In Whole
The episode begins, rather oddly, with a documentary style roll-call of the alien characters. That's because it is a documentary, called "Alien Visitation" about the alien's trip to Earth with John.

It's now been several months, our host (R. Wilson Monroe) says, since the aliens left with John, and asks the question - what else do we know about the aliens, apart from the carefully orchestrated appearances the government has made? That is what Alien Visitation endevours to answer.

View pans back. John is watching the TV Aeryn bought him, Rygel by his side. Rygel is commenting on how the humans didn't like them ("it's a backwards planet full of superstitious xenophobic morons"), and how John shouldn't be watching this transmission Pilot intercepted. John eventually forces the deposed Dominar out (Rygel gets to keep his popcorn though!), and calls for Sikozu. Still no sign of Katrazi, and it seems nobody has heard of it. John turns back to the TV - next up is Aeryn, rumoured, he says, to be John's lover.

Please stay with us, as Alien Visitation continues... (in other words, here comes the intro)

Our host is meeting with Aeryn, asking her questions about any threat the PKs may pose to Earth. The only way, she says, that the PKs could pose them a threat would be to make a pact with an enemy. The host takes this literally - she's admitted there is the possibility, and is twisting it around. Though John has explained this to them before, the host wants to hear it from Aeryn - are PKs a threat? Aeryn says that Earth is no threat to the PKs, and hence PKs no threat to Earth. Hell, she says Earth wouldn't even make a good ally, technologically speaking. So, if someone wanted to attack and enslave Earth, Aeryn says it could quite easily be done.

Back to the host. That interview from Aeryn had been held back - this is apparently its first screening. Tonight, they've got all-new footage right from someone who mixed in with the aliens, who was in the right place at the right time.

That's right, John's little cousin Bobby, come on down!!!

When John got back to Earth, Bobby's family flew to Florida to see them. Bobby stayed on a bit with Jack, John, Olivia and the aliens. Bobby insists the aliens are normal, just like them. But the reason Bobby and his family waited so long to release the footage they taped was to try and help people not be afraid with all the accusations that are apparently making the rounds on Earth.

Cut to D'Argo being interviewed by Bobby. D'Argo has enjoyed many alien films made by humans, and is commenting on how the aliens are always evil and the humans always triumph. D'Argo says the humans must learn they won't always win. We get a short clip from an expert, clearly excited about the whole thing.

Next, Aeryn has just made what I believe must be "THE INFAMOUS TUNA SANDWICH" and is commenting on how humans can't even accept them, and they're the nice aliens. Another expert fears that human society is about to come under an assault it cannot yet withstand.

Sikozu next - commenting on how the implications of an innocent-looking wormhole could devestate Earth in a sea of inter-species chaos. Expert - thinks that the aliens should never have come - since their leaving there has been a 700% increase in panic and anxiety attacks.

Rygel, adding his typical comment - if Earth is even remembered, it will be for its slave labour.

Back to the host, who decides to focus on Ka D'Argo as the prime example of all things alien, illiciting curiosity at the network.

D'Argo is showing Lola off to a very impressed Bobby, but D'Argo is feeling sorry for those who have been killed by Lola. D'Argo quickly shows Bobby a recording of Lola killing the rogue Leviathan (Dog With Two Bones). Bobby asks if, if D'Argo decided to attack Earth, if he could be stopped. D'Argo says no, not with Earth's current defenses.

"Expert" analysis time - first one fears D'Argo is right. Second one believes D'Argo is performing an act of psychological terror.

John decides to rewind or fast forward the tape a bit. D'Argo is telling Bobby that they're leaving - the movers and shakers on Earth don't seem to appreciate them, and it's making it difficult for them to continue on Earth. D'Argo has also been watching from just outside John's quarters, and enters. He says John really shouldn't be watching this, and puts in the tape John brought back from Earth - the Superbowl (or some other American Football event). If you're interested, State wins, no big plays. John's more interested in watching Alien Visitation, but D'Argo says there is still no sign of Katrazi. But John knows it from somewhere, from before the kidnapping, and it really is doing his nut in.

Back to the tape, and Olivia believes John is even more thoughtful now. Bobby is interviewing John, asking him what the worst part of being in deep space was - John says it was missing family. Most different about Earth - nothing really. Most different about John - things that used to bother him don't, world seems smaller, and he keeps expecting things to happen.

Expert time again, and our resident expert this time round is concerned with him "waiting for things to happen", which suggest huge and constant stress.

Sikozu is relaxing in one of the corridors on Moya, when Chiana finds her. She's supposed to be helping search, but Sikozu has given up, and has a bit of a go at Chiana, then gets Chiana to help on the search while Sikozu gives up, if its that important to her.

