hinode_dream

This fic takes place a few months after the end of the TV series. I'll assume that the Preventers was created not long after the forming of the Earth Sphere United Nation, so Lady Une is already their director. Endless Waltz has yet to happen.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. What does it take to make you people understand that? I'm referring to the lawyers with lawsuits in their hands, not to the other fans who already know that I'm a penniless high schooler who spends every dime she gets on legitimate anime stuff...Uh, excluding fansubbed stuff.

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I Dreamed a Dream

Lady Une stared out her office window watching as tiny snowflakes fell from the overcast sky. It had been a long day, and all of her paperwork had been finished 45 minutes ago. Even though it was getting late--7:51 PM, a glance at her watch confirmed--Une was content to simply sit and watch the crystal flakes dance their graceful ballet, before scattering to the earth.

It had been a hectic day, full of meetings with various government officials, trainee information sessions, more meetings, and finally, at the end of the day, the barrage of paperwork that went with everything that had been done that day. Everything was finished, but Lady Une felt no reason to head out just yet. She wanted to take a few minutes to just relax, but those few moments inevitably turned into 45, and that relaxation inevitably turned into a chance for her thoughts to catch up to her. And those thoughts had inevitably gone down paths that she did not want to visit.

Thinking had become something she tried to avoid if she could. Not the thinking that was required for her new job; that was methodical, analytical, diplomatic thinking. What she tried to avoid was the deep, soul-searching, dredging-up-honest-thoughts type of thinking. This kind of thinking always led her to the same spot, over and over and over.

Treize.

Outside her office, Une heard some of the new recruits, three young men she had know from her days at OZ. They were running passed, laughing and shouting; their voices seemed louder than was probably appropriate for government officials. Sighing, Une turned away from the fogged window and rested her head in her hands. The young men she worked with now inevitably made her draw comparisons to another young man-- more of a god-- really, who still invaded her mind and clouded her thoughts, even four months later.

There was a time when men were kind,
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting.

Shaking her head, Lady Une tried to clear her mind. No, no! I refuse to allow myself to go down this road again. She stood up and walked away from her desk, hoping that maybe the movement would help avoid the tantalizing face that still hung in her head.

It was no use. He always managed to get the best of her. Smiling softly, Une decided that maybe reminiscing wouldn't be so bad. What was wrong with indulging oneself in a little bit of fantasy? After all, when she had met Treize, she had been little more than sixteen years of age. She had been so young and idealistic then, Une shuddered to think of how her former views were nothing like those she held now. She had been foolish, like any other high-born aristocratic girl. But it had been her idealism, or so Treize had always said, that had attracted him to her in the first place.

Treize. The name still held such a strong spell over her. Just thinking it evoked so many emotions, all sweet and warm and gentle. A soft smile graced Lady Une's face. Even after so much, I still feel like that naive girl that I was when we met.

There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting.

You showed me so much Treize. Even after you left that first time, I kept the lessons you had taught me. Her smile turned wistful. Such was the magic he possessed. No matter what the stature of their relationship had been, from the storybook romance from all those years ago, to mere co-workers, and finally to the star-crossed lovers that marked the end of their time together, he always managed to get the best of her. If she had only one regret, it was that they never returned to what they had been; they never made right what had gone wrong.

Sighing, Une resigned herself to that one simple fact: life had cheated her of a reconciliation with the only man she would ever truly love.

There was a time.
Then it all went wrong.

Une returned to the lush leather seat where she spent most of her days lately. Her eyes wandered over her desk, searching for their target. Her smile broadened when they settled upon the object of their search: the framed picture from the last time they were together as a couple.

Her thoughts began their regression back to the time when she had been truly happy, albeit a much more uninformed and idealistic time.

She had only been sixteen years old when young Treize Khushrenada came to spend the summer with the family of his father's old friend, Lord Wilhelm Deitrich*, Une's father.

She had not gone by the name of Une back then. Anne had been her given name. Even in her thoughts, Lady Une found the name to be like a foreign word as it rang in her head. The girl she had been and the woman she was now were two different people; the names only cemented the change.

