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Everything Have your umbrellas handy, because this one is dripping with so much sap and angst that there's probably a danger of drowning in it if you don't take the proper precautions. Don�t say I didn't warn you. The song is called "Everything", and it belongs to Jason Wade and the boys of Lifehouse. Their stuff is cool, go listen to it. No, I don't own the characters, and all that jazz, although I wouldn't / mind/ owning Zechs� ~*~ Noin stumbled down the small, narrow hallway, wiping the thick film of sleep from her eyes. She'd fallen asleep while working, her face mashed into the unyielding desktop beside the keyboard she'd been typing away at so diligently. Normally she had the sense to give in and go to bed when she felt fatigue overtaking her, but she'd promised Zechs that she would finish a small mountain of paperwork by morning, and she'd fully intended to complete her task. Her fellow officer needed someone on whom he could depend, even if it meant the sacrifice of a few hours of rest on her part. Her tiny sleeping quarters were nestled snugly into a corner at the end of the cramped passage, and the walk seemed like miles in her bleary state. The line of identical rooms was marked appropriately by a row of identical doors, all closed tightly at this late hour, except for one. /Strange/, she thought with a frown, tiptoeing close to the slight opening. /Why did Zechs leave his door open?/ Not daring to disturb the infinite silence around her, she pushed at the door just a few inches more, enough to peek her head into the dark room. Light from the hallway spilled forth into the blackness, leaking a narrow beam across the carpeting to a bed against the opposite wall. Stretched across it was it's owner, dark sheets tangled around him to the waist, only half-shrouding him in his slumber. Noin blushed immediately at the sight; he simply must have failed to secure his door properly before getting into bed, she concluded, and a stray current of air had snaked through and prodded it open. Tearing her gaze away resolutely she moved to step away and pull the heavy door closed behind her, but something suddenly made her pause. Not knowing why, she turned back, and instead of shutting herself out she created an opening large enough through which a body could slide. Once inside the room she could see that it wasn't very dark at all: scattered lights from outside floated in through the thin curtains, filling the small space with a dull, unearthly glow. One lamp in particular shined at just the right angle to cast a silvery sheen along Zechs' body, and Noin's mouth dropped open slightly as she felt her hand turn the knob and close the door softly, with her inside. For a moment she could only stare in awe, admiring the perfection, as her vision adjusted and details began assaulting her senses. She'd always known he was beautiful, but she never thought she would have the chance to feel it and absorb it so completely as this. //Find me here Speak to me I want to feel you I need to hear you// Even from this distance she could discern the graceful curves of his build, sleeping muscles etching a smooth map of swells and valleys across his broad, powerful chest and lower, along a flat stomach and trim hips. The evidence of his natural strength was clear even in unconsciousness, and Noin blinked her eyes shut briefly to center herself. How would she ever face him, after this? It was hard enough already to look him in the eyes without betraying herself, or her feelings, and the memory of his half-nude body wasn't one that would easily erase itself from her mind. It just stirred up too much inside her, roused too many emotions that she'd been trying to suppress for as long as she could remember. Swallowing hard she took a step forward, drawn to him by a force she could neither understand nor control. She wished she had the power to stop her feet as they moved deliberately across the floor, but the indulgence seemed too natural and too tempting to resist. He's sleeping, some usually quiet part of her mind reasoned, he'll never know� //You are the light That is leading me To the place where I find peace again// Noin reached the low bed without ever being conscience of her steps, and she stood over him for a moment, her breath lost at the sight of him and her eyes burning with shame at what she was allowing herself to do. Of course her rational mind told her it was a flagrant and unforgivable violation of Zechs' privacy, but all she could manage was a dim apology to the conscience so relentlessly hounding her from within. He didn't love her, she'd convinced herself of that much long ago, but convincing herself not to love /him/ was another thing entirely. She lowered herself slowly to her knees beside him, the way a child would bow in prayer at bedtime. His body rose and fell with the current of his breath, and his head faced towards her, nodded off on the side of his soft-looking pillow. She had never seen him this way, even without the harshness of his metal mask. His features were gentle, and almost childlike in the innocence of sleep. The sharp chin seemed now pleasantly angular, the high cheekbones delicate, the offhandedly cruel lips warm and chaste. She thought about all the times that the mere sight of him-- striding through a room, or standing, regal