Staving off boredom, Josh roamed the corridors of a posh Beverly Hills art nouveau gallery. His parents had forced him and Chris to come to the opening of an exhibit, Lindy's friend owned the gallery. Josh had tried to beg off, recording commitments, but his mother wasn't buying it, he never could lie to her and get away with it. The paintings were nice, but nothing too exciting, he checked his watch, willing it to be 10PM, when his mother said they would be leaving. No such luck, it was only 8:30, another hour and a half to go before he could gracefully escape. Rounding a corner, he was looking for Chris, instead he found Moonlit Lace. It wasn't a large painting, done in sepia tones, head and shoulders of a woman, her head inclined toward the floor, her eyes closed, yet so full of pain it took the breath away, a few hairs fell in her face, and one hand crossed over to rest on the opposite shoulder. She was a study in quiet agony, a woman at once silent, yet screaming with emotion. Josh couldn't believe the emotional power of this simple portrait, and he found himself studying it, memorizing every inch of her face, totally and completely lost in its beauty. So lost, he hadn't heard the approach of another soul, also bored, and waiting for the evening to be over.
"It's one of my favorites as well." A soft, french accented voice said at his side.
Startled, he turned to look at the owner of the voice, a tall slim woman, her features a little angular, but pleasant. Her deep, golden brown hair cut in a Tinkerbellish, pixie-ish haircut that suited her well, one stray strand always falling down in her face. She wore a simple black dress, straight with no sleeves, a scooped neck, a tasteful hand beaded necklace around her neck, and black flats. She carried a champagne glass, nearly full, clearly holding it to look polite, but not interested in the contents. Not a beautiful woman, but there was something there, behind the eyes, a clarity of soul, a dedication, a fire...her very presence almost took his breath away.
"Yes, the portrait is amazing, such power. It's incredible."
Smiling a small, mysterious smile, she stood beside him and studied the portrait in silence for a moment.
"I just can't believe that so few lines could create such a feeling." Josh said, enjoying the painting, and the company of this woman he didn't know, but FELT like he knew.
"It's how you can tell if an artist just paints, or paints from their soul." She said softly, her accent totally charming him, French, but something else, with a little nasal quality that was totally fascinating, almost lyrical.
"Oh, there you are!" Lindy Groban said, walking up to Josh, turning to the woman, "And I see you've met Justine! How wonderful!"
"Justine?" Josh asked.
"Justine Chauvet. These are her paintings. You have been introduced?" Lindy asked.
She held out her hand, "Justine Chauvet."
He took it, her palm sliding into his, her skin soft and warm, closing his fingers around her hand, his almost engulfing hers entirely.
"Josh Groban." He said, looking into her soft blue eyes.
She studied his face, her eyes narrowed, the skin crinkled around her nose, "You have very expressive eyes." She said, her mind in that place that creative people go when inspiration strikes. "I would love to paint you."
"And I thought I'd dressed myself so well tonight." Josh said, lightly coming back to himself, letting her hand go.
"Oh, Justine, that would be wonderful!" Lindy said, excitedly. "I'm going to go tell your father. We'll meet you at the entrance at 10!" She said, walking off to tell her husband the exciting news!
"How do you know my mother?" He asked.
"We met through Kate, the owner of the gallery."
"Do you really want to paint my picture?"
Studying his face, she nodded, "Oh, yes, definitely. Do you think you have time in your schedule for this?"
"Don't I just have to sit and you paint?"
She smiled,"Yes, and no, I study my subjects for a few weeks before I actually have them sit for me."
"Study?"
"I follow you around, making sketches, taking photographs, just like a shadow."
"How does that help you?"
"It gives me a feel for the person, who they are, how they react to life's experiences, how else would I know how to make them pose? How else to make the portrait come alive?" She asked, leaning close enough for him to smell her perfume. He inhaled deeply.
"This is going to sound crazy, but I know you're French, but you don't sound French."
"I'm from a French speaking community in South Africa, Ivory Coast. I grew up there, I had to leave because of war."
Kate Matthews, the owner of the gallery came up to them.
"Justine, here you are, darling, you simply must mingle some more. Come now, everyone wants to meet you."
Looking over her shoulder as Kate hustled her away, Justine said,"I'll call your mother, and get your number. I'd like to start right away. Okay?"
Josh nodded his approval, and turned to look at Moonlit Lace, realizing the face he studied belonged to the woman who had just left. What was the pain behind her eyes? He found himself looking forward to hearing from her.

 

It was actually 2 weeks before Justine was able to track Josh down again, both of their schedules had been horrific. Josh found himself smiling stupidly the moment he realized who it was on the phone.
"Joshua, it's Justine Chauvet." He loved her last name, pronounced like show-vay. It was so French! He even found it completely cool that she had used his full, given name.
"Hello, Justine, how are you today?"
"Wonderful, I just got back from New York, some of my paintings are going to be in an exhibit of women artists. I'm very excited. I have to go back for the show, but I have the next six weeks free, and I wanted to get started on your portrait. Can we get together this afternoon?"
"Absolutely!"
They arranged a meeting at a little cafe they both liked, at 4PM, Josh didn't have any appointments. As he pushed the button on his cell to end the call, he found himself whistling.
Four oclock finally came, Josh had arrived 10 minutes early, he had a table, and was waiting for Justine. She bustled in right on time, dressed in jeans and a tshirt. A huge bag over her left shoulder. Sitting down, she removed the sunglasses she'd been wearing, and pulled a sketch pad from the bag, and a woodless pencil.
"What's that for?" Josh asked.
She chuckled, "Um,...sometimes when I'm talking to people, they move a certain way, or I don't know, something about the lighting, I get ideas. It's like a camera in my head, freeze-framing the moment, it's hard to explain."
Josh smiled,"I think I understand. I get that way sometimes, when I'm working on new music. A sound, or a phrase someone says just kind of makes perfect sense. And I have to write it down."
"Exactly!" She said, excitedly, reaching over to place her hand on his.
"So what do we do?"
"I have to follow you around for a while, a couple of weeks, what are you working on right now?"
"We're recording in the studio right now."
"That's perfect! I can see you in a singers natural environment."
Josh found himself studying her face again, there was an innocence about her, a naivete'. It was so sweet, he found himself liking her. They talked through the afternoon, arranging for Justine to follow him around in his life for the next 2 weeks. When Josh checked his watch, it was nearly 9 PM!
"Oh, my gosh! I was wondering why the waiter was looking at us with a death glare, we've been here for almost 5 hours, and haven't ordered anything." Josh laughed.
Justine chuckled wickedly, "Should we go without leaving him a tip?" She asked, her eyes alight with mischief.
"That would be cruel, funny, but cruel."
Josh signalled for the check, paying with his card, and leaving the waiter a sizable tip. As they walked out, Justine took his arm, Josh flexing his biceps unconsciously as her hand slid in place. She smiled at that. They walked out to the parking lot, Josh walking her to her car, she handed him the keys, and he opened the door for her. Holding the door as she got in, he closed it, leaning down to say good-bye.
"Okay, in the morning, my place, then on to the studio, right."
"Right, bye Joshua." She started the car, driving away she waved out the window.
Josh waved back, whistling as he walked to his own car.