The summer that Treize spent at their manor was still etched in her memory as if it had ended just yesterday. He had been so cordial, so polite to her in the beginning, always calling her by her proper 'Lady Anne' title. As they had grown closer, and Treize had begun to tell her things of his life and the world he envisioned--that had been the first time Une heard of his dream of world peace--she found herself falling in love with him. She dreamed of him every night, until the night came when he was no longer a dream, but a reality.

I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living.

All those nights when he lay with her after making love were like a dream. But never even her wildest ones lived up to the pleasure and joy she found in the world that had become her reality. And Treize for all appearances felt the same; not once after they became lovers did she awake alone. Not once did she ever fall asleep without the soothing sound of his voice whispering words of love and adoration in her ears. Even though Treize was two years her senior, he never once treated her as though she was less than he was, never acted as if she was an inferior. Une felt a slight flush on her face as she thought of how he always placed her pleasure above his when they were together. So, a part of that young girl still exists, she realized, to her surprise, happily.

Une swiveled in her chair to again face the window. The sky was completely back now, the thick snow clouds obscuring the view of Orion that was visible at this point in winter. Winter. Treize had always disliked that season. He never used the word 'hate', Une thought idly. He always believed that word was too strong to be used on something as frivolous as one's opinion on the seasons. He did, however, waste no time in exalting the seasons of spring and summer. Spring, he had said, because it was the time of birth and new life; it represented the chance to correct the mistakes of the previous year. Une sighed and closed her eyes as she recalled their talks of summer. Summer was the chance for those new beginnings of spring to come into bloom, for them to truly occur. And, she smiled, summer had been when he met her. As clich� and hokey as it sounded, Une had never once doubted that he spoke the truth to her. Even now, so many years later.

The snow fell to the ground, swirling under the harsh light of the street lamps. Sitting in reflection, Une thought about something her father had told her once. All snowflakes were unique; not one was identical to another. Even now, she wondered at the truth behind the statement. She had asked Treize once, just as their affair had begun, if he thought it was true. He had laughed slightly, not at her though. He would never laugh at her. Rather, he had laughed at how innocently she had posed the question. He had asked why she wanted to know, and she told him it was "just because". Une recalled with pleasure how he had told her that he believed that snowflakes were like people: never before, and never after would there be two that were exactly alike. It was what he had said in the following moments that truly stuck in her mind. Treize had taken her hands and turned to face her. Tilting her face upwards to his, he had said that while snowflakes were always different, they fell in exact places, so as to be near the ones that they felt fit with them. When they melted in the springtime, they welted together, always a part of the one that they searched for. It was just like people, he said, who spend the whole of their existence searching for once who melts with them just so.

Une sighed again, this time in sadness. She closed her eyes in an effort to keep the memories from getting to her. At the time Treize had told her that, he had said that she was the snowflake he fell towards. And Une had truly believed it. She still did.

I dreamed that love would never die.
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used
And wasted.

For that one summer, Une had truly felt that her life was perfect. Days were spent doing things typical of any aristocratic young woman; she held no responsibilities that could hold her down. Nights were spent walking through the large rose garden on her property with Treize, speaking of everything and anything with him. And the late night to early morning was also spent with Treize, but now they spent their time in bed; they always made love in her bed. For that one summer, Lady Une believed that he would always be with her.

Treize was supposed to have been with them to reestablish diplomatic ties with one of the largest landholders in their German province, and yet he spent all of his time, or so it had seemed to Une, with the quiet, demure daughter who was only just beginning to take a hold of the responsibilities of her place in life.

It seemed as though they spent every moment, waking and sleeping, together. Une, of course, could not have been happier. Leaning back in her chair, the newly-appointed chief of the Preventers exhaled a soft breath, watching as the little puff turned to moisture as it rested against the icy window. They seemed to exist out of time for that brief period.

He introduced her to so many things. He told her of worlds beyond any she had already experienced; despite being nobility, she had been so sheltered, she thought. Treize told her of all his aspirations, of his dreams for the future. It was a future he promised to share with her. Ah, Treize, you never broke your promises, Une thought sadly. In all the years they had known each other, that was the one and only promise made to her he didn't keep.

