VIRGIN UNTIL MARRIAGE

FIRST NAME: holly
AGE: 28

Q. The word "Virginity" is often associated with negative connotations. What
is YOUR definition of "virginity"?

 

A. To "keep" my body for one man in obedience to my loving Savior.

Keep: to not make available to any others

Q. How is this different from "Sexual purity?" Can anyone be sexually pure, no matter what their past choices have been?

 

A. It is different because you can only really only have one first time. But a new start is available to anyone who chooses to commit to a completely different life style no matter what their past has been. It might involve making new friends, changing where you hang out, and other influences as well. I think it's important to depend on God for the strength to succeed in making those changes because when we try to accomplish them in our own strength we often fail.

Q. What standards/boundaries of physical intimacy were permissible for you before marriage, or what was going too far?

Did this change once you met your husband?

 

A.

a) I had the highest of standards - no kissing / touching, etc. but I failed time and time again. One thing always led to the next and it just kept getting easier to do more. Feeding those sinful desires just made them stronger and even harder to control.

b) It became even more difficult to maintain high standards of purity when I was thinking we would be married soon anyway..."What's a piece of paper anyway?" "We're married in our hearts." It was wrong thinking, and by God's grace we waited until our wedding night, but we moved the wedding date forward several months. We were often feeling convicted in our hearts for pushing the boundaries and we agreed it was the right thing to do.

 

Q.  Were you vocal about your wanting to wait? Why or why not?

 

A. Yes, everyone knew. Especially every guy that was interested in me. The problem is that when you say, "I am a virgin, and I want to stay that way.", many guys see it as a challenge. They try to see how far they can push you to see if you'll go all the way.

If I had it to do over again, it wouldn't be the first thing I would say. I would keep the conversation on a friendship level without getting on the sex topic so quickly.

Q. Was it hard to be a virgin?

 

A. Yes, very hard. Anytime I would let my guard down and not ask for strength from my heavenly Father I would go further than my set boundaries. One thing that helped was a close friend who was also trying to stay pure and often prayed with me. Knowing I wasn't alone in my struggles was a priceless gift.

Q. What were you waiting for?

 

A. I didn't really know exactly. All I knew is that God wants what's best for me and if He asks me to wait then there must be something extraordinary in store if I waited in obedience.

Q. Was your husband a virgin, and how did this affect you and your relationship?

 

A.  No, but he had recommited his life to the Lord and remained pure for more than a year.

It was difficult for me because I had no expectations - nothing to compare to. So for me he was perfect in every way shape and size. I felt insecure - not knowing if I was as "good" as the other girls.

Q.  Was it worth waiting and why?

 

A.  Yes, yes, yes! Our wedding night was...spiritual. I have such a hard time putting into words what even the Bible calls a "mystery". That night two became one. I really heard angels singing - overwhelming emotion. I wept. At that moment I knew God's plan was perfect.

Q. Do you think your standards are best for everyone?

 

A.  I don't believe there is any other standard. So, yes, the same biblical standard applies to everyone. Some people may feel that the standard is unattainable for them, but I truly believe that God will strengthen anyone who asks for His help in keeping their commitment to purity, just as He did for me.

Q. If you believe monogamy is the best design for relationships, how would you explain a defense of monogamy?

 

A.  I do believe monogamy is the best design for relationships, but I don't really know how to answer other than the biblical example from the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were the original match made in heaven. Anything else was introduced after sin entered the world and represents our current fallen state.

Q. How do you feel about the way virginity and/or waiting to have sex is represented in television and movies?

 

A.  I try to stay away from both as much as possible. If you want to be pure, you won't find much support on TV or in movies. Most of what I see on both casts virginity in a negative light. One exception though, was the film, "Kids". It really made sexual promiscuity seem pretty scary.

http://www.cduniverse.com/search/xx/movie/pid/1150862/a/Kids.htm

Q. What would you say to someone who believes you "missed out" on lots of good sex, because you limited yourself to one partner?

 

A.  I don't believe that having multiple partners necessarily means good sex. I don't think the benefits of variety could outweigh all the negative aspects such as wondering who the father is, concern over std's, wondering if the person really loves you, if you're just being used, etc. No matter what anyone says I wouldn't want to go back and do things differently.

 

Q. What are some words of advice for someone who wants to wait?

 

A. Sexual activity is dangerously addictive. It should be treated like an illegal drug.

 If your goal is to not cross that line, then stay as far away from it as you can. Don't try to see how close you can get without crossing it.