 

Justine was right on time, dressed in khaki capris, and a black cotton blouse, she carried her huge bag again. Knocking on his door at 10AM. Josh had overslept, and came to the door a little disheveled, still in jammie bottoms, suffering from bed head.
"I'm sorry, I overslept. Come on in, it will just take me a few minutes to get ready. Make yourself at home." He ushered her into the living room, gesturing toward the sofa. He went back to his bedroom, a quick shower, clean clothes, what should he wear? A towel around him, he looked at his closet, funny he didn't always have trouble deciding what to wear. He dismissed it as nerves about the portrait, being studied by this all too interesting creature. Her watching his every move, studying him, her eyes never leaving his face. He shook himself, what to wear? Pulled by his reverie by a soft knock on the door, the delicious aroma of coffee wafted into his bedroom.
He opened the door to Justine, who held a cup of coffee out to him. Gratefully taking it from her, he sipped the warm brew, it was perfect, and just the way he liked it. 2 sugars, no cream.
"Bless you, you are a life-saver."
She looked at him, "Aren't you supposed to be at the studio in 30 minutes? You're not dressed."
He looked a little sheepish, running a hand through his still wet hair, he sat on the unmade bed. "For some reason, I can't decide what to wear, I think I'm nervous about being observed."
"Oh, don't be silly, Joshua, let me look." She rummaged through his closet, he watched her as she looked, taking out different shirts, she held them out, looking at him, the shirt or pants, wrinkling her nose in disapproval, then replacing them neatly in the closet. Finally deciding on a black, long-sleeved button down shirt, and a pair of black jeans.
"What do you think?" She asked.
"Those would be fine. How did you know black is kind of my trademark?" He asked smiling, standing to take the clothes from her. His hand resting on hers, she was just a little shorter than him, still tall for a woman, but just the right height for him.
Her eyes sparkling, she smiled shyly at him, "I didn't, it just suites your coloring. Good for sketching, and photos."
"Okay." He waited for her to excuse herself, she just stood, looking at him, his eyes, she studied him, the way he stood.
"I can take it from here." Josh said smiling.
Realizing he was waiting for her to leave, she snapped back to the moment.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I was just,... the light... the shadows on your face, I'm sorry, I'll wait outside." One last look at the shadows on his face, the fingers of her right hand resting on her chin as she studied him, she left to let him dress.
As he shaved, Josh thought about the way her face looked when she was seeing portraits in her head.
Fully dressed, and ready to go, he came out to the living room, Justine sat on the sofa, her sketch pad out, furiously drawing with a pencil. Unaware of him, lost in her vision, she continued as he walked behind her to watch as she worked.
She drew him as he had sat on the bed, one hand in his hair, bare chest, she drew him with his eyes closed, head lifted up a little, mouth closed, as if he had just awakened, going through a morning stretch before he began his day. The sketch was rough, but she had his features perfect. He leaned on the back of the sofa, she turned as her creative steam stopped, satisfied with what she had needed to capture. His face was scant inches from her as she smiled.
"I'm sorry, the light was just so perfect in there. I had to put it on paper. I'm ready to go now."
She put her materials away, grabbing the huge bag, she stood.
Josh smiled at her, offering his arm, she took it again, Josh flexing unconsciously again. They walked out the door, Josh locking up, they took the Porsche, talking as they drove to the studio.

 

Arriving at the studio, Josh introduced Justine to everyone, her sweetness infecting them all almost as deeply as Josh had been infected by Justine. Like a virus, she was in his veins, her smile, her voice. Just looking at her, made him happy. All through the day she watched him, sometimes just watching, sometimes watching as she drew, checking and rechecking how he looked in every aspect of singing, feeling a song. When they were through recording for the day, he and Justine said their good-byes, heading back to Josh's house.
"Why don't we go get something to eat?" Josh suggested.
"Okay," Justine agreed.
Josh headed down to Malibu, there was a seafood place right on the beach that he really loved. Food, the beach, the sound of the surf, and a pretty woman to talk to, how could it get any better? They ate, then went for a walk on the beach. Justine carried her sandals in her hands as she walked beside Josh.
"What was it that forced you to leave South Africa?"
"Sometimes it feels like Africa will never know peace. It was an independence war, it was just too dangerous to stay." Her eyes grew sad, loss behind them.
"What happened?"
She looked at him, "Have you ever known loss, Joshua?"
"I lost a grandmother who was very special to me."
"When someone has lived a full life, it's possible to find a certain amount of peace when they move on to the next state of existence." She swallowed hard against the emotion in her heart, "When they are young, there is an anger that builds in your soul, sometimes it's hard to walk away from that anger. Sometimes, you hold it as a shield, so you can go on."
Josh put his hands on her arms, his voice soft, and gentle, "Who did you lose, Justine?" Her name sweet on his lips.
She looked at him, "I wasn't planning on talking about this tonight." Her eyes on his face, looking into his eyes, gauging his soul, to discern if he were worthy to share her pain, capable of knowing the soul-sick searching she had gone through to be able to go on living. She found him worthy, "My fiance, he was caught in a crossfire, wrong place at the wrong time. So stupid, men playing at war, and they ended my life that night." She whispered, tears filling her eyes.
Understanding the value of her trust, Josh pulled her into his arms, holding her close, her arms circling his waist, she put her head on his chest and let the tears spill. Putting his head on hers, he held her, when she pulled away she was trembling.
"Are you alright?" Josh asked, reluctant to allow her out of his embrace until he was sure she was alright.
As she put a hand to her chest, Josh could see that she was blushing, she was blushing, because he had held her. She was blushing. Leaning closely, he kissed her on the cheek. Receiving it with her eyes closed, she dropped her head.
Regaining her composure, she looked at Josh.
"We'd better go, we have an early day tomorrow." They walked back up the beach, hand in hand, once back at Josh's house, he held the door to her car again as she got in. He leaned down again, looking at her through the window, she put one hand on his cheek, holding it there, looking into his eyes for a long time. She leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek.
"Good-night, Josh." She whispered.
"Good-night, Justine." He answered, then stood, as she drove away into the night, knowing he was not going to sleep tonight.