Noranti is interviewed next, and she's very jolly. She's making rat poison. Apparently the rats asked her to do it so they can kill some humans ( :D ). Noranti thinks it's a shame that such a green area of the world has no green people. People have been a bit fearful of Noranti's third eye, and some have attributed to it some kind of witchcraft. An expert appears, saying most of the "miracles" Noranti has been credited with are still unexplained. A shadowed out government official though says they're pretty certain they know "how she cured the blind boy in Brazil". But the first expert returns, saying that, being from a different world, why can't she do other things? Back to Noranti, who likes how humans strive to reach higher, even against insurmountable odds they still hold onto their hope. The next expert is quite impressed by this, and then we go back to Noranti who offers to make Bobby something to make his voice drop (:D). Another expert, who is quite impressed with Noranti's spirituality and her tales of other worlds and religions. Noranti is asking what makes a good religion, and decides that religions are hypocritical as they justify killing, though they are supposed to preserve life. Back to another expert, who sees nothing wrong with this. Noranti says it's OK to kill, and sometimes you must. A national religious leader comes on, saying that if she says killing is OK she's not someone he wants hanging round. Another religious expert condemns her, while an army representative says he'll accept her pronouncements after she's had to kill someone. Back to Noranti, who says religions don't hate each other out in space. Religious followers, though, is a different thing. Another expert, who thinks Noranti is dangerous, the way she twists arguments like that.

Back to the host, and John's fast-forwarding. An interview between the host and Aeryn, recorded 6 months ago. He's asking whether a Sebacean, such as Aeryn, could ever procreate with a human.

Aeryn is not sure how to respond.

Then a flash. Aeryn says, on the interview, that she believes Katrazi to be a base, heavily guarded.

John rewinds the tape, not sure if he's heard correctly. This time, Aeryn says human-Sebacean procreation may well be possible, as physiology appears similar. No mention of Katrazi.

By the way, is anyone else wondering how the translator microbes and such figure in all this? Surely those humans watching who aren't injected with translator microbes would be totally lost.

Away from the interview, the host isn't really believing Aeryn, from her hesitation to answer the question. An expert believes that inter-species procreation is a good thing and a way to strengthen bonds of trust, while the next says that the children will have a hard time fitting in. Olivia next thinks there's no trouble.

Bobby's next shot, one he shouldn't really have recorded of John talking with Olivia on Moya. Olivia can tell John has a thing for Aeryn, and Aeryn for John.

Chiana is now watching by John's side. The expert commenting on that little scene says that John and Aeryn being in love would be an ideal way to enter the galactic community. John asks Chiana if she knows of Katrazi - he KNOWS he's heard it before somewhere. John knows Chiana heard it before, with him. Chiana asks if John will give up, but of course John doesn't give up. Meanwhile, on the tape, Olivia is shooting a group shot of Aeryn and Bobby (Bobby seemingly being a total geek). John says to Chi that he won't go back to Earth without Aeryn.

Meanwhile, Aeryn is saying that, when born into military service, it is best not to have any ties. No brothers or sisters, or family. Bobby asks if she ever misses it. Aeryn says you don't notice it until you're exposed to it (still feels pain for Xhalax evidentally).

Alien Visitation takes a break. John bets the S.O.B. of a host gets an Emmy.

The next clip, the host says, seemingly unites both human and alien in spirit. It is of Chiana nursing a rat, who was Chiana's friend. They were playing and the rat ate something (I presume it's Noranti's rat poison). Olivia believes that Chiana really makes humans and aliens look very similar.

D'Argo next, admiring the beauty of Earth. Reminds him of his home planet about 10,000 cycles ago, which was supposed to be "undisciplined and adventurous". The next expert is amazed at this - Earth is supposed to be civilised, and yet D'Argo is comparing it to this chaotic world. Bobby though is questioning D'Argo about how everyone says he is a great warrior. D'Argo though is not proud at all, and when asked "did you kill anyone with your tongue" D'Argo says that it contains only enough venom to knock someone out. Nobody dies. Another expert, drawing upon similarities between humans and the aliens in their character.

The host again, giving us a clip that will apparently shatter any notion of co-existance. It's Bobby, pestering D'Argo around Moya for him to "tongue" him. D'Argo refuses, but eventually gives in, asks Bobby to turn the camera off (Bobby says he has, D'Argo doesn't know any better) and knocks Bobby out with his tongue, then quickly and innocently calls for Noranti. Expert time again, the first saying this shouldn't have happened outside a research facility. Second says it was an enlightening experience with no harm done. Back to the first one, who says that the aliens shouldn't be allowed to have the run of the planet until they know more about their physiology.

Next we've got Chiana, experimenting with make-up. Rather badly (she tries to eat the lipstick). Chiana thinks there's just so much waste in it all, which the next expert likes, saying she is deeply spiritual and doesn't like our materialism. Next thinks she has a correct view.

Meanwhile, Chiana is amazed at how many things the average bathroom has - bath, shower, sink, toilet - so many things to wash yourself. After all, she argues, the water in the toilet is clean - why not just wash yourself in there? The next few experts condemn her for these views, and how she should not be allowed near any impressionably children (I really don't want to know what Bobby was thinking or looking at in this scene). Chiana and Rygel were watching the show though, Rygel sick of his popcorn and those humans. Chiana just feels sorry for Crichton for what he's going through. Noranti gave Chiana some powder to help Crichton sleep, but she gives a bit of it to Rygel. Rygel, before he goes to sleep, says to feel sorry for Aeryn. Crichton will get over losing her. But Chiana knows he won't.

