Loss of You
by Sin



WARNINGS: VIOLENCE, DEATH.

   I stared, mouth parted slightly, tightly hugging him and his arms were around me as well. I knew somewhere in recesses of my mind that I was looking over his shoulder. But I saw nothing.
   "Ken...shin..."
   I gazed sightlessly at him, pink gi dimming, white hakama disappearing in the dusky and suddenly lonely night. His hair caught my eyes, somewhat, but my gaze stayed on his retreating back. Had that been my voice?
   "Ken...shin...Kenshin..?"
   I think I called for him. Maybe I moved towards him. Everything froze. My body wouldn't move and he was getting farther away. Too far..! I didn't really feel the stones and hard earth digging into my kneecaps, staining my kimono didn't matter. I think I was crying. Someone screamed; it was a loud, mournful keening, some animalistic thing from the dawn of time and so filled with sorrow, it made me cry harder. I think it might have been mine.
   "KENSHIN!"
   I remember falling, hands braced on the ground until the shaking caused me to just collapse to the ground. I don't know how long I was there, maybe ten minutes, maybe a year. It wouldn't have mattered. Nothing did. Kenshin left me.
   He left to go to Kyoto.

   My eyes stare out at the dojo wall; I remember him standing there, when there was a hole, looking down at Sanosuke. I thought I was going to cry then, when I saw the pain and trouble Sano was in. But I didn't...
   Far off, Yahiko is waving his hand in front of me. I think he got Sano to bring me back to the dojo. He's insisting that I eat. But there's no tone, no color to him. It doesn't matter anymore. I look away. I think I heard him yelling about something, but then I'm not too sure. My mind seems to enjoy playing tricks like that lately.
   Like sitting here, I could have sworn I saw Kenshin walk in. But that was just Megumi walking by, carrying a light red cloth. Yesterday, I know I heard him call out to me. I could hear the ever-polite 'de gozaru' at the end of his sentence as he asked me something. Or maybe that was last month. I don't really know anymore. Is that a tear falling down my cheek..?
   I hadn't noticed they had ever stopped falling.
   Now Sano's yelling about something. Again I look away, not bothering to look at him as he lifts me by my kimono. Does it really matter what happens anymore? ...
   ...Look. That sword! That's a Sakabattou--Wait... no, it isn't... That's just... Just Yahiko's shinai.
   "KENSHIN!"
   How loud was that? I think it was too loud for in the dojo. I always thought the dojo was far too peaceful now that the false Battousai incident was done with and my students left. Wait, when was that...? Was that before Kenshin left? Or did he wander away right then? I wonder why I can't seem to remember specifically...
   They're all in the room now, staring at me as I lay here. I know it's pitiful. Do you think I care? I know I'm acting childish. I'm making a spectacle of myself. Does that really matter...? I see him, standing there in the doorway. Oh.. oh my god, it's him. Kenshin.
   "Ken..shin..!"
   Nothing could have got me there faster; in fact, running seemed to slow... But just when I was almost there... he turned. And walked off on that cold forest path again. I don't remember screaming. Nor do I remember crying. I do remember the pain though. It hurt a lot, at first. I tore about the room. When did they all leave? It's alright. I wouldn't want them to see me now anyways. Now that I'm laying here, my blood pooling on the floor. I remember the first time I saw Kenshin's blood. Nothing scared me more. Nothing ever could. ...
   ...Did...did I just hear someone say 'oro'..? Ken...shin...? I can't look. It's gotten dark pretty fast. I'm not stupid or naive enough to think it's the sun setting that has so dimmed this room. Is that... is that somebody's arms around me?
   "Ken...shin..?"
   Faintly, I make out a red headband. Kenshin. Did he wear a red headband...? I don't remember. I hug to him tightly.
   "God... Kenshin, I'm sorry. I missed you so much. I'm so sorry I'm leaving you now. Could you... forgive me..? Please, Ken...shin...?"
   "Missy! Kaoru, hold on! Hey Fox-lady! Yahiko, go get Megumi-- NOW, DAMNIT!" I don't remember hearing Kenshin ever swear or be so discurteous. He must be very tired. He's been gone a long time... I'm glad I'll get to sleep with him holding me. It's all I've wanted since he never came back from Kyoto.
   "Kaoru! Kaoru! Shit, Kaoru, wake up!"

   Good...night...Ken...shin.



~*~

..Owari..

~*~



A/N: Hope you liked. ;-; I felt like writing something sad. This-- obviously-- takes place when Kenshin was leaving to Kyoto to fight shishio. x.x; But in my 'let's-write-something-sad' ness, I made it so Kenshin didn't come back. ;-; God, I'm glad I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. I'd hate myself. x.x;;