| The contents of one of our "Self-Help" pamphlets |
| 12-Step Pogram for Josh Addicts |
| Step 1 Admit that you are powerless over your addiction to Josh. Step 2 Believe that your sanity is non-existent. And that's OK. Step 3 Make a decision to turn your will over to the care of the Doctress and her assistants (especially Dr. G.) Step 4 List all those in your life who are in some way affected by your addiction to Josh. Include those who scoff at Josh, those who you resent for their lack of Joshness, those who fear for your grip on reality, those who you objectify as sex objects merely because they look like Josh, and finally, list those who you know enable your Josh addiction. Step 5 Admit your Josh addiction openly and honestly in the OP and Clinic forums whenever possible. Step 6 Be entirely willing to ignore your addiction as a defect. Step 7 Humbly ask for forgiveness from those you listed in Step 4 (but cross your fingers behind your back - you don't really see it as a defect, remember?). Step 8 Make a list of those you have harmed because of their stubborn inability to see what you see in Josh. Step 9 Make amends and attempt to convince those around you that you are changing for the better, unless you are completely unable to do this with a straight face. Step 10 Continue to post regularly at the Clinic. Step 11 Resolutely turn your thoughts to training someone else to be as pervy as you. Step 12 Having had an awakening to the wonderfulness of Josh, practice all of these steps in everything you do, and SPREAD THE JOSH!!! |
| Written by Dr. Kelly (yes, she's the bartender too). |
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| Dr. Phil meets Josh Groban |
| Dr Phil: Today on our show, meet a young man whose phenomenal talent has catapulted him to superstardom...but the downside is, he experience severe anxiety whenever anyone mentions "pink thongs!" Audience: SCREAMS, CLAPS, AND STOMPS FOR TWO MINUTES Dr Phil: Josh...Are they (A bewildered Phil looks at the audience) everywhere you go? Josh: Pretty much! Dr Phil: How's that workin' for you? Josh: Well, it would be great if it weren't for this pink thong that someone sent me in the mail...I mentioned it in a national magazine article, but I really don't want my mom to find out... Dr Phil [smiling]: You DON'T want your mom to know about the pink thong and then you mentioned it in a magazine article...Boy, what were you thinking? Audience: ROARS WITH LAUGHTER Dr Phil: Other than not wanting your mom to know you got a pink thong in the mail, is there anything else? Josh: No one will tell me who sent it! I know they know and their secrecy is driving me CRAZY... Everywhere I go and everyone I meet, I have to ask, "Do you know who sent the pink thong?" Last week, when I met the Pope, I even asked him! Dr Phil [grinning]: Well, what did the Pope say? Josh: "My son, what is a pink thong?" Dr Phil: Well, that isn't much help...let's back up a little bit. You mentioned "they know." Who are "they?" Josh: The Grobanites! Audience: ROARS Dr Phil [puzzled]: You have your own country? Josh: No, Dr Phil. It's my website...it's really GREAT, except for this one thread... Dr Phil: What thread would that be? Josh [shudders}: Old Pervs Audience: GUILTY SILENCE Dr Phil: So what do these Grobanites say on this thread that troubles you? Josh: These women are my mom's age and they LUST after me...they post pictures of my EARLOBES...They talk about my CHEST HAIR...Dr Phil, what if it was one of them that sent the thong? Dr Phil: Well that's easy...[Dr Phil gets out of his chair and addresses the audience] Have a heart...Tell this boy who sent the PINK THONG! You can email me at www.drphil.com...If you'd like to post an "Old Perv" thread on my website...That'd be COOL! We'll be back after the break... |
| Written by SweetBriarRose |