Treize taught her of life. Not the things her tutors taught her, nothing out of historical texts or great works of literature, but of all she would need to know if she didn't want to fade away into the darkness that was the progression of time. She learned of truth, of tragedy, of the stunning sadness and exquisite happiness that humanity is capable of experiencing. She learned everything.

There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung,
No wine untasted.

Those lessons served her well in the next two years. After Treize left that autumn, after he went to Bremen to begin his task of commanding the Specials force, she never heard from him. Those two years, the time that her personality underwent the stark transformation that caused her to become the hard, cold, calculating woman that she did, were the worst of her life. Thinking back upon that time always caused her such heartache. But as much as it pained Une to admit it, Treize's leaving her allowed her to become the strong woman that she was now.

It had hurt. For so long, it had hurt. The knowledge of all that they had shared, of all that had passed between them, that it didn't mean anything to him was too much for her to bear. It was a harsh reality that she had awakened to. And it had embittered her. To think of all she had given him, to think that she had believed in his words of love, to think that he could just walk away without a second thought, had crushed her. It had crushed the young, naive Anne. And it had given birth to the adult, assertive, uncompromising Colonel Une.

It had not taken much convincing for Une to get her father to allow her to enroll in the military academy in Berlin. Une knew that Treize's time would be taken up at the Lake Victoria Academy, where Specials were trained. As much as she forced herself to be strong, seeing Treize during that first year would have done more damage than he already had to her heart. It took her that year to close her wounds, and to display a natural tactical mind and combative ability. It was her mind and abilities that advanced her so quickly to the rank of colonel. It was that quick advance that caught the eye of the Specials at Lake Victoria. And it was at her training at Lake Victoria where she met Treize again.

Surprisingly, it had not hurt as much as Une had thought it would to see Treize again. That had actually satisfied her, she shuddered now to think. She had wanted so much to make him feel the pain his leaving had caused her. Treize had not even recognized the harsh young colonel, who kept her brown hair pulled severely pulled away from her face, and who never took off her glasses. When they spoke, Une's voice was slightly deeper than it had been when they were together. She carried herself with an assurance that only comes from one who has lived in life.

When he figured out that Colonel Une was also the soft, sweet Lady Anne he had known, Une never knew. She just knew that on the day she graduated from Lake Victoria--a year ahead of Treize's dear friend Zechs Merquise, she thought smiling slightly--she received her assignment: she was to be the second-in-command under Colonel Treize Khushrenada. She had arrived back in Europe, and Treize started calling her "Lady Une", signifying for the first time that he knew more of her past than normally told people. And as much as it pained her, Une found herself still willing to do anything for Treize. But now, she would no longer be his willing concubine, and she had told him so. The look of shock on his face when she said that was something that still haunted her memory. But he was too charming, too charismatic for her to turn away from. So, she began to do everything she could to make the world that Treize had told her of when she had laid in his arms a reality.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
As they turn your dream to shame.

Une could not stand to think of the way she acted towards Treize during their time at OZ and throughout the war. She knew she hurt him deeply, she could see it in his eyes whenever she called him "Treize-sama"; they had never used honorifics during their time together. When she spurned any advance he made at going beyond their propriety at work, even if it was something as simple a glass of wine late after the day ended. Une's smile grew wider as she remembered how he had tried to get some sort of emotional response out of her, usually by officially scheduling their planning times and meetings while he was in his bath, knowing that she couldn't escape him if it was an official part of her job.

The corners of her lips turned down sadly as she realized just how much time she wasted on her anger. They could have reconciled, Une was sure of his feelings now. Funny how hindsight is always 20/20. That was a bitter pill to swallow. She was so intent on hurting Treize that the cold demeanor became her whole personality. And in the end it had been Treize that brought her back to who she was. He knew, somehow, that he could never regain the sweet girl he had known, but Une was certain that he was happy that she had grown up.

But none of her reflection took away the hurt of what could have been. Inevitably, her thoughts always returned to that one glorious summer. All she needed to do was close her eyes and she was again indulged in the sensations of their lovemaking. She could still feel the gentle caresses of his hands as they turned her body to liquid fire. He had always been so gentle, never overpowering her and always concerned that she was comfortable and enjoying herself, especially their first time together. She could still hear his soft voice as he called her name out. "My dear Lady," he had always called her. It had not been a sign of respect, rather, he used her title like a term of affection. And she could still feel the comforting strength of his arms as he held her afterwards. He never seemed to let go of her, physically or mentally. Perhaps that was why she ended up with him, even after their relationship had dissolved to nothingness; his hold on her was too strong for anything to break. It certainly seemed true now.

