Lightning strikes, everyone knows it, sometimes it strikes in the same place, or at least close. Who knew it could happen in love. Cheri Moore had come to Hollywood on her 35th birthday. She'd never married, never found anyone that...fit. She lived her life with a quiet grace, expecting from others only what she was willing to give in return. On her 40th birthday, she had been ready to leave Hollywood, in a dead end job, not happy with what she was doing, she'd gone on an interview, and lightning had struck. Ian Phillips, one of the biggest directors in the business was looking for a new personal assistant, they had hit it off immediately, similar creatures. Ian was known as an actors director, he loved his actors, he brought enthusiasm, encouragement and true insight to every project he worked on. When their eyes had met, they knew. After a 5 minute interview basically asking her name and phone number, he'd hired her. They fit like hand and glove, she could almost predict his wishes, Ian had begun work on a screenplay by a fledgling first time writer called "Broken Vow", a musical, a love triangle gone wrong. It needed some work, then development, finally on her 41st birthday, they were ready to begin casting. She and Ian had been dating for a month. Ian was shy with women, Cheri had had to trick him into asking her out, now they were seeing each other, life could not be better. They had their secondary characters, today they would be seeing their first choice for the male lead-the jilted younger man. There was this kid with the big voice, the cute one, that everyone was talking about, Brogan, Grobin, something like that, he was coming in with his manager they would talk, if he looked good, they would set up a screen test next week. Working on her emails, trying to get them down from 50, she didn't notice when the door opened, and two men entered. She didn't notice til the younger man spoke.
"Excuse me?" He said.
Looking up, Cheri found herself looking into the deepest sweetest brown eyes she'd ever seen, his hand held out, he was saying something to her.
"Hi, I'm Josh Groban, here to see Mr. Phillips." Smiling, he took her hand.
Lightning struck!
Like a current running from the contact point of their palms, it travelled in either direction, freezing them to the spot like a real current, helpless in its grip they stared at each other for the several seconds it took to overcome the shock.
Groban! That was the name!
"I'm Cheri Moore, Ian's assistant." Standing, she had to think for a moment, trying to remember which way Ian's office was.
"Ian is waiting for you, this way please." She stepped out from behind the desk, taking them to the door.
Josh found himself admiring her slender form, the baby blue slacks, and the white short sleeved blouse she wore accenting her waifish figure. Her long raven hair pulled up into a banana clip, and her glasses hooked by one ear piece at the neck of her blouse. Long delicate hands, like a porcelain dolls gripped the door knob, letting them all into the office of one of the nicest directors in Hollywood.
"Ian, this is...um,..." Kicking herself mentally, she had forgotten his name.
"Josh Groban." He said, holding out his hand.
Ian stood at his desk, leaning over he shook Josh's hand, "Ian Phillips, how are you Brian, haven't seen you around in a while." He added shaking Brian's hand.
"Not bad, Ian, and yourself?" Brian asked.
"Really well." He said, smiling at Cheri as she handed him a cup of coffee, one sugar, no cream.
Josh found himself unable to take his eyes off this gentle woman, there was something about her, a quiet dignity, an overpowering grace. Looking up, Cheri found his eyes on her, she smiled bashfully, dropping her eyes to look at the script.
They talked business, Josh and Cheri just managing to keep their minds on the business, each casting furtive glances at the other when they thought no one was looking. Only to catch the other's eyes just before looking away. Finding the room really warm, Cheri was glad when the meeting ended, almost forgetting to write down the time for Josh's screen test the next week.
Sitting at her desk after the charming young man and his manager left, Cheri thought to herself, "How did this happen? How COULD this happen? Why now?" Putting her head on her arms she realized she was in real trouble.

 

Screen test, a little of the old goop on the face, lighting, sound, no fancy set-ups, just to see how someone lights up the screen, or doesn't. The female lead not cast yet, Cheri had to read the part with Josh this morning. Feeling a little nervous, and not totally sure why, they'd only met once... Maybe that's all it takes to fall for someone, meeting once. Shaking herself, she looked around to see if anyone had noticed how disturbed she was acting, SHE could see it, could it be so unnoticeable to everyone else? Watching as they lit Josh, then him talking to the camera, Ian having him just tell them a little about himself, how he'd gotten started singing. He looked so calm, so sure of himself. She couldn't take her eyes off the curls, the gentle eyes, the way his mouth gaped a little on the side when he smiled really big. Sighing dreamily, she shook herself again! Ian beckoned her forward, it was time to record the scene, and curse the fates, Ian had chosen one of the most romantic scenes in the screenplay, where Mark, the younger jilted man, comes to Patricia, the older jilted woman, and confesses his love for her. Then they go into the song "Broken Vow".
Stopping at the edge of the non-set, Cheri put a hand to her stomach, trying to calm the butterflies, taking a deep breath and blowing it out, she almost felt like she was going to lose her breakfast on the set. THAT would be REALLY attractive!
Seeing her looking afraid, Ian came up to her.
"What is it, Cheri, amore?" He asked, taking her arm.
"I don't know, I feel...odd about this Ian." She said, feeling like she was going to start crying, looking into his soft and trusting blue eyes, frowning with a troubled heart, she wanted him to tell her she didn't have to do this, they'd find an actress, anyone. But he didn't.
"Oh, my Cheri, you can do this, you're a better actress than half of the starlets in Hollywood, why do you think I always have you test my leading men? If they can't look good next to you, they'll never make it in the picture. You can do this." He leaned over kissing her on the cheek. In his arms, she glanced at Josh, only to see his eyes narrow a bit. Her heart divided, she felt both pleased and disturbed that Josh would feel anger at seeing her in Ian's arms.
Walking over to the set, she took her place, facing Josh, her back to the desk.
"Good morning." She said, helpless in his eyes, god, how could anyone say no to those eyes?
"Good morning, " He whispered back to her, his eyes smiling brighter than his lips. "I'm glad you're reading these lines with me, at least I can kiss someone I know."
Blushing furiously, she dropped her eyes, looking at the floor, momentarily speechless.
"Ready?" Ian called.
Both of them nodding, the guy with the scene marker stepped forward.
"Josh Groban, screen test, take one!" The clacker sounding, Josh stepped forward, taking Cheri in his arms, he kissed her. The pressure of his lips soft, but firm, the grip of his arms gentle,he held her, both of them caught in the current, nearly moaning with the power of it. Stepping back with a gasp not of surprise as the script called for, but with her senses so overwhelmed by the power of the connection, she leaned heavily on the desk behind her, her fingers coming up to her mouth, the tips resting on the warmth he had left behind.
"Why...why did you do that?" She spoke the words of the script, the emotions coming from the moment.
His eyes dropping, one hand on the back of his neck, he looked at her again, the sheer force of the ELECTRICITY passing between them almost visible to the naked eye. Almost breathless with his reaction, he said the words of the script, meaning them with his heart, his body.
"I...I wanted to know." He whispered.
"To know what?" Cheri asked, one tear rolling down her cheek.
"What it would have been like...if I had found you first!" He said, his eyes filling with unshed tears, his soul aching.
The depths of his pain and confusion tearing at her, Cheri sobbed as she dropped her head, tears falling to the floor, hitting the dust, disappearing as if the soul that had shed them had never existed. Her hand to her heart, she turned, barely able to keep her feet, leaning on the desk. He came to her, his body molded to hers, his arms on her arms, his face centimeters from her cheek, close enough for her to smell his scent. Dizzy with his closeness, she sobbed again.
His voice husky with emotion, nearly breaking, he whispered in her ear as he spoke his last line "I don't want to cause you any more pain, I'll go now...I'll leave you alone. We never have to speak of this moment again." He kissed her neck, her jaw. Turning to leave, almost unable to release her, he looked back, his eyes wide with hope as she grabbed his arm, stopping him.
"I don't want you to go,...I need you to love me, I need someone to love me. Please, ...tell me that I can be loved." She begged him, her voice barely audible. "Tell me."
Without words, without thought, he gathered her to him, holding her desperately to him, he claimed her mouth, the portal of breath, life, soul, and at that moment she belonged only to him.
"And cut!" Ian called. "That was beautiful!" He turned to talk to the light man, not seeing the two of them still standing at the desk, an arm around each other.
"You're trembling." Josh whispered to Cheri, his heart aching at her closeness.
"So are you." She answered.
Forcing themselves to look at each other, their eyes met, Cheri's filling with silent tears, blinking, she knew she couldn't let them fall.
His own bright, Josh started to say something to her. Brian stepped up, taking him away, looking over his shoulder at her, he lifted a hand.
Turning back to Ian, Cheri tried to get her mind back on the screen tests, knowing she wouldn't be able to concentrate for the rest of the day, maybe for the rest of the century.

 

Whisked away from the set by Brian, Josh spent the rest of his day fulfilling the obligations of the frenetic pace that Warner had set for him. Smiling through the whole day, speaking from his mouth, looking through his eyes, his mind and heart only able to focus on the face of a raven haired waif named Cheri. How had this happened? Driving toward home, he realized he couldn't face the empty house, taking the E. 29th St. exit, he headed toward his favorite club, East 29th St, and Texas Ave. Pulling up in front, he tossed the keys to the Porsche to Joey, the valet, walking up to the door, the bouncer recognizing one of it's favorite patrons, he unclipped the cable letting Josh enter without challenge. Walking through the throng of people he looked at Miss Pammie, and Miss Cheryl's latest discovery. Another new band, not nearly as good as Rude Interruption, but since they'd been discovered, and Jazz had exitted his life as saucily as she had entered it, they had had to be replaced. Sitting at the bar, staring at his hands as they rested on the counter, he didn't notice Miss Pammie walk up to him. She waited a good ten seconds before leaning over, her chin on one hand, so she was eye level with Josh.
"What's wrong, kiddo?" She asked quietly, seeing the forlorn expression on his face.
Looking up, his eyes sad and weary he looked at his friend, "I'm in love." He whispered in despair.
"That's supposed to be a good thing, isn't it?" Miss Pammie asked.
"She's 19 years older than me."
Miss Pammie grimaced at this tidbit, "Ouch."
"And she's seeing someone else."
Shaking her head in sympathy, Miss Pammie reached down, popping the top off a Heineken, she placed it in front of Josh, "For medicinal purposes. It's on the house."
Chugging for a couple of seconds, he downed a third of the cold brew then sat watching his hands again. Leaving him to his misery for a few minutes, Miss Pammie walked back down the length of the bar, at the other end she spotted a new friend, acting much the same way her friend at the other end was acting.
"You okay, Cheri?" She asked, looking at her friend.
Looking up with tear filled eyes, one word expressed her misery. "No!" She cried.
"What's wrong, honey, did you and Ian have a fight?"
"No." Cheri said, shaking her head. "I'm in love."
This was sounding familiar.
"With Ian, right?" Miss Pammie said, not liking how this was going.
"Yes...no...oh, Pammie, I'm not sure anymore. There's this young man, he did a screen test today, I had to read the lines with him." She looked into Miss Pammie's face, clearly tormented, "There's something there...between us...I almost fainted when his lips touched mine." She whispered.
"What about Ian?"
"I...I don't know, I don't know." She dropped her head on her arms.
"Who is the young man?"
"He's a singer, curly hair, and these really beautiful brown eyes."
"His name wouldn't be Josh, would it?" Miss Pammie asked, seeing where this was going.
"Yes! How did you know?"
"He's nursing a beer at the other end of the bar, he looks about as pitiful as you do."
"Pammie, what am I going to do?"
Miss Pammie looked at her friend for a long time, her arms crossed, leaning on the counter behind her.
"You have to choose."
"I don't know how! I've only been seeing Ian for a month, I don't know him well, personally, yet."
"Then you have to get to know both of them, and make a choice."
"But Josh is NINETEEN years younger than me!" Cheri whispered, the subject clearly very troublesome for her.
"The heart wants what the heart wants, Cheri, you need to go talk to him, and figure it out, before someone gets their heart broken."
"I think it's too late for that."
Shaking her head, putting a hand on Cheri's, "Then you gotta fix it."
"What if I can't?" She looked at her friend, totally miserable.
Leaning very close, her eyes on a level with Cheri's, she whispered, "You gotta try."
Nodding her head, Cheri stood up, she walked down the bar. Josh was on his second beer, looking thoroughly dejected. Her knees shaking, pinching her lips nervously together, her hands trembling with fear, she tapped him on the shoulder. He looked up, surprised, a smile slowly finding his lips, then his eyes, his face lighting up at the realization of her presence, his shoulders straightening, he looked into the eyes of the object of his affections.
"Cheri." He breathed softly.
Pointing to the beers, she shook her head, "You know those will dry out your vocal chords."
A small chuckle, nodding, he motioned to the stool beside him, standing until she had seated herself, then resuming his seat. Always the gentleman.
"I couldn't get you out of my mind all day." He whispered to her, "I know, not the most original of lines, but it's the truth. I couldn't get your face out of my heart."
Looking at her hands as her face turned red, god, what it did to his heart when she blushed!
"I had the same problem." She looked up, into his eyes, nearly losing herself in their depths.
"What are we going to do about this?"
"I don't know, Josh, I don't know."
"You could have dinner with me." He whispered, leaning very close to her.
"I suppose I could." She smiled, shyly.
"Tomorrow night?" He asked, his head tilted to see her eyes, her expression.
"Okay, I'll meet you, where and when?"
"The Tavern, on University?" He suggested.
"I like it there." She smiled.
"Then it's a date."
"What time?"
"Eight oclock?"
"All right, tomorrow at eight."
Before she could escape, he leaned over, his hand slipping through her hair, grasping her neck, he pulled her to him. Their lips met, he savored her sweetness, lingering on her warmth, then let her go, their eyes opening as the kiss ended, Cheri blushing once more. Her fingertips touching her lips, she looked at him, nodding she turned and left. Watching Cheri as she left, Miss Pammie walked down to Josh, his face relaxed and happy now.
"I hope you know what you're doing." She said.
"So do I." Josh said, quietly.
The valet holding the door open for her, Cheri got into her car, pulling up to the stop light half a block from the club, she put her head on the steering wheel shaking uncontrollably.
"Dear god, what am I doing?" She whispered.

