| Music: Down With the Sickness - Disturbed
So my mom came over here today and took my cell phone and key to her house, told me I wasn't going to see her anymore, and left. I guess I should explain this, so when people ask what happened, I can just send them here instead of telling it all over again. For those who are clueless, Mom and Dad got divorced when I was in 4th grade. Mom moved out. They got joint custody of me, and I spent 2 weeks at Dad's, 2 weeks at Mom's, rinse, repeat. Mom got a job at the Blue Moon bar, along with working part time at Central Propeller, the business that Mom and Dad own together. Mom started working nights, leaving me home alone all the time when I was with her. I got lonely and tired of it, and started spending more and more time with Dad and less with her. She bought her own bar a couple of years ago, and got a boyfriend. There was no time for me at all anymore. It ended up to where I was until a couple of days ago, which is living with Dad and seeing Mom once every couple of weeks. About a year ago, I bought a cell phone and Mom said she'd pay for it. This summer, she decided that I had to work for it, so she made me start mowing her lawn. Now I really don't mind doing that, but it's the fact that the phone was the only thing she paid for that irks me. Dad takes care of everything else, and never says anything to her about her responsibility as a parent. He could easily make her pay child support, but he doesn't because he's nice. Through all of her bad choices, she completely destroyed her perfect credit and dug herself into a huge debt, and he always bailed her out of her responsibilities. So last night, she got really mad at me because I forgot to mow the lawn, and threatened to take my cell phone away. She told me to do it today. Before I went to work, I wrote her a big long note that basically told her I was tired of being with her lawnmower more than her, and she could take my phone away if she wants, because then she would lose the twisted idea that I owe her something. I called my sister, Katie, after work, and we talked a lot about how mom just doesn't care about her family anymore. She never calls my sister anymore unless she wants to whine about all the problems she brought on herself. She never wants to see Shiloh and Alex, Katie and John's kids. Katie is completely fed up with her and doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. A bit after I got off the phone with Katie, Mom called. Ann answered the phone, and I told her to tell Mom that I was at Paul's house. Not long after that, Mom came knocking on the door. Ann was on the phone with people at the airport, and Dad was downstairs, so he didn't hear it. She saw me walking by, so I had to answer it. Because I have no willpower. She started yelling at me, and did her usual guilt trip that she's so good at. She makes me feel like a horrible person for the things that she has brought on herself. She told me to give her my cell phone and the key to her house. I got them and threw them on the floor at her feet. She went into her whole "I have feelings too," spiel, and I told her that she's been hurting me for years. I told her that she hurt me like no one else could when she stopped being my mother. And that she's hurt my sister in the same way. She told me that I was never going to see her again, and left. I yelled, "I hate you!!" after her, then fell down on the kitchen floor crying. Because that's what I do best. I cry. Dad had come upstairs about when she left, because the yelling got loud right before then. I talked to them for a while, and now I'm here. so, uh, yeah. That's the story. So, don't call my cell phone, because it's now in the posession of an evil bitch. And if everyone could give me their phone numbers again, I'd appreciate it. My email's [email protected]. I lost 60-some numbers. I'll try to get a new phone as soon as I can afford it. I don't think I can take anymore pain. I'll die.
Thursday, August 7th- 11:35 a.m. \| Mood: Pissed \| Music: The Remedy - Jason Mraz
OK, I'm now angry beyond all belief. Dad said I could take Japanese classes at the Forest Park SLCC, and now he says I can't. Says it's a bad part of town and the classes are at night and I'm a 17-year-old girl and my car might break down. That's crap. It's not like I'm wandering Forest Park; I'll only be out of my car on campus. I'm going to go punch something.
Thursday, August 7th- 12:49 a.m. \| Mood: Hyper \| Music: Twice - Plastic Tree
So I decided that I really really really want a Super Dollfie. That being an uber-detailed Japanese doll that's about 2 feet tall. They have tons of wigs and accessories and are really customizable. I want to get Shiro and make visual kei outfits for him. ...hardly anyone reading this knows what visual kei is. Um...I want to make him outfits like what some of the bands I listen to wear. You all know Mana, right? Ok, that's not a good example. My doll's not gonna look at all like Mana. Um. Kyo! Kyo's over there in my layout picture. Blah. Never mind. I'm not getting the doll anyway, unless someone wants to donate about $750 to cover the 88,000 yen price tag. "Dad, there's this doll I want for my birthday. He's ::whispers:: $750." Yeaaaaah, right. Oh well, someday when I'm really rich.
Wednesday, July 30th- 2:08 p.m. \| Mood: Drained \| Music: Touched - Vast
Everyone is so depressed right now. There's so much sadness and hurting and...I want more than anything to make it all go away. I can hardly handle myself, let alone everything else I want so badly to fix. It makes me so sad to see my friends in pain, and it stresses me out so much when I see that there isn't a whole lot I can do besides just...be there. I can't fix anyone's problems, because they don't involve me. I feel like crying again. Bleh.
Wednesday, July 30th- 1:10 a.m. \| Mood: Not sure \| Music: Gardenia - Malice Mizer
I miss Paul a lot. I'm not sure why I'm crying. Erica suggested overwhelmed. That's pretty close, I think. I just don't know. My stomach hurts.
Monday, July 28th- 3:34 p.m. \| Mood: Angry \| Music: Batty Rap - Robin Williams
New layout, probably won't have all of the colors changed till tomorrow. Ica's spending the night tonight, wahoo! So Paul and I were suppossed to do something yesterday afternoon. I waited for him for a long time, and then decided I didn't want to wait anymore and fell asleep on my floor. I was suppossed to go to his house before work, but I couldn't get ahold of him. Fuck it.
Tuesday, July 23rd- 12:53 a.m. \| Mood: Giggly \| Music: Black Jesus - Everlast
Dave and I wrote a funny story! Jess: MOOOO stine: Yes, I know what you meant... JESS!!! HI CHICKY!@#$%^ OINK ! David: Barnyard animals guys? You crazy people... Jess: Yup. Quack! David: Ok fine...uhm...Woof! Cause every barnyard has to have a dog to keep the sheep inline. Those damn sheep.. Jess: Unless the sheep rebel and tie up the sheepdog and sacrafice it to their SHEEP-GOD Jess: o_o David: Wow, those are some advanced sheep...but then, every rebellion has a traitor that would tell the sheepdogs of what happened, and then would come and repress them. Jess: Well, the sheep would whip out their mad kung-fu skills and beat the dogs and traitors into submission. David: But wait!..all of the dogs getting beat would howl, since they are hurt, and there would be an earthquake and all the sheep would fall in a giant crevice..bummer Jess: Ah, but it's not the end of the sheep! They whip out their Super-James-Bond-Secret-Inflatable-Pants and float to safety! David: Float from a crevice...Alrighty.. but since everyone know that dogs are great at flying, they get in the Apache helicopters and chase after the sheep, guns blazing Jess: The sheep "Baaaaa" in fright. Suddenly, a giant, fat, Buddha-esque sheep rises from the bowels of the earth and shoots down the dogs with firey balls of fury! Boom! Crash! Bang! David: A few dogs manage to survive, calling in the Commando, Navy SEALs reinforcement dogs to infiltrate the sheep and expose their defenses. They disguise themselves as sheep of course.. Jess: The sheep wander about, eating grass and doing...calculus, completely unsuspecting... David: The Navy SEAL sheep/dogs sneak into the headquaters and plant bombs, wanting to make a very spectacular explosion and let the dogs rush in and take over! Jess: Poof! purple bunnies with giant fangs and uzis arrive on the scene. A few run into the headquarters and disarm the bombs with precision skills. The sheep come outside, oblivious to the goings on. David: The Navy SEAL dogs fall back behind cover and start spraying bullets at the bunnies, waiting for the paratrooper dogs to arrive, which they called earlier. Jess: A bunny gets shot, and they all start crying. "We didn't hurt anyone! All we wanted to do was stop the fighting! If men and women can get along in relative peace, so can you!" David: The dogs all smile and sigh happily, walking over to the bunnies to shake hands..secretly having those electic shocker things on their hands. Jess: Rammstein appears and starts singing "Du Hast", because Jessica has run out of ideas, but she really likes making things magically appear. Jess: Ok, ok. Rammstein simultaneously says "Ach!" and leaves. Cuz Germans do that. Meanwhile, the sheep take this opportunity to run away to their secret bat...er...sheep-cave! David: The dogs stand around dumbfounded at the Germans...and then see one slow sheep slipping into the cave, so the run after it, yiping and barking crazily. Jess: The silly slow sheep slides inside, stops, and stomps on a small button. The cave door slams shut. David: The dogs stop, kneel down, and pray to the heavens to help them. Suddenly, the Dog Sorcerer Barky appears and turns the dogs to mist, passes them through a crack in the door and reforms them. Jess: The guard-sheep look up from their chess game, go wide-eyed, and faint. David: Barky points at the sheep and laughs, leading the dogs deeper into the lair, the sound of a thousand nails clicking on the floor. Jess: The sheep seem unfazed at the terrible odds. all of the sudden, they pop earplugs into their ears and whip out their secret weapon! it's...bum bum BUM... Jess: Ben Stein! He starts talking and puts all the dogs to sleep. David: Barky glares at the weak dogs and casts an Anti-BenStein spell while building a pair of sheep shearers. Jess: All the sheep get shaved ass-bald. Jess: Gus the sheep wakes up screaming, sighs in relief upon seeing he has all his wool, and vows to never eat week-old lobster again. Jess: THE END!
