14-22april2002.page

14-22 APRIL

THIS WEEK: UNIVERSITY AND THE KNOCK ON EFFECTS

Ah, higher education. Like swinging, breathing and buying Pop Idol records, it seems everyone is doing it. I remember (well, not really but I�ve been told by my parents) that years and years ago (when the �olds� were our age) when people were very lucky individuals indeed to get the chance to study at university. Well bully fucking rah for them. To be perfectly honest with you (and I will be) I don�t think anyone (anyone) is lucky to go to university nowadays. In fact, I would go far as to say that those who go to university now are unlucky. Yes, you heard me right, damn it. Unlucky, as in unfortunate. But why, Pete? What about the fantastic social life and carefree atmosphere you indulged in when you were at university? Well�I�m afraid my university days were not like that at all. Yes, all of it � the boozy nights out, the shagging, the missing lectures because your head feels like it was hit by a huge golden brick wrapped round a slice of lemon � all of it was lies.

Above: Stereotypical students

In fact, I think I�m going to sue those bastards who visit secondary school and college sixth forms and sell university life to impressionable students. They really made it sound good, you know � �yeah there�s work, but the Students Union is probably where you�ll hang out most of the time� � er, yeah. Whatever, Mr Student Toss Wit. Piss of back under that stone you crawled out from and get back to sucking the vice-chancellor�s cock. Jesus�Anyway, I digress. The knock on effects from university�oh yes. Apart from being bombarded with fees for tuition, accommodation and general living expenses

(which, you know, is fine � but not when you have to live in scummy student places), as well as the ever pervading, omnipresent stereotype that university sorts get labelled with (you know, a love of �indie� bands, snakebite and black in the SU, lazing round in your pants � a frighteningly accurate portrayal) there is also the fact that university will not leave you alone even after you�ve left. No � your parents (doubtless pleased as punch they put you through this three years of utter misery) will, no doubt, display your hard earned (cough) degree above the fireplace. Where, frankly, the best thing that can happen to it is total annihilation at the hands of a house fire or being stolen. I�m giving my degree to my parents when I finish, I don�t want to look at it. IT�S A PIECE OF FUCKING PAPER! IT IS NOTHING SPECIAL! I don�t know why people get so attached to the damn things. And then there is the issue of debt, both self incurred and academic. The higher education institutions don�t seem to give a fuck that many (if not all) of their students will leave their cosy, proud places of learning with fuck off gigantic debts. I myself, have to repay around �2,500 when I leave, plus about �130-150 on my overdraft. I have managed to keep these repayments to a reasonable amount because I don�t go out to shitty clubs and student pubs every Friday and Saturday, drinking watered down beer and singing along to So Solid Crew. I hope those people in debt realise that if they just cut back on their fucking pointless social lives a wee little bit, maybe they wouldn�t be in such financial shit. I read with much pleasure about a veterinary student who worked out she will be repaying her debts until around 2065�well done, missus! I guess I tried to keep my loan repayments low so I don�t have to deal with the recurring ghost of university coming back to haunt me. If only other people did.