 

Cheri had lied to Ian. He had asked her to go to a movie with him, and she had lied. Knowing she was meeting Josh tonight for dinner. She had lied. Looking at herself in the mirror, her hair wet, a towel wrapped around herself, who was this woman in the mirror that stared back at her? What was she doing? How had a few encounters with a boy brought her to this? She had worked with Ian for a year, she knew as much as he was willing to share, she knew why he was being cautious, she knew she cared for him...and then those haunting brown eyes intrude. Remembering the soft spicy scent he wore, the feel of his lips on hers, his hand on her arms, her neck...oh, yeah, that's why she was doing this.
Then why did she feel so...cheap? If this was harmless flirtation, if she had no intention of pursuing this, why had she lied? Why hadn't she told Ian about Josh, about the overpowering attraction she felt for this boy, this young man who had not even been born when she could legally vote? Why hadn't she told Ian how her knees could barely keep her upright when Josh was close? Why hadn't she told Ian that Josh made her tremble like a chihuahua in a Texas ice storm? Looking into the depths of her own eyes, she saw the reason, it was just so hard to put a name to it. How do you label passion?
"Josh." She whispered his name to herself, watching her mouth in the mirror, as she formed the word with her lips. Swallowing hard, she regarded her own face again. How could a man so much younger stay interested in someone so much older? Seeing the fine lines already forming at the corners of her eyes, she contemplated a future with someone so beautiful. She had had her nose done when she was 30, not completely vain, just a little vain, she had used the right cremes, the right make-up, the right sunscreens, all to stay youthful. Picking up the blow dryer, she switched it on, her brush in the other hand, she started working on her hair, what she had always felt was her most beautiful feature. Ian came to her mind, the salt and pepper hair that had once been all black, the blue eyes, the rugged face, which one was the right one? Ian was safety, comfort,...Josh was FIRE! His sweet sincerity, the eyes, the curls, creating a...man(she had to admit it, a YOUNG man, but undeniably a man)that was very difficult to say no to. Going to her closet, the thoughts continuing to torment her as she selected her attire for the evening. She should look nice, but not too sexy, god, sexy...why was she thinking like this? Finally deciding on a pair of black silk slacks, a black silk tank, and the hand beaded jacket her sister had made for her for Christmas, with the matching bag and earrings, a simple pair of flat black sandals, she felt ready. Not too much skin showing, but dressed nicely enough, she hoped.
Driving to The Tavern on University, she almost turned around at every stop light on the way. Stopping in front, she sat for a long time, the valet finally tapping on the window asking if she were staying. Embarassed, she got out, handing him the key, taking the ticket, she went to the door.
The lighting soft, romantic, soft music played, people on the dance floor, at the bar, laughing, talking, dancing. She walked up to the hostess. Her mouth suddenly dry, she almost couldn't speak.
"May I help you?" The hostess asked, smiling, she couldn't have been more than 20, unconsciously sucking in her tummy, Cheri found her voice.
"I'm meeting someone."
"What was the name?"
"Groban."
Checking her list, the hostess smiled at Cheri, "This way." She led her to a very nice secluded table for two, Josh facing the doorway, fiddling nervously with the tableware. Glancing up, he saw her, Cheri watching his eyes to see if he would be distracted by the younger lovely hostess. Once seeing her, his eyes never left her face, his eyes radiating the brilliance of his attraction to her. Dressed in a black suit, black shirt, but no tie, the top button open, the curls softly billowing about his face, he looked so incredibly handsome she gasped, putting one hand to her heart. Surely he would be able to hear how much faster it was beating as she caught her first glimpse of him. Reaching the table, he came forward, hugging her tightly, he kissed her softly on the lips, holding her chair out for her, glancing at the table, a single rose lay across the plate, with a small piece of tulle holding a single chocolate kiss attached to it. Smiling at Josh, she sat, he sat across from her. Lifting the rose she brought it's sweet smelling petals to her face to savor the fragrance, looking at the small card attached, she read to herself.
"A single rose, a single kiss, to seal a perfect night. Josh." Blinking back sudden tears, Cheri was again overpowered by her attraction to this remarkable man(mentally dropping the young, this was a MAN! There was no way around it any longer.)
"Thank you." She whispered.
"You're welcome." He answered, his eyes revealing everything there was in his heart for her, she blushed at the honesty she saw there, Josh having to swallow the lump in his throat when she blushed. "I was afraid you wouldn't come."
"I almost didn't."
"You look...amazingly beautiful!" He breathed, refusing to hear her admission of uncertainty.
"So do you, " Cheri said, glancing away from the intensity of his eyes, blushing again.
"I have to tell you, Cheri, I don't go around romancing women. I'm not like that. And I don't exactly know what happened between us when our hands touched for the first time..."
"You felt it, too?!" Cheri interrupted with amazement.
Josh nodded smiling at the memory, "Yes, it was like electricity..." His hand coming across the table to reach for hers.
"Yes, a current, trapping me..." Cheri's hand finding his, grasping it firmly.
"...in your eyes..." Josh's other hand drawn to hers.
"...for an eternity..." Cheri's hand hungrily seeking the warmth of his.
"...of just a few seconds."
"Oh, Josh, what are you doing to me?" She whispered, helpless in his eyes again.
"Trying to make you mine. How am I doing?" He answered, holding tightly to her hands, his eyes never leaving the sweetness of her face.
"Really well." She said, her voice shaking with emotion. Never in her life had she felt a love so powerful, so overwhelming, drawing her to someone, binding her to his side. Not knowing how she would choose, she gave herself permission to enjoy this evening, and get to know the flame that she the moth was compelled to circle, despite the danger. The evening progressing, she had allowed Josh to order for her, something very few men will attempt anymore. Scooting their chairs next to each other, the distance of the table between them too great to be endured for any longer, they spoke of anything and everything. Josh told her about the whirlwind rise to fame he'd had, she told him about her search for a meaningful place in Hollywood. He told her about his parents, and brother. She told him about her one sister, who made jewelry, and wrote romantic fiction. He told her how lonely it could get on the road. She told him how lonely it could get in a city filled with millions of people, and no one to call your own. Somewhere in the middle of talk, and Chicken Marseilles, Josh fed her a bite of his entree, and leaned over to kiss her. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, the softness of his lips teasing her heart, opening her eyes, she looked at the gentle contemplation on his face.
"What is it?" She asked.
"This has never happened to me before, and I don't want to scare you away, but I have to tell you something." He said, softly, his tone serious.
"It's alright, tell me."
"I love you, Cheri."
A deep breath overtaking her, as if her soul had been waiting for those words before she could be completely alive, she smiled, her eyes filling with unexpected tears.
"I know, I think I knew the moment our eyes met..." She hesitated looking at their clasped hands, how perfectly they fit each other, then back at his face. She swallowed, "I love you, too, Josh, I don't know how, or why, but I do, I just wish I knew what to do about it."
"I know what to do." His words softly spoken, he kissed her again.

 

Reading her body language as they walked to the door of the restaurant, Josh gave his ticket to the valet, and turned to Cheri, taking her ticket from her.
"Take a ride with me." He said, his face hopeful, trying not to push.
"I should go, Josh." Cheri said, shaking her head.
"One hour, just give me one hour, and I'll bring you back. Sooner if you insist." His eyes silently begging, he held his breath.
Looking at the ground, glancing at some non-spot in space over his left shoulder, she considered for a long time, finally meeting his eyes again. Sighing heavily, she nodded her head.
Holding one finger up, she consented. "Just one hour."
Smiling, he held the door open for her, pushing the valet out of the way. Closing the door when she was seated, he all but ran to the drivers side, stopping and shrugging himself straight as his hand touched the door latch. Getting in, he smiled at her again, he just couldn't seem to stop when he was near her. Driving away, he headed for the ocean, a little pier he knew about, where they could stop and watch the moon rise. Holding the rose, touching it's petals to her face every now and then, Cheri continued to smile at him. Somewhere inside, he couldn't believe how he was acting, he'd never been attracted to someone who was taken before. He just couldn't walk away from how he felt, they fit, so perfectly he felt he'd known her his entire life, like she were a piece of himself that had broken away and wandered back to take her place in his life again. Yeah, they fit. Reaching the pier, Josh held the door for her again, then took her hand as they walked to the end of the pier. The half moon rising over the ocean, they leaned over the railing watching the surf crashing below them.
"Can I see you again?" He asked, raising her hand to his lips, kissing it lightly.
"This isn't an easy situation, Josh." She said softly, sadly.
"I know you're seeing Ian, and I don't go after women who are attached,...well, usually I don't..." He stopped looking a little embarassed.
"Oh, Josh!" She hugged him, "This is so difficult, why does it have to be so difficult?"
"So what do we do? I can't stop seeing you, but I don't want to hurt you, what do we do, Cheri?"
"I don't know, Josh! If I had never started seeing Ian...the thing is, I don't really know how if he really cares about me. He never says anything, he barely kisses me. I know he's shy, but...I need more." Pouring her doubts out to him, making her feel better, more focused for the first time since they'd met.
"I'm willing to give more, Cheri." He said taking her in his arms.
"Oh, I know you are, Josh," She sighed, her fingers tracing his cheek.
"What do you need from me, Cheri?" He asked.
"Time."
"How much time?"
"As much as you can, for as long as you can stand it, I have to figure this out."
"Can I still see you?"
"Yes. I don't think I could breath if I couldn't see you."
Laughing, he nodded, "I know what you mean."
"It's time to go back." She said reluctantly.
"I'm a man of my word." He said sadly.
"Yes, you are." She said, blinking back unexpected tears.
Turning, an arm around her, his hand on the small of her back, they walked back to the car. They drove back to the restaurant in silence, simply being in each other's presence enough for now. Walking her to her car, Josh couldn't let her go without one last hug. They held each other for a long time, finally parting with one last kiss. His forehead to hers, he smiled at her.
"This is torture." Cheri said.
"Yes." Josh answered.
Holding him tight once more, just once more, she pulled away from him, the separation a physical ache for them both.
"I'll call you tomorrow." Josh said, closing her door, she rolled the window down so she could touch his hand, not wanting to lose contact with him.
"I'll be waiting."
He turned and walked away, not trusting himself to look back, his body betraying him by turning as he reached his car, she was watching, tears streaming down her face. Lifting a hand in farewell, he got in his car and left.
Putting her head on the steering wheel again, Cheri couldn't stop crying.
"What am I going to do?" She moaned, her heart and mind torn. Starting her car, she headed for home, for what she was sure would be a sleepless night.