Saturday, July 19th- 18:10 a.m. \| Mood: Lazy \| Music: none
Exciting revelation. I was watching my hide concert DVD, and I realized that when D.I.E puts on a dress and wig, he looks A LOT like Kiersten Dunst. (Is that how you spell her name?) ::giggle:: That probably meant nothing to any of you. I'll try to find a picture. Anywhoo, I'm off to work...
Saturday, July 19th- 1:10 a.m. \| Mood: Dunno \| Music: AM Radio - Everclear
Wahoo! Cute pictures of me! here and here. ::cheers:: I won Seth et Holth on DVD today on eBay. Finally! Jeebus.
Wednesday, July 16th- 2:56 a.m. \| Mood: Wired \| Music: Dir en Grey - Cage
Staying up until the wee hours of the morning watching Dir en Grey and Malice Mizer music videos CANNOT be healthy. I want a straightjacket. Woudn't that be cool?
Tuesday, July 15th- 11:36 p.m. \| Mood: Thoughtful \| Music: Time of Your Life - Green Day
Jessica, stop believing that everything is your fault. Your boyfriend's occasional bad moods probably have nothing to do with you. It's conceited to think that you're the cause of all of his problems; everything's not about you! At the same time, don't be so hard on yourself. You cannot make everyone happy all the time. Jessica, stop resenting your mother so much. She's living her life the way she wants it, and you need to accept that you're not much a part of it anymore. She's happy--leave her alone. Jessica, stop trying to be perfect because you think everyone wants you that way. It's okay to be late to work once in a while, and you don't have to weigh 110 pounds. A B- on your report card is okay, you don't have to hide it from everyone. You don't need to be doing something constantly to be happy. Enjoy just cuddling and watching T.V. with Paul, sit outside and listen to the sounds of the world, write a story. Do something with yourself! Get off your lazy ass! Sign up for the guitar lessons you've always wanted to take. Get back into a fencing class. Learn Japanese. There's a lot more to life than work and sleep. Stop cutting yourself and denying yourself food because you think you deserve it or because you're depressed, you fucking moron! That stuff makes no sense--hurting yourself is not going to make you feel better, and what the hell would you deserve that for? You probably just want attention from other people, and that's pathetic. Jessica, you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you more than you know. Cherish him! You have the best job you could ever hope for in this point in your life. Be proud you got it! You're good at most things you try, so don't be afraid to try new things! Do stuff for yourself once in a while; put yourself first sometimes. Stop letting the harsh opinions and closed-mindedness of some people get to you--dress how you want, act the way you want! Be crazy, be mysterious, be outrageous, be whatever you feel like at the moment. The people who matter will support you no matter what.
Monday, July 14th- 11:48 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: David Bowie - Sound and Vision
HAPPY BASTILLE DAY! Er, yeah. So....what's happened...let's see...Last Tuesday, I got killer cramps AGAIN and left work after 20 minutes. I could barely drive home. Paul stopped by for a while to make me feel better, which was really sweet. When the bad cramps happen, he always talks to me and tries to get me distracted from the pain. Dad and Ann...tell me to take more Advil. : / Anyway, I started taking birth control pills on Sunday, which will make the cramps stop. And be useful in other ways. ^_~ So Rachel and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean on Friday night. We met San, his chick, Mike, and Aaron and saw it with them. San hung on the chick, Mike ran around acting like an idiot (like that wasn't predictable ^^), and Aaron pretended like he didn't know anyone but San. But yeah, the movie. Johnny Depp is extremely sexy (I still say more so than Orlando Bloom, Rach! XD), and it was by far his best movie. Well, ok, all his other movies besides Sleepy Hollow sucked. Shush. Anyway, Pirates was very cool and had a lot of goofy humor in it that I had no idea was there. The previews don't do justice at all. Dad and Ann's family get-together barbecue thing was yesterday. I got soaked in a water fight with a bunch of screaming kids, then hid in the house along with Paul and Dave. 'twas fun. After the BBQ, Paul and I went to the park for a long time, then back to his house. It was nice, and very refreshing. We talked about a lot of things. I picked Erica up from Florrisant today, and we kidnapped Rachel and went to Taco Bell. Then we went to Jack Cox's house for a while, cuz the poor guy sounded like he needed company; he's had such a shitty past couple of weeks. Though maybe he didn't even want us there. Hard telling with Jack. But I had fun either way. I FINALLY found Dir en Grey's [KR]cube music video. After downloading 2 more file sharing programs. But it was worth it, cuz the video fucking rocks, and DC++ and WinMX stomp the hell out of Grokster. Wahoo!
Thursday, July 10th- 1:36 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: hide with Spread Beaver - Pinkuuu Supaidaaaaaaa!
Check it out; very funny. Um, not much going on. Going to my sister's house tonight. It's always fun over there. ^______^ No internet over there anymore though. Rachel's spending the night over here Friday night, YAY! I have to clean up the mess that is my room before then, no yay. Bleh. We need to organize a group trip to Six Flags, you guys. I miss you all. And I love Six Flags. I need to get motivated! I need to call Joe about guitar lessons, I need to call SLCC about Japanese classes, I need to scan the rest of my A-Kon pictures, I need to get fencing equipment and start practicing that again.
Wednesday, July 9th- 11:47 a.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: none
Hon, I didn't say anything about seeing new people. I said meet new people. The paragraph I wrote has nothing to do with dating and it has very little to do with you. I was just rambling about how I'm not doing anything productive with myself this summer. Don't get yourself all twisted up over it. Just, take me on a date every now and then or something. I'm not hard to please.
Wednesday, July 9th- 1:05 a.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: This Love - Pantera
WahooDoorslayout! This entire layout was made cuz I found the really awesome font I used in my title over there. So the weekend of the 4th was really fun! On the 4th, Paul and I were in the O'Fallon parade. Besides getting sunburned, it was really fun. Everyone like the motorcycles we had following our float and I liked dancing to the music. ^^ That night, Paul and I went with his mom to the house of a friend of hers in Florrisant and watched the firework show at the civic center. On the 5th, I took Rachel to to the private show I'd been invited to through work. These people spent probably around 50 grand on fireworks for this thing. It lasted almost 3 hours and was cool, though a bit TOO long. Monday night, Chris and Paul and I set off a bunch of artillery shells and big bottle rockets that Chris got for free for working at a fireworks stand. I'm bored. So bored with things. I feel the need to pack up and go somewhere I've never been and meet people I've never met and do things I've never done. I want to do something crazy and meet someone intriguing. I want to be heard! I want turn everyone's lives upside down and I want everyone to want ME! I want people to look at me and think, "Now there's an interesting person. I wonder what she's thinking?" I WANT TO HAVE FUN! Oh well. Better go to bed so I can get up and go to work tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 1st- 11:10 p.m. \| Mood: Content \| Music: A Love Before Time - Coco Lee
I freaking love this song. Ooh! Ooh! So this 4th of July looks like it's NOT GOING TO SUCK! Wahoo! My past few sucked ass, but now I have cash and a car! On the 4th, I'm gonna be on my Mom's bar's float in the O'Fallon parade. That should be fun, though I have to get up at like, 6:30. >< And I'm gonna get a funnel cake. Then that night, Paul and I are gonna probably go to either the O'Fallon or St. Charles fireworks show. On the 5th, Rachel and I are trying to put together a trip to her grandparents' cabin out in Elsberry. We want to get together a small group, shoot off fireworks, spend the night there, and get up the next day and take her boats out on the river and go skiing. ^______^ Though I really doubt we'll be able to plan and pull this all off in such a short time. And I doubt her parents will let us do all this. BUT WE CAN HOPE. I want some fishies. I love fish. They're so soothing and fun to watch. I'm gonna hopefully start making my own clothes this summer. Wahoo! Oh! Dad and Ann are getting married!
