DUNCAN (V.O.)
So... We're back.
INT. GOLD MINE - EARLY MORNING
With sleep still in his eyes, DUNCAN unlocks the front door of the shop and meanders in. In the darkness there is rustling about, bodies scatter. DUNCAN turns on the lights. ANDREW stands alone, wearing only boxers. His lips also appear to be colored a lime green.
ANDREW
(Incredibly nervous)
Hey dude! Whats up?
DUNCAN stands a few feet away from ANDREW, emotionless.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
Sometimes it is too early in the day
to comprehend certain things.
INT. GOLD MINE - LATER
DUNCAN now stands behind the register with ANDREW, still only in boxers. DUNCAN finishes helping a customer and then turns his attention to ANDREW.
DUNCAN
Why aren't you working?
ANDREW
I was thinking I should put on a shirt or something.
DUNCAN
Stop thinking.
FRIZZO
Show us the G-Spot!
FRIZZO comes in to the picture tailed by a tired NASH. FRIZZO gives ANDREW an appreciative nod.
NASH
Don't change the subject.
FRIZZO slaps ANDREW'S ass.
FRIZZO
You could build a house with those.
NASH
Tight?
FRIZZO
Almost too tight.
NASH
I'm buying a lock now, I hope you know.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
Nash and Frizzo's living arrangement was going
great except for one small problem.
INT. NASH'S BEDROOM - LATE NIGHT
NASH instinctively sits up in bed after hearing a noise. Suddenly a naked man wearing a Spider-Man mask jumps on to the bed screaming wildly, slapping NASH.
INT. GOLD MINE
FRIZZO laughs to himself.
FRIZZO
Was I really naked? I don't remember most
of last night.
(To ANDREW)
By the way, that shade of green really brings
out the color of your eyes.
NASH
Where is she?
FRIZZO
The crazy one quit, I think.
NASH
No, not that one--
In through the door comes FRANCHILA, for no apparent reason wearing roller blades. He slips as he comes through the door and falls on his face. As he slowly makes his way to his feet, all stare at him perplexed.
FRANCHILA
(Grunts)
Guess who's opening a new drive-thru
restaurant?
NASH
I heard Scott Baio was opening a place.
DUNCAN
Really? I thought he was in prison.
NASH
No, that's Luke Perry.
FRIZZO
Didn't he pistol-whip a dude?
FRANCHILA
Me! I'm opening a restaurant!
NASH
Why does my head hurt right now?
FRANCHILA
You're horrible, all of you.
ANDREW
Why am I horrible?
FRANCHILA
Andy, I love you. I meant them.
ANDREW
Oh, okay.
FRANCHILA
That shade of green really brings out
the color of your eyes.
ANDREW and FRANCHILA stare at each other for a time. CIARA bursts through the door, only glancing at DUNCAN as she passes by.
NASH
(To DUNCAN)
She gave you the look. You're in.
FRIZZO
She wants you to be inside her.
FRANCHILA
She's a lesbo.
DUNCAN
What?
FRANCHILA
Carpet muncher.
(Beat)
See you later.
FRANCHILA trips his way out the door.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
I feel as though I've entered the Twilight Zone.
SOUNDTRACK: Field Music - You're Not Supposed To
INT. GOLD MINE - LATER
NASH sits with FRIZZO behind the register, looking bored.
NASH
Being British would be fun.
FRIZZO
Maybe. But that's sort of like punching God.
You'd regret it later. When you die.
NASH
What?
MAN
Excuse me?
NASH
(Yells)
WHAT?!
A MAN is a suit stands waiting for assistance.
MAN
Where's Ciara?
NASH
Who's asking?
FRIZZO
He looks like a fed. Strip-search him.
MAN
Her boyfriend.
NASH and FRIZZO over-dramatically gasp.
EXT. ALLEY
DUNCAN throws a bag of trash in to the garbage and sighs.
CIARA
Ahh.... Is Duncan sad?
DUNCAN
(Half-smiles)
A little.
CIARA
Why exactly are you doing the grunt work?
DUNCAN
My employees don't listen to me.
CIARA
Sure they do.
DUNCAN
You don't.
CIARA
I'm doing inventory so...
DUNCAN
You've been in the back all day, are you avoiding me?
CIARA
Someone, not you.
Loud yelling can be heard inside.
DUNCAN
Fantastic.
INT. GOLD MINE
NASH is now attempting to wrestle the MAN from before. FRIZZO is playing cheerleader behind the desk.
FRIZZO
Give him a stunner!
The MAN tosses NASH aside, banging his head in to the door. FRIZZO'S face turns red.
FRIZZO
It is so ON!
FRIZZO rips off his T-shirt and throws it at ANDREW who is watching on.
CIARA
What are you doing?
CIARA runs to the MAN'S side.
MAN
He attacked me!
NASH
(Breathing hard)
I did, sort of.
DUNCAN
Who is that?
FRIZZO
Her boyfriend!
ANDREW faints.
NASH
Is he okay?
FRIZZO
He hasn't slept since we left.
DUNCAN
(To CIARA)
Why didn't you tell me about this?
CIARA
We broke up!
DUNCAN
We were never together!
CIARA
Him, you idiot!
NASH
(points at himself)
Me?
FRIZZO
Me?
CIARA
(Points at the MAN)
Him!
NASH
Ohhh...
MAN
Whatever, bitch. I'm rollin'.
DUNCAN turns to the MAN, winds up, and gives him one good punch. As the MAN woozily tries to stay on his feet, FRIZZO opens the door and watches him fall to the outside pavement.
CIARA
Can I work now?
DUNCAN
Yeah, sure.
CIARA leaves the three alone. She walks over the fallen ANDREW.
NASH
We should probably get him to the hospital.
FRIZZO
Shotgun!
DUNCAN (V.O.)
Some things never end up how you expect
them to.
SOUNDTRACK: The Raconteurs - Yellow Sun
EXT. OUTSIDE THE GOLD MINE - NIGHT
CIARA exits the GOLD MINE behind DUNCAN. As DUNCAN locks the door, CIARA begins walking away from DUNCAN.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
And some things need a little more work
than you expect. But if you put the effort forward...
DUNCAN
(To CIARA)
Hungry?
CIARA
Is that some sort of sexual advance?
DUNCAN
Well?
CIARA
Sure.
DUNCAN and CIARA start down the road, this time walking together.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
At least you're in the game.