 

Startled awake by a dream of Josh so real she could hear his last words whispering in her ears, Cheri sat up, reaching over she slapped the snooze button, laying back in her bed. One arm over her head, one wrapped around a pillow, hugging it to her, she thought of the dream, of being with Josh in her subconscious. Looking at the clock, she realized she'd slept through a lot of the alarm. Rising reluctantly, she got ready for another day on the set. Today, Josh would be reading with potential leading ladies. Three name, 40-50 something actresses would be reading with him today. Fortunately it wasn't a love scene, she didn't have to watch Josh kiss other women. She didn't think she was prepared to endure that, even if the women were closer to her age.
It had been a week since their first date, they'd stolen as many moments as possible since that night. Both of them falling deeper and deeper in love with the other. Not sure why she was so reluctant to break off the relationship with Ian, huh, not even a real relationship, she felt more like a buddy he liked to go to the movies with, or go to dinner with than a girlfriend. Why wouldn't he take the risk? Why wouldn't he reach for her? Josh thought her incredibly desirable, why didn't Ian? Shaking those thoughts out of her mind as she drove to the studio, she pulled onto the lot, taking her usual parking space next to Ian. He was waiting in the office when she walked in.
"Good morning, Cheri, amore." He said, smiling, coming up to her he kissed her on the cheek, like a sister, or an old friend of the family.
"Good morning, Ian," she smiled sadly, thinking to herself, "Why don't you love me?"
"Is everything set for today?" He asked, watching her face as she shuffled through the shooting schedules on her desk.
"Everyone is confirmed, we see Meryl at 10AM, Sigourney at 1PM, and Michelle at 4PM."
"How about Josh?" He asked, again his eyes on her face.
"How about Josh?" She teased, a wistful smile on her face at the thought of him.
Ian laughed, "Is he confirmed?"
"Yes, Ian, he's ours for the entire day, between the test with Meryl and Sigourney he asked me to give him a tour of the studio, we'll get Sigourney shot, then he has a meeting with some fans and will be ready in time for the shoot with Michelle."
"You've been very vocal about all of the ladies we're seeing today, how do you think it's going to go?" He asked leaning on the desk.
"I think you're not going to like any of them with Josh." She said looking at him, leaning on the desk beside him.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. I think you may have to look for a new talent for this one, Ian. Believe me, Josh can carry this movie without a big name for his love interest."
Reaching up to brush a lock of hair out of her face, Ian looked at her for a very long time.
"We'll see." He said, the smile on his face a little mysterious.
Narrowing her eyes at him, she smiled, "What have you got up your sleeve, Ian?"
"You'll just have to wait." An arm around her, he gave her an affectionate hug, like you'd give your favorite dog, then walked to his office. "Call me when Josh gets here."
"No problem," She said, sitting at her desk. Opening the top drawer, reaching deep into the back of the drawer, she felt around, finding the pink tulle by touch. Holding it below desk level, she read the note again, holding the chocolate foil wrapped kiss in her hand. Sighing, she pushed it back into it's protected place. Closing the drawer, she looked over all the schedules, she was still a production assistant, and she had a job to do.

 

The test with Meryl reading Patricia was under way, normally an Oscar caliber actress, Miss Meryl was resoundingly sucking the big one opposite Josh. There was just no chemistry whatsoever! Josh was amazing, Meryl sounded...plastic.
"Why do you think they're involved with each other?" Josh/Mark asked Meryl/Patricia.
"Haven't you seen the way they look in each other's eyes when they think no one is watching?" She asked, her voice going up an octave too high on the question.
Ian was rolling his eyes, just trying to get through the scene so he could call a halt. This was just not working.
Turning away from Meryl, Josh shook his head, a man in denial, "I don't believe you, why do you want to make me believe this?"
"Because it's the truth, you just don't want to see it, you don't want to believe your darling, little wife would betray you. Betray your love, your trust, your heart." She said, right behind him, her tone hard and cold. All wrong, Patricia was supposed to be sad and tired, not angry. Cheri shook her head, sighing softly at how badly this scene was being interpreted.
Turning back to her Josh grabbed her arm, his eyes filled with pain, Cheri could almost hear his heart breaking from where she sat.
"She wouldn't do that...she couldn't..."
"Why not?" The tone still angry, just not working...
"Because she "loves" you?" Meryl said, sarcasm dripping from her every word. Ian looked over at Cheri crossing his eyes, he made a cutting motion across his neck. Looking at the list of actresses, she crossed Meryl off with one stroke.
"Cut!" Ian yelled, walking up to Meryl and Josh, who were talking and smiling.
"Thank you so much for giving us your time, Meryl, dear!" Ian said, kissing her on the cheek.
"Great seeing you again, Ian." Meryl said, she extended her hand to Josh, "Nice meeting you, Josh." She said as she walked away with Ian.
Tilting his head, Josh looked over at Cheri, he raised his eyebrows smiling, she walked over to him her arms folded in front of her, her production clipboard clasped tightly against her chest. Stopping beside him, she glanced up at his eyes.
"Was that just me, or did that scene really blow?" He asked quietly, his eyes focused on the way she looked in pink, the soft glow in her face, the sweet way she looked at him.
Dropping her head, checking to see that Ian and Meryl had left the set, she smiled up at Josh.
"Oh, it blew, but it wasn't your fault!" She snickered, "That was just..."
"Awful!" Josh completed her sentence for her, his hand resting on her arm. The both of them laughing, she moved closer to him, holding her clipboard in front of her to make it look like they were discussing the next screen test.
"Are you ready to show me around this big lot?" He asked her, leaning close, like two conspirators, moving close to her as if he were whispering a secret, he kissed her ear, her cheek.
Blushing, Cheri looked at her clipboard, "We'd better go if we're going to see the sites before it's time for your next reading."
Walking out together, her hand resting on his arm, they smiled, happy in each other's presence. Entering the set from the other side, Ian watched as they walked away, watched as Cheri put her hand on Josh's arm...the way she put her hand on his arm...and then smiled...smiled and blushed. His heart sinking in him, he stared. No. Not his Cheri. No. Please...no. He stood frozen to the spot. Didn't she know how much she meant to him, how much he valued her opinion? Didn't she? Hadn't he told her, made it plain? Dropping his head, he looked at the floor, realization making his heart ache. No, he hadn't. He hadn't. Dear God, he hadn't! Now she looked at Josh with the smiles that should only be his. How had he let this happen?! How could he win her back? He had to try. He couldn't lose her...he loved her.

 

Rolling onto the streets of what looked like the 1920's, Cheri pulled up to a familiar building, reaching behind her, she removed a basket from the back of the golf cart. Smiling and crooking a finger at Josh she beckoned him to follow her up the steps of history. Taking the steps two at a time, he reached her side, his hands on her waist, he kissed her, her full lips soft and sweet on his own.
"Not out here," she smiled at him, leading him into the building.
On the first floor, he found she'd been busy. What used to be the set for a police story, she'd transformed. A table and chairs for dining, candles and flowers already there. An overstuffed sofa, with lots of pillows, beside it, for after dining "conversation", the basket with a picnic lunch. Placing the basket beside the table, she hit a button on a remote, soft, romantic music started playing in the background. Looking into his eyes, she waited for him to come to her. Crossing the distance between them, he took her in his arms.
"Did you do all this?" He asked, kissing her lips, her cheeks, her neck, desperate for more, but able to control himself for now.
"Yes." She answered, kissing him back, their bodies soft against each other, the warmth increasing as the kisses became more desperate, til their lips joined in hungry pleasure, feasting on the tenderness of each other's love.
"All for me?" He asked, his hands on her, making her insane with need for him.
"All for you." She whispered. Her body aching to be with him.
Shaking, he pulled back a little so he could see her face, look at her eyes, god, her eyes!
Licking his lips, he blew out a sigh, "We have to stop, or I won't be able to." He said.
Nodding her understanding, her face softly serious, wishing she didn't have to hold back, wishing they could forget everything but each other, she led him to the table. Making him sit, she lit the candle, then pulled covered dishes out of the basket.
"A little sushi, to start, my love." She said.
"Say it again?" He asked, kissing her hand.
"Sushi?" She teased.
"My love." He sighed.
Drawing her to sit on his lap, he held her, his head resting on her chest. Putting her arms around his neck, Cheri rested her head on his curls, their softness threatening to take all reason from her heart. Her fingers stroking his hair, his hands on her back, the lovers to be held each other making their closeness enough for now. Inside each others heart, they existed, for one perfect moment, feeling all there was to be felt in each others soul. Knowing they would never find an answer to this heat in any other lover. Sadness overcoming them at the same second, tears filled their eyes, clinging to each other, they let the tears fall, til the moment passed, leaving them breathless, and trembling in each others arms. His head lifting, Josh looked into Cheri's eyes.
"Cheri?" His voice quaking, the unspoken question between them, always the gentleman, he couldn't go further, would not go further unless it was in her heart as well.
"Yes." It was all she had to say, all he needed to hear, her breathless consent giving him all the answers he needed, standing, with her in his arms, he took her to the comfort of the sofa, laying her body on it's length, he lay beside her, pulling her body to him. Together, they lifted the sadness, at least for now.

 

Feeling more herself than she ever had in her life, Cheri sighed happily. Could there be a more perfect time, a more perfect place, looking at Josh's face as he slept beside her, nestled in the crook of his arm, she didn't see how her heart could hold anything further. Trembling with joy, she watched the face of her love. Almost as if he could feel her thoughts on him, he sighed in sleep, a smile on his lips. Opening slowly, his eyes found her face, looking at her as if he expected her to disappear like mist in the sunlight, a sweet dream he wasn't to be allowed. But here she was. Smiling at him. Her head propped on his chest. Like a mischievious fairy nymph, holding a secret in her heart that only he could be told.
"Is it time for the dream to end?" He asked, hugging her tightly.
"It doesn't ever have to end. Who says we have to live in reality, this IS Hollywood!" Cheri teased.
Catching a glimpse of his watch as he crushed her in a bear hung, burying his face in her hair, he realized they had to end the dream for now.
"It's 12:30."
"Has the carriage become a pumpkin again?" She said, her voice sad.
"Only for now, be with me tonight, we can keep the dream alive all night." He said, holding her eyes, her heart.
Nodding her consent, her happiness, he kissed her. They got up and dressed, heading back for the set. They walked in together, chuckling softly, talking in the easy way that two who are familiar talk, not having to use a lot of words, their eyes and bodies communicating as much as their words. Sitting in his director's chair, Ian watched them, and knew. Not a violent man, he turned his anger on himself, closing his eyes against the vision of their happiness, he shook his head.
"I should have told you." He whispered, his heart struggling to continue to beat. The day passed, the other two actresses creating worse chemistry with Josh than Meryl had, Ian watched as Josh said good-bye to her, watched as they kept distance between their bodies, their eyes saying all he needed to know.
"Cheri, could I see you for a minute, in the office?" He asked her.
"Of course, Ian." She said, smiling, glancing once over her shoulder to shyly say good-bye with her eyes.
"What did you think of the tests?" He asked, trying to work up the nerve, trying to stall for enough time to be able to come up with the words that would bring her back to him.
"They were dreadful, Ian!" She said, shaking her head, leaning on the desk, looking at him, her arms folded.
"I'd have to agree, absolutely no chemistry."
"None whatsoever!" She laughed.
"Not like his screen test. You were amazing with him." He said, watching her reaction, seeing the nervous way she played with her hair at the memory of it.
She dropped her head, looking at the floor, embarassed, with him!
"I did alright, Ian."
Moving to stand in front of her, he grasped her arms, startled, Cheri put her hands on his chest, keeping distance between them, looking into his eyes. She saw the pain.
"I saw. I saw how he looked at you, but I didn't believe...until today. I know you've been with him, I can see it in the way you smile, the way he touches you with his eyes. I can see it, Cheri!" Speaking from the desperate pain in his eyes, he held her, begging her to tell him it was all in his mind, all an insecure fantasy, the stuff of dreams...
But she couldn't, tears falling from her eyes, she looked at him. "Ian, I'm so sorry, I care for you...I do...you never say anything. You never DO anything. You've never even kissed me. I waited so long, and ...nothing."
Releasing her, he turned to walk to his desk, one hand on it, he leaned on it, feeling the weight of the universe closing in on him. "You're right." He whispered. "I was afraid, afraid of losing you. Too busy protecting my heart to tell you what was in it."
Her heart breaking for him, she cried quietly, one hand over her mouth. "Oh, Ian." She said, her voice breaking with sadness.
Turning he strode to her, desperation in his eyes, grasping her arms again, "Give me another chance, Cheri. Just one last chance to show you how much you mean to me. Please, my beautiful girl?!" He begged, tears in his eyes.
"Ian..." She started, confused and upset.
"Don't say no, not yet, I know you have feelings for him, I know you think you love him, be with him, it will kill me at every thought of you in his arms, his bed, I'll live with it!" Desperation in his voice, he had to make her give him this chance! "Just let me have the chance to prove to you that I love you!"
"Ian, why now?" She had to know, was it only because someone else wanted her?
"Why did I wait? Why did I forget that if you love a woman you have to show her? Why did I wait until I nearly lost you to tell you how much you mean to me?" The fire in his eyes almost palpable, the passion running through him making her head spin in confusion, life had been so much simpler just minutes ago. Pulling her to him, crushing her in an embrace, he brought his lips to hers, "Because I was a fool!" He whispered, his mouth closing on hers. Her senses reeling, her eyes closed, she kissed him back, all that was in his heart there for her to touch, to see. Releasing her, he stepped back, catching herself on the desk, her soul spinning out of control, tears flowing like a river from her heart, she stood and looked at Ian.
His tortured eyes burning into her, he held her face in his hands.
"I love you, Cheri. Be with him. Be with me. Give me the time to make you see. Then choose. Just give me this one chance, please." Brushing her cheek with his lips, he left her. Alone in the office, dizzy, tortured, her legs wouldn't hold her any longer. Dropping to the floor, one hand at her side, to keep her from falling face down, the other covering her face, she wept, building to sobs of despair, her heart in pieces. She looked to the heavens, "What do I do...what do I do?" She whispered. Dropping full length on the floor, she buried her face in her arms, crying her misery to the cold stone.

