11-17march2002

THIS WEEK: POP IDOL

OK, I admit this was one of the most popular programmes people tuned into this (and last) year, but my God, I never thought the consequences would be this bad. The repercussions for the music industry from this program are immense. And not at all good. My main gripes with this debacle of a show start first and foremost in the supposed "winners". Surely the idea of mounting such a huge project to find "the next big thing" should have been limited to ONE winner? I thought that was the whole point of the competition, there being ONE place for ONE individual to make it big in the pop business...apparently not. It now seems there are three winners from Pop Idol: Will Young, the recently outed "winner" (and therefore the only one who should be allowed to enter the music industry), that white suited nice boy with the stutter and the spiky hair who looks not a day over 16 - Gareth, and that huge boy Rik Waller. This is surely in direct contradition of the quest to find the next big pop star. It seems to me that the entire structure of rules and regulations regarding the whole competition have been scrapped, discarded and forgotten and corporate record label greed has taken over, resulting in a scrap for the runners up in a desperate bid to cash in on the success of the show.

Take young Will for example - crowned champion of Pop Idol he was immediately snapped up and given a record deal, which has so far spawned the fastest selling single in The History Of Mankind, The Universe, Eternity And Everything (TM). It truly is a sad day when the fastest selling single in music history is the result of some manufactured, glorified karaoke contest. And don't disagree, before Pop Idol (and indeed, Pop Stars, the other contest I have the same feelings about) none of the contestants were famous. If in the street, you would have passed them by without a glance (except that Myleene sort! Cor!). It seems their fifteen minutes of fame are well and truly upon us.

An album will surely follow the single, which to this day I am not entirely sure whether it is a cover version or not...I'm sure I've heard that 'Evergreen' song before somewhere...it may well be a cover because all the others have done them. Mr Gates has produced a soul sucking version of 'Unchained Melody' (first rule of showbiz, never cover anything that has: a) been done before and much better by singers far better than you and b) been butchered by Robson and Jerome - it was only in the mid nineties you know).

It has also occured to me, and this is a great chance to use a quote from comedy show "The League Of Gentlemen" - Being normal in this life won't get you anywhere! Not that I'm insinuating that any of the contestants with record deals have got something wrong with them, but they all have things about them that make them, well...different. Will has recently come out saying he's gay, which although more acceptable among pop stars nowadays (George Michael breezing off his LA toilet incident for instance) and whilst not making him any different from anyone else (sexuality being a very broad church and all) still makes you wonder whether the timing is a popularity stunt. Then we have Gareth and his stutter, which, much credit to him for kind of getting over - remember it's the competition I have a problem with and not the contestants, I wouldn't wish to say anything unkind about them, but still its something noticeable about him.

Finally we have Rik Waller, who, to put it plainly, is a very large boy. What has also struck me, and is another thing that pissed me off about the whole competition was the fact that none of the winners (with the except of Will, who I'm unsure about...) is the subject of cover versions. I know I mentioned this already, but I believe success is something you should earn through hard work and determination - not just being able to sing well.

Even if it had been the case with Pop Stars, where the band don't write songs but at least have new material written by actual songwriters, I wouldn't have had a problem with it. I just think it sucks that people should be getting famous off the back of other people's success. It's all very well having royalty payments but it's the simple moral principle of springboarding your career using someone else's hard work and effort.

All these recent programmes that seem to search the seas of the viewing public for the new big talent have got me wondering two things. First, how long can these people expect their careers in music to last? I can't see the majority of them lasting more than two albums, one even. There's a real possibility of them becoming one hit wonders, and I think that makes the whole exercise a total waste, don't you? I mean, look at Hear'Say, two albums in and already popularity is dwindling. It seems the "new big things" are flavour of the month one minute, thenm discarded every time something new comes along. The second thing I was wondering is how far can this format go? Already we've had Pop Stars, Pop Idol, and Soap Idol...what next? Astronaut Idol? Porn Idol (now there's a show idea!), Prime Minister Idol? It's all too eerie to imagine that those could be next on the agenda...