::Sarcastic Column::
----------
A: May I hold your hand?
B: No thanks, it isn't heavy.
----------
A: Please say you love me!
B: You love me.
----------
A: If we become engaged, will you give me a ring?
B: Sure, what's your phone number?
----------
A: Am I pretty or am I ugly?
B: A bit of both, I think you're pretty ugly.
----------
A: You remind me of the sea...
B: Is it because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
A: No, because you make me sick.
----------
A: Would you like your coffee black?
B: What other colors do you have?
----------
A: Do you say prayers before eating?
B: No, my mom is a good cook.
----------
A: Stop following me!
B: It�s not my fault if we�re heading in the same direction.
A: Oh really? And where would that be?
B: The future.
----------
A: Why didn�t you tell me?
B: You didn�t ask.
----------
A: Are we clear?
B: Crystal, my friend!
----------
Taken from: Matilda by Roald Dahl
Title: End-of-term reports
�Your son Maximilian is a total wash-out. I hope you have a family business you can push him into when he leaves school because he sure as heck won�t get a job anywhere else.�
�It is a curious truth that grasshoppers have their hearing organs in the sides of the abdomen. Your daughter Vanessa, judging by what she�s learnt this term, has no hearing organs at all.�
�The periodical cicada spends six years as a grub underground, and no more than six days as a free creature of sunlight and air. Your son Wilfred has spent six years as a grub in this school and we are still waiting for him to emerge from the chrysalis.�
�Fiona has the same glacial beauty as an iceberg, but unlike the iceberg she has absolutely nothing below the surface.�
----------
A: What should I do to get to heaven?
B: You've got to be dead.
----------
A: Go to hell!
B: Been there and back.
----------
A: Sorry...
B: If sorry is of any worth, what's the police for?
----------
A: I can't stand him.
B: You don't have to make him stand.
----------
A: Who asked for your opinion!
B: No one, I gave it free, so you should be thankful.
----------
A: Call me if you need me.
B: Dream on.
----------
A: We looked for you there already!
B: You just didn't look hard enough.
--------
A: You got a problem?
B: No, I have problems.
----------
A: Does he have any brothers or sisters?
B: No, he's single.
----------
A: Can anybody give an example of coincidence?
B: My mum and dad got married at the same day and at the same time.
----------
Hope you enjoy this sarcastic column.
Feel free to donate! Email or send to
my guestbook! ^^
Return
to Paradise Door