 

Picking herself up off the office floor, Cheri walked to her car, driving away from the lot, nearly running over the guard at the gate, nearly blinded by tears, she drove, not picking a direction, she just drove. Her heart in torment, her soul in agony, she drove. Not seeing the scenery, unaware of her surroundings, she drove on auto-pilot, til the ringing of her cell phone broke through her mindless flight, jumping at the sound, she nearly drove off the road, pulling into a convenience store parking lot, she stopped the car, reaching for her phone.
"Cheri?" Josh's concerned voice could be heard as she put the phone to her ear. "Cheri? Honey, are you there?"
"Josh?" She said.
"Did you forget?" He asked, laughing softly.
"Oh, Josh!" She sighed, her voice breaking.
"What is it? Are you all right? What's wrong?" Hearing the torment in her voice, hearing the tears of her heart, all of it killing him that she wasn't in his arms, that he wasn't holding her protecting her from her pain.
"Oh, Josh!" Was all she could get out of her mouth. Her head on the steering wheel, tears pouring from her soul, "Oh, Josh!"
Now worried, trying to keep his voice calm, "Where are you, honey? Where are you, I'll come get you. Just tell me where you are."
Looking around, pulling her hair back from her face, she realized she had no idea where she was, causing fresh tears.
"I don't know!" She sobbed into the phone.
Feeling desperation setting in, Josh tried to get her to calm down. "It's okay, honey, can you see any street signs around you?"
"Holleman, and Welsh. I'm in the parking lot." She said.
"Holleman? You're in the valley, what are you doing in the valley?" He asked softly.
"I just drove...I don't know..." Fresh tears spilling, her voice breaking again.
"Just stay there, don't leave! Please! I'll come and get you! Okay? It'll be alright, I promise, just don't leave!" Grabbing his keys, he headed for the garage, keeping her on the phone he started the Porsche. Pulling out, driving a little too fast, he continued to talk to her.
"What happened, honey? Can you tell me?" He asked softly, running a stop sign since there was no one around. Gunning the car a little faster.
"I can't..." Her soft voice said, barely audible.
"It's okay, we can talk about it when I get there!" Racking his brain for something to say, something that wouldn't upset her, hearing the desperation in her voice, he started to sing to her. Starting with Gira, since he knew it was her favorite, he sang half the album to her, urging a little more speed out of his car as he grew closer. Finally at the intersection, he spotted her car at the little convenience store. Breathing a sigh of relief, he pulled in beside her, turning his phone off, he jumped out of his car, tapping on her window. She turned to face him, the phone dropping out of her hand, her eyes filled with tears, and pain. Kneeling beside the car, one hand flat on the window, one hand on his heart, swallowing the lump in his throat, he spoke to her.
"Cheri, open the door...honey, open the door and let me hold you. Please, honey, open the door." He begged her, hoping he had the answers to her torment.
Opening the door, she all but fell into his arms, crying softly as she clung to him. Her body shaking, he held her, stroking her hair, he made soothing sounds, hoping she could calm down long enough to tell him what had happened. Countless heartbeats later, the tears stemmed, the shaking subsiding, he pulled back to look at her face, taking her face in his hands, he brushed away the tears with his thumbs.
"Can you tell me what happened?" He asked, his heart holding her pain.
"Ian knows." She said quietly.
"Oh, my love, I'm so sorry I wasn't there!" He whispered. "I'm so sorry you had to face him alone." Shaking his head, knowing how difficult this must have been for her, he stood, pulling Cheri up with him, she came forward, her arms engulfing his waist, frantic for his warmth, her head on his chest, her ear on his heart, hearing it's steady beat, the steadfast reassurance of his love for her. Closing her eyes, pushing the painful vision of Ian's desperate face out of her mind, she clung to Josh. His arms around her, he held her until she could bear to move again.
"Let's go home." He whispered, kissing the top of her head.
Nodding, she pulled back, turning to walk to his car with him, she put a hand to her head, feeling dizzy. In the second that her vision went gray, she only had time for one last thought, "I never knew I was the kind to faint." Her knees buckling, her body sagging toward the concrete, Josh barely caught her, lifting her insensate form in his arms, he carried her to the Porsche, and took her home.

 

Opening her eyes to soft firelight, Cheri found herself on the sofa in Josh's living room, Josh sitting on the floor beside her, one hand on hers, his head on his arm, sleeping. Looking at his face, she sighed, how had she ever come to deserve such a tender, devoted man in her life? Lifting one hand, she pushed the one stubborn curl off his forehead, her fingertips tracing around his eye, then down his nose, lingering over his lips, she touched their soft warmth. Feeling her touch, Josh sighed, his head lifting, seeing her awake, he smiled.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Did I faint?" She asked, her hand going to her forehead.
Nodding, he held her hand, reaching up with the other hand to brush the hair away from her face, to linger on the feel of her skin. To reassure himself she was allright. She was here.
"Dropped like a rock." He softly teased.
"I'm sorry." She said, blushing.
"Don't ever do that again, you scared me to death." His brow furrowed with the remembered worry.
"I'm sorry, " She said again, putting her hands over her face, the pain of the evening reviving itself in her mind and heart. "That's all I seem to be saying to people I care about." Her voice heavy with her sorrow.
Moving closer, pulling her hands away, refusing to allow her to carry this alone anymore, he made her look at him, made her see the determination in his heart to be with her, to help her, to love her through this, no matter the outcome.
"You don't have to cry anymore, tell me what happened, let me help you, Cheri." He whispered.
Sitting up, she leaned over, putting her arms around him, how could someone so young be so wise? She thought to herself. This giver of compassion, where had he come from, and why did he love her? And how could she ever even consider giving him up? In his arms, the questions of life didn't seem to matter, the problems seemed smaller, the sorrows lighter. How was he capable of this?
"I love you." She whispered to his shoulder, holding tight to the safety of his embrace. Not seeing the relief on his face, the easing of his features, as his eyes closed, and he held her words to his heart. On his knees before her, in the circle of his arms, he knew he would never be able to walk away from this woman without suffering a broken heart.
He sat on the sofa behind her, pulling her onto his lap, they held to each other, her head on his shoulder, he pulled the quilt he had covered her with around them both. Like a protective shield against a cruel world, keeping them from prying eyes, warm in each others arms, he made her talk to him.
"Tell me what happened." He said, his words softly spoken, the request too powerful to be denied, she told him.
"I don't know what to do. I've never had a lot of companions over the years, I never dated a lot, I don't know if men just didn't see anything worthwhile, or they just didn't want to take the time to get to know a gentle soul. This is so..." She looked into his eyes, tears threatening to spill again, "No matter what I do...no matter what choice I make...I'll hurt someone...someone I care about...someone I love." Her head resting on his shoulder again, she closed her eyes.
Swallowing hard, Josh gathered his courage, asking a question he was almost afraid to hear the answer to. "If you had to choose now?"
Lifting her head, she met his eyes, a soft smile on her face, "Could there be any question in your heart? Who am I with? Who came for me? Watched over me? How could I help but love you? You captured me the day we met, I don't think I could have denied you if I had fled that day, if I had run to the farthest parts of this earth. Your heart would have called me back, and I would have returned."
Putting his forehead to hers, he closed his eyes, sighing with relief.
"I love you, Cheri." He said, his lips brushing hers, softly kissing her, the kisses growing more and more desperate, her sorrow, her pain forgotten in the sweetness of his touch, she sighed his name, she sighed her love, in the circle of his arms, the sorrow turned to joy.

 

Rolling over, his arm slipping around her waist, one leg over her leg, the other arm under her head, crooked back around the hand on her shoulder, Josh opened his eyes on the morning sun, just barely awake itself, peeking through the bottom of the shades in his bedroom. Burying his face in her hair, he inhaled her soft scent, some kind of floral fragrance with a hint of Jasmine and Patchouli. Holding her, his thoughts on the day, he felt contentment. Smiling at this, he was amazed at how the addition of one special person can create such a perfect peace in your soul. His life was full, he hadn't been lonely, now, with her here, he couldn't imagine a future without her at the center of it. Was this true love? Was there such a thing? He knew the age difference bothered her, he knew her torment over Ian. He also knew in the deepest parts of his heart, that she loved HIM, she belonged to him so completely their souls beat in time with the other. They would work the problems out, they would be together, he would make it happen, he had to make it happen. Closing his arms around her, he pulled her tighter, she stirred, her hands going to his, she sighed. Rolling over to face him, she smiled sleepily at him. Her eyes to his, he couldn't breath for a moment, the depths of his love for her, seizing his lungs, his heart, this moment, feeling her heartbeat in their closeness, the sweetness of the moment overcoming the needs of his body for just a second. Inhaling her, the next breath all the more precious because it was a moment with her in his arms.
"Good morning." She whispered.
"She speaks." Josh whispered back.
"Shakespearean references so early in the morning, no wonder I can't stand to be away from you." She smiled, happy in his arms.
"And you are fairer than the sun, my love." He said, kissing her softly, their lips meshing, the breath of their lives mingling, leaving them both dizzy with desire. Greeting the sun, their souls joined, they lay in joy, finding peace in the tenderness of each others arms.

**********************************************

Wearing the clothes from the former day, on their way to Cheri's apartment so she could change, she began to feel apprehensive about the day. Josh drove with one hand on the wheel, the other holding her hand. Occassionally lifting it to his lips, smiling mischieviously at her every time he touched it to his mouth. Punching in her code at the security gate, he drove to the front door of her apartment. Getting out, he came around and opened the door for her, an arm around each other, they went to the door of her apartment, handing her keys to Josh she glanced at the front door. Stopping, her stomach tightening into a knot, she didn't want to go on. A note was taped to the door, and at least two dozen roses were left at the foot of the door.
"Back to reality." She sighed sadly, opening the door for her, Josh pulled the note off the door, picking the roses up so she didn't have to. He laid them on the table in the hall, Cheri walked past into the living room. Sitting heavily on the sofa, she put her face in her hands. Wishing he could burn the note, he held it in his right hand, tapping it on his left, contemplating tearing it into a thousand pieces. Dropping her hands to her lap, she looked up at him, her eyes radiating the pain in her soul. Holding one hand out, she waited for him to place the weight of the note on her palm.
"Are you sure you want to read this?" He asked, coming to sit beside her.
She nodded, taking a deep breath, afraid to meet his eyes as he laid the resposibility of it in her hand. It gave her strength to know he was willing to take this for her, to remove it. Pinching her lips together nervously, she opened the envelope, pulling out the paper. Unfolding it, she read, her eyes slowly filling with tears. Not asking her to read it aloud, Josh tilted his head to read it with her.
"My Cheri,
I waited for two hours hoping you would come home, hoping to speak to you, hoping to tell you all that is in my heart for you. I must believe that it isn't too late, that there is still hope. I must believe it or die. Even though my mind knows you're with him, even though it crushes the soul within me, I still love you, my Cheri. I still need you. I dream of a day that you will be in my arms, and I can tell you everything I've been too afraid to tell you before. I beg you, my love, don't let my now repentant cowardice be the death of what could have been. Remember me, come to me, allow me the honor of making you my love.
You are forever in my heart,
Ian"
Crushing the note in her hand, she closed her eyes, laying her head on Josh's shoulder.
"He's never going to let me go." She whispered, despondent.
"We'll make it through this, Cheri, don't give up. You know I love you, don't give up."
"How am I going to work with him, Josh? How do I face him everyday?" She looked at him. "I don't have that kind of strength."
Josh smiled at her, "Yes, you do. I've seen it, you just have to believe in yourself."
"Maybe I should quit?" She said, the thought of facing Ian's pain every day more than she could bear.
"We'll work it out."
"Promise?"
"I promise, we'll work it out."
She nodded, looking at the note in her hand, now crushed like Ian's heart. She didn't see how, but she believed in Josh, even if she couldn't believe in herself.