Sunday, June 29th- 12:40 a.m. \| Mood: Happy \| Music: He Mele No Lilo - Lilo and Stitch
I had a nice entry typed up, then my explorer decided to close. Bah. Hawaiian is a really cool language, and Lilo and Stitch is the cutest movie ever. My head hurts. Paul and I were tickling the shit out of each other, and we knocked heads really hard. >< But it was lots of fun! THe tickling, not the head knocking. Hehehe. Wahoo! There's a copy of the movie Seth et Holth on eBay. Much excitement! I've wanted to see it for forever. ....or for a couple of years. One of the three. Anyway, it's a really screwy movie that hide make a long time ago. I must own it. I also must see Moonchild, because it has Gackt and Hyde in it. Waii! I want a Stitch. He's like a little Kyo! And once again everyone who reads this gives me a blank stare. . . . . . Just ignore my ranting. So yeah, I'm done typing. I'm tired. Always tired.
Tuesday, June 24th- 12:34 p.m. \| Mood: Poo \| Music: Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
A-Kon gallery up. Check it out. Link's over there.
Thursday, June 19th- 1:00 p.m. \| Mood: Busy \| Music: Malice Mizer
Expect my A-Kon 14 gallery to be up soon. I spent about 3 hours last night scanning and editing the pictures so you get to look at them in higher quality. I have 43 pictures to put up (and that isn't even all of my pictures!), so that'll probably get done this weekend.
Thursday, June 19th- 12:47 a.m. \| Mood: Amused \| Music: Eddie Izzard
sandonron: whats ur website sandonron: addy PinkSpider12: www.geocities.com/pinkspider12 sandonron: damn girl PinkSpider12: what? sandonron: nice background PinkSpider12: thanks PinkSpider12: hot, huh? sandonron: oh ya :-D PinkSpider12: falls over in hysterical laughter sandonron: lol PinkSpider12: that's a man! sandonron: WHAT PinkSpider12: yup sandonron: that is a hot ass chick PinkSpider12: no, no sandonron: yes yes PinkSpider12: that's a man named mana PinkSpider12: he's japanese sandonron: oh god i think am gonna be sick PinkSpider12: lol! sandonron: thats wrong PinkSpider12: nah sandonron: yo that looks like a hot chick i dont know how it could be a guy PinkSpider12: trust me, there's a penis under there PinkSpider12: his name's mana, and he was the guitarist of the band malice mizer sandonron: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHh Evil grin I love it.
Wednesday, June 18th- 1:06 p.m. \| Mood: Giggly \| Music: Bullet with Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins
Falls over in hysterical laughter Unfortunately, none of you probably know X Japan enough to find it funny. I laughed until I cried. Course, it was also 1:00 on the morning. Oh, and this one too. (That being Gackt.) (Got those from here.)
Tuesday, June 17th- 9:54 p.m. \| Mood: Worn down \| Music: Whatever - Godsmack
Today sucked. At work today, I almost passed out from standing too much and not eating all day, got bitten by a cat, scratched by a dog, and hit in the chin so I bit my tongue. And to top it all off, (Colleen, you may not want to read this) I was drawing up a feline leukemia vaccine and dropped the container I was drawing from. I tried to catch it, and accidentally jammed the syringe all the way into my hand by my thumb. It hurt like hell. 'Tis still really sore. :/ Man, I gotta quit this typing thing; my hand hurts!
Monday, June 16th- 1:07 a.m. \| Mood: Not Tired! \| Music: Forbidden - Moi Dix Mois
Mrr. Still awake! No one's online to talk to me. :'( I downloaded a bunch of stuff from Moi Dix Mois, Mana's new band. (Mana being the guy over there <---; Ex-leader of Malice Mizer) I likes a lot! Though it'll never be the same as Malice Mizer. Sniffle O.o One should never skip from dark, gothic music to music from The Lion King. Michelle- Why would you just post stuff about Rachel's relationship in your journal for everyone to read? And at that, stuff she didn't even know about at the time. How is it any of your business? I just noticed that I have a habit of starting my entries out with a sound like "Yawn" or "Ugh" or an interjection like "Wahoo!" or "Yay!". Hmm.
Friday, June 13th- 10:48 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: How You Remind Me - Nickelback
Heh, my mood hasn't changed from tired for a long time. I guess everytime I get on the computer it's just a fitting mood. If you can call it a mood. Actually, I'm tired a lot. :/ Meh. Went and played miniature golf with Ica, Rach, Paul, and Chris today. That was fun! I hadn't played putt putt in so long. After tonight though, I know why. I suck at it! Hehe. But it's okay when all the people I go with suck at it too. ^^ This glass of water tastes weird. Wow, I never imagined that Paul and I could stay together this long and be so damn happy together. ^^ When we first started going out, I figured he'd leave me before too long. He just seemed too high above me. And I really didn't mean to quote that one annoying song. o.o But yeah, it's crazy how well we go together. I see us this way for a long time. Anyone wanna go to Warped Tour with Erica and I? The more the merrier. $26 for lawn seats.
Thursday, June 12th- 9:44 a.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Evanescence
Wahoo! New layout! I really really like it. Which is good, cuz I was up till 2:00 working on it. be on the look out for an A-Kon section of my page soon. As soon as I get around to scanning all my pictures. o.O Lol. So I tried to bring a black kitten home the other night. THAT didn't go over so well. She was really fun to have for one night though. But she didn't give me much sleep, cuz she wanted to play with my feet. Heh.
Friday, June 5th- 10:48 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Paranoid - Pantera
Wahoo! I finally got my pipeline hooked up! So delete the Jesolas77 screen name from your buddy lists, and look for me on pinkspider12 from now on. And the [email protected] email addy is gone, so mail me at [email protected]. K? K. Sorry I've been neglecting to update; hopefully it'll get better now. So busy. I'm sick and freaking tired of it. Oh well. Dad and Ann and the dogs are camping; it's so desolate in my house. I have all the lights on and the music playing to compensate. ^^ Dad's so cool. He's like, "Lock the doors, behave, no friends over, see you Sunday afternoon." Someone needs to get online and talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Tuesday, June 3rd- 1:45 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Duel Jewel!
Squeeee! Oh my god, this vacation was the most fun time I've ever had, despite a few annoyances with the hotel. Like ending up with only one bed in the room, so Rachel and I had to sleep on the floor. But anyway! I'll try a short recap of the vacation and maybe I'll have time to put more up later. Or I'll just talk Rachel into posting her spiffy vacation journal. After getting lost 5 bajillion times, we finally got to the Con at like, 2:00 on Friday. There were tons of people walking around, quite a few in costumes. Um, Rachel and I put out costumes on after we got settled in, and thus began the mad picture taking frenzy. I swear, Rachel got her picture taked at least 50 times throughout the whole vacation. I got about 20; hide isn't quite as well known. At about 6:30, we'd taken out costumes off and headed for the line for opening ceremonies and the concert!!! After sitting in line for 2 hours and sitting in the boring opening ceremony for another hour, we got FREAKING FRONT ROW AT THE CONCERT!!!!! Oh my god, I could fucking die. Camino came on first, opening for Duel Jewel, and they were awesome. Then came Duel Jewel! Waiiii! Camino was really mellow compared to these guys. Their costumes and music rocked. I got pictures of them from like, 6 feet away. It was awesome. The whole concert lasted around 3 1/2 hours, and we were completely exhausted from all of the screaming and jumping. The highlight of Saturday was the Duel Jewel autograph signing, of course! We stood in line forever, but got autographs and hugs from all the band members! I thought I was going to die. We also made a couple of really cool friends, Vicki and Kat, while we were standing in line. After that, we put out costumes back on and wandered around for a while. We went down to the main open area of the convention while most people were inside for the cosplay (we didn't go in cuz we were tired of lines and also didn't want to sit in the very back). We took a bunch of pictures of some really awesome costumes, and got a bunch of pictures taken of us. We ran into Vicki and Kat and hung out with them for the rest of the night. The four of us kina camped out ont he floor and just watched and talked to people and had a really fun time together. On Sunday, we left at noon. That was pretty much the convention part of the vacation, omitting quite a few things but highlighting the good stuff. I went with $300, came back with $3, and had a kick-ass time. We're going back next year!

