VIRGIN
INTERVIEW
FIRST NAME: Marcia
AGE: 25
About you:
What do you do with your time (hobbies, etc)?
hang out at the
beach, read, dance, go out with friends, watch movies
How
often do you date, or how do you feel about dating?
I'm fine with
dating, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just haven't started dating yet. I manage to keep my crushes limited to gay guys, pot heads
and military guys who are leaving in a few months, so I never pursue them.
About
virginity:
1. The word "Virginity" is often associated with negative
connotations. What is YOUR definition of "virginity"?
I think choosing to
remain a virgin is an active choice.
Most people seem to think that it's a product of brain washing. It can't be, it's not a decision that
you passively let others make for you.
If that's what you choose then you have to spend every day reinforcing that
decision and fending off people who will challenge you to make other choices. It's not "I'm a pure virgin flower and I can't think
for myself." It's "I'm a
virgin warrior and I spend every day defending that."
2. How
is this different from "Sexual purity?" Can anyone be sexually
"pure," no matter what their past choices have been?
I think sexual
purity goes beyond whether or not you're a virgin. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean that you're
sexually pure. Virginity can mean
anything from never having vaginal penetration, to no penetration whatsoever,
to no oral sex, to no physical intimacy (which I define as including any close
physical contact that could be described as foreplay). There's a lot to think about. Sexual purity I see as going a step
beyond virginity. Sexual purity
would be keeping yourself out of
the whole sexual playing game.
Knowing what your limits are and not going near them. That's when you start avoiding
pornography, masturbation and all the little gray areas that don't fall under
sex. Sexual purity is a lifestyle,
it is how you choose to live at the moment. So the past and what has been done doesn't matter, what matters are the choices
you are making now.
3. What
types of physical intimacy are permissible for you, or what is going
too far?
Since I've never
dated, physical intimacy is a non-issue for me. It's never come up.
4. Is it
hard to be a virgin? Why do you believe it is worth the wait?
For me, no, I've
had 25 years of practice. For
other people, definitely.
Especially for people in relationships. I believe it is worth waiting because so many people don't
understand the significance of sex.
You should definitely respect your partner and be respected by your
partner. Sex should be safe, not
just with condoms, but emotionally.
You shouldn't feel scared, coerced or rushed into having sex. You should be able to honestly tell
your partner what you are ready for and what you want. You shouldn't feel ashamed, but safe to
express yourself in the most intimate way possible. And most people get pushed into sex before they're
ready for it, whether or not they want to have sex and regardless of whether or
not they enjoy it. That to me, is
tragedy. That takes all the
reasons for having sex out of the sex.
5. Are
you vocal to anyone about your virginity? Why or why not?
I love telling
people I'm a virgin. They get the
best looks of shock and disbelief.
It's the best punch line in the world.
6. Have you been in any relationships that have affected your desire to wait
for marriage? (Do you ever worry if youíll ever get to have sex)?
No. Well, I've babysat and that only makes
me more determined to stay a virgin.
I'm not worried about having sex because if I die a virgin that means
that I've lived my life according to my values and didn't make
compromises. That's worth more
than sex to me.
7. Is there anything that helps you each day with your decision not to have
sex?
Kids. I'm pretty sure they're the best birth
control ever. And I've learned that
the best way for me to deal with lust and temptation is to not take it very
seriously. If you try to avoid
those thoughts you fixate on them and give them more power than they had
originally. I just kind of laugh
and go, "Whatever. That's
really productive. Let's think
about sex now, wheeee!!"
8. How
would you feel if you were on your deathbed and about to die a
virgin?
Proud of myself and
my ability to live by my convictions.
9. Are your standards best for everyone?
How I live my life
is not how I would dictate life to others: no dating, no relationships; that is
a bit strange. But my ideals and
standards for sex are very good ideals and standards. Wait to have sex until you can fully commit yourself to your
partner and until you can feel safe giving that much to them.
10. How do you feel about the way virginity and sexual choices are
represented in television and movies?
Well, the images
used by the media are very unfair.
Virgins are clueless, stupid or self-righteous, or sometimes, all three. "You obviously can't understand a healthy relationship if
you're not having sex."
That's not true. It just
means we value sexual relationships enough to not turn every little fling into
one. That just cheapens it. There's a lot of people in the world,
you have to be very certain when you proclaim your relationship as "the
one."
11. What are some words of advice for someone who wants to wait?
You have to be very
sure about the decision you are making.
This is not something that you will get a lot of support or help
on. Relationships will always be
pushing your boundaries, your body will be pushing your boundaries. The only thing you will have constantly
with you guiding you is your voice saying, "No. I will not do that.
I will not go there." It won't be easy, but it does get easier. Eventually, you just don't think about
it that often. It's like mosquito
bites. If you constantly scratch
them they just get worse, but if you ignore them then they'll go away.