 

Driving in silence for a while, Josh took Cheri back to the valley to get her car. Standing beside it, she wrapped her arms around Josh in a desperate hug. He held her tight, knowing her heart, wishing he could go with her, wishing he could carry this too heavy burden for her.
"You're stronger than you know, Cheri, believe in yourself, the way I believe in you. If you need me, call me."
"You have interviews today, I can't keep calling you." She said, shaking her head, not wanting to be a burden.
"If you don't call, I'll worry all day, and end up calling you. Call me if you need me, please, honey?"
She nodded, pinching her lips together. Knowing this meant she wouldn't, Josh made her look at him.
"I know what you're thinking, if you NEED me, call! Don't just tell me you will. Please, honey?" He begged.
"Okay."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
"You know if I don't hear from you by noon, I'll be running stop lights, and getting speeding tickets just to get to the studio and make sure you're all right."
She laughed, god, she loved this man! "I promise, I'll call!"
"Okay, you can go to work now." He kissed her, letting her go, opening the door,he held it open, bending down to kiss her once more.
"Parting..." He started.
"...is such sweet sorrow." She finished, her hand leaving his face, her fingers the last to depart the warmth of his skin. He closed the door, and watched as she drove away, getting back in the Porsche, his stomach in a knot, he began worrying. He didn't want to leave her to face this alone, but he had no choice, saying a silent prayer of protection for his love, he went to face his day.

**********************************************
Pulling into her normal space, Cheri sat in the car for a long time, her hands shaking. The man who had once been someone she desired, now someone it was painful to be around. Guilt threatening to overpower rational thought, she wondered what would have happened if Josh had never entered her life. Would Ian have ever professed his affections for her, or would they have danced around each other for years, before she gave up and moved on. Uncertainty in her thoughts, she fearfully walked into the office, sitting quietly at her desk. Putting her purse away, she got up to make coffee, only to see that it was already made, pouring herself a cup, she took it back to her desk, looking over the schedule for the day. She had meetings with set decoration, costume design, and location managers, to finalize all the technical aspects of the picture. They would start shooting next month, everything had to be ready. The door to Ian's office opened, hiding her hands under the desk, so he couldn't see how badly they were shaking, she looked up. Dark circles under his eyes, and an unshaved face, told her volumes, her heart sinking, she almost started crying.
"Good..." She had to pause and clear her throat, "Good morning, Ian." She whispered, avoiding his eyes.
"My Cheri." He shuffled over to the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup. His back to her as he stirred the one sugar in, his eyes closed against his heartache, he spoke to her.
"I was afraid you wouldn't come back."
"We have work to do,..but if you'd rather hire a new assistant...I'd...understand, Ian." She said.
Turning too quickly, sloshing coffee, his eyes wide with pain, his voice sharp, "NO!" He paused, gaining control of himself, "No!" He came over to sit in the chair beside her desk.
"I wanted to talk to you about something, I've been thinking about this since the screentests for the female lead, and I think I have the answer."
"To what, Ian."
"You should play Patricia." He smiled, looking at her face, watching her reaction.
Her eyes wide, startled, caught off guard, she didn't know what to say at first.
"Ian, I'm not an actress!"
"But you could be, I could work with you, you have so much natural talent, Cheri, you would be magnificent in this part!"
Shaking her head, part of her thinking this was just a desperate attempt to have time alone with her, she didn't think it was a good idea.
Reaching over the desk, almost putting his hand over hers, pulling it away, awkwardly unsure of how to be around her now that so much had changed between them, he looked into her eyes.
"Don't say no, yet, think about it for a couple of days, then give me an answer." Dropping his head, both hands in his lap, he whispered, "Talk to HIM about it, then make a decision. Please, just think about it?" His eyes soft, pleading with her.
"I'll think about it, Ian." She nodded, feeling she had to at least do that for him.
His face transforming before her, he smiled, a real smile, almost the way he used to smile at her before the changes. He turned to leave the office, "I've got meetings all day, would you have lunch with me, and go over the schedule for the week?"
She looked uncomfortable, she was supposed to meet Josh for lunch between interviews. Biting her lip, she looked at Ian. Seeing her difficulty, he held up a hand, "It's alright, we can do it this afternoon. When do your meetings end?"
"At three."
"Would 3:30 be alright?"
"Of course."
He left. She put her hands on the desk top, still shaking, the palms sweating, she didn't know how she was going to make it through this day. Just a few more hours and she could see Josh again. She would make it, she would be strong.

 

The hours passed, Cheri meeting Josh at the lunchroom on the set, she didn't have time to leave, and Josh had arranged his schedule so he could see her. Smiling when he saw her enter, he stood, walking to her. Sighing with relief, all her concerns, all her worries lifting the moment she saw his smiling face, Cheri relaxed, he took her in his arms, kissing her lightly on the lips, continuing to hold her as they stood in the midst of the busy lunchroom, cowboys, princesses, spacemen, and the like milling about them, sitting at tables, not really paying attention to the two people who only felt alive when in each others presence. They got lunch, Josh being too much of a gentleman to let her pay, finding a table away from the noisiest part of the room, they sat to talk.
"Are you okay?" Josh asked.
"I am now."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." He said, nodding his head, reaching for her hand.
"Ian dropped a really unusual bomb on me this morning."
"Should I go kick his butt now, or wait til we eat?" Josh teased.
Cheri laughed, shaking her head, "It wasn't a butt-kicking bomb." She looked at Josh, biting her lip, she took a deep breath, "He wants me to play Patricia."
His eyebrows lifting slightly in surprise, Josh thought about it for a moment.
"Hmm, you know, that could be a really good idea." He said.
"It could?" Cheri said, doubt in her voice.
"It would mean you wouldn't have to be alone with Ian while we were filming. I'd be right there, your own personal guardian angel."
"You are that, and I love you for it. Did you know that you give me courage?" She asked, leaning forward, her tone conspiratorial, her confession of the heart.
"Really?" He asked.
Nodding, she continued, "You make me feel like I could do anything."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
"That covers a lot of ground."
"A world of possibilities." She smiled, a wicked smile.
The world of possibilities taking his breath away for just a moment, Josh sighed, "What did you have in mind?"
"How would you like to be with me on the sofa that Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn sat on in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?"?" She smiled.
"I love that movie. It's here?" He asked, returning her smile.
Cheri nodded.
"I have about two hours before I have another interview." Josh said, checking his watch.
"I don't have to be back for my set decoration meeting til 3." Cheri said.
Josh stood, looking at Cheri still sitting, "What are you waiting for woman, let's go!"

 

Putting up a convincing argument, Josh convinced Cheri that taking the part of Patricia was a good idea. Kissing him good-bye at the office, Cheri watched him drive away, rolling down his window, he waved one last time to her as he drove away. Entering the office, Cheri went to her desk, sitting in the chair was an envelope, and a small box. Sighing heavily, she picked them up, her brow furrowed. Open it? Or just give it back? How do you gracefully refuse a gift? Closing her eyes, she opened the card. A watercolor of a sunset on the ocean, a single sailboat, slicing the waters, a pretty script across the top, "Thinking of you..." Inside the card, "...with love. Ian."
Did she dare open the box? No matter what it was, she couldn't accept it, it would only encourage him, make him believe that she could be won. She wasn't made that way, when she gave her heart it was completely, she held nothing back. With Josh, there were no questions any longer. Whatever came their way, came, they would handle it. Together. Taking a deep breath, she opened the box. A pair of diamond earrings sparkled at her from the depths. Putting her elbow on her desk, she leaned her head on it, did men think so little of a woman's heart that they would think it could be bought? Didn't they realize that a woman who could be lured from fidelity with trinkets could be bought by a man who could afford bigger and better ones? Standing, she went to Ian's office door, lightly knocking, she realized he wasn't here. Placing the box in the center of his desk, she turned to leave, nearly colliding with Ian!
Her hand on her chest, she gasped, "You scared me to death! I didn't hear you come in!"
Looking at the box, sadness in his eyes, he looked at her, moving close, his hand touching her hand on the desk, the hand she had placed there to steady herself when he'd startled her. He leaned closer, his face mere inches from hers. Inhaling deeply, his cheek brushing hers, he whispered in her ear.
"Wasn't the gift good enough for you, Cheri?"
Turning, trying to step back from him, he held her hand, moving closer still, his other hand on her waist, he looked at her eyes, frowning, seeing something there she had never seen before, Cheri's eyes grew wide with a touch of fear.
"It wasn't the value of the gift, Ian, it was about appropriateness."
His eyebrows going up, the corners of his mouth moved up. Not a smile, there was nothing in the eyes, feeling herself begin to shake, Cheri stepped back, pulling her hand from Ian's grip.
"I'll be sure to remember that, Cheri-amore."
"Please don't call me that anymore." She said, hugging herself against the strangeness of this man she thought she knew.
"Very well, Cheri. Don't you have a meeting in a few minutes." He turned, dismissing her as he sat in his chair, turning it to face the wall.
Leaving the office, she went to her desk, sitting before she fell. Her hands shaking, she put both elbows on the desk, both hands on her forehead, she shook for a few minutes, feeling threatened, and not really sure why.

 

Filming on Broken Vow was under way, after gentle persuasion by Josh, Cheri decided to go ahead and make her movie debut opposite him as the leading man. Strangeness the watchword for Ian, she had not told Josh of the incident in the office, hoping it would be a one time ocurrence. Trying to give Ian time to return to himself, she gave him a wide berth, avoiding actual physical contact, and alone time as much as possible. Ian had not been so polite, at every opportunity, he would brush his body against her, whisper odd things to her when no one else could hear, it was becoming increasingly difficult not to openly shake when he walked up to her to give her direction. Being professional with everyone else, he took every opportunity to put his hands on her on the set. On her back, on her arm, her shoulder, to touch her face to show Josh how he wanted it done, every touch making her shiver, every strange glance making her curl in on herself a little more. The filming was becoming an endurance contest, who would call it quits first? She didn't know anymore, only Josh was making it worth being here, when it was over, she was going to quit.
Today's shoot was the discovery scene, where Patricia and Mark see their respective spouses dining together in a restaurant, and they sing Broken Vow. The set was lit perfectly, Josh and Cheri entering the restaurant at the same time, Cheri going to the bar, Josh standing at the hostess' station. Waiting for their cues, the scene marker stepped in front of the camera.
"Broken Vow, scene 27, take 2." The clacker sounding, Ian looked at his two actors.
"Playback!" He commanded, the intro to Broken Vow beginning. Josh/Mark standing at the hostess's desk, sees "his" wife, sitting with Cheri's screen husband. His eyes go wide, he sees the way their hands are touching, the way he kisses her hand, he can't believe his eyes, turning he walks to the front of the restaurant, stopping, he leans on the glass, Cheri walking out moments later, after having witnessed the same scene, unaware of each other, they begin to sing.
Josh-Tell me his name, I want to know, the way he looks and where you go.
Cheri-I need to see her face, I need to understand, why you and I came to an end.
Josh-Tell me again, I want to hear, who broke my faith in all these years.
Cheri-Who lays with you at night, while I'm here all alone?
Both-Remembering when I was your own.
Josh-I let you go.
Cheri-I let you fly.
Both-Why do I keep on asking why?
Cheri-I let you go.
Josh-Now that I've found...
Both-a way to keep somehow...more than a broken vow.
Josh-Tell me the words I never said.
Cheri-Show me the tears you never shed.
Josh-Give me the touch, the one you promised to be mine.
Both-Or has it vanished for all time?
Cheri-I let you go.
Josh-I let you fly.
Both-Why do I keep on asking why?
Josh-I let you go.
Cheri-Now that I've found...
Both-a way to keep somehow...more than a broken vow.

Both-I close my eyes, and dream of you and I, and then I realize, there's more to love than only bitterness and lies. I close my eyes.

Turning they see each other, they know each other, they realize who their respective partners are with, they slowly start to walk to each other, continuing the song. They each hold out one hand, reaching for the other as the distance closes between them.

