Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be
Today I sniffed
Many dog assholes--I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Mailman Fiend-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Meter reader-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man-come to kill us all-
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Neighbor's cat-come to kill us all!
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush . Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle
I Hate my choke chain--
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot - no greater bliss - well,
Maybe catching cats
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do
The cat is not all
Bad - she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls
Dig under fence-why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.
I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
You may call them fleas,
But they are far more - I call
Them a vocation
My owners' mood is
Romantic-- I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.