 

Justine was true to her word, for the next 3 weeks, she became Josh's shadow, she followed him everywhere, eating, partying, singing, shopping, time with his family, always with a sketch pad or camera in her hands. Recording every aspect of who he was, he thought it strange it didn't feel like an invasion, somehow, it was...natural...to have her there. As though she had always been in the background of his life. He was surprised at the ease her insertion in his life had been, and he found himself dreading the time when it would come to an end. What she didn't realize, he had been studying her, the entire time she had been watching him. He knew what made her laugh, what made her smile, what made her blush, and that she was incredibly beautiful when she blushed. She had a quirky sense of humor, always making stupid puns. Obscure little references that for some reason he always got, but very few other people did. She had even come with him to an appearance in Toronto, and he was oddly proud that the host of the show had recognized her, and she and Justine had chattered away in their native tongue. He watched as she gestured to him and the sketch pads. Watched her easy grace.
It had been 3 weeks now, and they were beginning work in her studio in the valley. Josh was on his way there in the Porsche, he'd stood in front of his closet for an hour, finally stopping at the mall, buying something new, black Dockers, a belt, a new black sweater, light weight, no collar, long sleeved. He had the sales girl remove all the tags, and he wore the clothes out of the mall. Laughing at himself, at his actions, he thought to himself, "You'd think I'm in love." Nearly swerving off the highway, Josh realized in that second, that it was true. As easily as she had moved into his life, she had taken possession of his heart Maybe it should have bothered him, but it didn't. He realized from the first time he'd held her in his arms, he had loved her. All the hugs, the little kisses on the cheek, the by the mouth greeting smooches, they had all been more. He had been fooling himself. Pulling off the highway, onto the street that went to her studio, he stopped at a light, thinking of her face, her form, he knew he wanted to be with her. Somehow, he had to make it work.
Stopping the Porsche in her drive, he got out, taking the steps to her studio 2 at a time, eager to see her, hear her voice.
When she opened the door, a smile broke out on his face, his whole face, he could feel her light reflected in his heart, leaning down he kissed her on the corner of the mouth.
"Hi, Justine."
"Good morning, Joshua, welcome to my studio." She said, handing him a cup of coffee.
He took it in both hands, savoring the rich aroma, he sipped it, perfect. "You make the best coffee, will you marry me?"
He teased.
She laughed, hugging him, careful of the coffee, dropping her head to look at the floor, she blushed. For a second, Josh couldn't breath. The demure glances, always hiding her face when she blushed, always hiding that he was the only one who was capable of doing this to her. Inhaling deeply before he passed out, Josh walked into the studio. Taking his arm, him flexing, she showed him around. It was a huge room, light and airy, a kitchenette at the back, a staging area with her easel and work table at the side, a corkboard wall that was well used, and currently filled with sketches and photos of Josh. She had captured him in every imaginable pose, his face gazing out at him from all over the wall, he was amazed at how beautiful the sketches were.
"This is incredible."
"It takes a lot of work to capture a person on canvas."
"These sketches are beautiful."
"Thank you." She said, blushing again.
He touched the side of her face with the tips of his fingers.
"Why does that make you blush?"
"I don't know..." She laughed, softly, looking down at her feet, then looking up to meet his eyes, "I suppose because you like them, and I...like you."
"You don't like all of your subjects?"
Laughing again, "Truthfully,...it's a job, I'm usually all business when I paint. You just..." She paused.
"Come on, I what?"
"I don't know, there's something in your eyes, it's like...my soul KNEW you...when we met. I know, "crazy artist talk"."
"No, I understsand. I felt the same way."
Her eyes searching his face, searching for falseness, she found none, and blushed again. Gesturing to the chair in front of her easel.
"We should get started."

 

Josh had held this pose for several hours, his eyes never leaving Justine's face. She needed silence while sketching the final portrait, so he had spent his time memorizing her. Her face, her body, the way she held the pencil, the way her eyes crinkled up as she studied him. He knew he could never forget her face, the way her eyes tilted up just a little at the corners, her red, full lips, she had become his memory, there in the background of every thought, every action, watching over him, moving through his emotions, all his conscious thoughts, she was there.
"Ready for a break?" She asked putting the pencil down. dusting her hands on her jeans. At some point she had smudged her nose, Josh came up to her, smiling, he pointed at her nose.
"What is it?" She asked.
"You have a smudge on your nose."
She rubbed her nose, missing the smudge. Josh came closer, he took the cloth she kept beside the easel, and taking her chin in his left hand, he gently rubbed her nose, removing the smudge. She had closed her eyes when he took her face, he looked at it for a long time, leaning forward, he gently touched her lips with his own, a soft kiss, a breath of a kiss, so light so soft it could have been a dream, an illusion. Pulling away from him, trembling, Justine blushed, looking away from him.
"How about some coffee?" She asked moving over to the coffee pot. She poured them both a cup, and they sat on the sofa, studying the canvas.
"I think it's coming together, what do you think?" Her hand resting on his thigh.
"It's really wonderful, you're amazing." He said, his right hand resting on her shoulder.
Their eyes met, leaning forward their lips met, soft and steady lasting several minutes. As a moan escaped her lips, Justine's eyes snapped open. She jumped to her feet coffee sloshing out of her cup. Her back to Josh, her free hand on her lips, the memory of his forever burned on their surface, her entire body trembling.
Josh put his cup on the floor, walking up behind Justine, he put his hands on her shoulders, his left hand running down her arm, he leaned forward kissing her neck. Wishing her mind was strong enough to override her heart and body, Justine leaned into the kisses, her left hand coming up to touch his hair. Turning, their lips found each other, passion held too long at bay held them in it's warm embrace. Their kisses becoming desperate with the urgency of need, their bodies so close to each other...
"Joshua, no." Justine moaned, pulling away from him, stumbling back, her face filled with confusion.
Startled, Josh moved forward, she held up a hand to stop him
"Justine, what's wrong?" He whispered, his hands held open, palms up, pleading.
"I...I'm not sure this is a good idea." She stammered.
"I don't understand."
"I just, Joshua, I'm friends with your mother."
"So?"
He stepped forward, cupping her face in his hands, not letting her look away.
"What are you afraid of?"
"You."
"Why would you be afraid of me?"
"I'm 34, Joshua, think what this could do to my career. My life."
"I don't want to hurt you, but I can't lose you. You're in my heart, Justine, you're in every thought, every action I make."
"I just don't think this is a good idea." She pulled away from him, her arms hugged tight to her body.
"I know you have feelings for me."
"I'm sorry." She said, shaking her head.
"I KNOW you have feelings for me!" His voice shook with desperation.
"I think you'd better go." She whispered, her soul wanting desperately for him to stay.
"No, not until you give me a reason I can understand!" He said, his emotions barely under control.
"Please, Joshua, just go."
With a frustrated sigh, he walked to the door, his hand on the doorknob, he stopped, turning to look at her, she couldn't meet his eyes. He walked out, slamming the door after him. Almost running down the steps, he stopped when he reached his car, keys in hand. If he left it would be over before it started. If he went back, maybe he could convince her somehow they had to give this a chance.
Justine stood in front of the wall of Josh, her fingers tracing the lines of his face. Dropping her face in her hands, she cried, bitter tears, until she heard the door open. For a moment, she couldn't draw air into her body, every inch of her skin knowing he had come back. Knowing it was beyond her to deny him. Finding the strength, she lowered her hands. He stood in the doorway, hands at his sides, waiting, waiting for a sign, any sign that she wanted him to stay.
With an unconscious will, their bodies moved to each other, lips meeting.
"I'm sorry." She whispered as their lips claimed each other. "I'm sorry, I don't want you to go."
"I won't go, I'll never leave you, again. I love you." He whispered, holding her to him.
"God forgive me, I love you." She whispered.
Bending down, he picked her up, carrying her to the bed in the corner of her studio, and studied her body for the first time for as long as he wanted to.