Both-I'd give away my SOUL to hold you once again, and never let those moments end!

Their hands moving closer, tears stream down their faces.

Josh-I let you go!
Cheri-I let you fly!
Both-Now that I know, I'm asking why?
Cheri-(quietly)I let you go.
Josh-(quietly)Now that I've found...
Both-a way to keep...somehow...more than a broken vow.

They fall into each other's arms, for comfort, in total disbelief. Cheri shakes with heart broken sobs, the camera comes in tight on their faces, then cuts back to see them release each other and turn to walk away, Cheri's hand over her eyes, Josh
turning up his jacket collar, hands in his pockets, head down.
"Cut!" Ian yelled, the stage bell sounding the end of the scene. Coming out of his directors chair, Ian came up to them.
"That was super, just super! I just have one little thing I want to redo. When the two of you embrace..." He moves over to Cheri, facing her, he takes her in his arms. "Josh when you embrace her, just reach up, and pull her head down on your shoulder, like that." He demonstrates, as Josh's attention is drawn to Ian's hand on her head, he allows his other hand to drop a little further south. Startled, Cheri shoves him angrily away, shaking she stands facing the two men. Ian's face a mask of stunned confusion, Josh looking puzzled.
Stepping forward, Cheri speaks low. "STOP it! Ian, just stop it!" She walks away, Josh follows, not understanding.
Catching up to her as she's about to exit the set, not sure if she's coming back, he grabs her arm.
"Cheri, what is it?" He asks.
Not turning, she cries real tears, her shaking hand to her face, not wanting him to see, she tries to tell him. Not sure what to say.
Putting his warm, strong arms around her, he forced her to stand still. "Cheri. What is it?"
"He keeps touching me. Just little touches, the kind that make you question if it was intentional or just an accident. I can't DO this anymore, Josh, it's just too hard!"
"What do you mean he's touching you? And how long has it been happening?" Anger building in him, Josh turned to glare at Ian, his eyes narrowed, his teeth clenched tightly.
The tears still coming, she looked at Josh, "Just now, he put his hand on my butt! He's always brushing against me, or leaning over me, anything to get close, he smells my hair, brushes my...(indicating her chest) when he reaches past me to get coffee in the morning...I can't do this anymore, Josh, I shake like a leaf whenever he gets near me! I'm a nervous wreck! I just...I just...I can't do this anymore! I can't!"
"How long has this been happening?" He asked, his voice low.
"Since I refused the earrings." She muttered miserably, her face buried in his right shoulder.
"Cheri! That was a month ago! Why didn't you tell me?"
"I know, I thought he would stop, but it's getting worse, and I can't stand it anymore! I should have told you, I know, I just thought he would stop!"
"I want you to go to your dressing room, I'll be there in a minute."
"What are you going to do?" She asked, her eyes red from crying.
"I'm just going to talk to him, go to your dressing room, and don't come back to the set til I come and get you."
Looking at him, her eyes worried, he smiled for her.
"I'm not going to kill him, at least not yet, now go!"
She turned to go, stopping to look as Josh went up to Ian.
"Ian, we have to talk." Josh started, his voice low, and serious.

 

Cheri walked to her dressing room, not quite sure if she felt relieved or horrified that Josh was going to talk to Ian. Josh was so level headed, she knew he wouldn't so anything rash, just the thought of two men fighting over her was...disconcerting. Almost medieval. What next, aduel? If Ian could learn to keep his hands to himself...she didn't think that was going to be happening, she feared he had crossed a line in his soul somewhere. The kind of line, that once crossed, there was no turning back. That thought made her worry for Josh, maybe she should go and check on the two of them.
"Josh is a grown man, he can take care of himself." She muttered to herself, pacing the floor of her dressing trailer, worried about the outcome of the "talk". She stopped, mid-pace. Realizing what she'd just said to herself. Josh is a man. She didn't think of him as a boy anymore, hadn't for quite a long while as a matter of fact. He's a man, a GROWN man, HER grown man. Forcing herself to sit, she picked up a magazine, trying to will Josh to come to her, she sat back, trying to read about how to prepare a garden for winter in the Martha Stewart magazine.

**********************************************
Facing off with Ian on a corner of the set, Josh confronted him about Cheri.
"Are you seriously trying to tell me to keep my hands off the woman I love?" Ian said, a little louder than Josh would have liked, but refusing to be deterred by mind games, he stepped closer.
"Yes, I'm telling you to keep your hands off Cheri, you're upsetting her." Josh said in a low, calm tone, his eyes never leaving Ian's, he wanted no misunderstandings of what he was saying here.
"I'M, upsetting, HER?!" Ian turned away from Josh, running his hands through his hair, he laughed, ironically.
Turning back, he moved really close to Josh, refusing to be intimidated, Josh stood his ground, leaning in even closer, his eyes narrowed, his jaw set in anger.
"Let's get this straight, BOY!" Ian started, "I love, Cheri, and before you and your curls came along, she was MINE! Now I figure, you'll tire of her in a few months, and dump her. Eventually I'll rebuild the friendship with her, she'll cry on my shoulder, I'll pat her, mutter a few understanding words, and she'll be mine again. It's all part of the game, I just have to wait, and she'll come back to me."
Looking into Ian's eyes in very close quarters, Josh realized the man was unbalanced. He wasn't sure if it was a temporary thing, or something he'd learned over time to conceal. Either way, he knew that Ian was a very real threat to Cheri's safety. A finger in Ian's face, Josh shook his head, pitying this sad man who hadn't a clue how to really care for another human being.
"You need help, man.I won't tell you this again, keep your hands off Cheri, the next time you touch her, I won't be so understanding." Josh said, turning to leave.
A sudden urge of fury overtaking him, Ian grabbed Josh, spinning him back around to face him, surprised, Josh threw out an arm to catch himself, accidentally clipping Ian in the nose with his fist. Bloodied, Ian stumbled back, Josh between him and the men who were running toward the ruckus, Ian smiled triumphantly at Josh. Changing his expression to one of stunned betrayal, he held his bloody hands out to Josh.
"I won't touch her anymore, just don't hit me again!" He yelled as the members of the crew reached them, several of them stepping between the two men, a couple of them grabbing Josh.
"What's going on here?" A security guard asked joining the confusion.
"It was an accident!" Josh protested. No one listening to him.
"Do you want me to call the police, Mr. Phillips?" The security guard asked, eyeing Josh.
Several of the men helped Ian to his feet. Smiling sadly, holding the towel that someone had placed in his hands to his bloody face. "No, no, it's alright, we have a movie to finish, no police." All of the crew looking at Josh as if he were the monster. When all eyes were off of him, Ian grinned wickedly at Josh, making a cutting motion across his throat. Shaking his head, Josh turned to go, a few of the men stepped to detain him.
"It's alright, let him go and cool off." Ian said, as if he were dealing with temperamental child.
His fists clenched at his sides, Josh walked away, headed for Cheri's trailer.

 

Slamming through the door to Cheri's trailer, causing her to toss the magazine she was reading into the air, Josh paced, too outraged to sit. Looking at him, seeing the frustration in his face, Cheri let him pace.
"What happened?" She asked, quietly.
Stopping, both his hands in his pockets, Josh looked into her eyes, leaning on the corner of the sofa, he sighed. One hand on the back of his neck, his legs crossed at the ankles, he peered at the floor shaking his head.
"He made it look like I punched him in the nose, now everyone thinks I'm a psycho!"
"How could he make it look like you punched him, if you didn't punch him?" Cheri asked, moving to stand beside Josh, putting one hand on his arm.
Sighing again, Josh glanced at her, without raising his head.
"Josh...you didn't!"
"It was an accident!" Josh said, flopping on the couch, scrubbing his face with both hands. Cheri sat beside him, leaning back on her lap, he looked at her.
"I talked to him about touching you, Cheri, you should have seen the look in his eyes! I don't want you to be anywhere alone with him ever again. Ever! I mean it, he's off the deep end! This is all some twisted game to him. I'm thinking maybe you should stop being his assistant."
Looking down at him, her fingers playing with the curls that Ian had disparaged so recently, her lips curled into a smile, not a big one, not an amused one, just a smile. That little one that takes over your face when you feel loved and protected. When someone you care for does something a little stupid, but with good intentions, and you just want to give them a big hug and never let go.
"I love you." She whispered at him. Looking up at her, he turned his head to meet her eyes straight on, looking puzzled. Then turned his head back, shaking it.
"I'm not playing, Cheri." He said.
"I know. I love you."
He smiled, "Are you trying to calm me down?"
"No, I'm basking in your male protection."
"This isn't funny, you know that, don't you? He made it look like I attacked him."
"What's he going to do, fire you? I'll walk off if he does, and then he loses his stars, and his assistant, they'd have to delay the picture, the studio would crucify him!"
"He's got something up his sleeve, Cheri, I'm telling you, we have to be careful."
She smiled again, "Then I guess you'll just have to punch him again."
Josh smiled, shaking his head, "It was an accident! I promise!"
"What happened?"
"He grabbed my arm as I walking away, and tried to turn me around. I was already mad, I swung my arm back to get my balance and my fist connected with his nose."
"What did Ian do?"
"Made it look like I'd knocked him down, his nose was all bloody. He was deliberately drawing attention."
"Okay, we'll just have to make sure we never leave the others side."
"That's going to be tough."
"But not impossible."

 

The rest of the afternoon was strained, if not downright surreal. Every time Ian walked up to Josh about three production people went with him, pretending to check lighting, make-up, sound, whatever, prepared to grab Josh if things got out of hand. His face showing the stress, Josh was a trooper, dealing with it all with dignity and grace, ignoring the men, listening attentively to Ian's direction, even if it was idiotic. Hoping to gig him into throwing a real punch, Ian would wait every time til he could say something to Josh that only he could hear. Hoping to make him take a real swing. Then he could have him fired, and hire someone else to take his place. Hoping to remove what he felt was a temporary distraction for Cheri, then he could work on winning her back. He had to believe it was possible, it was, wasn't it?
This was just a harmless flirtation with a younger man, she would come back to him, she would see he was the better choice, wouldn't she? She could see he was the better man, couldn't she? She knew his heart, she knew his soul, his arms, she knew how he felt about her, didn't she? Yes...yes...she knew, she had to. She had to. She...
Watching her character kiss Josh's character in the scene, the last of his sanity slipping away to some dark corner of his soul, he plotted retribution. She would be his again, if he had to rid the world of this curly headed boy baritone. He would do what he had to, to hold Cheri again, to own her soul, he would do it. Gritting his teeth as Josh held HIS woman in his arms, Ian scrubbed a hand across his chin.
"Cut!" He called at the end of the scene, it had been GOOD, damn it! The two of them were so natural together, the on-screen chemistry perfection! This would be an Oscar contender, he could feel it in his bones, the boy baritone would just have to accept his statuette post-humously! Rising from the director's chair, smiling at the naivete of the two who stood before him, he turned to the crew.
"That's a wrap for today, people! See you all bright and early tomorrow!" He nodded to Cheri and Josh, walking off the set, headed for his office, he needed a drink, a BIG one!

