Sex
1. The sexual urge which manifests itself in behavior
2. Sexual intercourse
sex'ual rela'tions
1. sexual intercourse; coitus.
2. any sexual activity between individuals.
sex'ual in'tercourse
1. Coitus between humans.
2. Sexual union between humans involving genital contact other than vaginal penetration by the penis.
Sex ed programs, "safer sex" ads, etc. say abstinence is the best option, providing us with the underlying or assumed basic rule: DON’T HAVE SEX.
But what is "sex"? If you don’t want to have "sex," what does that entail? Just how much can you get away with? The generic definition of sex has commonly (and legalistically) been applied to simply mean penetration, which ignores the rest of the sexual possibilities. Logically, many people who accept the more conservative choice to not have "sex" try to get around the rule by doing "everything but [vaginal penetration]."
At first, when I read that sex among teens had gone down, I was glad. But than I read on to discover that instead of having sex, many young people are instead having lots of oral sex. Oral sex, and other variations of sexual relations are on the rise, because these acts still seem to be permissible or just disregarded by the "no sex" rule. Some people are even engaging in acts like anal sex, simply because in their mind it isn’t technically "sex" and they are technically still virgins.
I think that we should be using the word "sex" interchangeably with "sexual intercourse", or "sexual relations". With the focus on only avoiding "penetration" sex, we are sidestepping a lot of other problem areas. People are now taking oral or anal sex way too lightly, thinking there aren’t consequences equal to "real" sex; and not realizing the risks of these acts.
In U.S. News and World Report, an article discussed the rise of irresponsible sexual behavior, because of the "everything but" rule: "’Kids come in thinking they have strep,’ says Marla Kushner, a physician who runs a school-based adolescent health clinic in Chicago. When they find out they actually have gonorrhea of the throat, she says ‘They’re grossed out-they have no idea that these sorts of things exist.’" (May 2002, p. 45)
What is the reason you are considering or deciding to not have "sex?" It may be a safety issue, because you want to prevent STD’s and pregnancy, or it may be a moral issue, because you believe sex is sacred and should ideally be engaged in only within the context of a covenant relationship. Even if it is a safety issue, there are still real risks with any sexual behaviors.
The final act of penetration is not the only sexual behavior which involves emotions. Any sexual relations, including oral sex should be taken seriously because you form an emotional and spiritual bond with the other person, one which is hard to remove yourself from, or leave behind when the relationship is over…and let’s face it, how many relationships before age 18 or 21 really last?
The focus should not be on a technicality of what "sex" is and what we can get away with, but on the idea of what we are aiming for. If refraining from "sex" is a moral issue for, than we should be considering the moral principle first. The idea of "chastity" is to strive for purity and keep sex special, or sacred. Virginity is not a technical physical entity, but a lifestyle which involves a mindset. Purity does not mean see how much you can get away with without committing the immortal sin, but to hold yourself to a high standard, strive for the ideal, which is to refrain from sexual relations.
chas·ti·ty n.
1. The condition or quality of being pure or chaste.
2.a. Virginity.
b. Virtuous character.
c. Celibacy.