 

Justine lay on her side, her left arm under the pillow that cradled her head, the right arm over her head, Josh on his side in front of her, his fingers tracing lazy circles on her skin, leaning forward occasionally to kiss her hip, her tummy, other areas too obvious to be mentioned. She sighed with contentment, the soft light of the afternoon sun casting shadows across them. Happy in his presence, she leaned forward, pulling him to her, to feel the touch of his skin, the nearness of him. The joy of his need for her. She had thought she had left these things behind in South Africa, she had deluded herself into believing that her work could be enough. That she didn't need this, didn't need to feel the fire of a man's passion. She had been a fool. Josh had given her the precious gift of her heart, alive again, beating in time with his love for her. She felt lighter than she had in years. Her body and soul at one with each other, at one with him. They held each other, not quite sleeping, quiet, satisfied just to be touching.
"Should we get back to work,"Josh said, quietly, his voice slightly sleepy.
"We really should." Justine agreed, her voice sleepy as well, her lips kissing his chest.
"I guess we'd better get up, and get dressed, then." Josh said, no motivation in him whatsoever to move.
"Yes, you are being a terribly lazy subject. We must get back to work." She said, also not making any moves to get up.
She looked at him, the diffused light from her windows casting a soft golden glow on his face. The camera of her mind freezing his expression in her mind. She sat up so suddenly she startled Josh. Jumping out of the bed she ran for her sketchbook, and pencils. Running back to the bed, she sat, au naturale, cross-legged, the sketch pad in her lap, closer to the foot of the bed, not interfering with the light that shone on Josh's face. He leaned up on his right arm, his left arm resting at his waist, his head propped on his right hand.
"Don't move!" Justine whispered.
Smiling, he froze for her, his eyes on her face, waiting for further instruction.
"Close your mouth, no teeth showing, keep the smile." Her eyes crinkling, all business now, despite the fact they were not wearing any clothes. Putting the pad aside, she leaned forward, her hand in his hair, straightening it a little, pulling the one curl that always sat on his forehead forward. She leaned back, perfect!
"Don't move!" She whispered again.
Her hands moving rapidly as she sketched him, exactly as he lay. The pencil sketching each line, the curves of his face, his body, as a lovers touch. The picture taking form as if he had sprung fully formed from her heart, her imagination, as if the pencil were the artist, and she only the hand that held it as it worked it's magic on the paper. She leaned back, the sketch captured, she looked at him, wonder on her face, the sketch was perfect, exactly what she had been looking for, turning the pad, she showed him her magnum opus.
"No one has ever made me look that good." He said, examining the sketch.
She blushed at the compliment.
"This should be the painting." Josh said.
Justine looked at him, checking for signs of insanity.
"I don't know about that..."
"Why not, this is a great sketch."
"Joshua, are you sure your fans are ready for you in "all your glory"?"
"It would probably give some of them heart failure. But you could always put a sheet on the bottom half of me. Whatever we do, I want this sketch, and I want you to sign it for me."
She took the pad back, signing it with a flourish, she tore the page out, handing it to Josh.
"Much love, Justine." He read the inscription, smiling. "How would you feel about coming to a lunch my mother is hosting for a ladies group this Sunday?"
"I don't know Joshua, I think they could see that a dynamic has changed between us."
"Well, it has changed, and I want to see you out in front of the world, not just in private."
Uncertainty on her face, Justine shook her head, "Joshua, some people may be alright with our age differences, I just don't think this is something your parents are going to be thrilled with."
"My mother is older than my father."
"3 years older, not 12. That's a really big difference."
"Please come with me, Justine, I want you to."
Unable to say no to that face, she agreed. "I hope you know what you're doing."
Grabbing her, he pulled her to him, dropping the sketch pad off the side of the bed. "I don't know, my love, do you think I know what I'm doing?"
Laughing softly, she kissed his lips, "In this, oh, yes, you definitely know what you are doing. Very much so. Oh, yes!"
His kisses on her face, her neck, her mouth shutting her up, as he gave further proof of his extensive knowledge.

 

Between recording studio time, and studio time with Justine, Sunday rolled around very rapidly. Justine had stayed with Josh Saturday night, they now rode together to his parents house.
Justine was chewing her right index fingernail, a habit Josh had learned she only gave in to when she was nervous. Like now.
"It'll be okay. They already know you, it'll be okay."
"I hope so. We just have to stay away from each other, no hugging, no standing too close, and definitely no kissing."
Smiling impishly, Josh asked, "What if I feel the need to grab your..."
"JOSHUA!" Justine exclaimed. "Don't even think of it! That's not funny."
He put his hand on her shoulder,"Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood."
They pulled up in the drive to his parents, Josh coming around, he opened the door for Justine. They approached the front door, going right in. The ladies group was in the back yard, Josh and Justine walked through the house into the kitchen, where his mother was supervising the caterers.
"Josh, Justine!" She came around, hugging Josh who kissed her on the cheek, and hugging Justine.
"How is the portrait coming?" Lindy asked Justine.
"Very good. Josh is an excellent subject." She smiled.
"I'm really anxious to see what you two have done." Lindy said.
Josh turned a snicker into a fake sneeze, Justine was unable to speak for a moment.
"I'm sure you'll be pleased with the PORTRAIT," she said emphasizing it for Josh's benefit, "when I'm done with it."
"Great! Why don't you two go mingle, there's food and punch outside, Josh go introduce Justine around." She shooed them out of her kitchen, and went back to making sure all was well for her guests.
Once they were out of earshot of Lindy, Justine gave Josh a pinch.
"Don't you ever do that to me again!"
"I'm sorry, it was stupid. I'll behave."
"That's a good idea, I wouldn't want to have to punish you."
Josh's eyebrows went up, "Punish?"
Justine smiled in spite of herself, "Don't start. Now why are we here?"
"It's a ladies church organization, this is a meet and greet for new members."
"And we're here, why?"
"Mom likes the whole family involved. It's supposed to be a good example for me and Chris."
"And yet you feel the need to flaunt your older mistress."
"No, I feel the need to have the woman I love beside me. If I have to endure one of these church socials, I think you should have to endure it with me."
"Sort of a taste of your life. My world, and welcome to it?"
"Exactly."
Offering her his arm, they walked out of the back door, Josh flexing.
As church socials go, it wasn't bad. A lot of women and their husbands chatting amiably about everything. Justine watching the people, as an artist will often do, taking in their expressions, how they held themselves. But always managing to find Josh in the crowd. A good portion of the people knew who Justine was, and she found herself surrounded by people wanting to discuss art. She found herself alone with a man close to her own age, the brother of one of the ladies, who wasn't married. He had come with her so she wouldn't have to come alone, he had zeroed in on Justine, and was slowly boring her to death with his take on Dali and existential art. Seeing her eyes glazing over, and silently pleading with him for help, Josh excused himself from the people he was talking to, and went to her aid. Not knowing that his mother had witnessed the silent communication between the two of them. Lindy's eyes grew large and round, freezing as she was about to take a drink of punch. She watched as Josh walked over, inserting himself into the conversation, then expertly steering her away from the boorish man, Josh offering his arm to Justine. She saw Justine's silent thank you as they walked beside the swimming pool, Josh leaning forward to brush the hair off her face. Justine's hand on his chest.
"Oh, my god," she whispered. Excusing herself from her guests, she went to find Jack.