Older Entries

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

Sunday, February 1, 2004 - 3:32 p.m. \| Mood: \| Music: none
For anyone who direct links to this page, I now have a deadjournal that I will be updating instead of this. it's at www.deadjournal.com/~pinkspider19
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 - 3:01 p.m. \| Mood: Heated \| Music: none
George Bush, pull your head out of your ass. That's fun, isn't it? Let's all say it together now! Really though, this is a mini-rant (short on time) that really should have gone up on Thursday after I saw a recording of the State of the Union address in US History. But better late than never, eh? What is the man thinking? Bush came extremely close to giving his support to an amendment that would prevent gay marriages all across the country. Since when, exactly, has the constitution been used to deny our rights? That is flat out discrimination. How is banning same-sex marriages any different than, say, inter-racial marriage? Bush talked of his strong support for the Defense of Marriage Act, saying that it "protects marriage under a federal law as a union of a man and a woman." I just love how he states that. Why not tell it like it is, Georgie? The act says that a state does not have to recognize and give benefits to a same-sex marriage that was performed in a different state. Speaking of the recent Massachusetts ruling to allow gay marriages, Bush said, "Activist judges, however, have begun redefining marriage by court order, without regard for the will of the people and their elected representatives." This I don't understand at all. Why do people who are not affected by the ruling care at all? It doesn't have anything to do with them whatsoever. What gives people who don't understand and who are not involved the right to make life-altering decisions for another group of people? (Yes, yes, I know it happens all the time. Doesn't make it right.) "If judges insist on forcing their arbitrary will upon the people, the only alternative left to the people would be the constitutional process." That got me heated. That's where he pretty much stated that, if more judges begin giving marriage rights to same-sex couples, and enough of Bush's nice little homophobic supporters don't like it, we should write it into the constitution that 10% of our population will be denied rights to the status and benefits of marriage. This rant is not as well-worded as I would have liked, seeing as how I've put it all together in about 10 minutes. I shall try to come back later and edit it.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 - 12:43 p.m. \| Mood: Kinda bored \| Music: Bob Marley
I would start this entry by saying "No, I'm not dead," but I think everyone who reads this already knows that. Apologies for not updating in so long. The computer was broken for a while, and frankly, I'm just been too busy. The only time I'm really at my house is when Bernie comes over or when I'm asleep at night. Ah, the freedom. Life is good. But yes. I figure that it's only fair that I update since Bernie's started updating his again. Today is our second snow day in a row, and I must say that wasting time here is much better than wasting time in school. Such work ethic I have. So, what's new, you ask? Probably not anything you don't already know. Bernie and I are doing just wonderfully. We've seen each other every day since we got together so long ago. Er, about 3 months ago. That messes with my head; it seems a lot longer than that. It's been criticized that I spend too much time with him and not enough with _______. However, it's really only natural that when I'm with someone who makes me happier than anyone I've ever met, I'd like to spend most every moment with him. Rachel and I have had a couple of what I guess you'd call arguments, but I think everything is okay now. I hope. Paul randomly called me yesterday to tell me that he misses me. That was extremely left field. I'm not entirely sure what he expected from that, but it just resulted in me feeling guilty for a while. I told him sorry. What else could I say? There's nothing I can do to make what he's feeling go away. My life has moved on. The aquarium that I got for Christmas is all set up! I loves it to death. Here's a picture. Yay! I also recently bought a coffee table aquarium from my coworker. This is a picture of it. Just imagine it without the ugly stuff in it. It'll be quite a while before I get anything in mine. Prom! Yay! Very excited about that. I've started picking out dresses. I haven't gone to any stores yet, but I've picked out a few online that I really like. Not in any order: one two three four. Tell me what you guys think so far. Especially you, Bernie. Quick side note: It's Schwab, sweetie. ^^ And, as the coup de gr�ce, there's this. Hahaha!
Tuesday, November 25th- 11:32 p.m. \| Mood: Happy \| Music: dog snoring
Ok, I really need to go to bed. But first: Possibly the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. And this too. Whee!
Thursday, November 20th- 4:01 p.m. \| Mood: Pissed \| Music:
I really wish people would stop forming opinions of me and of Bernie when they don't know ANYTHING. You have no right. I removed my journal entry from last night. I don't normally do that, but it was full of anger and words that are very uncharacteristic of me. I just want people to stop thinking they can judge me. And I know you're never online to read this, but I'll say it anyway: Have you any idea how much what you said today at Blackhurst hurt me? I value your opinion above most others' for obvious reasons. I cannot even express how your words make me feel. Ica, maybe you could pass that message on for me? I think you know who it's for.
Wednesday, November 12th- 10:08 p.m. \| Mood: Goofy \| Music: Cake
So I definitely just registered online to become an ordained minister. My certificate is gonna come in the mail. Anyone wanna get married? Lol, I have a very strange sense of humor. Just the thought that someone can become a minister by filling out a little form online makes me laugh. I'm so freaking lucky. I have the most wonderful boyfriend EVER. I am up and out of my depression, and I'm so thankful for that. Know what else I'm thankful for? You can buy M.A.S.H. episodes on DVD. That rocks. I hate winter, but I sure do love curling up under a thick pile of blankets. This entry was pretty pointless, other than the Bernie is awesome part. Oh! And I'm going to Germany this summer!!!!!!!!
Thursday, November 6th- 4:14 p.m. \| Mood: Excited \| Music: Cake
Heeeeey. I updated my pictures section. Put up a few pictures of me, and also posted the good birthday party pictures. I still have ones from the German exchange stuff, Rocky Horror, trip, and a bunch of other random stuff. I sure do enjoy not having to scan all these anymore. ^^ I put up my Kiss poster today. I wonder what Dad will say when he sees it. Lol, probably nothing. Waitin' for Bernie to get off school. We're gonna go see The Matrix: Revolutions tonight if we can get tickets. Whee! I should pick up Finding Nemo this weekend. Great movie, that is.
Wednesday, November 5th- 11:14 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: nuffin'
I don't really want that last entry to sit at the top as the most recent thing I've said, since everything seems to be okay now. So, everybody look at this instead: There, now everyone's happy, no?
Tuesday, November 4th- 10:38 p.m. \| Mood: Disgusted \| Music: Malice Mizer
Do you realize that, in the end, people will agree with me because I'm the sensible one? I don't understand what you've become. I do what I can to help things, like I thought you were doing. But I've seen in you a total personality flip from when we were together. You're full of yourself. You think that you can have everyone and women and men alike would beg at your feet to be with you. You truly believe that you're wise to the world, but your wisdom doesn't extend much past your video games and R. Kelly CD. You flat out lied to me by saying that you never said you wanted to go out with Rachel. If you don't want people to read your immaturities, then don't post them in a public fucking journal.
Saturday, November 1st- 2:28 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Pearl Jam stuck in my head
Wooooooooo long time no update. I feel like I should talk about things that happened between last update and now, but I just don't have it in me to do that. Um. Been really majorly depressed lately: not motivated to do anything, totally apathetic, suicidal at times, without any coordination or short term memory, never hungry, tired all the time, BLAGH. I talked to Dad about it, and he seems to think that my birth control pills are causing it, so I'm gonna try switching brands. Hoepfully it'll work, cuz I don't imagine I'm too pleasant to be around. I am feeling a bit better right now though, cuz last night was hella fun. We dressed Paul up in full blown drag for the trip to Des Peres Theater at midnight to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Kudos to Michelle who did his hair and makeup. Beautiful job, babe. Ica and I took Paul various places to see how many people we could shock with his outfit. He seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly. After some wasting of time, we headed to Catherine's, then to the show to meet up with Michelle, Rachel, Russell, and company. It was great. I dun remember the last time I was so entertained. The audience participation is awesome. Afterwards, Paul stayed with Cath, and I took Ica home T_T and went to Russell's around 3:00. There, I wasted no time in getting completely drunk off my ass. It was a great drunken time, because I didn't get sick. I'm a really entertaining drunk, cuz I get really slap happy and laugh hysterically at everything even slightly funny. And I fall over a lot. Brandon definitely at one point barely pushed my shoulder and I fell over in the street. Russell and Michelle both get really friendly when they're drunk, and they were both hitting on me. o.O Around 6:30, when I was pretty sobered up, I started talking with Michelle's friend Bernie, whom I'd met a couple times prior. We hung out for a couple of hours, then slept for a while, and woke back up to a hilariously drunk Luke. That guy's funny as hell. I took Rachel to cheerleading at 10:30 and went back to Russell's, where there were a few people left but only Bernie and Luke awake. Luke went to sleep and Bernie and I cuddled and talked for a really long time. He's such a sweetie. Now we're going out and I wonder what I'm gonna do about my assumption of Dad's disapproval of his age. o.O
Tuesday, September 30th- 7:49 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: None here T_T
Lol, so, where to start? I'm still in Wisconsin! Bleh. I was suppossed to fly in yesterday morning, and leave tonight. Well, of course, things can NEVER go as planned. I got to the airport in St. Louis about an hour before my flight left. Sat and waited. Missed my flight because they changed gates on me and no one told me they switched and no one told me that I should confirm all that crap. Went home. Called people. Couldn't get ahold of Dad and Ann, so they were waiting for me in Green Bay, and, lo and behold, I WASN'T THERE! Scared the crap out of them. They called my cell phone and I told them what was going on. They lined up another flight for me later that afternoon. I caught that flight to Chicago, walked a REALLY long ways through the Chicago airport, and got on another plane to Green Bay. Got to Green Bay completely exhausted around 6:30. Met Dad and Ann, had to sit for a 2 hour car ride to where they were staying. We got up this morning and got all ready for the wedding. It was really nice. We went shopping for a while after that, and went to the GB airport to check me in for my flight at 6:17 pm. We then found out that the flight was cancelled due to mechanical problems, and there were no more flights into St. Louis tonight. The airport people said that we could all stay free at the airport hotel, but Dad and Ann didn't like that because all their stuff was 2 hours away at the little lighthouse cabin thing they're staying in. So, with some negotiation, I was allowed to stay here by myself and I'll catch a flight tomorrow at 5:00. My hotel room is really nice; it has a jacuzzi, fridge, Nintendo 64, and some other stuff. And there's free internet in the "business center" of the hotel. Whee! So I guess it's all good, though I'd rather be at home. And now I have to get up at 4:00, fly on 2 planes (layover in Cincinnati), go to school, then work until 8:00. BLAH! Heh.
