Ok, so this isn't exactly going to be the normal 'about me page'. You know the one I'm talking about, the one where you get a list of the persons favorite (insert word here). No, I'm actually going to tell you stuff about me, stuff that'll let you get around in my head a bit. Nothing will get deleted, just added on to or put in ( ) if it changes or something. And yes, I will probably contradict myself...
I'm not nearly as shy as I was before I moved here, here being half way between the middle of nowhere, corn, and Chicago, Illinois. I was painfully shy when I was little. I hated being around people. I hated having people come up and talk to me, I much preferred to just be left alone and play in my own head. My parents were rather disturbed by this so they would force me to go outside and play with the other 'normal' children. Obviously, I was not particularly happy about that. And matters were only complicated by the fact that the only other kids living in my neighborhood (or at least the first one I remember) were boys that were 3 or 4 years older. Granted, I didn't mind so much after a while. If nothing else it made me quite tough and very boyish. I had to hold my own if I wanted to play with 'the guys'. Anyway, I digress...As I was saying, I was painfully shy 'till I moved here. I managed to force myself to be more outgoing only because I was sick of people thinking there was something wrong with me only because I didn't talk much. There once was a time when teachers forgot that I was in their class because I never said anything. Now I beginning to think that I almost talk too much. .
I hated middle school...more specifically, I hated O'Neill. People came up with all these stupid assumptions about me, they weren't good, I'll just tell you that.
I'm actually very smart. Just trust me on this one. I was accepted into the gifted program in elementary school in first grade and was the youngest person there. When I actually put my mind to something, I can figure it out. If I bothered to try in the majority of my classes, I would probably have a very good GPA instead of my pathetic 3.86 or whatever it is now. The problem is, I'm just not motivated. The classes are easy and rather boring so I let my mind wander and keep missing things. This was the entire reason the people who tested my IQ, vocabulary, and problem solving skills in kindergarten for the gifted program were so suprised that my "grades", if you will, were not nearly as good as they should have been considering how I did on the test. If something bores me, I just won't pay attention unless someone's there making me. It's awful, I know, but its the truth.
I love music. That is the one thing that I have a true passion for. I love playing music, I love writing it (thought I'm not really that good at it yet), listening to it...anything that involves music, I love. I play euphonium/baritone, trombone, and a decent amount of French horn (sort of anyway). And I'll just tell you now, I did not pick the euphonium, I was given it, more or less. I came into band half way through sixth grade and was given a choice of tuba or baritone (which is what I started out on). The tuba was bigger then I was and the baritone wasn't. Needless to say, I chose baritone. There was a concert three weeks after I joined, so the band director gave me the baritone and said, "Here, we have a concert in three weeks. Learn to play by then." I was given no proper instruction on how to play, what notes were, why the director was flapping his arms about in the air for, nothing. I taught myself what to do because no one else would. In fact, I didn't even know notes had letters associated with them until 7th grade when the director yelled at me for ten minutes about how I basically sucked because I couldn't read music. I got into the district honors band in 7th grade and was second chair baritone despite the fact that I still couldn't really read music and had never had a lesson in my life. In fact, I didn't start taking lessons until after Wind Ensemble/Symphony auditions my freshmen year. And again, I digress, I apologize...*Ahem* Music is my life. I'm in marching band, my school's Wind Ensemble as first chair euphonium, brass choir and did jazz band my freshmen year. I want to be a college music Prof and a composer. And I refuse to be a high school band director. I could not tolerate someone like Matt Prescott who really doesn't care about band, for four years. And I assume that if you're taking a music course in college, you want to be there. Yes...music really is all I think about.
The whole reason I hate Andy Geocaris so much is because I still feel like I'm competing with him. Never mind the fact that he graduated three years ago, I still feel like I have to prove myself better then him. And it drives me insane!
I don't take compliments well. I don't know why but I just don't. When someone says something nice about me, I automatically try to dismiss it and always wonder what the other person really means. And yet at the same time, I want people to say nice things about me, it makes me feel good, for about two seconds. I take critism better then a compliment.
I NEVER went out with Mike Hren. End of Story.
I hate people telling me I did something wrong but only if it's something I know I did wrong. Example: Roselieb tells me I missed a note when I know very well I missed it. That pisses me off. I don't mind if people tell me I'm wrong, if I don't already know.
I despise the color yellow, seriously.
