PUKKA

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What a fucking wanker!!

He's got shit mop hair
He's got fat lips
His tongue is fat and slimy and fucking HUGE!
he's got austin powers style pasty skin
he's got austin powers style teeth
hes got a big nose
he wears shit mod clothes
he is a tv chef
he does shit sainsbury's adverts
his wife has a man's name (jules)
he would win a gurning competion without trying
he's got spindly legs
every other tv chef hates him
in fact, every single man on the planet hates him (and some girls..)
Hes got a shit mockney accent
HIs voice is the most annoying noise ever
No man should ever know what to do with herbs! It aint right!
he drives a scooter
he thinks hes gods gift to women
he tells shit jokes
he is sexist
he is racist
he is thick - he only cooks cos he cant do nething else
hes fat
He�s an ostentatious, egotistical, pretentious, over-zealous, mendacious Tosser
I doubt he knows what the above means
he walks like a twat
he earns the gross national product of Lithuania for one show
He spend the gross national product of Equatorial Guinea on grooming products
he moves his arms too much
he talks about utter shite, constantly
hes in a shit band
he probably smells of wee
he probably has a tiny penis
he probably molests children
he is probably the world's main distributor of child porn
he doesnt really cook..... he gets anthony worrall thompson to do it for him
I would rather spend a week forced at gunpoint to give Anne Widdecombe cunnilingus than spend one minute in his company

HE IS A TWAT! UTTER WANKER! WHAT A CUNT!!!!
I HOPE HE GETS C.J.D. FROM HIS INFECTED BEEF, OR SLIPS ON A RADISH, OR GETS HIS TONGUE CAUGHT IN A TOASTER, OR SOME OTHER UNFORTUNATE KITCHEN-RELATED ACCIDENT!!!!!!
GO STAND IN A DOLE QUEUE, WHERE YOU BELONG, YOU WORRYINGLY AMOROUS, NARCISSISTIC, SMUG MANKY TWAT!!!!