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Gundam Wing- the lost episode The battle of Jerry Springer Narrator dude: The year, is after colony 195. The pilots of the five Gundams, along with Treize Khushrenada and Zechs Merquise decide to try to solve their differences on the talk show, Jerry Springer... Jerry: Todays topics of discussion...'Young boys who try to prevent the romefeller foundation from taking over the world', and 'i'm a better mobile suit pilot, you bitch', Let's bring out our first guest, Heero Yui!!!! Heero: hello, Jerry. Jerry: Now, Heero, is it true that you're the pilot of the wing gundam AND wing zero? Heero: Yes. Jerry: And you've tried to kill RElena peacecraft how many times? Heero: i lost count. she stalks me, but i never was successful in trying to kill her. Jerry: now lets bring out some of our other guests, who are backstage right now. Let's give a warm Jerry Springer welcome to Trowa Barton, Duo Maxwell, WuFei Chang, and Quatre Winner!!! *Crowd Claps* Jerry: You boys have been trying to fight for peace between the colonies and earth, is that correct. Quatre: yep Heero: yea Trowa: basically Duo: in a nutshell, and hey, weren't we supposed to get free makeovers??? WuFei: yes, we are trying to defeat OZ and the WHite Fang, and...Who else are we destroying again? ANyway, they're weak and have no integrity! especially Treize and Milliardo! Jerry: what if i told you that Treize and Milliardo were backstage right now? Lets bring 'em out! here's Treize Khushrenada and Milliardo Peacecraft, a.k.a Zechs Merquise! *crowd claps* WuFei: you brought THEM here! but they are weak and have no integrity!!! *pics up chair and hurls it at Treize* dieeeeeeeeeee. crowd: jer-ry! jer-ry! jer-ry! Jerry: *hisses at WuFei* NOT YET! ANyway, Milliardo/Zechs, whatever you'd like to be called, you're the leader of the white fang organization. Zechs: Yes, and either one is fine. Jerry: Zechs, Treize, how do you feel about the Gundam Pilots? Treize: i don't really think they're so bad anymore, because we have a common goal- Kicking Zech's butt! Zechs: they piss me off. WuFei: that is because you are weak and shall be defeated!!! *tosses chair at Zechs* Duo: who am i to sit back and not get in on the action. *hurls several chairs at zechs* Quatre: we really shouldn't be fighting, but *throws another chair* what the heck. crowd: Je-rry Je-rry je-rry!! Trieze: battles without civility give rise to massacres... WuFei: *punches Zechs in the face* you have no sense of justice! Treize: you know what, you're right. he pisses me off too. * throws chair * Security guard guys come out and break it up. Jerry: do any of you guys live in a trailer park, or have two wives? everyone: NO! Jerry: are any of you transsexual? crossdressers? have you cheated on your woman? Everyone: no! Quatre: what does this have to do with anything? Treize: well, there was that one time i *kinda* spent the night with noin. Zechs: WHAT!!!!!!!!! Treize: it was in college! we got drunk at a frat party! Zechs: prepare to die, Treize!!!!! *lunges at Treize in a attempt to attack him* Jerry: we have Trieze's girlfriend, Lady Une and Zech's signifigant other, Lucrezia Noin backstage! * lady Une and Noin walk out * Lady une:*sees Trieze and Zechs trying to kill eachother* what the hell??? i thought they were giving us free makeovers. Duo: i got 20 bucks on Trieze Trowa: you're on! Heero: oh, wait, Lady une just got here. 50 bucks on her! Quatre: hi Miss Noin! security guys enter and pry Zechs off Trieze, thus breaking up the fight. Noin: *whispers to Quatre* Mind filling me in. Quatre: Trieze said something about a drunken one night stand in college and Zechs attacked him. i really wasn't paying attention. Noin: *turns bright red and sweatdrops* Jerry: Now then, it's getting really confusing here. who's trying to destroy who in this big war? I know the gundam pilots are on the same side, but what other alliances are there. Zechs: I built a huge battle station called Libra, perhaps you've heard of it. anyway, i plan on using it's enormous lazer cannon to destroy the earth and empower the colonies. Noin: I'm against destroying the earth, but can't kill him because he's my boyfriend. Trieze: I don't like the fact that he uses mobile dolls. Mobile dolls make battles meaningless. When wars