 

The social was ending, people milling out the front door, saying good-bye to Lindy and Jack as they made their way out to their cars. Josh and Justine were saying good-bye to Chris, ready to walk out the door themselves when Lindy asked them to stay.
As she walked behind Josh and Justine, she put out a hand stopping Chris.
"Chris, go to your room." She said quietly to her younger son.
"Why?" Chris asked, puzzled.
"Your father and I have to talk to Josh."
"Then why is Justine in there, too?"
"Chris," Lindy said, her "no-nonsense" mom face in place.
"Go to your room."
Seeing the "face", Chris turned on his heel, and started up the stairs, grumbling as he went, "Man, I miss all the good stuff!"
Joining Jack, Josh and Justine, Lindy sat on the arm of the chair Jack was in, Josh and Justine on the sofa. Justine noticably nervous.
"Your mother and I noticed something that concerns us, and we just wanted to talk to you about it, Josh. We asked Justine to stay because it seems to involve her as well." Jack started, a serious, yet uncomfortable look on his face.
"What's this about?" Josh asked.
"I noticed the two of you spending a lot of time together, and there was some touching involved. Are you seeing each other?" Lindy asked.
Josh and Justine looked at each other, Justine folding her arms, one hand over her mouth.
"Yes, we are." Josh admitted to his parents, Lindy standing at the admission, turning her back to them, one hand on her hip, one hand on her forehead. Jack reached back to take Lindy's hand at the same moment Josh reached for Justine's hand. Lindy sat back down.
"How serious is it?" Jack asked.
"We're in love." Josh said. His face like stone, unwilling to back down, unwilling to be placed in the position of a willful child.
"Love?" Lindy said. "Josh, you're only 22, I don't think you know what you're getting into here."
"What does my age have to do with being in love?"
"Don't take that tone with your mother." Jack said quietly.
"No, Dad, this is my life. And I love Justine. I'm not going to let you lecture us like a couple of dumb kids."
"What about you, Justine, how do you feel about my son?" Lindy asked, becoming more and more upset.
Justine closed her eyes, leaning forward, her hands steepled in front of her, her arms resting on her knees.
"I didn't start the portrait with the intention of starting anything. What has happened, has happened. I love Josh. God help me, I love him."
"Do you have any idea what kind of problems you're going to be facing? What this could mean to both of your careers?" Lindy started, her voice slightly raised.
"Lindy," Jack started.
"No, Jack, they have no idea what it's like, we were only 3 years apart, and we were constantly ribbed about the age difference. I don't think they appreciate what they're in for."
"Mom, we're prepared to deal with whatever comes up." Josh said.
"Josh, we didn't let you drop out of college just to see you throw it away on some..." She stopped herself before finishing her sentence.
Josh stood, getting angry now, "Some what, Mom? She's not a groupie, she's an accomplished, internationally known artist! And I love her!"
Jack stood, placing himself between mother and son, "We need to just calm down, Josh, you shouldn't talk to your mother like that!"
"Why? You can talk to me like I'm incapable of making my own decisions, but I can't get upset about it?"
"Josh, the age issue has us concerned, I don't think you really know what you're doing here." Jack said.
"What are you saying Dad? That the measure of love is based on how close in age you are? That an older woman could only be interested in one thing in a younger man?"
"Josh, you know that's what people will be saying!" Lindy said.
"Maybe I should go," Justine said softly.
"No, we're both going!" Josh said, taking her arm, heading for the front door.
"Josh, please, stop and think about this!" Lindy said, holding his arm.
Pulling his arm free, Josh looked at his mother, and father, "Mom, Dad, you know that I love and respect you, I have always been grateful for such wonderful parents. This time, I have to disagree with you, this is MY choice! And if you can't live with it, then I'm sorry." His hand in the small of her back, he moved Justine to the front door. She stopped him before he could exit, tears in her eyes.
"Josh, no, you can't leave it like this!" She whispered.
"They don't respect my choice, am I supposed to just walk away from you, pretend my heart doesn't belong to you?" He whispered back.
The tears falling down her cheeks, she begged him to stay, "They're your parents, they love you, they think they're helping. Don't walk away, it will only increase the distance, try to make them understand. Show them the Josh that I
know. Please, for me, don't leave it like this! If you do, you'll regret it for the rest of your life!" She whispered, her voice breaking with emotion.
Josh shook his head, his lips pinched together tightly in agitation, frustration, looking into her eyes, he knew he couldn't refuse her.
"All right," He said, relenting, "But only for you." He took out his handkerchief, drying her tears, he kissed her, lingering on the sweetness of her lips. They walked back into the living room, Jack and Lindy standing beside the chair Jack had been sitting in, Lindy crying, Jack drying her tears. Josh and Justine looked at each other, smiling. A sort of genetic deja vu.
"The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree." Justine whispered to Josh, "At least now I know who you got it from."
"Yeah, I had a good role model."
"Can we talk about this reasonably?" Josh asked, startling his parents.
The four of them looked uncomfortably at each other.
"Why don't I make coffee?" Lindy offered, ushering them all in the kitchen.
They sat around the table talking as they sipped the warm brew.
"Dad, we're not getting married, we're just seeing each other." Josh said, getting frustrated, Justine placing her hand over his. He gave her a quick smile to let her know he was keeping it cool.
"We just don't want to see you make a mistake, son. And I'm not saying Justine is wrong for you, I have to tell you this won't be easy for you."
"Well, then give us the room to work it out. If you force me to choose, you place us all in a losing situation."
"How do you see that?" Jack asked.
"If you force me to chose, and I chose your way, I'm heart-broken, so is Justine, and things are strained between you, me and Mom. If I chose Justine, then you and Mom are heartbroken, and things are strained between me and Justine. I don't want to be in that position."
"Then what do you want to do?"
"I want you to trust me to know what's best for me. Let me and Justine work this thing out."
Josh's parents looked at each other, then at Josh and Justine.
"All right."
Things calmer, Josh and Justine said their good-byes, Lindy pulled Justine aside.
"Justine, I like you, you're a brilliant artist, but if you hurt my son..."
"I understand, Lindy. I don't want to hurt him. I promise, I will take good care of him."

