Saturday, Feburary 8 2003
Let me start off by saying that I'm a horrible person. Yes yes I am. Do you know why I'm a horrible person? Because I'm letting what people will think of me get in the way of making myself happy. It's not that I don't like kevin, he is increadbly cute, and funny, and he has a blonde shag : ) in a matter of fact if I didn't go to school with him I would probably be crazy about him. I know for a fact he would be a really good boyfriend espically since I'm so good of friends with him. He's that sweet punk guy I've always wanted. He'd write songs to me and dedicate them to me at shows . . . and would you like to know why I'm not going out with him? Beacuse my friends and alot of other people would rip on me for going out with him. Now don't get me wrong he has friends and he's not really a looser but he's kevin - and I don't know how to explain it but for some reason it's ok to be his friend and horribly wrong to go out with him . . . and I'm a horrible person. Not going out with him goes againts everything I belive and all of my principals and morals . I'm never going to forgive my self for this, I hope when we're both older we have another chance. But man - doing this is eating me. Especially since he's a good friend of mine. I'm very protective of my friends. If someone hurts a friend of mine it's my nature to want to hurt the person that hurt my friend. This time I'm that person.

I'm also increadbly pissed at Jade right now. I had plans with her last night and tonight. Last night I was suppose to go to the Blue Moon and she made a big deal about how I shouldn't go so that I would be able to go to the Anti - Freeze show tonight. For some reason I also think that she didn't want me there. So I wasn't about to sit at home on a Friday night and me and Abby were suppose to do something over the weekend so I had Abby sleep over. Around one or so today we decided my house was increadbly boring and headed over to hers. At about 1:30 Jade called my house. She didn't bother to call my cell or get Abby's number though. I got home at like 5 so I could go to the show with her. She didn't call back and wasn't at home or online or anywhere I could not get ahold of her!!! I waited forever finally at like 6:50 I figured out she wasn't gonna call so she has ditched me two nights in a row. That girl is gonna die - and it's gonna be me that killed her. I'm so mad you don't do that. Espically to me. I'm gonna kill her . . . she better have a really good reason for not even calling me. An extreamly good reason. Like she peirced her toung and it paralized her and she was rushed to the emergancy room to save her tounge so she didn't have to cut it off or something. I won't settle for anything less. And if she doesn't have a reason that girl has to pay me back - big time because she just ruined my weekend, Stupid Bitch. What a great best friend I have. 

Thank god for two best friends huh?
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2002
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