are dehumanized, both victory and defeat become miserable. and blowing up the earth sucks too. So i guess i side with the gundam pilots on this one. Lady Une: his excellency is right. it make the most sense. i did take a bullet to save their butts. Jerry: Riiiiiiiight. so Zechs, it looks like you're outnumbered on the issue. Is there anyone that DOES support you blowing up the earth? Zechs: as a matter of fact, there is. you don't by any chance have Dorothy Catalonia backstage, do you? Jerry: actually, yes. let's bring her out. Dorothy: what are you guys doing here? i thought we were getting makeovers. Lady Une: welcome to the club. Jerry: Now miss Catalonia, you support Zechs destroying the earth, is that correct? Dorothy: yes. I love war. Blowing things up and killing people is fun! but i'd rather get a makeover... WuFei: you are a weak and stupid woman! *throws chair* Noin: i never liked her either. she spends way too much time with MY man!!!! *tosses chair* take that you little ho! Lady Une: *tackes Dorothy and starts ripping out her eyebrows* your eyebrows really annoy me! And blowing up the earth is totally against mr. treize's ideals! security guys intervene again. Jerry: *sweatdropped* ok. uh. Ladies, how do you guys feel about the battles these guys are fighting? Dorothy: War is a beautiful thing. I totally support Zechs destroying the earth. it will empower the colonies. Quatre is just a wuss. Lady Une: I fight for Mr. Treize. War is a necessary evil.Something about the battle excites people. it sucks, but is a part of human nature, and our basic animal instincts. I think it sucks more, however when you just destroy stuff on a whim with no civilty. ahem *gives zechs and dorothy the Look* i think if you're going to fight a war there should definitely be civility, and no damn mobile dolls. One must fight the battle to truly appreciate it's beauty. Noin: i really don't like fighting. I'm only in the militairy because i love outer space. I think Zechs is being a moron trying to blow up the earth and all. That isn't what the people in the colonies want, but of course he wouldn't KNOW because he isn't FROM the colonies. As much as i don't like fighting, i think he sort of deserves getting his butt kicked. Quatre: Dorothy you bitch *throws chair and misses* Dorothy: he can't even hit me with a chair from three feet away. WHat moron made HIM a gundam pilot! Same goes for trowa! Trowa: you come over here and say that to my face, you stupid bitch * throws chair. direct hit * Dorothy: ahhhhhhhh mommy!!!!! Quatre: and she called us wusses... Jerry: Lets ask some members of the studio audience what they think. *shoves the mike in a guys face* Audience Member 1: I think Zechs is totally ripping off Dr. Evil from austin powers with the giant lazer thing. He's a moron to try to blow up the earth. WHat next, man, making a chibi clone of yourself and calling it 'mini me'. And Noin's a major wuss for not doing anything about it. Jerry: *shoves mike at another audience member* Audience Member 2: I think Dorothy is a ho! Noin really deserves zechs even if she IS a wussy. ANd i also think Quatre and Trowa are gay! Trowa: We're not gay DAMNIT!!!! Quatre: prepare to die!!!!! *tosses chair into audience* *RElena mysteriously appears.* RElena: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooo!!!!!!! Heero: oh no!!!!! she's violating the restraining order!!!! RElena: why are we fighting this meaningless battle? True pacifism is, the only way to peace! Bloodshed will never lead to peace! And who the hell cares if Quatre and Trowa are gay? can't we all just get along, reguardless of color, country, or sexual preference? Hey, you guys aren't listening. why? what kind of people are you? EVERYONE is supposed to listen while i give speeches about pacifism! WuFei: *grabs sword and stabs relena* Duo: *throws chair at Treize* Treize: what did you do that for???? Duo: just keeping things interesting. they're totally ignoring us! Lady Une: i agree. *Throws chair at noin* Noin: you bitch! * a catfight begins between noin and lady une * Heero: *tosses chair at zechs.