It pisses me off that Adam got section leader. He doesn't do a damned thing unless I yell at him to do it. I love the kid to death, but I hate that he got section leader instead of me, when I'm the one telling him what he should be doing on his own. The freshmen don't really listen to him unless I yell at them to. They're half way afraid of me, in a good way, and they walk all over Adam most of the time. And what pisses me off more, is that he'll probably get it again next year.
I'm not nearly as tough as I usually let myself seem.
I am not Mexican. I'm half Japanese and half Irish. Not Philipino, Chinese, Italian, Indian, Jewish, Hawaiian, or anything else.
JR and I are not related.
I did not move here from Hawaii.
I do not and never have had any deep seeded feelings other then slight annoyance and possibly thankfulness about or for Andy.
I don't find myself particuallary attractive. I'm not ugly or anything, I just don't see why some guys look at me and think I'm pretty or attractive or whatnot. People say I'm pretty and I just don't get it.
If I don't talk or I seem to stare off into the middle of nowhere and I don't respond to you if you're talking to me, it's not me being rude or annoyed with you, most of the time. Thats just how I get sometimes. My mind wanders off all on it's own more often then I would prefer. If that happens to be the case yell at me or shake me or set me on fire...just get my attention and trust me I won't be mad at you...with the exception of the whole setting me on fire thing.
(I honestly don't think I'm going to make Phantom Regiment. Granted, I may, but I'm not getting my hopes too far up there. Stop telling me I will, it's not helping, its only making me more paranoid about the whole thing.) Alright, alright, so I made Phantom. Fine, you were all right! That does make me very happy that you were though.
Sarah and I are not the same person...jesus...is it really that hard to tell us apart? Granted we are slightly attached at the hip, but just because we're always together does not mean that I know what shes thinking nor does it mean she knows what I am.
The freshmen in marching band piss me off more then all the words in the world can say. With the possible exception of Joel and the two Brians, they can all be smothered or trampled or shoved into a plastic bag and left to drown. They are so obnoxiously disrespectful that its getting to be quite ridiculous and I swear to god, before the season is over, I'm going to go all out and explode at least one of them. It will not be pretty.
I am slightly obsessed with cheese.
The simple fact of the matter is that I think way too much. I over analyze things and can't leave things the way they are, especially if something good happens to me. I'm always trying to find the bad side of things. I am very pessimistic. What bothers me more is that half the time the thing that I think is going to turn out badly, happens. Example: If Adam asks me to homecoming, something will inevitably go wrong to make it painfully awaked. Guess what, something happened. Further example: The thing that happened was well, nice. Therefore, something will go wrong with that leaving me even more annoyed with the entire male race. And people honestly wonder why I always see the glass half empty. Simply because things never seem to end up well. However, there is one very good thing about all of this, the army will never recruit me for combat fighting...
I am not a skinny whore, thank you very much Patti and Megan Danko.
I cannot do marching band next year. I honestly cannot do it. Adam and Brandon (as my predictions are) will be section leaders and I'm going to come back and again, know more then my section leader, a lot more. And I refuse to sit around and watch my section fall apart again and get neglected. Plus I'll be gone for all of the summer season and then I'll come back to something that it not in the standard that I'm used to. If it was this bad this season, doing it again will kill me. Its not that I dont want to be around any of you, its just well, everything else. I figure maybe I can talk Hornish into letting me be like a mini staff person or something. I mean, to just not be involed at all after three years doesn't seem to quite make sense. But I will have an awful time with having to deal with the "authority" of someone who knows less then I do, again and much more so. I can't deal with this though, not by myself. Not while Roselieb is there. Perhaps Andy can be of some help there, I hope...
I will occasionally just breakdown. And by breakdown, I mean, just sort of lose it and back away from everything for awahile. There are times where I just can't handle everything, not very often mind you, but there are times when I just end up crying just cause I can't deal. Very very few people have ever seen me do that, I don't do it in public often and when I can help it. Two times now, I think, I've let that happen. Once when I was 11 and then the Iowa competition.
I don't get close to people easily. It's that simple. I've moved more times then I'd like to remember, once every three years or there about. As a consequence I've never really gotten to establish a strong set of friends or really let people get close to me for fear that I'll just end up leaving and whats the point then, right? I don't mind people, I really don't, it just usually takes a good deal of time for me to warm up to them.