Sunday, September 28th- 9:43 p.m. \| Mood: Exhausted \| Music: Evolution is on in the living room
Did I say no party, no way? Heh, guess I lied.
Tuesday, September 23rd- 10:10 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: Anmaku - Duel Jewel
So the party totally freaking rocked! Wahoo! We had a big cake fight and all kinds of craziness, will get pictures up as soon as I can. With my new KICKASS digital camera. I also got a CD player for my car. Whoot! Thank you everyone! I loved my gifts and I am SO happy that everyone had a good time. It's wonderful! Dad and Ann are going out of town Saturday morning to next Saturday evening. Rock on! Gonna paaaaarty! (Not here, though. NO way.)
Tuesday, September 16th- 10:40 p.m. \| Mood: Dead \| Music: none
When will it all end? I'm going to fucking curl up into a ball and die. I feel like I'm a rather insignificant part of people's lives right now. Like, if I were to disappear, it seems like people would be sad, or at least act sad because they're suppossed to, but then I'd be forgotten quickly. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of everyone and screaming as hard as I can, but no one is listening to me. I'm not motivated to do anything. I don't care about school, I don't care about homecoming, I don't care about world issues, and I don't care about what's happening tomorrow. I care about my rats, and I care about the little kitten I rescued the other night. And a select few people. The rest of the fucking world can jump off a cliff.
Wednesday, September 10th- 10:03 p.m. \| Mood: Dead \| Music: Zan - Dir en grey
Please, please don't do this to me. It makes me feel like an awful person. I don't think you realize. I need sleep. I need to eat. And I need a freaking hug. I don't want to go to school tomorrow either. Maybe I'll play dead. Or run away. Just hop in my car and drive. Get far away from everything. Everything that hurts me. What did I ever do to anyone? I make myself miserable worrying about other people. I try to think about myself for once. I try to make a change in my life in an attempt to eventually make myself happy, and instead, I feel like shooting myself in the head. I feel like a child. A lost, confused child. If this is what happens when I try to do something for myself once, then fuck it. I don't care about me anymore. I was probably born to do things for other people, anyway. I have no other use.
Sunday, September 7th- 10:41 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Black - Pearl Jam
I guess I should compile a birthday list as well. I'm really perfectly happy if you make me a card, though. Most of what I want is JRock CDs, so if you're feeling particularly generous, there's .... Ok, you know what? I just looked through some JRock CDs I want, and they're all really expensive because Japanese CDs are outrageously priced, here and in Japan. So I'm not posting them. If you're still interested, ask me. Moving on. American CDs. These aren't in any order. 1. Anything by the Doors besides Morrison Hotel and Waiting for the Sun 2. Any Godsmack CD 3. Vast - Visual Audio Sensory Theater 4. The Chicago Soundtrack 5. Any Rammstein 6. Disturbed - The Sickness I also really want Velvet Goldmine on DVD. Then there are these posters: one two three That's all I can really think of.
Saturday, September 6th- 7:45 a.m. \| Mood: Awake \| Music: none
ERICA WE NEED TO WORK ON PARTY PLANS AND DECORATIONS AND EVERYTHING ELSE THIS WEEKEND!!! AHHHHH! Time's running out quickly. Anyway...I was really sick yesterday. It sort of felt like a sinus infection, but I was completely exhausted and achy all over. During school, I was pretty miserable, but I hate missing school (hate makeup work), so I stayed. I got to sleep for about 45 minutes in Biology II, because Mr. Wheeler rocks beyond all compare. ^^ After school, I slept for about 2 hours, then I got up and went to see Finding Nemo with Paul. Finally got to see it! It was a really cute movie, but the beginning made me cry. It was really sad. We were going to go to dinner, but I was exhaused by then. I got home around 8, and slept until about half an hour ago. It was nice, and I feel a lot better. So far. Erica is suppossed to spend the night, so hopefully I get through work and feel ok. Speaking of work, I have to go get ready now.
Sunday, August 31st- 11:17 p.m. \| Mood: Confused \| Music: Celebration - X Japan
So I have yet another rat. Yesterday, Jimi decided that he wanted a rat. Cool, I thought, everyone needs a pet of some sort. So I took him shopping for it, and he picked out a little baby albino one. I took him home, and he got her all set up in an aquarium. Today, he called me and told me that his mom said he couldn't keep her. I could tell that he was really upset. So I told him that he could keep her here with my rats, and visit her whenever he wants. I really don't think it's fair. Jimi is constantly depressed, to the point that he rarely sleeps and eats. Not in a long, long time have I seen him truly happy. He's been kicked out of his father's house, his mom doesn't treat him right, he's unhappy with his girlfriend, and just...I dunno. A lot of people he cares about seem to treat him like shit. And so we go buy this rat, and he was happy! He absolutely loves her. He was playing with her constantly, and something seemed to...I don't know. It seemed like it was sort of a stability in his life. Here's this little critter that's all his, that he can love and take care of, and it will never hurt him or tell him it doesn't love him or hit him or say it doesn't have time for him. And then he finds out that he has to give her away. I don't understand it at all. Not at all. Why would you do that to someone? And the only thing I can do is keep her here for him. People confuse me.
Friday, August 29th- 3:01 p.m. \| Mood: Excited \| Music: none
Anyone want to go to the Japanese Festival at the Botanical Gardens with me Saturday afternoon or Sunday? (Provided Dad will let me go.)
Wednesday, August 27th- 10:18 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: The fan rattling over my head
So, today was Paul's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ::throws confetti:: Wahoo! So yeah. I bought him balloons at school today just to embarass him. ^^ Before work, I gave him a card and a collage of pictures that I made. I felt really bad that I had to go to work. : / But I got off an hour early, and went to his house and we watched movies. It was really fun. Kinda like old times. Love you, hun! Happy Birthday! And I'm sure you've all heard the rat story by now, so I won't bother to type it. But if you haven't heard it, do ask, because I love to tell it. It's really funny.
Thursday, August 20th- 9:40 p.m. \| Mood: Happy \| Music: Alice's Restaraunt - Arlo Guthrie (lol)
Wahoo! I got into the photography class! So now I'm taking photography 1st block instead of human relations. I get to host a German student in October! That will be so much fun. So I showed dad Erica's picture of her neighbor's tank. He went into this big rant about how he wants one and it isn't fair: "I want a tank! I've wanted a tank since I was a little boy! That's not fair! I'm depressed now. Everybody's got a tank but me. I'm gonna go cry. I want a tank. I've wanted a tank my whole life. I'd sell my house for a tank. We'll sleep in the damn tank. I want a tank! There ain't nothin better than a tank. I've been looking at every used car lot...where the hell do you buy a tank? Now I'm pissed. Tell Erica she can't come over anymore unless she brings the tank. I'd drive down the street in it. 'SUV this, you prick! Get off your cell phone!' I need a tank for Christmas. Where'd they get that? You can't just go buy a tank. Do you think they'd let me sit in it? ::sighs and walks out of the room::" LOL! Oh! And I got my phone back. Dad did it somehow, but he did it after I had my heart set on getting a picture phone. T_T Oh well. So yeah, you can all call me again.