In the Porsche, headed for Josh's place, Justine placed a trembling hand over Josh's.
Worried, he looked at her, "Are you all right?" He asked quietly.
"That went well." She teased quietly.
Laughing, Josh shook his head, "They're like a couple of old grumpy bears protecting their cubs."
"They love you very much."
"I know they do. And I love you very much."
She leaned over, kissing him quickly on the lips.
"How fast can you get home without killing us both in this speed machine?" She asked.
Josh smiling wickedly, "Why?"
"I'm not wearing anything under this dress." She whispered in his ear, her lips centimeters from him, kissing down his neck. Josh put his foot in it, covering the last few blocks to his house in record time.

 

Stepping back from the easel, Justine surveyed her handiwork. Being a perfectionist, she always found little flaws, the hair wasn't quite right, the smile was a little off,...but it was Joshua. And she was content. She lowered her palette, putting the brush under her thumb, and brushed the stubborn hair that always fell forward out of her face. She looked at Josh and smiled.
"Can I move?" He asked.
"It's finished." She said.
He came forward, putting his arm around her shoulder, he admired her work. He had to admit to himself, she deserved all the accolades, it looked just like him, only better. She had put some of her heart into the working of it, making it perfect to him. He studied the pose he had held for six weeks. In the painting the Josh that was reflected back at him stood, turned slightly, so his right shoulder was presenting. His hands tucked in the back pockets of his jeans, his head turned so his face was turned completely to Justine, mouth closed, smiling slightly, a happy twinkle in his eyes. Black turtleneck sweater, the one lock of curls that always refused to stay in place resting softly on his forehead, the light and shadows on his face making him look almost angelic.
"It's me." he said, smiling, holding her tightly in his arms.
"You're going to get all smudged, " She said, happy that he was pleased.
"We could play "Paint the Body Parts." He suggested, his voice full of innocence.
"Who gets to paint who?" She asked, matching innocence for innocence.
"I'll toss you for it." He said smiling.
Putting her pallette down on the work table, they ran for the bed.

It was much later, they lay in each other's arms, Josh playing with Justine's hair, her head on his chest, totally content in each other's presence.
"I wish you weren't going tomorrow." Josh said.
"I wish I weren't either." Her tone sad, already missing him.
"I wish I could go with you."
"I do, too."
She leaned back on her left arm, her head propped in her left hand.
"This is life, my Joshua, leavings, and homecomings."
"You know it'll be torment while you're gone."
"Absolutely. Complete torment. But think of the welcome home." She smiled.
Looking at the ceiling, one hand behind his head, one arm around Justine, he smiled, slowly, starting at just the corners, then the lips parting slightly, teeth showing, finally reaching his eyes.
"There is that." He said, glancing over at her.
"Yes, there is always that."
He pulled her close, hugging her tightly, "You'll come home as soon as you can."
"The minute the reception is over I will fly to my hotel room, pack and be at the airport."
"I'm not going to sleep until you get back."
"Then I should do something about making sure you get your rest tonight, shouldn't I?"
"That sounds fair."
He pulled her over, Justine leaning over him, she kissed him, tucking him in for a good night's sleep.

 

With all the new security, Josh had to leave Justine at the security check points, they were early for her flight, and they were both feeling lonesome for the other already. She had her ticket and boarding pass, her luggage already sent off to board the plane before her. Carrying her handbag, and a small carryon, she and Josh stood in each other's arms, completely helpless to let the other go.
"It's only a week." Josh said, almost as much for himself as for Justine.
"A week, only seven days." She whispered, looking into his face, as he ran the fingers of his left hand through her hair.
"Only one-hundred sixty-eight hours." He whispered, as she kissed his neck.
"Only ten thousand, eighty minutes." She whispered, pressing her face against his open palm, her eyes closed, a single tear rolling down her cheek.
"Only six-hundred four thousand, eight-hundred seconds." He whispered as their lips met, their eyes closed, unable to let the other go.
"I have to go." She said at last.
"Just one more second." He whispered, his eyes never leaving her face.
"You'll be home soon?" He asked, not wanting to let her go.
"As long as I have you in my heart, I am home."
"Call me as soon as you land, all right?"
"I promise. I miss you already."
Like a bitter sweet arrow, her words pierced his heart with torture and peace. She missed him!
She walked through the security checks, Josh standing and watching, Justine glancing back at him, until she had to go, and they were out of each other's sight.
Walking down to the gate, she sat in the waiting area, wanting to cry.
She boarded the plane, she flew to New York, and all of her thoughts were of Josh, her Joshua. Throughout the week she was there for the women artists exhibit, she made small talk, she sat for interviews, photo sessions, and all her thoughts were of Josh. They talked constantly on cell phones, it would have been easier if they'd had them surgically implanted. On the last day, as she boarded the plane, Josh called her.
"I'm on the plane, we'll be leaving in minutes. Will you be there when I get to the airport?" She asked, ignoring the flight attendant who was giving her a dirty look for being on the cell phone.
"If I could camp in the waiting area, I would be there now. But they keep throwing me out, I can't imagine why." He said, laughing.
"I have a confession to make." She said.
"Oh, God, what?" Josh asked.
"I couldn't sleep last night, so I went on your website so I could listen to your voice."
Josh laughed,"You didn't!"
"I did. The people are very nice."
"You logged on?!"
"Yes, I didn't know they were so mad for you."
"What can I say, they lust after my bod."
"And so do I."
"Is that all you lust for?" He asked.
"Oh, no, I lust after your heart, and your soul. I lust for your eyes, so I can drown in their depths, and I lust for your every waking thought. I lust for all that you are, and all that you make me feel when I am with you. I love you, Joshua." She whispered.
Her words making his body ache, he held his heart as he listened, desperately willing for the plane to move faster so she could be in his arms again, so he could feel her lips on his again.
"I love you, Justine Chauvet, I love you."
The flight attendant came up to her, telling her she had to turn off her phone.
"I have to go, we're about to take off. I will see you soon."
"I'll be here, I love you."
"I love you."
The plane ride was interminable for the both of them, Josh arrived at LAX 2 hours early, prowling the terminal like a caged animal. Anxious to hold Justine. Finally the plane touched down, the passengers embarked, Josh searching the faces, desperate to see her. To know she was back, she was here, and he could hold her in his arms again. There she was!
"Joshua!!" She yelled, waving frantically, pushing their way through the rest of the crowd, they made their way to each other. He was holding her again, she was in his arms, and everything was right with the world again. They looked at each other for a very long time, completely oblivious to the rest of the world, they were the world. He kissed her, long and hard, not understanding how anyone in love could ever stand to be away from the one who made their heart stand still just by looking at them. The gathered her bags, and made their way to the Porsche. Then flew to Josh's house.
After a proper homecoming, they sat in the living room, eating ice cream.
"You know, I've been thinking." Josh said, taking a spoonful of the ice cream and feeding it to Justine.
"About?" She asked, feeding him a spoonful.
"I've been thinking, maybe you should move in here." He looked at her, a small smile on his face, hoping she felt the same way.
"You want me to give up my studio?" She asked.
"No, just move your LIVING quarters here, then you could kiss me good-bye every morning as you go to WORK at your studio."
"Are you serious?" She asked, putting the ice cream on the coffee table, pushing up the sleeves of the shirt of his she was wearing.
"Very." He said, his expression totally serious.
She looked at him for a very long time, smiling.
"All right, I will."
He made an exagerrated swipe across his forehead, as if he had really been sweating her decision, then reached beside him, holding his hand out, not showing her what was in it.
"What's this?" She asked, holding her hands open under his hand.
He opened his hand, dropping a set of keys into her hands.
"That's the key to the front door, the back door, and the alarm system. When do you want to go get your stuff?"
She started laughing, grabbing him around the neck, she kissed him over and over.
"I love you." She said.
"I know you do." He answered, teasing, as he gave her another heartfelt welcome home.

