Joey

Badass

Everyone these days wants to be a rebel.  From Eminem to 50-Cent, everybody thinks they are a badass.  Guns, drugs, and talking trash seem to be the theme of the times.  What these people don’t realize is that they aren’t “straight thuggin.”  To be a true badass you have to be the craziest mofo out there, no exceptions.  From not putting your quarter in the parking meter, to taking more than one penny from the take a penny leave a penny box, there are no limits to what a genuine rebel will do.  To be a badass, you must be ready to go to any length to break all the rules.

            The first step to being a hardcore badass is accepting that there will be consequences for your insane and radical actions.  You may find yourself in a cop car, or even on death row, it all depends on how far you are willing to take it.  There will be consequences, but you won’t care. When you walk down your driveway and that lady pushing her baby in the stroller looks at you cockeyed, you can walk over and you kick that baby old school style with your nice new Nike running shoes.   She may call the police. She may not; you just have to live life on the edge.  That is what being a badass is all about. 

The second and most necessary part about being a badass is following through with your dealings.  Don’t do anything half assed.  When rappers talk about shooting someone, they only shoot them once.  Shooting is for pussies.  Next time when you’re buying, or stealing, from your local deli, reach over and take a handful of pennies from the take a penny leave a penny.  That is hardcore.  This is a dangerous move, but it is well worth it when you are seven cents richer.  You can go out and buy all your bling-bling and have all the women.  If you really want to show everyone how crazy you are though, you have to park next to a meter and not put in your quarter.  You’ve now cheated the system out of a whole twenty-five cents of revenue, and you can walk away from your car knowing that you are a straight thug through and through. Every day when you leave your house, you must say to yourself, “I ain’t gonna take no shit today, no sir-ree, Bob.” 

            Now that you have the badass attitude, you must be able to dress in badass attire.  It is common thought that to be a “thug” you need baggy clothes, pinwheel hat, and some Shady Limited shirts.  This just isn’t true.  All the real badasses dress like a true rebel.  A collared shirt, kaki pants and a nice pair of sneakers should do.  No one is the wiser because every one looks out for the “gangster kids.”  While the deli guy says, “Hey kid with the Timberland boots and thugged out attire, get away from the register,” you can make your getaway with a handful of pennies, a Twix bar, or maybe even a Boar’s Head ham.  True badasses are inconspicuous because they know they are crazy and they don’t need to show it off.   

               The life of a badass is not an easy one.  Being a badass is a refined technique.  There are skills, rules and guidelines to follow when living this life that others seldom ever chose.  There are many fakes and impostors, but they are easily spotted if you know what to look for.  Now that you have been properly introduced to the world of being a badass, you are on your way to being the best of the best; the elite, the badasses.