Virgin in waiting
Rosie, Age 18
from Westland (suburb of Detroit). MI
1. What is your definition of "virginity?" not having full out intercourse until you are married.
2. How is virginity different (or the same) as sexual purity? Virginity is different from sexual purity b/c there are things you can do that would make you still technically a virgin but not sexually pure. An example being that you could have and/or perform oral sex and still be considered a virgin by most people 's standards, but you're definitely not sexually pure.
3. What types of physical intimacy are permissable as a virgin, (or what is too far to go)? I think this all depends on the person's view. but since this is my interview, i'm gonna tell you my view. there are a lot of things that are "permissable" but that doesn't mean that they're beneficial. to be technical, once again, oral sex is "permissable" for you to have and/or perform on someone and still be considered a virgin. masterbation is also "permissable" and you are still considered a virgin after the act of it. but that doesn't mean that masterbating and receiving/performing oral sex is a good thing to do if you're trying to save yourself until marriage. for most people, once you "taste the fruit" you want to finish it and get the full experience b/c it just makes you want more. and also, i do not think that oral sex and/or masterbation are "acceptable" to me (before marriage). that doesn't mean that if i slip up and do either of those things i will consider myself not a virgin, but i don't think they're good things to practice while trying to save myself.
4. What would be a good enough reason for you to give your virginity away? If I were married to the person i was giving it to. My virginity is something that i have had the chance to give up multiple times, and i'm not going to throw it at someone who i don't truly know or love. Even if i thought that i loved someone, i still wouldn't give them my virginity because i figure since i've held out this long i can make it the rest of the way (aka to my wedding night). My virginity is the most special gift that i will ever be able to give to my husband outside of my undying love for him, and whoever i marry will be deserving of that gift, so i want to be able to give it to him.
5a. Is it hard to stay a virgin? (How do you avoid letting it get out of control in a relationship?) Yes, it is hard to stay a virgin. There have been times where I have almost let myself slip b/c of the "heat of the moment" or because i thought that i loved someone. And don't get me wrong, I do want to have sex!!! My horomones are anything but under control! I can't wait for my wedding day so i can share this beautiful thing called sex with my husband ... The only way that I can avoid letting it get out of control in relationships is to set standards of what is "too far" and to let my boyfriend know what those standards are. I know many people have different definitions of what "too far" is, but if i'm letting someone feel me all over, they're probably going to want to keep that feeling going further - and so am i. So i don't let that happen in my relationships. The HARDEST thing is to actually be the one to say "hey, we've got to stop, this is going to end up going somewhere that i/we don't want it to go" if it does indeed start to go too far, but it's something that has to be said. A lot of people may depend on their partners to be the one to say that, but unless you yourself are the one stopping the action, it most likely won't be stopped.
5b. and Why do you believe it's worth the wait? As i said before, my virginity is one of the best gift that i'll ever be able to give my husband, and whoever i marry will be worthy and deserving of this gift (whether or not he can give the gift back to me). Also, i think that when sex becomes a part of the relationship, you're giving a part of yourself away. People often say that they can have sex and not have it affect them emotionally, but I don't believe that. I think that deep down sex creates an emotional attachment to the person that you're having it with, and I only want that sort of attachment to happen between my husband and I. I don't want to be attached to any other man.
6. Do you believe your standards are best for everyone? I do believe that my standards of being a virgin until I'm married are good for everyone, but I also believe that pushing my belief's down their throat is not going to make them change. People know that I am a virgin, it's something that I wear proudly. In certain circles of my friends i'm known as "the one who will be able to hold out" compared to the other girls/guys who are virgins now that those "circles" of friends don't think will be able to make it. Why, I don't know. Maybe it's because of the simple fact that I'm not ashamed of the fact that I'm a virgin. Maybe it's because I'm not just a person who isn't having sex because they don't like it (or the thought of it) ... and maybe it's because I've been tested on the possibility of sex times before, and i've still turned it down (no matter how much i thought that i " loved" the person who wanted to have it with me). But regardless, I believe that people would not be hurt as much in relationships if they stayed virgins; I also believe that people wouldn't be seen as sex objects (in pornography) and people wouldn't be addicted to having sex with so many people if it weren't something that was so easily given ...
7. What are some words of advice for someone who wants to wait? Don't be discouraged my little things. Even if you mess up in the small things, you can still hold out for the big prize. Strive your hardest to stay sexually pure, though. Don't allow yourself to do everything but "sex", keep yourself pure in everything including "sex". If you don't bite at the fruit in the first place, you're not going to wonder what the rest of the fruit tastes like. Remember to set the standards right when the relationship starts. DON'T COMPROMISE! If someone thinks that they can get you to cave in on certain aspects of sexual behavior, they'll keep trying to get you to cave in on all of it. And don't be afraid to say no. If your boyfriend/girlfriend won't continue the relationship if you don't have sex/perform sexual things with them, than they're not really worth it and you can do better.
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