Wednesday, August 13th- 11:20 p.m. \| Mood: Eh \| Music: Show me the Way - Styx
So I went to Paul's tonight. We watched Aladdin and had mucho fun. Very refreshing. I get my braces off a week from Friday! ::does a little dance:: Wahoo! Oh, got my schedule, too: A Days 1 - Human Relations - Holstein (Hopefully to be replaced by photography) 3 - Gifted English 3 - Dinkela 5 - Biology 2 - Wheeler 7 - Pre-Calc - Highland B Days 2 - German 2 Independent Study (in the German 1 class) - Shuey 4 - Seminar - Dinkela (Not quite sure why that's changed. Gotta talk to Mrs. Wootten.) 6 - AP History of Art 1 - Henrikson 8 - US History - Pryor (sooooooo happy about that.) So there you have it for first semester. Um, second semester, I have sociology 1st block, and psychology 2 6th block. Everything else stays the same.
Monday, August 11th- 11:36 p.m. \| Mood: Sick \| Music: Down With the Sickness - Disturbed
So my mom came over here today and took my cell phone and key to her house, told me I wasn't going to see her anymore, and left. I guess I should explain this, so when people ask what happened, I can just send them here instead of telling it all over again. For those who are clueless, Mom and Dad got divorced when I was in 4th grade. Mom moved out. They got joint custody of me, and I spent 2 weeks at Dad's, 2 weeks at Mom's, rinse, repeat. Mom got a job at the Blue Moon bar, along with working part time at Central Propeller, the business that Mom and Dad own together. Mom started working nights, leaving me home alone all the time when I was with her. I got lonely and tired of it, and started spending more and more time with Dad and less with her. She bought her own bar a couple of years ago, and got a boyfriend. There was no time for me at all anymore. It ended up to where I was until a couple of days ago, which is living with Dad and seeing Mom once every couple of weeks. About a year ago, I bought a cell phone and Mom said she'd pay for it. This summer, she decided that I had to work for it, so she made me start mowing her lawn. Now I really don't mind doing that, but it's the fact that the phone was the only thing she paid for that irks me. Dad takes care of everything else, and never says anything to her about her responsibility as a parent. He could easily make her pay child support, but he doesn't because he's nice. Through all of her bad choices, she completely destroyed her perfect credit and dug herself into a huge debt, and he always bailed her out of her responsibilities. So last night, she got really mad at me because I forgot to mow the lawn, and threatened to take my cell phone away. She told me to do it today. Before I went to work, I wrote her a big long note that basically told her I was tired of being with her lawnmower more than her, and she could take my phone away if she wants, because then she would lose the twisted idea that I owe her something. I called my sister, Katie, after work, and we talked a lot about how mom just doesn't care about her family anymore. She never calls my sister anymore unless she wants to whine about all the problems she brought on herself. She never wants to see Shiloh and Alex, Katie and John's kids. Katie is completely fed up with her and doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. A bit after I got off the phone with Katie, Mom called. Ann answered the phone, and I told her to tell Mom that I was at Paul's house. Not long after that, Mom came knocking on the door. Ann was on the phone with people at the airport, and Dad was downstairs, so he didn't hear it. She saw me walking by, so I had to answer it. Because I have no willpower. She started yelling at me, and did her usual guilt trip that she's so good at. She makes me feel like a horrible person for the things that she has brought on herself. She told me to give her my cell phone and the key to her house. I got them and threw them on the floor at her feet. She went into her whole "I have feelings too," spiel, and I told her that she's been hurting me for years. I told her that she hurt me like no one else could when she stopped being my mother. And that she's hurt my sister in the same way. She told me that I was never going to see her again, and left. I yelled, "I hate you!!" after her, then fell down on the kitchen floor crying. Because that's what I do best. I cry. Dad had come upstairs about when she left, because the yelling got loud right before then. I talked to them for a while, and now I'm here. so, uh, yeah. That's the story. So, don't call my cell phone, because it's now in the posession of an evil bitch. And if everyone could give me their phone numbers again, I'd appreciate it. My email's [email protected]. I lost 60-some numbers. I'll try to get a new phone as soon as I can afford it. I don't think I can take anymore pain. I'll die.
Thursday, August 7th- 11:35 a.m. \| Mood: Pissed \| Music: The Remedy - Jason Mraz
OK, I'm now angry beyond all belief. Dad said I could take Japanese classes at the Forest Park SLCC, and now he says I can't. Says it's a bad part of town and the classes are at night and I'm a 17-year-old girl and my car might break down. That's crap. It's not like I'm wandering Forest Park; I'll only be out of my car on campus. I'm going to go punch something.
Thursday, August 7th- 12:49 a.m. \| Mood: Hyper \| Music: Twice - Plastic Tree
So I decided that I really really really want a Super Dollfie. That being an uber-detailed Japanese doll that's about 2 feet tall. They have tons of wigs and accessories and are really customizable. I want to get Shiro and make visual kei outfits for him. ...hardly anyone reading this knows what visual kei is. Um...I want to make him outfits like what some of the bands I listen to wear. You all know Mana, right? Ok, that's not a good example. My doll's not gonna look at all like Mana. Um. Kyo! Kyo's over there in my layout picture. Blah. Never mind. I'm not getting the doll anyway, unless someone wants to donate about $750 to cover the 88,000 yen price tag. "Dad, there's this doll I want for my birthday. He's ::whispers:: $750." Yeaaaaah, right. Oh well, someday when I'm really rich.
Wednesday, July 30th- 2:08 p.m. \| Mood: Drained \| Music: Touched - Vast
Everyone is so depressed right now. There's so much sadness and hurting and...I want more than anything to make it all go away. I can hardly handle myself, let alone everything else I want so badly to fix. It makes me so sad to see my friends in pain, and it stresses me out so much when I see that there isn't a whole lot I can do besides just...be there. I can't fix anyone's problems, because they don't involve me. I feel like crying again. Bleh.
Wednesday, July 30th- 1:10 a.m. \| Mood: Not sure \| Music: Gardenia - Malice Mizer
I miss Paul a lot. I'm not sure why I'm crying. Erica suggested overwhelmed. That's pretty close, I think. I just don't know. My stomach hurts.
Monday, July 28th- 3:34 p.m. \| Mood: Angry \| Music: Batty Rap - Robin Williams
New layout, probably won't have all of the colors changed till tomorrow. Ica's spending the night tonight, wahoo! So Paul and I were suppossed to do something yesterday afternoon. I waited for him for a long time, and then decided I didn't want to wait anymore and fell asleep on my floor. I was suppossed to go to his house before work, but I couldn't get ahold of him. Fuck it.
Tuesday, July 23rd- 12:53 a.m. \| Mood: Giggly \| Music: Black Jesus - Everlast
Dave and I wrote a funny story! Jess: MOOOO stine: Yes, I know what you meant... JESS!!! HI CHICKY!@#$%^ OINK ! David: Barnyard animals guys? You crazy people... Jess: Yup. Quack! David: Ok fine...uhm...Woof! Cause every barnyard has to have a dog to keep the sheep inline. Those damn sheep.. Jess: Unless the sheep rebel and tie up the sheepdog and sacrafice it to their SHEEP-GOD Jess: o_o David: Wow, those are some advanced sheep...but then, every rebellion has a traitor that would tell the sheepdogs of what happened, and then would come and repress them. Jess: Well, the sheep would whip out their mad kung-fu skills and beat the dogs and traitors into submission. David: But wait!..all of the dogs getting beat would howl, since they are hurt, and there would be an earthquake and all the sheep would fall in a giant crevice..bummer Jess: Ah, but it's not the end of the sheep! They whip out their Super-James-Bond-Secret-Inflatable-Pants and float to safety! David: Float from a crevice...Alrighty.. but since everyone know that dogs are great at flying, they get in the Apache helicopters and chase after the sheep, guns blazing Jess: The sheep "Baaaaa" in fright. Suddenly, a giant, fat, Buddha-esque sheep rises from the bowels of the earth and shoots down the dogs with firey balls of fury! Boom! Crash! Bang! David: A few dogs manage to survive, calling in the Commando, Navy SEALs reinforcement dogs to infiltrate the sheep and expose their defenses. They disguise themselves as sheep of course.. Jess: The sheep wander about, eating grass and doing...calculus, completely unsuspecting... David: The Navy SEAL sheep/dogs sneak into the headquaters and plant bombs, wanting to make a very spectacular explosion and let the dogs rush in and take over! Jess: Poof! purple bunnies with giant fangs and uzis arrive on the scene. A few run into the headquarters and disarm the bombs with precision skills. The sheep come outside, oblivious to the goings on. David: The Navy SEAL dogs fall back behind cover and start spraying bullets at the bunnies, waiting for the paratrooper dogs to arrive, which they called earlier. Jess: A bunny gets shot, and they all start crying. "We didn't hurt anyone! All we wanted to do was stop the fighting! If men and women can get along in relative peace, so can you!" David: The dogs all smile and sigh happily, walking over to the bunnies to shake hands..secretly having those electic shocker things on their hands. Jess: Rammstein appears and starts singing "Du Hast", because Jessica has run out of ideas, but she really likes making things magically appear. Jess: Ok, ok. Rammstein simultaneously says "Ach!" and leaves. Cuz Germans do that. Meanwhile, the sheep take this opportunity to run away to their secret bat...er...sheep-cave! David: The dogs stand around dumbfounded at the Germans...and then see one slow sheep slipping into the cave, so the run after it, yiping and barking crazily. Jess: The silly slow sheep slides inside, stops, and stomps on a small button. The cave door slams shut. David: The dogs stop, kneel down, and pray to the heavens to help them. Suddenly, the Dog Sorcerer Barky appears and turns the dogs to mist, passes them through a crack in the door and reforms them. Jess: The guard-sheep look up from their chess game, go wide-eyed, and faint. David: Barky points at the sheep and laughs, leading the dogs deeper into the lair, the sound of a thousand nails clicking on the floor. Jess: The sheep seem unfazed at the terrible odds. all of the sudden, they pop earplugs into their ears and whip out their secret weapon! it's...bum bum BUM... Jess: Ben Stein! He starts talking and puts all the dogs to sleep. David: Barky glares at the weak dogs and casts an Anti-BenStein spell while building a pair of sheep shearers. Jess: All the sheep get shaved ass-bald. Jess: Gus the sheep wakes up screaming, sighs in relief upon seeing he has all his wool, and vows to never eat week-old lobster again. Jess: THE END!