Meanwhile, John is getting another weird flash of Aeryn. Katrazi will be well guarded, she says. The Scarrens wouldn't have taken their intended target, Grayza, anywhere less secure.

Back on the documentary, Rygel is watching an American Football game while eating literally a ton of junk food. Of all the things he's had on Earth, Rygel claims to like sugar the best - apparently in the UTs its used as a poison. What else does Rygel like? Grease, fat, and pancakes. The next expert seems to think Rygel understands our culture perfectly, giving them the perfect opportunity to examine ourselves. All in all, Rygel says he could live here, provided he could keep his slaves (Bobby tries to correct them, saying they're just people hired to look after him and Rygel doesn't own them, but Rygel insists the principle is the same).

Now the funniest bit in the ep - Bobby asks what Rygel's other favourite thing on Earth is. Rygel's response - gambling! You can do it over the phone, he says. You can also ring females on the phone, he goes on to say, then recommends the number 1-900-SLUT.

Sorry, you just can't help but love that bit!!!

Next expert, saying she had the honour of interviewing Rygel. Despite what people think, he is the ruler of 600 billion subjects - he must be doing SOMETHING right.

But now the host brings in someone new, who claims to have seen the aliens back in 1985, before the Challenger disaster. That's right, it's the Sheriff! He seems slightly mad, and has brought in Rygel's pumpkin, replete with little bits of odd things to make it look like Rygel. Watching the tape of Rygel again, he says Rygel wants to make us eat more, make us fat and therefore unable to fight when the impending invasion comes. He also claims they are responsible for putting microchips in the heads of people, but that wearing a hat lined with foil stops the signals getting through. The host then decides to mention that the sheriff has spent a lot of the last 18 years in an institution.

Next up, Chiana is trying to get Bobby to dance. She then quizzes Bobby about sex, but Bobby hasn't had it yet - he's 13, and it's against the law. Chiana then decides to argue that all those 13 year old girls are wearing sexy clothes, which they buy from seeing them on TV, so someone sells them to them, so someone wants to have them to have sex. Next expert remarks on how she has a contagious innocence, but the next condemns her. Olivia though simply laughs it off, and the next expert agrees that Chiana's just playing innocent.

Next, we've got Sikozu showing off her gravity-defying abilities to Bobby. The first two experts are, as one put it, "truly astounded". The next though believes there is nothing about Sikozu that is not "enfused with anger and disdain".

Sikozu meanwhile, asks Pilot whether there is anything to be gained from continuing the search for Katrazi. Despite Pilot's feelings for Aeryn, he also believes hope is lost. Sikozu goes to tell Crichton, but he still insists he has heard of it before, and so has Sikozu, and they heard it on Moya. He gets quite upset, throws Sikozu into his quarters and points a gun at her, shouting that Sikozu has done nothing but lie since she got on board.

The TV is showing another clip of Sikozu, looking at her reflection in a baking tray. She holds the tray close to her face.

It almost looks like a mask, covering half her face.

Crichton is sure Sikozu has said Katrazi before.

Or was it Stark?

Flashback. One of the unrealized realities, with the crew of Moya all playing someone else. Sikozu, playing Stark, saying "Katrazi" in disdain.

Somehow, that Sikozu/Stark knew of that place.

John is in Pilot's den, asking him to go back to the wormhole to Earth. However, Moya is very phobic of wormholes, and John says they needn't go into it, just close enough so he can enter. However, they must first ask captain D'Argo, who asks if John intends to return to Earth. To which, John says he wasn't going back to Earth anyway.

Final message from Alien Visitation - the network is asking the government to release all files about the aliens, and put any aliens they encounter in the future through an aggressive quarantine. The host leaves us with the thought - they have been here once, and we seem to have dodged the bullet.

Scorpius is lying down in his quarters. John enters, angry. Scorpius has set him up, not that he cares. John doesn't care about much. He doesn't care who's on top, PKs or Scarrens. He only cares about one thing, and asks for Scorpius' help to get Aeryn back. "Help me get her" John says, "and I will give you wormholes".

Scorpius looks over with interest. John has an idea how to find the Scarren base. "Aeryn for wormholes" John promises. "That's the deal."

Next time on Alien Visitation - see the ruins of the Crichton family household. Just what did this, and where is it now, and where is the corpse? What happened to John's friend D.K. and his wife Laura? All these questions and more will be answered, and unfortunately I forgot to tape this bit during the credits - sorry!

What I thought
Odd. Definitely an odd one. And I could find NO MENTION of a tuna sandwich, unfortunately (oh wait, I've spotted it now I think). But anyway, what we have here is ome very humourous moments (come on, any moment with the aliens on Earth is funny) and a good contrast in beliefs and systems, and the humans desperately trying to think up conspiracy theories around the aliens for sensationalism. Of course there isn't any action really - what do you expect in an episode which is 80% documentary? But it's good to watch, and has some good characterisation. There aren't really any problems with an ep like this, it just isn't my cup of tea (I don't like tea though, so that doesn't work for me). It's an extended commentary on the characters through the eyes of other people, made to be sansationalist, but it's still good. I'm gonna give it a 3 out of 5.

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