and still in a shadowed corner--had given her the inspiration to be courageous, and it amazed her to find that even in absence of all his official garb and formidable demeanor, he still had the same effect. He sustained her, and guided her, always. //You are the strength That keeps me walking You are the hope That keeps me trusting// The beauty of his white-blonde hair tumbled around him like a smooth, shiny waterfall. Noin never would have guessed it possible to sleep with such a mane loose around him, but he made it seem an easy, even comfortable undertaking. A few strands draped over the edge of the mattress, teasing her; she reached up a tentative hand, letting her fingers slide through them. It was softer than she would have ever imagined, and her mind lingered on the wonder of what it would be like to touch all of it, using it to pull his face close to hers, staring into those icy blue eyes as she kissed him. She let her hand fall away, her eyes drifting closed as she indulged in the fantasy. After all, that's as much as it would ever be: a fantasy. She would go on living for him, devoting her life to this cause, and he'd never once question her. He was just that sort, to assume everyone acted with his same sense of duty and nobility, when it couldn't be further from the truth. //You are the life to my soul You are my purpose You are everything// As she knelt there, for some reason her thoughts crashed back to that moment when Zechs had told her of his intentions to battle again with the Wing pilot. She had felt so many things then and she felt them now, washing over her in a vicious wave. There was the fear, as there had always been, that stemmed from loving so deeply a person who risked his own life without a second thought. What if he had died that day? Noin gazed down at his body, trying to imagine it lifeless and cold before her. His last thoughts would have been of the battle, no doubt, and he would have unknowingly left her to miss him forever. Then there was the anger: anger toward herself for being so stupid, toward him for being so blind. She had been mad at him that day, for his selfishness, and for not understanding how much he was needed in this world. But more powerful than any of these, she was sure, was the complete and unadulterated awe. She admired him so much that she often lost herself in him, in wanting to be like him, in wanting to be with him. It was hard to decide whether it was a wonderful feeling or an awful one, most of the time, this narrowing of her world to a single point of light in the endless stretch of black. //And how can I Stand here with you And not be moved by you Would you tell me How could it be Any better than this// His hand draped loose off the side of the bed, palm facing out, his long and graceful fingers curling in toward the center. Again unable to resist, she reached out to brush the tip of the smallest one, holding it with her thumb as her index finger traced around the nail bed with the faintest ghost of a touch. In the next moment she found herself leaning forward, letting her cheek rest so close against his hand that she could feel the heat of his skin beating against her face. Closing her eyes, she sighed softly. So this is what it feels like, she thought as she felt unexpected tears burning behind her eyelids. I could stay here forever. She felt so peaceful, so safe, even if it was all just a delusion created by her desperate mind. //You calm the storms You give me rest You hold me in your hands You won�t let me fall// Zechs sighed, a long exhale of breath in his sound sleep. Suddenly terrified, Noin jumped away, scrambling to her feet as fast as she could. As the tears in her eyes spilled, she bit her lip to silence any foolish noises she might have been inclined to make. She couldn't believe she was here, watching him, touching him, shedding tears over his body. How had this happened? How had she become so spineless, lost so much control? This was the behavior of crazy people, not the honorable and respected Lucretia Noin. Balling her fists in rage and humiliation, she leaned back against the door and squinted her eyes tightly shut. She had to get a hold of herself, and get out of there. But even in her artificial darkness she could see him, breathing deeply through his soft, pink lips, eyelashes fluttering with the visions of a dream� You still my heart //And you take my breath away Would you take me in Would you take me deeper now// Eyes springing open, she gritted her teeth and turned to ease open the door. Enough was enough. As she stepped out and turned to pull it closed behind her, her gaze lifted for one final look. Her heart thundered loudly in her chest, protesting as the door eased snugly into it's frame and the knob turned, securing it. It was over. Walking to her room she hardly noticed that she was still crying, and slipping into the smoothness of her sheets she refused to admit that she wished it wasn't her own bed in which she was resting. In the morning it would all feel like a dream, and she'd be more than eager to believe it had been. She would be better off thinking this night had never happened, that her moment of knowing perfection had never come. //'Cause you're all I want You are all I need You are everything Everything// If only her heart would agree� ~*~ |
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