AN OVERHEAD SHOT OF THE GOLD MINE
DUNCAN (V.O.)
Lots has changed since you heard
from us, three months ago.
INT. THE GOLD MINE
"Gold Mine Gutted" by Bright Eyes plays as we zero in on
DUNCAN standing behind the cash register with a blank look on
his face. We gradually pull out from his face to see what is
taking place in front of him.
NASH is laying on the counter, staring at the ceiling.
FRANCHILLA and FRIZZO are battling one another with toy light
sabers.
CIARA walks up to DUNCAN with a question about a compact
disc, but DUNCAN's trance won't allow him to pay attention.
ANDREW is in a full Indian outfit, shooting flaming arrows at
random things.
The camera zooms in at a fast pace to DUNCAN.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
I lied. Unfortunately, nothing has
changed.
CUT TO:
INT. THE GOLD MINE - LATER
DUNCAN and CIARA are organizing cds together. Every now and
then they flash flirtatious glances at each other.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
Ciara and I were going on two
months now.
I had a special dinner planned for
her that Nash was helping me
organize.
CUT TO:
INT. CHUCKY CHEESE - THE DAY BEFORE
NASH stands at the counter with a huge rat mascot attending
to him.
NASH
My brother gave me five hundred
dollars. What kind of party can I
throw with that kind of green?
BACK TO:
INT. THE GOLD MINE
DUNCAN (V.O.)
Nothing was going to ruin my day.
MAMA GOLD walks into the store. She's still wearing her
pajamas and is holding a glass of wine.
DUNCAN (V.O.) (cont'd)
Oh, for fuck's sake.
MAMA
Guess who called me this morning?
DUNCAN
Do I have to play?
MAMA
The cops, Duncan. They told me that
people are getting shot by
paintballs on the street. The
paintballs are coming from your
roof.
Right as she finishes this sentence, ANDREW, FRIZZO, and NASH
enter the room wearing paintball gear. They notice MAMA and
quickly turn around.
DUNCAN
That's crazy. I don't know what the
cops are talking about.
FRANCHILLA enters the store wearing a suit with splashes of
red, green, and yellow paint. He looks pissed off.
FRANCHILLA
Frizzo is going to be paying for
this suit!
MAMA gives DUNCAN an "I told you" look.
DUNCAN
Okay, I'll handle this.
MAMA
Oh no, I'm sick of you 'handling'
things. I'm taking this one. I'm
tired of this place being so gosh
damn chaotic.
DUNCAN
Well disciplinarian, what do you
suggest?
MAMA
A lock in.
DUNCAN
Nope. Not gonna happen.
MAMA
C'mon, lock ins can be fun. I lost
my virginity at one.
DUNCAN
Really, not something I'm
interested in.
MAMA
Would you be interested if I told
you it was with a woman?
DUNCAN hunches over, holding his mouth to contain vomit from
spilling out. He recollects himself.
DUNCAN
That's lovely. Bottom line is, it's
not happening.
MAMA pats him on the head.
MAMA
So cute, you say that like you have
a choice.
(beat)
Now, you better cancel all your
plans.
She walks out of the store.
DUNCAN (V.O.)
Instead of a romantic dinner, Ciara
and I will be spending a night
hearing Frizzo making his farts
sound like Bon Jovi songs.
CUT TO:
INT. THE GOLD MINE - LOCK IN
The group sits in a circle looking bored, except NASH isn't
there.
DUNCAN
You know this is your fault too
Nash, the least you can do is sit
with us.
A noise comes out of a giant tent in the corner of the room.
NASH
Fuck you guys, I'm not giving up my
tent.
FRIZZO
I can't believe you won't share
with me. I let you live at my
house.
NASH
Because you'll just pee in it.
FRIZZO giggles and turns to the rest of the group.
FRIZZO
He's right.
(turning more serious)
It doesn't matter, Andrew's my new
friend.
FRIZZO pats ANDREW on the shoulder but he is not paying
attention. ANDREW is giving FRANCHILLA a menacing glare.
FRANCHILLA hides behind CIARA.
FRANCHILLA
I want to go home.
CIARA slaps FRANCHILLA's hand away from her shoulder. She
grunts angrily and takes DUNCAN's hand. They head towards
FRANCHILLA's office.
FRANCHILLA (cont'd)
Don't leave me with him.
CIARA
We're sleeping in your office.
FRANCHILLA looks at ANDREW who licks his lips.
CUT TO:
INT. THE GOLD MINE - THREE HOURS LATER
INSIDE NASH'S TENT
NASH lays there sleeping with his mouth wide open. FRIZZO and
ANDREW stand over him considering something diabolical.
FRIZZO
Dude...I'm putting my dick in his
mouth.
ANDREW
That's gross, man.
FRIZZO
Just look at his mouth. He's effin
asking for it.
ANDREW
I can't be apart of this.
FRIZZO
If you want to be my friend, you
will.
CUT TO:
INT. THE GOLD MINE - FRANCHILLA'S OFFICE
DUNCAN and CIARA stare at the ceiling.
DUNCAN
I'm sorry about tonight.
CIARA
Nah, there will be other
anniversaries.
DUNCAN
Really?!
CIARA
Hopefully. Plus, tonight hasn't
been that bad.
NASH (O.S.)
You're fucking sick, Frizzo!
FRIZZO (O.S.)
Lick my sack, douchenozzle!
NASH (O.S.)
I already had my teeth scrape the
shaft. What more do you want?
DUNCAN
Nah, it's been awesome. Just
awesome.
CIARA starts unbuttoning her jeans.
DUNCAN (cont'd)
What are you doing?
CIARA
I'm taking my pants off. It's hard
to have sex with them on.
DUNCAN
We're going to have sex.
CIARA
That's why I brought you in here.
DUNCAN
But...
DUNCAN points at the office window. The other four men are
outside of it, just staring.
CIARA buttons her pants back up.
CIARA
Good point. Maybe next time.
FADE TO:
INT. THE GOLD MINE - THE NEXT DAY
We pan across the floor where a foot is walking over a mess
on the floor. This is MAMA. She looks inside the tent and
sees the four men all cuddled with each other, even
FRANCHILLA. DUNCAN comes sneaking up behind her.
DUNCAN
You were right.
MAMA
Mama's always right.
DUNCAN
Wait for it...
MAMA
Huh?
NASH (O.S.)
Someone peed!
FRIZZO
Ganoosh!!
DUNCAN nods and smiles to MAMA.
DUNCAN
That's more like it.
FADE TO BLACK.