Saturday, July 19th- 18:10 a.m. \| Mood: Lazy \| Music: none
Exciting revelation. I was watching my hide concert DVD, and I realized that when D.I.E puts on a dress and wig, he looks A LOT like Kiersten Dunst. (Is that how you spell her name?) ::giggle:: That probably meant nothing to any of you. I'll try to find a picture. Anywhoo, I'm off to work...
Saturday, July 19th- 1:10 a.m. \| Mood: Dunno \| Music: AM Radio - Everclear
Wahoo! Cute pictures of me! here and here. ::cheers:: I won Seth et Holth on DVD today on eBay. Finally! Jeebus.
Wednesday, July 16th- 2:56 a.m. \| Mood: Wired \| Music: Dir en Grey - Cage
Staying up until the wee hours of the morning watching Dir en Grey and Malice Mizer music videos CANNOT be healthy. I want a straightjacket. Woudn't that be cool?
Tuesday, July 15th- 11:36 p.m. \| Mood: Thoughtful \| Music: Time of Your Life - Green Day
Jessica, stop believing that everything is your fault. Your boyfriend's occasional bad moods probably have nothing to do with you. It's conceited to think that you're the cause of all of his problems; everything's not about you! At the same time, don't be so hard on yourself. You cannot make everyone happy all the time. Jessica, stop resenting your mother so much. She's living her life the way she wants it, and you need to accept that you're not much a part of it anymore. She's happy--leave her alone. Jessica, stop trying to be perfect because you think everyone wants you that way. It's okay to be late to work once in a while, and you don't have to weigh 110 pounds. A B- on your report card is okay, you don't have to hide it from everyone. You don't need to be doing something constantly to be happy. Enjoy just cuddling and watching T.V. with Paul, sit outside and listen to the sounds of the world, write a story. Do something with yourself! Get off your lazy ass! Sign up for the guitar lessons you've always wanted to take. Get back into a fencing class. Learn Japanese. There's a lot more to life than work and sleep. Stop cutting yourself and denying yourself food because you think you deserve it or because you're depressed, you fucking moron! That stuff makes no sense--hurting yourself is not going to make you feel better, and what the hell would you deserve that for? You probably just want attention from other people, and that's pathetic. Jessica, you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you more than you know. Cherish him! You have the best job you could ever hope for in this point in your life. Be proud you got it! You're good at most things you try, so don't be afraid to try new things! Do stuff for yourself once in a while; put yourself first sometimes. Stop letting the harsh opinions and closed-mindedness of some people get to you--dress how you want, act the way you want! Be crazy, be mysterious, be outrageous, be whatever you feel like at the moment. The people who matter will support you no matter what.
Monday, July 14th- 11:48 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: David Bowie - Sound and Vision
HAPPY BASTILLE DAY! Er, yeah. So....what's happened...let's see...Last Tuesday, I got killer cramps AGAIN and left work after 20 minutes. I could barely drive home. Paul stopped by for a while to make me feel better, which was really sweet. When the bad cramps happen, he always talks to me and tries to get me distracted from the pain. Dad and Ann...tell me to take more Advil. : / Anyway, I started taking birth control pills on Sunday, which will make the cramps stop. And be useful in other ways. ^_~ So Rachel and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean on Friday night. We met San, his chick, Mike, and Aaron and saw it with them. San hung on the chick, Mike ran around acting like an idiot (like that wasn't predictable ^^), and Aaron pretended like he didn't know anyone but San. But yeah, the movie. Johnny Depp is extremely sexy (I still say more so than Orlando Bloom, Rach! XD), and it was by far his best movie. Well, ok, all his other movies besides Sleepy Hollow sucked. Shush. Anyway, Pirates was very cool and had a lot of goofy humor in it that I had no idea was there. The previews don't do justice at all. Dad and Ann's family get-together barbecue thing was yesterday. I got soaked in a water fight with a bunch of screaming kids, then hid in the house along with Paul and Dave. 'twas fun. After the BBQ, Paul and I went to the park for a long time, then back to his house. It was nice, and very refreshing. We talked about a lot of things. I picked Erica up from Florrisant today, and we kidnapped Rachel and went to Taco Bell. Then we went to Jack Cox's house for a while, cuz the poor guy sounded like he needed company; he's had such a shitty past couple of weeks. Though maybe he didn't even want us there. Hard telling with Jack. But I had fun either way. I FINALLY found Dir en Grey's [KR]cube music video. After downloading 2 more file sharing programs. But it was worth it, cuz the video fucking rocks, and DC++ and WinMX stomp the hell out of Grokster. Wahoo!
Thursday, July 10th- 1:36 p.m. \| Mood: Calm \| Music: hide with Spread Beaver - Pinkuuu Supaidaaaaaaa!
Check it out; very funny. Um, not much going on. Going to my sister's house tonight. It's always fun over there. ^______^ No internet over there anymore though. Rachel's spending the night over here Friday night, YAY! I have to clean up the mess that is my room before then, no yay. Bleh. We need to organize a group trip to Six Flags, you guys. I miss you all. And I love Six Flags. I need to get motivated! I need to call Joe about guitar lessons, I need to call SLCC about Japanese classes, I need to scan the rest of my A-Kon pictures, I need to get fencing equipment and start practicing that again.
Wednesday, July 9th- 11:47 a.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: none
Hon, I didn't say anything about seeing new people. I said meet new people. The paragraph I wrote has nothing to do with dating and it has very little to do with you. I was just rambling about how I'm not doing anything productive with myself this summer. Don't get yourself all twisted up over it. Just, take me on a date every now and then or something. I'm not hard to please.
Wednesday, July 9th- 1:05 a.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: This Love - Pantera
WahooDoorslayout! This entire layout was made cuz I found the really awesome font I used in my title over there. So the weekend of the 4th was really fun! On the 4th, Paul and I were in the O'Fallon parade. Besides getting sunburned, it was really fun. Everyone like the motorcycles we had following our float and I liked dancing to the music. ^^ That night, Paul and I went with his mom to the house of a friend of hers in Florrisant and watched the firework show at the civic center. On the 5th, I took Rachel to to the private show I'd been invited to through work. These people spent probably around 50 grand on fireworks for this thing. It lasted almost 3 hours and was cool, though a bit TOO long. Monday night, Chris and Paul and I set off a bunch of artillery shells and big bottle rockets that Chris got for free for working at a fireworks stand. I'm bored. So bored with things. I feel the need to pack up and go somewhere I've never been and meet people I've never met and do things I've never done. I want to do something crazy and meet someone intriguing. I want to be heard! I want turn everyone's lives upside down and I want everyone to want ME! I want people to look at me and think, "Now there's an interesting person. I wonder what she's thinking?" I WANT TO HAVE FUN! Oh well. Better go to bed so I can get up and go to work tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 1st- 11:10 p.m. \| Mood: Content \| Music: A Love Before Time - Coco Lee
I freaking love this song. Ooh! Ooh! So this 4th of July looks like it's NOT GOING TO SUCK! Wahoo! My past few sucked ass, but now I have cash and a car! On the 4th, I'm gonna be on my Mom's bar's float in the O'Fallon parade. That should be fun, though I have to get up at like, 6:30. >< And I'm gonna get a funnel cake. Then that night, Paul and I are gonna probably go to either the O'Fallon or St. Charles fireworks show. On the 5th, Rachel and I are trying to put together a trip to her grandparents' cabin out in Elsberry. We want to get together a small group, shoot off fireworks, spend the night there, and get up the next day and take her boats out on the river and go skiing. ^______^ Though I really doubt we'll be able to plan and pull this all off in such a short time. And I doubt her parents will let us do all this. BUT WE CAN HOPE. I want some fishies. I love fish. They're so soothing and fun to watch. I'm gonna hopefully start making my own clothes this summer. Wahoo! Oh! Dad and Ann are getting married!