 

Rolling over and slapping the annoying alarm clock, hoping to snooze for just five more minutes, Cheri was just starting to drift off to dream land once more, when a hand slid around her waist, shaking her.
"Time to get up, the car will be here in an hour." Josh said sleepily, snuggling close behind her.
"No, I wanna sleep for five more minutes." Cheri muttered, her eyes stubbornly refusing to open.
"We can't be late, you know he's looking for any opening to get rid of me."
"I don't care, it's like working in "No Man's Land", I have post traumatic stress, I need a day off!" She whimpered into her pillow.
"I'll take you to Paris for a week when this is over if you'll just get up now, woman!" He said, kissing her on the ear.
She rolled over in his arms, covering her mouth against morning dragon breath, she smiled behind her fingers, her eyes still closed.
"A week in Paris!" She sighed.
Kissing her cleavage, he smiled against her skin. "Yes, a week, all alone, just the two of us, we'll do anything you want to. If you'll just..(kissing her right collarbone)get...(kissing her left collarbone)up...(kissing her mouth, dragon mouth be damned!)
A little later, and REALLY late now, the two of them hustled to get ready, hair still wet, face scrubbed with no make-up on(they'd do that on the set), Cheri brushed her teeth, Josh stepping out of the shower, she turned the water on to rinse her mouth, as Josh came over standing behind her grabbing his razor to shave. Lathering his face as she lifted her head from the sink to dry her mouth, he leaned around her to see his reflection for the first stroke of the razor, grabbing the mouthwash, she stepped back to allow Josh access to the sink. Half of his face done while Cheri swished the mouthwash around, he stepped back to allow her to expel the minty fresh wash, then forward to rinse his razor, as he finished the other half of his face.
"You have to get a bigger bathroom." He smiled as he rinsed his face and applied after shave.
Sniffing him approvingly, she smiled back, "Why? We have our routine down perfectly, why mess with perfection? You smell good!"
Smiling at the look in her eyes, he shook his head, slipping his arms around her, "We don't have time for that, so stop with the compliments, the car will be here any minute."
"Party pooper!" She sighed, going to finish dressing.
"We're staying at my place tonight! The bathroom is bigger!" He called after her.
"All right, all right!" She called as she pulled on a pair of jeans, and a pair of sneakers.
The doorbell rang. Going to the kitchen, she poured a cup of coffee in a thermos cup with a lid, then went to the living room, she opened the door, the chauffeur was there, as every morning for the last three months, they were two weeks away from the end of the torment, two weeks, and they could go to Paris!
"Morning, Dan, we'll be down in a minute!" She said cheerily to the driver.
"Okay, Miss Cheri," He said, nodding thanks as she handed him the cup of coffee. He turned and went down to wait for them.
Cheri sat on the sofa, leaning back to wait for Josh, she stared at the ceiling. Even with Josh going to the office with her every morning, she still had to steel herself for the encounter in close quarters with Ian. He was becoming increasingly more erratic every day. He was drinking all the time, half the time he slept in the office, he wasn't bathing, which was a REAL treat when he leaned close to give her one of his odd directions that weren't making much sense anymore. Everyone could see it, the crew was asking if she knew what was going on, if he was alright, she didn't know what to tell them anymore. Her pensive mental state apparent on her face, Josh leaned over her from behind the sofa, kissing her upside down.
"What is it?" He asked.
"I'm just glad it's almost over, when we get the call backs, and the voice overs done, I never have to see Ian again. Today, I give two weeks notice, and I'm free." She reached up and grabbed his head, her fingers running through his curly mane, just enjoying the softness. She kissed him, enjoying the softness of his just shaved face. Then she smiled for him, only for him, all that was in her heart, happy for one moment, they were together, and that was enough.
"Ready to go?" Josh asked, smiling.
"Let's do it, Grob-man!" She said, jumping up from the sofa. Only two more weeks.
**********************************************
"What do you mean you're giving me two weeks notice? You CAN'T quit, Cheri! I NEED you, I can't finish the post-production without you, you know that!" Ian exclaimed, his voice a little more shrill than he'd intended, unable to keep the tone of desperation out of it.
"The filming will be over in two weeks, and I'm quitting then! You knew this would happen, Ian, this has been a nightmare, I'm not going to stay here. Not after the way you've behaved." Cheri said, an annoyed and irated expression on her face, she couldn't sugar coat it, she wasn't sure he would let go even now.
"No!" He whispered, "What am I going to do without you?" He held his hands out to her, his eyes bright with unshed tears.
Cheri felt a moment of pity, she didn't want to destroy Ian, she just couldn't take this anymore. Sitting near the door to the offices, Josh held silence, ready to enter the discussion if Ian became "unreasonable". Looking to him for moral support, Josh smiled at his love. His heart to give her strength, she stood her ground.
"I'm sorry, Ian, there are a lot of qualified people on the project who could take my place for the post-production work. Scott Mayers would love the opportunity, and he's ready for the responsibility."
Moving a little too close, a little too quickly, Ian grabbed her arm, it was one of his unwashed days, her nose crinkling in disgust, Cheri tried to pull away, unable to release her arm from the death-grip Ian had on it. She looked to Josh, who opened the door, signaling to the security guard he'd asked to wait outside, just in case. He didn't dare approach Ian alone, it would be Ian's word against theirs. The guard stepped inside, together he and Josh went up to Ian.
"Ian, let her go." Josh said quietly.
"Go away, little man, I'm talking to her right now." Ian whispered, his eyes narrow, looking a little crazed.
"Ian, let her go." Josh said, his tone more than serious, the threat evident in his tone, his eyes narrowed to match Ian's.
The testosterone in the air enough to bring down a charging bull elephant, Cheri tried to pull her arm out of Ian's hand, hoping to avoid an ugly confrontation, not for their sakes, but for Ian's.
"YOU STOLE HER FROM ME! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ian screamed, pushing Cheri away, he launched himself at Josh, taking the both of them to the floor. Both of them getting in some punches, the security guard trying to separate them, Josh looked over at Cheri, who sat holding her arm, blood dripping from a deep cut where she'd gone through the glass door of the award case that Ian had shoved her into. Pushing Ian off him, he hurried to her, squatting beside her, he grabbed a shirt off the chair beside her, wrapping it tightly around the cut, trying to stop the bleeding. Standing he pulled her up, picking her up in his arms, he carried her out the door, yelling at Dan the chauffeur to get the limo started, they had to go to the hospital, NOW! Holding the door for him, he slammed it as Josh settled himself and Cheri in the back.
Watching in stunned silence as the limo sped away, Ian turned back into the office, knowing without a doubt that he'd lost her. He'd lost her, the only woman he had loved with all that he was.

 

Dan sped like a bat out of hell, thinking they would be pulled over any second, occassionally glancing in the back seat, he caught glimpses of Josh's worried face.
"Come on, Cheri, stay awake, talk to me, baby!" He whispered to her, her eyes glazing over, her skin cool and clammy. The red stain of the fluid of her life slowly seeping through the cloth of the shirt, soaking the leg of his jeans, weakening her with every drop that fled her body too rapidly. His hand clamped around the wound, covered with the stickiness, ignoring it, trying to keep her awake, Josh talked constantly.
"Don't do this to me, Cheri, stay awake, come on, talk to me, honey, talk to me."
"I'm tired." She muttered.
"I know you are, baby, just don't go to sleep til we get to the hospital, okay, don't go to sleep, talk to me just a little longer, come on, honey." Stubbornly unshed tears stinging the corners of his eyes, he refused to let her go.
"Are you all right, did he hurt you?" She asked, trying to focus on his face, why was it so hard to focus?
"I'm fine, I'm fine, how are you feeling?" He asked, relieved she seemed coherent.
"I'm cold." She said.
Hearing her, Dan reached over and tossed his chauffeur's jacket back to Josh.
"Thanks, Dan. How much longer?" He asked, pulling the jacket over Cheri, tucking it around her to stop her shivering. His hand still tightly clamped around the wound.
"How much longer til what?" Cheri asked.
"Til we get to the hospital, I wasn't asking you." Josh said, kissing her forehead.
"If we don't get pulled over by the police, about 5 minutes!" Dan said, not taking his eyes off the road, "Yeah, well same to you, fella!" He yelled, as an irate motorist shot a rude gesture at him as he swerved in front of them to make the right exit for the hospital.
"Who is Dan yelling at? Can't you make him be quiet...I'm so tired." Cheri whispered.
"No, Cheri, come on, stay awake! Come on!" He pinched her wounded arm REALLY hard.
"Owwww!" She whined, more alert. "That hurts!"
"I know, I know, honey, I'm sorry, just stay awake a little longer, when the doctor says you can go to sleep, I'll leave you alone." He held her tightly to him, her head on his shoulder, kissing her forehead.
"One more block!" Dan called from the drivers seat, as he swerved onto the street, they could see the hospital. Pulling into the emergency room lane, he swung around the hospital to the back. Pulling up to the door, he jumped out, opening the back door as Josh exploded out of it, carrying Cheri in his arms. Striding through the waiting room, he went straight to the front desk, the nurse looking up, she saw them covered in blood and hustled them straight to a room, calling a doctor as she led them to a bed.
"What happened?" The doctor asked Josh as he examined the wound, blood pouring more freely once Josh released his hold. Ordering typing and cross matching for four units of blood as he waited for Josh to answer.
"Her boss pushed her into a glass door when she gave notice." Josh said, "Will she be alright?" He asked, worried.
"We'll do our best, you'll have to wait outside for now, I'll come get you as soon as she's stable."
"Please help her, I love her." Josh said, grabbing the doctor's arm, their eyes meeting for one second.
Seeing the desperation in his eyes, the doctor nodded his understanding. "I promise you, I'll do my best. Now let us work."
Josh nodded, stepping back, the nurse pushing him out the door with a sad smile. Outside the door, he put one hand on the glass, her eyes closed now, oxygen and IV fluids running into her damaged body, her fate in the hands of God, he turned to sit and wait.

 

Hours later, the worst past, Josh had waited impatiently, but quietly as the doctors had repaired the damage to Cheri's arm. Now in a room, her left arm swathed in bandages, an IV in the other arm, oxygen fed through nasal canulas til her hemoglobin rose to more acceptable levels, he watched her sleep. He watched her breathe in and out, reassured every time her chest rose softly. He watched her sweet face, soft in repose, like a fairy waif, framed by her dark hair on the pillow, the blood lost paleness of her face making his heart ache. How had this happened? How could it have come to this? How could he have LET it come to this? She could have died, his heart wrenching at this thought, he watched her, a silent prayer leaving his thoughts, rising slowly to the heavenly realms that hear even unspoken prayers, and answer. Sitting in the chair beside her bed, positioned so he could see her, positioned so he was between her and the door, just in case, he waited, hoping she would open her eyes. Knowing he wouldn't be able to relax until she did.

**********************************************

Ian stumbled around his office, lighting a candle on Cheri's desk, he drank to her. Straight from the bottle, he guzzled another mouthful, staggering into his office, to sit and stare at the empty desk. Her place. How could he have let this happen? How had he let her slip through his fingers? How had he let himself go so far that he would cause her harm? Not back to himself, but at least not quite mad anymore, the self-loathing threatening to bury him alive, he pondered his insanities of the last few months. What manner of man had he become? Certainly not the gentle man that she had been attracted to. How had he let this happen? He'd called the hospital as her employer, wanting news. She would live, his heart had found relief with that, she had almost lost her arm, they almost had not been able to stop the bleeding. Weeks, if not months of physical therapy ahead of her to regain the use of it, and all his fault. All because he hadn't had the courage to tell her how he felt. All because he had blamed Josh instead of himself. Raising the bottle to his lips, he drank deeply, the alcohol not enough to drown the soul-sick pain he felt at his own madness. Standing he looked at the empty desk, felt it mocking him, finding fury, he sailed the bottle at it, missing the desk, alcohol spilling as it flew, it landed on the floor beneath. Walking around his own desk, Ian slipped on the blood at the base of the cabinet that had almost claimed Cheri's life, hitting his head on the desk, he fell to the floor in an ungracious heap. At Cheri's desk, the burning candle found a better fuel in the spilled acohol that had mingled with it's molten wax. Burning gleefully, it found the trail of the high octane fuel, travelling down the side of the candle, onto the desk top, the flame sped on nimble feet over the edge, down the desk drawer, finding the puddle on the floor. Burning brightly, licking greedily at the chair, finding the half full source of the bottle, the flame crept inside, bursting the bottle, splashing tiny clones of itself on the curtains, the carpet, the ceiling, spreading with the speed of gossip in a small office. Smoke filling the air space quickly, Ian's still form unaware, fate taking justice in it's own hands, without mercy.

