phwil

The Phwil Hanton
Pishtake Site
Sponsored by Rwileys

PETITION to get Phwil to
wear his salmon shirt

PHWIL'S FWAVORITE QWOTES
1. but wha? but wha?
2. thwirty thwee thwousand thwee hundred and thwee
3. fwany jeffers qwuality
4. I admire u?
5. watta wally
6. pish woff
7. its not pink its salmon
8. hey hey deany
9. i can be your hero deany
10. ive got a qwuality wight foot
11.gwauge dya wanna play powl
12. hanton watta legend
13. good good good
14. lets go to rwileys
15. ah nwao my fwoppy

A Day in the Life of Phwil Hanton
Morning
8.00 am - Wake up
8.05 am - Tunes into Skay Sporwts News
8.10 am - Cwacks one off over Dave Clarke
8.15 am - Eats a Magnum and wuns to school 45 minutes early
8.20 am - Checks teamboss.co.uk before evewyone else arrives
8.21 am - Celebwates with himself for being top of the league (he is a legend)
8.25 am - Looks at golf websites and reads the entire skayspowrts site before wegistration
9.00 am - Everyone else arrives and ignores him apart from smithay and he challenges phwil to a game of Chess... "a gow on then smithay"
9.05 am - Hawlly arrives... wegistration
9.25 am - Goes to P.E and talks to no one
Brwake Time
11.05 am - "Brwake time" Phwil rushes to the front of the queue and buys his usual one piece of greasy pizza and a can or bottle of Dr Pepper.
11.10 am - Rips up his pizza and tries to start conversation about Fwanny Jeffers.
11.25 am - Disappears from group and is later found by Ben and Dean (if he ever turns up) sitting in computer room on his own admiring his teamboss team.
Lunch time
1.00 pm - Wuns to the spowts hawl to play football like usual he is put in goal and tries to score from his own area (never succeeds)
1.01 pm - fellow team members have a go at him for conceding goal (oh fwanny)
1.10 pm - Declares himself "inspiwational" for the team
1.15 pm - gives the ball away and says he "qwaves movement"
1.20 pm - fouled for the tenth time supposedly an accident?
1.32 pm - Scores a fluke left footed scuffed goal; begins 5 minute celebration. Goal then disallowed by own teammates
1.40 pm - Fouled by member of own team for not passing again
1. 50 pm - goes on run thinking he can outpace the whole team before falling over. Rolls around on floor saying he was fouled. "awww Weferwee!"
2.00 pm - hides behind mats while getting changed. What is he hiding???
2.03 pm - disappears and doesn't help put equipment away he doesn't want to be late for Hawlly's wegistration.
Afternoon
2.10 pm - Leisure and Rec...
2.11 pm - gets the pish taken out of him for 1 and a half hours sometimes escapes to the larbary for a game of chess with smithay. While he is gone dean and fellow members of class put german porn on his favewits "but wha but wha?"
3.30 pm - Tells Tina whats going to happen in future eastenders episodes... she doesnt want to know!
3.45 pm - everyone leaves school but hanton is still there waiting for joyce to pick him up at 5:30... WHY DOESNT HE JUST WALK HOME!!!
At Howme
6.00 pm - he has a magnum for dinner before watching golf programmes.
6.30 pm - Phones people to ask if they want to play snowker at St Auwdreys... no one replies predictably
7.00 pm - watches eastenders cwacks one off over peggy mitchell "i admire u"
7.30 pm - Turns over to Skay spowts to see if Dave clark is on "i admire u. your an inspiwation"
8.00 pm - Goes to bed so he can get up early enough to see the start of America Golf on Skay Spowrts 3 at 4 am

An interview with Phwil
Hello phwil how r u?
Awrite parke im just playing powl wiv smithay.
Who's winning?
I am off couse im qwuality.!
You seem to get on well with smithy are u just good friends or is it more?
Pish off!
Thats obviously a sore subject. How r arsenal getting on this season?
Oh yes we r bwilliant and when fwany jeffers gets back we will bay awwwwesome.
I no you had a soft spot for junichi inamoto...
OH JUNICHI! whay did yow go to Fwulham?! Coum back Jownichi phwil still loves yow!
...right
shut up parke im playing smithay on wed hot powns!
Get a life hanton theres more to life than chess!
Yeh theres golf aswell!
ive been told that your a good golfer whos your favorite?
It has to bay the bwilliant Sergio what an amaaaazing pliyer.
Changing the subject completely what do u think of your web page?
i thnk it is harly offensive and u should apweciate the god that is hanton
Youre a bit of a wanker arent u?
Ar pish off!
What do you think of the pink background?
Its not pink its salmon!!!
Hows your team boss team?
Like usuwal im top of the league its very pleaswable. I just hope Deany doesnt cheat again.
So you fancy yourself as a bit of a pool player... how often do u play?
Well its difficult becwause rwileys is sow far away and no one wants taw plway with me. Wha Parke wha does no wan want taw plway with me?
(silence)
Since gwauge left no one talks abowt westling wiv me you're awll a bunch ov wallys.
What is your favourite song in the charts at the moment?
It has taw be sugababes wound wound
and finally what is your favourite tv show?
Woland the wat. I admire him sow much.
Thank you phil for this interview what do you have planned for the rest of the day.
Well i will gow home and watch skay spowts and then have a magnum for dinner.

HANTON'S FAVEWIT FWOOTBALLERS
1. fwanny jeffers
2. cherno shamba
3. alan shwearer
4. rwichard wright
5 jerawie allaidiare
6 way parwour
7 owen hargweaves
8 michael chopwa
9 tawibo fwest
10 wobbie fwoler
11 wowry delwap
12 steven gerwad

PHWILS FAVEWIT SONGS
1. Manic Stweet Pweachers - If yow tolerwate this then youwr chwildwen wiwl be next
2. Wadiohead - No Supwises
3. Owasis - Woll with it
4. Steweophwonics - A thwousand twees
5. Guns and Woses - November Wain
6. Wage agaiwnst the machwine - wenegades of fwunk
7. Chwas n dave - wabbit wabbit wabbit
8. Catatownia - Woad Wage
9. Qween - Bohemian Wapsody
10. Bawry White - Youwr my firwst, my lawst, my evewryfing

PHWIL'S FAVEWIT NUMBERS
1. Thwee
2. Thirty-thwee
3. Thwee hundwed and thirty thwee
4. Thwee hundwed and thirty thwee and thwee fifths
5. Minus thwee

Any resemblances to real people on this site is entirely co-incidental and unintentional. www.pike.vze.com would like to apologise for any grievances caused by the above content.