Lisa, Age 27 Chicago, IL

1. What is your definition of "virginity? When most people hear the word "Virginity" they think legalistically of the technical physical state of being in which someone has not yet had penetration sex. I choose to think of it more symbolically, as a title one earns by living a controlled sexual life-trying to keep one's purity by keeping the mind pure and and refraining from all types of sexual contact. I believe virginity is a thing to be treasured, kept, taken pride in and reclaimed after a forgiven past.

2. How is virginity different (or the same) as sexual purity? Sexual purity is a state of mind, something to try and attain, but I think once you have a certain sexual "knowledge" by perverting your mind too much, it is hard to regain. In it's purest form, it is a naivety, and a respect for sex as sacred. You need to have a sexually pure mind to practice virginity.

3. What types of physical intimacy are permissable as a virgin, (or what is too far to go)? I only know my own sense of control, but I think it'd be pretty hard for anyone to pass kissing and not want to keep going. But there are grey areas. You have to be careful, because for example, you can set a "black and white" line to have no touching of certain sexual areas (with the hands), but than you could still be rubbing each others' bodies together and getting too excited. So I think you should make sure to keep yourself out of reclining positions and isolated places. You can keep hugging and kissing pretty creative and exciting.

4. How much have you done physically? I've kissed passionately, cuddled a lot, had the hands wander on parts outside the sexual ones, and slept in the same bed. I regret that the bulk of my physical experiences were pretty meaningless, and I was surprised at how intimate and how much I got attached (in an unhealthy way) to guys just from kissing.

5. What would be a good enough reason for you to give your virginity away? I would have to be on my honeymoon. I want it to be special. I believe the act of sex IS marriage. It is the consumation, the bonding, the making of the two into one, and the gift from God which I only "deserve" after I've given a vow to him. I think also that if you can't control yourself before you've made that vow, than what is to say you will have that control afterwards (in staying faithful)?

6a. Is it hard to stay a virgin? (How do you avoid letting it get out of control in a relationship?) So far, I have to say that it has not been hard, and I'm 27 and a very passionate and sexual person. I think if I did not have my Christian faith to cause me to have such a respect for sex, I would be having A LOT of sex. Most of my relationships with guys have been good friendships, and Fortunately, guys I've been out with have respected my decision to not do more than kissing. I have just begun my first serious relationship in which it has been tested more, but I think it is not a problem because: both of us respect virginity and sex so much that we don't cross the line, want to have our relationship be based on the right things,want to have our marriages start right, and think the honeymoon should be special.

6b. and Why do you believe it's worth the wait? It will get the marriage off to a great start. Marriage already has a lot of hardships and individuals bring different problems with them. Starting off with a trusting sexual relationship will make the sex life better because we'll be able to enter into it feeling pure and trusting of each other. I won't have regret in that area, I will feel so grateful if a guy has waited for me, because it is a gift he has spent a lifetime thinking about giving to only me.

7. Do you believe your standards are best for everyone? I've always been an idealist, and my faith says that this way is the only way it is meant to be, so yes, I know it is best, and I know ANYONE is capable of having the control to start over from whatever point they are at and decide for themselves to take a pure path.

8. What are some words of advice for someone who wants to wait? You have will power, and you have a God who has promised to stand beside you. You be a lot more likely to fall if you are filling your mind with perverted messages from sitcoms, movies, friends, etc. Make sure you talk to people about it. You'd be surprised how many people want to wait and want support, or else they act without realizing the impact of having sex, simply because movies and TV act as if sex is no big deal...but it is!! It will be easier to not be sexually active if you think of sex as a huge deal...as something which should be treated as delicately and as seriously as marriage.

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