Once Upon.. Aw, Screw it. Just read.
by: Hani-Chan

WARNINGS: Yuri, Violence, and you damn-well better believe lotsa Death.



E/N: Feel the love. And confusion. n.n my adoptive online hani-mommy wrote this for me on demand. Great, ne?



  Once up on a time, there was a VERY pretty princess. Her name was... um. Grapes.
  She lived in a WONDERFUL forest. Full of... happy... fuzzy... animals. ADORABLE animals. She lived in a nice, middle-class castle, with her mother and father, who's names were... King Kiwi, and... er. Queen Strawberries.
  They all lived VERY happily, and took long walks together in the forest, to watch their weights.

   One day, during one of these long walks, they were approched by a not-so-adorable fuzzy animal, who's name was... um. Cherries.
  In fact, he wasn't even fuzzy. He was balding.
  Yes, so they were approched by a hideous balding animal, with only two teeth. And even those were cavity infested.
  The animal, Cherries, opened his mouth, and croaked out a warning, to the happy family. "You will be visited by TWO animals, this evening... not one... not three... but TWO! And by tomorrow morning... two of your own will no longer exist..."
  The animal was abruptly shot by one of the guards, thus blowing his head clean off of his shoulders.
  Then, he was run over by a cart -- just in case.
  The family, confused by this prophecy, continued walking on, as if nothing had happened.

  When they reached their castle, Grapes broke away from her parents, and trotted off to play with her ... spoon collection.
  Little did she know, that two rabid beasts had snuck within the castle gates...
  Well... not really beasts. Just hamsters... but they can get pretty scary, when they squeak menacingly!
  Anyways... needless to say, her parents were attacked by the animals, and died before the night was over.
  Princess Grapes had her guard dogs search the ENTIRE castle, and had the rabid beasts killed.

  Years went by... the princess met a prince, who's name was...
  Prince... er. ACTUALLY, It was another princess.

  Princess Oranges.
  And they fell in love.
  And then they married, five minutes later.
  They lived a long life, and had three children - because in the Forest of Happy Things, two princesses CAN have children.
  Their children were named Blackberries, Peaches, and Cream.
  Two of the children were perverted, and thought only of impure things...
  Which, of course, was not permitted in the Forest of Happy Things.
  ...So they were beheaded.
  The third child, Blackberries was VERY nice, and VERY pure.
  And EVERYONE loved her.
  Which, quite frankly, pissed Cranberries off.
  Cranberries was an outcast. She was antisocial, and only kind to those of her clan.
  So she assasinated the princess, along with Queen Grapes.
  For good measure.
   Queen Oranges mourned for a total of three minutes, before falling in love with the evil Princess Nectarine.
  They married, and had a child - Prince Snapple.
  The EVIL Princess-made-queen beat the Prince, and fed him cockroaches.
  Poor Prince Snapple was VERY unhappy.

  One day, while he was munching upon a roach, he decided to take action.
   Because in the Forest of Happy Things, newborns DO have such thoughts.
  So one day, while the lowly servant Poisonberries, was delivering his roach-dinner, Prince Snapple wooed her into sleeping with him, and had her slip some poison into his parent's dinner. (E/N: Good for him!)
  Both of his parents died. Slowly.
  Prince Snapple didn't bother to marry the servant, whom of which had his only child: Watermelon.

  One fine day, while the family was walking along through the forest, Poisonberries tapped Snapple on the shoulder; he promptly exploded...
  ...killing both himself, and his lover.
   Watermelon was scared. She went crazy, and killed herself.
   Being that no matter how many times you try to kill Snapple, he finds a way to come back, or avoid death altogether, Snapple revived himself, quite to the annoyance of ... everyone.

   One overly fuzzy animal, Blueberries, was so annoyed at this, that she decided to destroy the entire Forest of Happy Things.
   So she blew it up, with a large bomb, and everyone died. Except for Snapple - he survives everything.

   ... damn him.

   THE END!