Sunday, June 29th- 12:40 a.m. \| Mood: Happy \| Music: He Mele No Lilo - Lilo and Stitch
I had a nice entry typed up, then my explorer decided to close. Bah. Hawaiian is a really cool language, and Lilo and Stitch is the cutest movie ever. My head hurts. Paul and I were tickling the shit out of each other, and we knocked heads really hard. >< But it was lots of fun! THe tickling, not the head knocking. Hehehe. Wahoo! There's a copy of the movie Seth et Holth on eBay. Much excitement! I've wanted to see it for forever. ....or for a couple of years. One of the three. Anyway, it's a really screwy movie that hide make a long time ago. I must own it. I also must see Moonchild, because it has Gackt and Hyde in it. Waii! I want a Stitch. He's like a little Kyo! And once again everyone who reads this gives me a blank stare. . . . . . Just ignore my ranting. So yeah, I'm done typing. I'm tired. Always tired.
Tuesday, June 24th- 12:34 p.m. \| Mood: Poo \| Music: Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
A-Kon gallery up. Check it out. Link's over there.
Thursday, June 19th- 1:00 p.m. \| Mood: Busy \| Music: Malice Mizer
Expect my A-Kon 14 gallery to be up soon. I spent about 3 hours last night scanning and editing the pictures so you get to look at them in higher quality. I have 43 pictures to put up (and that isn't even all of my pictures!), so that'll probably get done this weekend.
Thursday, June 19th- 12:47 a.m. \| Mood: Amused \| Music: Eddie Izzard
sandonron: whats ur website sandonron: addy PinkSpider12: www.geocities.com/pinkspider12 sandonron: damn girl PinkSpider12: what? sandonron: nice background PinkSpider12: thanks PinkSpider12: hot, huh? sandonron: oh ya :-D PinkSpider12: falls over in hysterical laughter sandonron: lol PinkSpider12: that's a man! sandonron: WHAT PinkSpider12: yup sandonron: that is a hot ass chick PinkSpider12: no, no sandonron: yes yes PinkSpider12: that's a man named mana PinkSpider12: he's japanese sandonron: oh god i think am gonna be sick PinkSpider12: lol! sandonron: thats wrong PinkSpider12: nah sandonron: yo that looks like a hot chick i dont know how it could be a guy PinkSpider12: trust me, there's a penis under there PinkSpider12: his name's mana, and he was the guitarist of the band malice mizer sandonron: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHh Evil grin I love it.
Wednesday, June 18th- 1:06 p.m. \| Mood: Giggly \| Music: Bullet with Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins
Falls over in hysterical laughter Unfortunately, none of you probably know X Japan enough to find it funny. I laughed until I cried. Course, it was also 1:00 on the morning. Oh, and this one too. (That being Gackt.) (Got those from here.)
Tuesday, June 17th- 9:54 p.m. \| Mood: Worn down \| Music: Whatever - Godsmack
Today sucked. At work today, I almost passed out from standing too much and not eating all day, got bitten by a cat, scratched by a dog, and hit in the chin so I bit my tongue. And to top it all off, (Colleen, you may not want to read this) I was drawing up a feline leukemia vaccine and dropped the container I was drawing from. I tried to catch it, and accidentally jammed the syringe all the way into my hand by my thumb. It hurt like hell. 'Tis still really sore. :/ Man, I gotta quit this typing thing; my hand hurts!
Monday, June 16th- 1:07 a.m. \| Mood: Not Tired! \| Music: Forbidden - Moi Dix Mois
Mrr. Still awake! No one's online to talk to me. :'( I downloaded a bunch of stuff from Moi Dix Mois, Mana's new band. (Mana being the guy over there <---; Ex-leader of Malice Mizer) I likes a lot! Though it'll never be the same as Malice Mizer. Sniffle O.o One should never skip from dark, gothic music to music from The Lion King. Michelle- Why would you just post stuff about Rachel's relationship in your journal for everyone to read? And at that, stuff she didn't even know about at the time. How is it any of your business? I just noticed that I have a habit of starting my entries out with a sound like "Yawn" or "Ugh" or an interjection like "Wahoo!" or "Yay!". Hmm.
Friday, June 13th- 10:48 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: How You Remind Me - Nickelback
Heh, my mood hasn't changed from tired for a long time. I guess everytime I get on the computer it's just a fitting mood. If you can call it a mood. Actually, I'm tired a lot. :/ Meh. Went and played miniature golf with Ica, Rach, Paul, and Chris today. That was fun! I hadn't played putt putt in so long. After tonight though, I know why. I suck at it! Hehe. But it's okay when all the people I go with suck at it too. ^^ This glass of water tastes weird. Wow, I never imagined that Paul and I could stay together this long and be so damn happy together. ^^ When we first started going out, I figured he'd leave me before too long. He just seemed too high above me. And I really didn't mean to quote that one annoying song. o.o But yeah, it's crazy how well we go together. I see us this way for a long time. Anyone wanna go to Warped Tour with Erica and I? The more the merrier. $26 for lawn seats.
Thursday, June 12th- 9:44 a.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Evanescence
Wahoo! New layout! I really really like it. Which is good, cuz I was up till 2:00 working on it. be on the look out for an A-Kon section of my page soon. As soon as I get around to scanning all my pictures. o.O Lol. So I tried to bring a black kitten home the other night. THAT didn't go over so well. She was really fun to have for one night though. But she didn't give me much sleep, cuz she wanted to play with my feet. Heh.
Friday, June 5th- 10:48 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Paranoid - Pantera
Wahoo! I finally got my pipeline hooked up! So delete the Jesolas77 screen name from your buddy lists, and look for me on pinkspider12 from now on. And the [email protected] email addy is gone, so mail me at [email protected]. K? K. Sorry I've been neglecting to update; hopefully it'll get better now. So busy. I'm sick and freaking tired of it. Oh well. Dad and Ann and the dogs are camping; it's so desolate in my house. I have all the lights on and the music playing to compensate. ^^ Dad's so cool. He's like, "Lock the doors, behave, no friends over, see you Sunday afternoon." Someone needs to get online and talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Tuesday, June 3rd- 1:45 p.m. \| Mood: Tired \| Music: Duel Jewel!
Squeeee! Oh my god, this vacation was the most fun time I've ever had, despite a few annoyances with the hotel. Like ending up with only one bed in the room, so Rachel and I had to sleep on the floor. But anyway! I'll try a short recap of the vacation and maybe I'll have time to put more up later. Or I'll just talk Rachel into posting her spiffy vacation journal. After getting lost 5 bajillion times, we finally got to the Con at like, 2:00 on Friday. There were tons of people walking around, quite a few in costumes. Um, Rachel and I put out costumes on after we got settled in, and thus began the mad picture taking frenzy. I swear, Rachel got her picture taked at least 50 times throughout the whole vacation. I got about 20; hide isn't quite as well known. At about 6:30, we'd taken out costumes off and headed for the line for opening ceremonies and the concert!!! After sitting in line for 2 hours and sitting in the boring opening ceremony for another hour, we got FREAKING FRONT ROW AT THE CONCERT!!!!! Oh my god, I could fucking die. Camino came on first, opening for Duel Jewel, and they were awesome. Then came Duel Jewel! Waiiii! Camino was really mellow compared to these guys. Their costumes and music rocked. I got pictures of them from like, 6 feet away. It was awesome. The whole concert lasted around 3 1/2 hours, and we were completely exhausted from all of the screaming and jumping. The highlight of Saturday was the Duel Jewel autograph signing, of course! We stood in line forever, but got autographs and hugs from all the band members! I thought I was going to die. We also made a couple of really cool friends, Vicki and Kat, while we were standing in line. After that, we put out costumes back on and wandered around for a while. We went down to the main open area of the convention while most people were inside for the cosplay (we didn't go in cuz we were tired of lines and also didn't want to sit in the very back). We took a bunch of pictures of some really awesome costumes, and got a bunch of pictures taken of us. We ran into Vicki and Kat and hung out with them for the rest of the night. The four of us kina camped out ont he floor and just watched and talked to people and had a really fun time together. On Sunday, we left at noon. That was pretty much the convention part of the vacation, omitting quite a few things but highlighting the good stuff. I went with $300, came back with $3, and had a kick-ass time. We're going back next year!