 

Time passed, Justine moved her things into Josh's life a little at a time, the two of them taking up house keeping together as if they were two peas in a pod. At first Josh's parents had a hard time accepting it, but over months they came to see that Josh was happier with Justine than they had ever seen him. It had been a little over a year since the day Josh had first come across Moonlit Lace, a year since Justine had come into his life. Justine was meeting him at the airport, he had just returned from another appearance to promote the new CD, Brian at his side. They were supposed to have dinner with his parents, and he was anxious to see Justine again. She was waiting for him in the terminal, waving like a mad woman, calling his name. The sight of her face making his heart skip a beat, he couldn't believe how much he loved her, even after a year, any time away from her was physically painful. Sweeping her into his arms, he crushed her to him with kisses. Arm in arm they walked out of the terminal, chatting happily.
"How was your showing?" Josh asked happily.
"It was wonderful, I saved the fantastic reviews I got for you to read when we get home. I saw you on Good Morning America, you were wonderful, and I saw the Grobanites at the windows. Did you have time to read any of the posts, they loved you!"
"They always love me, I'm the luckiest man in the world, you AND the Grobanites!"
"Do you want to go home and change before we go to your parents?"
"No, let's just go, I'll worry about changing when we get home. Are you feeling okay?"
"Now that you're home, I am wonderful."
He stopped, holding her in his arms, holding up traffic on one of the moving walkways.
"I missed you."
"I missed you."
He kissed her, then they continued on, gathering his luggage, and heading for the parking garage.

At his parents house, Lindy greeted them at the door.
"Josh, Justine, come in."
She hugged Josh, Josh giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi, Mom, how are you?"
"Good, and the two of you?"
They smiled at each other, Josh answering for the both of them.
"Better, now that I'm home."

 

Dinner was nice, they all retired to the senior Groban's living room with coffee and desert, continuing to talk.
"Justine, when do you leave for South Africa?" Jack asked.
She and Josh looked at each other and sighed sadly.
"In a week. Although, I've been thinking of not going." Justine answered, her expression a little worried.
"We talked about this, I thought you were okay with it." Josh said, taking her hand and kissing it.
She looked a little sheepish, "I know, I just...I have a funny feeling about it, that's all."
"You know women have their own special intuitions, maybe you should listen to yours." Lindy said.
"I guess I'm just nervous about going back. The hostilities haven't been quiet for long, and I don't want to be stuck there with a war going on." She said.
"Don't worry, I'd come get you, if there was any way I could get out of the appearance on the Letterman show I'd be going with you." Josh said.
"I know, and it's only 4 days. We'll survive." She smiled at Josh.
"Barely."
The evening ended, Josh and Justine made their way home. As they undressed, happy to be together again, they chatted about the everyday things that all couples talk about. The drain is slow, call the plumbers. Have you made the house payment? Where is my blue suit? Mundane things that people usually find boring, but those in love find almost as intimate as saying "I love you". They climbed into bed, turning off the lights, moving to hold each other.
"If this weren't such an important recognition for you, I'd say to blow it off and come to Letterman with me."
"I could do that. I would, if you asked me to."
"This is recognition from your country for your artwork. You should go."
"I will, even though my heart will be with you."
"And don't forget your doctor's appointment the day you get back."
"I won't."
"You forget every time."
"I won't forget."
"I'll remind you that day when I meet you at the airport."
"Yes, my love. Now shut up and kiss me."
So he did.

The week passed, both of them working, Justine leaving before Josh, Josh leaving the day before the appearance on the Letterman show. His dad came with him, for old time's sake. Letterman went great, Josh and entourage up early the next morning to catch their noon flight so he could meet Justine at the airport that evening. Jack had come down to Josh's room, and they were having breakfast, the TV on in the background.
"I think the show went well. I can't believe he used the Grobanites for his top 10 list." Josh said.
"That was funny." Jack agreed.
Josh glanced up at the TV as they continued to eat, they were showing something about a plane crash. He glanced away, then back when he heard the flight number, he froze, staring at the screen in disbelief.
"Josh, what is it?" Jack asked.
"Oh, my God!" Josh whispered. Going over to the TV he turned up the sound.
"We repeat, Global flight 257 was shot down over Palestine air space approximately 35 minutes ago, it is not known yet if there were any survivors. We will be bringing you news of this tragic incident as information becomes available."
"Oh, my God!" Josh whispered, sitting heavily on the chair, putting his hands over his face.
"Josh, what is it?" His dad asked again, more urgently.
"That..." His voice breaking, "...that's Justine's flight...her flight from Ivory Coast..."
There was a knock on the door, Jack opened the door, and Brian walked in,"Josh have you seen the news?" He asked, then seeing Josh's face, he knew he had.
"There was a number to call for information, I wrote it down, I'll go call." Brian said, going to the phone in the room.
"I'm sure it'll be alright, son." Jack said, putting his hand on Josh's shoulder. Josh watched the TV, the flight number continuing to flash across the bottom of the screen. Somewhere inside him the thought formed that he should be feeling something, but he couldn't feel anything. He knew his brain should be functioning, he should be trying to find out what had happened, but he couldn't think, he couldn't feel anything. All he could think was that his skin felt too tight for his body. That he couldn't breath. That he was sitting in a room full of oxygen and he was suffocating slowly and surely suffocating with a whole freakin' world of oxygen, he was suffocating. And all he knew was he should feel something, but he couldn't.