* You're coming with me to hell, buddyboy!!!! Zechs: the hell i am! *slugs heero* Heero: Omae o korosu!!!!!!! Security guys try to break up the brawl between quatre, trowa, and the disgruntled audience members. Jerry: um, you know what. i don't like zechs all that much either. *throws chair, shrugs* if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. the brawl finally ends in the audience, and Quatre and Trowa go back to their seats on the stage to watch everyone else fight. Trowa: who do you think will win that fight? *points to Lady Une and Noin* Quatre: hmmm. well, i think after a few more minutes, Treize and Zechs will probrably get involved. Trowa: in which case... Quatre and Trowa in unison: Lady Une. and they were right. *commercial break* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jerry: lets move on to our next topic. "i'm a better mobile suit pilot you bitch" Noin: Ok, I have lots to say here. I am quite possibly the best mobile suit pilot ever, and Treize's little whore still outranks me!!!! Lady Une: THE HELL YOU ARE!! Riddle me this, batman: if you're so good, why am I a colonel, and YOU"re ONLY a Lieutennant!!!! Noin: that's easy: You're doing Treize, you slut!! Lady Une: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *throws chair* Treize: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY LADY!!!!!! *throws chair* YOu need to learn some civility!!!!!!!!!!!!! WuFei: None of you weaklings have any sense of justice or integrity!!!! Especially the women! Lady Une: *punches WuFei out* Weak woman my ass. Zechs: You can kill me if you want, but NOBODY throws chairs at Noin!!!! *throws chair at Treize* Lady Une: I'm a frickin COLONEL you insubordinate little bitch!!!!!!! *starts trying to gore out Noin's eyeballs with a spoon* Noin: You're a Frickin' SLUT is what you are!!!!! die!!!!!!!! *flips Une off her and pins her to the ground* Treize: you have no civility, milliardo, and that is why i will have to destroy you. Didn't your parents ever teach you never to hit a girl? Especially my Lady! Dorothy: this is a truly beautiful battle... WuFei: *regains consciousness* Hey, yea, zechs. she is a weak, inferior onna. if you have to fight someone, fight us, you coward! Zechs: No! I never liked the fact that that little ho outranked me. Noin could totally kick her ass! *punches Lady Une and kicks treize* Lady Une: *Kicks zechs in...the land down under* I am not a ho! and i will fight for mister Treize!!!! DieEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Gives Noin a black eye. *show shot of the other guests eating popcorn and making bets* Dorothy: this is a truly beautiful battle. GO MILLIARDO!! Quatre: THis is insane. We have to stop this before they kill eachother! Duo: I got $50 on Une in the catfight, but i think milliardo will kick treize's butt. Treize is cluless. all he ever does is make speeches. Heero: who made the popcorn? by the way, duo, put me down for 20 bucks on Treize and Une. Trowa: I'm bored. 10 dollas on noin. Jerry: Lets ask the audience what they think. Audience member 1: Lady Une is a slut! 50$ on Noin! Audience member 2: Noin is an annoying lesbian bitch! $100 on Lady Une and Treize. Audience member 1: Excuse me! She's not a colonel! Audience member 2: *slugs audience member 1* neither are you! and you're a pain in the ass! huge fight breaks out in the audience. meanwhile, Zechs, Treize, Noin, and Lady Une have left the studios and come back with mobile suits... Treize:( in the gundam epyon ) Your are an unworthy opponent, and so is your girlfriend, which is why we are kicking your uncivil little butts. battles without civilty, or good mobile suits, give rise to massacres. Noin: ( in an aries ) Unworthy opponent my ass, Treize! Zechs: ( in the tallgeese ) It would be in your best intrests to surrender now. civility won't save your butt or Lady Une's. Lady Une: ( in another aries ) How dare you insult Mr. Treize. And I'M NOT A HO!!!!! *enourmous mobile suit battle starts* Jerry: *sweatdropped* are you people done yet? good, because we've run out of time for today. thanks for watching the Jerry Springer show. Tomorrow we have Tenchi Masaki and his 7 girlfriends... *the tallgeess steps on Jerry, killing him instantly* *cue GW end theme* Narrator: Tempers are again heated after the jerry springer battle. Milliardo and Dorothy return to the battleship libra, and everyone else starts preparing for the final battle, next time on...Gundam Wing, episode 48. |
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