 

Two days after the accident, Cheri drifted back to consciousness, rising through clouds of grey fog, then diffused lightness, finally achieving consciousness. Hearing hushed and urgent voices in the hall just outside the door to her room, she lifted her right hand, trying to rub the sleep from her eyes, only to find it attached to an IV. Trying to move her left arm caused instant pain, making her veto that decision instantly. The hushed voices moved closer and she recognized Josh and Brian speaking, Josh's voice sounding very tired.
"No, Brian, I'm not going to hit her with that right away, she needs some recovery time before she has to deal with the shock. It's too much right now."
"Someone has to tell her Josh. It will be better coming from you. She's going to find out sooner or later, do you want her to read it in the papers, or worse see the pictures of what's left of his office on the news?"
"I'll tell her Brian, just not right away. When she's ready."
"When will that be? It's going to be a shock whenever she hears it."
"I understand that, Brian, I'll tell her. Thanks for bringing me some clean clothes, I don't want to be all gamey when she wakes up."
Brian glanced into the room, seeing Cheri awake, he nodded as she waggled her fingers at him.
"I think you're too late." He pointed, smiling. Turning, Josh, with two days of stubble gracing his chin, smiled, lighting his whole face. It was a beautiful smile, filled with love, and relief. Brian put a hand on Josh's shoulder.
"I'll talk to you later." He waved at Cheri and left.
"Thanks, Brian." Josh said to his friend and manager as he walked away.
Walking into Cheri's room, he put the bag Brian had brought on the chair that had been his semi-permanent roost since they had brought Cheri here from surgery. Letting the bed-rail down, he leaned over her, kissing her gently. Sitting beside her, he cradled her damaged arm, taking her hand in his.
"I was afraid you'd never wake up." He sighed with relief.
"How long have I been asleep?" She asked.
"Two days."
"I wondered why you looked so scruffy." She said, smiling.
"I'm sorry, the nurses let me use the shower, but I didn't have a razor." He said, rubbing a hand over the stubble, and grinning at her.
"It's okay, scruffy looks good on you. What was Brian talking to you about?" She asked.
Dropping his head, he sighed, looking back up, he shook his head, absently patting her hand.
"Not now, we'll talk about it tomorrow."
"Josh, what is it?" She asked, feeling apprehensive.
"Not now," He said shaking his head, avoiding her eyes. "I just want to be with you. Now that I know you'll be alright."
"Josh." She said, looking him in the eyes, a no nonsense expression on her face, "Something's happened, what is it, tell me."
Nodding, he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
"The day you were injured, there was a fire in the studio offices. IAN'S...office." He paused, looking at her. "It was completely destroyed." Holding her eyes with his own, he watched as hers widened in stunned silence, he continued, slowly. "Ian was in the office. When it burned down." Stopping for a moment to let this be absorbed, he watched her.
Turning her head away, her eyes looking at the direction of the window, but seeing nothing, her mind a blank, understanding what he'd said, but not wanting to believe. Ian had changed so much in the short time she and Josh had been together, but she would never have wished this on him. Such a waste, such a waste.
"Oh, my God." She whispered.
"I knew this was too much. I knew you weren't ready for this." He whispered, angry that the news had caused her more pain, that even in death Ian still caused problems.
"Tell me all of it." She whispered, her eyes closed.
"The coroner said his blood alcohol levels were pretty high, he must have hit his head, they think he was unconscious when the fire started, the smoke got to him first, he never knew what happened."
"Oh my God." She whispered again, tears rolling out of the corners of her eyes, . Leaning over her, Josh slipped his arms around her, holding her while she cried.

 

Her hospital stay making all of the papers, reporters tried for the entire five days she and Josh were there to get in and exploit the hot topic of another Hollywood triangle gone wrong. Studio execs posted guards 24/7 to allow Cheri time to heal in private, Dan the chauffeur volunteered time on his own, he'd come to like the two of them, so he checked on them at least once a day, and he was one of the only people Josh would allow to stay with Cheri while he had to be away. On her release day, throngs of reporters were stationed at all the exits, even the hospital couldn't figure a way to get her out without being seen. Shaking his head in frustration, Josh finally decided to go out the front door, he had Dan pull the limo up, then rolled Cheri out himself, helping her in while pushing through reporters and saying "No comment!" Til he was blue in the face. Josh had convinced her to stay with him while she needed help. Just a couple of months, til she could take care of herself, so he wouldn't have to worry about her. She had smiled at him and agreed, something in her eyes had him worried, he didn't know what it was.
The studio promoted Ian's first assistant to finish the picture, and they shot strategically around Cheri's limited use of her left arm, and finished the picture. At his house, Josh watched over Cheri like a mother hen, always at her side, always there to help, to hold, to love. She went into rehab to regain full use of her arm, not an easy thing, but Josh was always there to help and encourage. Still, a sadness had crept into her soul, when her eyes met his, she always looked away, a troubled silence in her heart between them. For three months he endured it, giving her time to heal, time to come back to herself. He had tried hundreds of times to get her to talk to him, she always said everything was fine. He knew she loved him, but she was so quiet. He knew things weren't fine, something was very wrong, if only she would talk to him about it. He was young, not an idiot, he had eyes, a heart, he knew she was haunted. He just didn't know how, or why. He didn't know what to do to help, and it was killing him.
Preparing for a benefit for the Los Angeles Children's Hospital, he couldn't stand it anymore, the day of the concert, after rehearsals on the way home in the Porsche, he decided he was going to MAKE her talk to him. And they weren't going to stop til they had things settled. Opening the door to the house, he called out to her.
"Hey, Beautiful, I'm home!"
"I'm in the bedroom." She answered, her voice sounding funny.
As he walked in the door, he saw her suitcases sitting there, packed. He stopped, his heart jumping into his throat, preventing breathing for a few seconds. Unable to take his eyes away from them, he pointed at them. Having to clear his throat before he could trust himself to speak.
"Are you...going back to your apartment?" He asked, his voice a little unsteady.
She walked out of the bathroom, carrying another bag, her left arm still in a sling, he could see she'd been crying. Placing the third bag on the others, she looked into his face. Her expression making his stomach tighten into a knot.
"No, Josh. I'm going home." She said sadly.
"I don't understand." He said, scrubbing his face, trying to get a grip on his thoughts, his emotions, trying to make himself believe it wasn't happening.
"I'm going back to Texas." She said, looking into his eyes, her own filling with tears.
His brain trying to process the information and failing miserably, he stumbled back a few steps, one hand on his forehead. When he could find speech again, it came out as a painful whisper.
"No, Cheri!...No!...Why?"
His gaze too painful to be held for a second longer, she stared at the floor.
"I don't...I don't know how to explain."
Staring at her incredulously, hot tears stinging his eyes, he let them fall, his heart dying in his chest. "You're going to have to try. I...I can't believe this...after everything? After EVERYTHING we've endured? You're going to LEAVE me?!" He whispered, his voice breaking. "I'm sorry, you're going to have to explain, because I just...I just DON'T understand!"
Sitting on the bed, her hands in her lap, she stared at them for a long time, then looked up at him, tears streaming down her face, her heart breaking, she looked into the tear-filled eyes of the one whose heart she was breaking, and knew she had no choice. How had this happened?
"When I met Ian, I was leaving California, I was unhappy here, I let him talk me into staying. I fooled myself into believing I could find something here that would make me happy, would make it worth staying. That if he came to love me, it would be enough. It wasn't." Her voice broke.
Josh knelt on the floor in front of her, sitting back on his heels, he watched her face, trying to understand, trying to believe what he was hearing.
"When I met you, when I touched your hand, I thought I'd found the reason I came here." She shook her head, "Then nothing but problems. We were so busy fighting to stay together, we never stopped to ask if we should. Now the outer problems are gone, but the ones I was battling are still there. I'm unhappy here, Josh, I feel in my heart that I don't belong here, and the only reason I can think of to stay, is that I love...you. You...are the only thing keeping me here."
"Isn't that enough?" Josh asked, his voice breaking along with his heart.
Her right hand coming up to cup his cheek, he grabbed it, holding it, trying to hold her heart here, with him.
"I thought it was," her voice a whispered, gentle sob, "I hoped it was."
"But it's not, is it?" He asked, his words barely audible.
Dropping her eyes, she shook her head, the death blow, she didn't want him anymore? Her tortured tears spilling on their joined hands.
"Are you saying...you don't love me anymore?" He asked, her image wavering through the veil of tears that filled his eyes, flowing from his broken soul.
Leaning toward him, her cheek to his, she whispered in his ear, "I'm saying I don't belong here, Josh, and you're the ONLY thing keeping me from leaving."
His eyes closed against the agony of his heart, he leaned forward crushing her to his chest, both of them gasping at the power of the desperate longing for the other. They held each other and wept.
"You don't have to work in the industry, just stay here with me, travel with me, be with me, I'll take care of you, I'll never let anyone bother you, just please, don't leave me, Cheri, I love you!" His desperation pouring out, he whispered his promises to her, she had to see she could stay, she could be happy with him, she had to see, she had to!
"I would only be staying because you wanted me to. We'd begin to resent each other, then we'd start to argue, and end up hating each other. Is that what you want? I couldn't bear it" She said, her voice shaking, filled with quiet sadness.
He looked at her face, into her eyes, seeing finality.
"Let me go, Josh. Let me go." She begged him.
So that's what it felt like, this is how a broken heart happens, his soul numb, his mind torn, his heart in pieces inside him, he understood.
The door bell rang.
"That's my cab." She said.
Holding her to his heart, one last time, his mouth on hers, their tears mingling, tearing himself from her, he turned, leaning heavily on the dresser, his back to her. He heard her open the door, he heard the driver come in for her luggage, he felt her behind him, knowing she would be gone, and he would be alone again.
"I'll never forget you, Josh." She said, through fresh tears.
"I'll always love you." He said, unable to watch her leave.
And she was gone.

 

It had been a year since Cheri had left him, a lot of work, and a lot of travelling, new projects, new faces, somehow he got through. Six months after she'd left he'd called her, just to hear her voice, just to say hello, I still love you. She'd answered the phone, he couldn't speak. He closed his eyes and just listened to her voice.
"Josh? Is that you?" She'd asked, "Are you alright?"
He couldn't answer, so she kept talking.
"I'm working with handicapped children, I'm really happy. Things are good, if there were any way I could be here and have you in my life, things would be perfect, but you belong out there. And I belong here. I still love you, I still think about you, every day." She started to cry. "I read the website. I know you've been busy. I don't know what else to say. Have a good life, I love you." The line went dead, his heart aching, he whispered, "I still love you, too."
The movie, Broken Vow was released to critical acclaim. The critics loved it, the audiences loved it. Touted as "Ian Phillips last film", movie buffs flocked to it. A year and a half after it all began, Josh found himself at the Academy Awards, preparing to sing "Broken Vow", and nominated for Best Actor. Cheri had also been nominated for Best Actress, but he didn't expect her to attend. He hadn't sung this song in so long, he couldn't. Too painful. Now, Zach was taking his place at the piano, he was waiting backstage, then his name was announced, and for the first time in a long time, he was nervous. Walking to the top of the stairs on the set, the spotlight hit him, the notes of the song began, he looked at the floor, the show must go on. He opened his mouth and began to sing from his heart.
"Tell me his name, I want to know.
The way he looks, and where you go.
I need to see his face, I need to understand,
why you and I came to an end.
Tell me again, I want to hear, who broke my faith
in all these years.
Who lays with you at night, while I'm here all alone,
remembering when I was your own."

Memories of her, her face, her touch, the way their bodies fit together flooded his memory, almost taking his breath away. The floodgates of his memory opened, the remembered ache for her still so strong.

"I let you go, I let you fly.
Why do I keep on asking why?
I let you go, now that I've found a way to keep
somehow, more than a broken vow."

The words of this song bringing her back to his mind, his heart so powerfully he could still smell her perfume, feel her skin on his.

"Tell me the words I never said,
show me the tears you never shed.
Give me the touch, the one you promised to be mine.
Or has it vanished for all time?"

The sadness of their separation coming back to his mind, tears threatening to spill at the love he still felt for her.

"I let you go, I let you fly.
Why do I keep on asking why?
I let you go, now that I've found a way to keep
somehow, more than a broken vow."

He had released her, even though he felt in his heart that she'd wanted to stay with him, that she loved him.

"I close my eyes, and dream of you and I,
and then I realize, there's more to love than only
bitterness and lies, I close my eyes."

Moving down the steps almost to the bottom, singing his heart out, singing to Cheri, wishing she could hear, wishing she would come back to him. Losing himself in the words, he thought only of her.

"I'd give away my SOUL to hold you once again,
and never let those moments end.
I let you go, I let you fly.
Now that I know, I'm asking why?
I let you go, now that I've found a way to keep,
somehow, ...more than a broken vow."

Dropping his head, the song ending, wiping his eyes before anyone could see him overcome with the emotion of the song, he lifted his head, to see a standing ovation, nearly every woman in the audience in tears. Some of the men surreptiously wiping their eyes, hoping the women didn't see. He smiled, waving and bowing, then went back stage. Making his way past the backstage people, the assistants telling him he had about 10 minutes and then he needed to be back in his seat for the final awards. He nodded, walking past. Someone tapped him on the shoulder, turning, his eyes opened wide, in disbelief.
"Do you think there's any way you could give a fool a second chance?" Cheri asked, tears in her eyes, holding back, unsure of how he would answer, how he would react.
Rendered completely speechless, he stared at the face he'd been longing to see again. Moving forward, he crushed her to him, his mouth finding hers, letting his embrace answer her timid question. When he let her go, her eyes in his, she cried on his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." She whispered.
"Stop. Never say that again, we'll work it out." He said, not willing to let her go, his arms tight around her waist.
He held her to him, her head on his shoulder, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath for the first time in a year and a half. He was alive again, his heart had come home, they would make up the rest as they went along.

The End