 

They had to go to the airport, there was a conference room where they were to meet with a representative of Global. Brian arranged for the limo, and they rushed to the airport, where they were kept waiting.
Josh sat, his soul numb with fear, with uncertainty. His father and Brian sticking close for moral support.
"Dad, I have to tell you something." Josh said to his father, his tone dead, emotionless.
"What is it, Josh?" His dad asked.
"Justine and I got married two months ago when we were in Paris."
"You got married?" His dad asked, stunned.
"Yeah, we just found a judge, and he married us. Justine is pregnant. God, we were so happy when we found out." He stopped talking, his eyes unfocused.
"Josh." His dad prompted, worried.
"We were going to tell everyone when she got back from Ivory Coast." He looked at his father, his eyes filled with despair. "Dad, what am I going to do?"
"Don't give up yet, son. Wait til we know what's happening."
Josh nodded, resting his head on the table. His father patting him comfortingly on the back.
The door opened and the Global rep came in. A middle aged woman, with sympathetic eyes walked into the room. Coming up to them she greeted them.
"Gentlemen, my name is Janet Patrick, I represent Global. Which one of you had the family member on Flight 257?"
"I did, my wife." Josh said.
"Mr. Groban, I'm very sorry..."
Josh saw her mouth moving, he knew she was talking, his head refused to hear the words. When she said the words that pronounced the death sentence on his heart, he couldn't block them out.
"...there were no survivors. If there's anything we can do, anything at all, here's my card. If any...um, remains, or personal effects are recovered you'll be contacted."
Josh looked at the card in his hand, then up at the woman, the tears that had been stinging his eyes began to flow.
"No." He whispered, "Please, no."
"I'm very sorry, Mr. Groban," Miss Patrick whispered, "I'm very sorry."
Brian pulled her away to get further details, leaving Jack alone with his heart-broken son. The knowledge that there was no hope was more than he could bear, stumbling up from the table, he headed for the door, if he could only breath! He didn't make it to the door before his legs wouldn't hold him anymore, and he dropped to his knees, his father holding him as he cried.

 

Josh didn't say a word on the plane ride home, Jack called Lindy from the airplane, and she met them at the airport. She gave Josh a huge hug as tears spilled down her face, but still he stayed silent. They took him home with them, everyone worried to leave him by himself. He didn't eat, he lay in the bed that used to be his, and he didn't sleep. His soul lay in a crushed and broken heap inside him, his heart shattered. Getting up, he wandered around his parents house, looking for something, but not knowing what it was. Finally sitting in the living room, and turning on the TV, keeping the sound down.
Which was where his parents found him the next morning, still awake, totally disoriented.
"Josh, honey, are you okay?" Lindy asked him, her heart breaking for her son.
"Yeah. Brian called about an hour ago." He said.
"He did?" Lindy asked.
"Can you help me plan a funeral, they identified Justine's body."
Overcome, Lindy couldn't respond.
"We'll help you, Josh." His dad said, sitting beside him, patting him on the knee, feeling very old.

The funeral was beautiful, as funerals go, flowers everywhere, show business, and art world people filling the church, the service at the graveside packed to capacity, Josh wore sunglasses the whole time, and didn't say much, he knew he couldn't trust himself to speak. So he sat, his head hung, while tears slid slowly down his face. When the time came, he came forward, throwing a handful of dirt in, and a single white rose, her favorite. People filed past speaking their condolences. He didn't hear any of them. Only his family, Brian, and David knowing how completely incapacitated he was. The gravestone was there, with her name, birth and death dates, and only one line. "Mio coure."
Josh stayed for the reception at the house then excused himself, and went home. She was everywhere, her clothes, her scent, her paintings. Josh went to the kitchen, took out a six pack of beer, and got stinking drunk.

 

Warner Bros. graciously allowed Brian to cancel all of Josh's appearances for a month. The sympathy thread on the boards was one of the longest ever, nearly all 7000+ members posting on it. A tidal wave of sympathy cards poured into Brian's office, and Josh refused to see anyone but family, almost barricading himself in his house. Not eating, not sleeping, only going outside after dark to look at the stars. After two weeks of this, friend and mentor that he was, David came to see Josh.
Opening the door, an unshaven, totally disheveled Josh met him at the door.
"Hi David." He said, walking away from him and leaving the door open.
Taking this as an invitation to enter, David came in. Josh was sitting on the sofa, staring off into space.
"How you doing, Josh?" David asked.
"Oh, I'm great." Josh said sarcastically.
"Yeah." David said.
"Who sent you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Was it my parents, Brian, or Warner Bros.?"
"None of them, I heard you weren't doing too well, so I came to see if you wanted to talk."
"What's to talk about, I loved her, we were married, we were going to have a child, it's all over."
"Josh, this is me."
"I'm sorry, David." He stood, pacing the room. "If I could just breath...I can feel my lungs moving, I know they're working, but I feel like I'm suffocating. People tell me they're sorry, I'm young I'll find someone else. Does anyone REALIZE how incredibly insensitive that is to say to someone who has just lost the love of their life?! I don't want anyone else, I want HER!"Sitting back down, his hands folded in front of him, he looked at his friend. "Did you know she was pregnant?"
"I heard, Josh."
"I went with her on her last appointment, I heard the heartbeat, I saw the ultrasound. I saw my...child." His voice broke.
"Josh,it's okay to grieve, but you can't just let yourself go to pieces like this. Is this how you want to memorialize her? Your child?"
Startled, Josh shook his head, "What?"
"What you make of this life is a memorial to her, is this the memorial you want? To become angry and bitter."
Josh sat down, "You know she lost a fiance before she left South Africa, she was right, when someone is young, you get angry. Why her? Why her, David?"
"There's no answer to that, Josh. You'll only make yourself crazy asking that question."
"Then how do I go on?" He asked, helplessly, his hands open and empty.
"One day at a time."
"What if I can't do it alone?"
"That's why you have friends. Don't make her ashamed to look down on you. Make her proud, Josh."
Sighing heavily, realizing his friend was right,"I'll try, David."
Giving his protege a huge bear hug, David left.

Sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands, Josh looked up at the painting over his mantle. The painting that had started it all, the self-portrait she had done while grieving for the fiance she had lost in South Africa. Standing, he went to it, touching her face, his fingers tracing her lips. Knowing he would never forget the Moonlit Lace.
"I love you, Justine." He whispered to the still portrait, to the closed eyes, to the broken heart. Closing his eyes, covering his face with his hands, he felt the stubble on his face, and knew he had to go on. Somehow, the strength of her memory had to carrry him through. Josh went into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror, he realized he couldn't allow himself to fall apart anymore. He cleaned himself up, put on clean clothes, and went out to face the world again. For Justine.