She had given Treize everything; that had been her gift to him. Perhaps his had been that even death could never really separate them.

Why was it that fate deemed it necessary to cheat true love of adequate time during life? Une knew that her fellow Preventer, Lucrezia Noin, would agree with that statement. She had been robbed of her time with Zechs Merquise, Milliardo Peacecraft, just as she was of time with her Treize. I still think of him as 'mine'. Even after five years, when there was nothing between us, I still call him mine. And despite everything that should point to the contrary, Une knew that he was hers. It took her far too long to learn that he always was, and always would be.

He slept a summer by my side.
He filled my days with endless wonder.
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came.

Dammit, why did it have to hurt so much? Wasn't love supposed to be a beautiful, everlasting thing? But then, Une supposed, in some ways it was. She would never forget Treize. And because of that, the love they shared would always last. But even with that tiny piece of comfort, the pang in her heart still remained.

If only... Her thoughts always came to the same place. If only they had reconciled. If only she had said she was sorry. If only he had told her why he left and never looked back. If only he had lived. Towards the end, they had been so close to a reconciliation. If the war had not occurred, and cruel fate had not intervened, Une felt sure that they would have been together again. To live happily ever after...

And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together.

Une stared as the flurry from earlier that evening slowly turned into a storm. She would have to leave soon if she wanted to make it back to her apartment before the roads became too dangerous. But for some reason, she didn't want to leave her office. In the back of her mind, she knew why she couldn't leave. If she were to leave in this state of mind, and return to her apartment where she still kept mementos of him, she would just end up in another depression like she had experienced at the end of the war. She knew that she wouldn't be able to pull herself out if she left and was all alone. Staying here and composing herself was the best choice...

Oh, damn... Une wiped at her eyes in a vain effort to catch the tears that had begun to fall. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry anymore. She knew that Treize wouldn't have wanted her to be sad now, four months after his...demise.

She still couldn't bring herself to say that he was dead. For some reason, that would just make it too final. Maybe it was the soldier in her, that knew all too well of death, that refused this one, final admission. It didn't matter to her what her brain knew, her heart would probably never allow her to actually say that he was dead. That was one thing that she would never find the strength to do.

But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather...

This wasn't how it was supposed to be! Treize was supposed to have lived. They were supposed to have made amends. They were supposed to have been together, at the forefront of this new world that he fought so hard for, with a family and no more worries for the rest of their lives. She wasn't supposed to be all alone now, facing this frightening world by herself. Perhaps a part of that young girl still lived. Or perhaps Treize's sacrifice had brought her younger self back from death. It didn't matter, really. The fact was, she didn't want to be without him. She didn't want to be alone.

Five years seemed like a different lifetime. It was too long to have gone without his touch, his warmth, his love. The thought of the lifetime ahead of her frightened Une. How would she survive that if she could barely make it through half a decade? This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It should be different! He should be here with me...

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living.
So different now from what it seemed.

Pulling herself together, Une forced the tears to stop. Pushing away from her desk, she took one last look outside before heading for her office door. It hurt too much to continue to dwell on, and she knew that after such a long day, it would be all-too easy to fall prey to her fantasies. She was alone, and she would just have to learn to accept that.

Shutting off the lights, Une walked out the door and locked it behind her. Pushing all thoughts of Treize back into the recesses of her memory, she steeled herself with the determination that had helped her get over him the first time. And Une knew for a fact that this time around, she wouldn't ever have to see him again. I'll learn to live again. If nothing else, Treize taught me to survive.

In the dim light of the outside lamps, a picture still stood up on Lady Une's desk. It was framed by and intricate silver holding, and looked brand new. In it was a picture taken five years ago, of Treize and a young Anne, in each others arms. Written in the corner, in Treize's distinct, graceful penmanship, was the note: "Anne, to life."

~*~*~*~*~

*Peeking out from the curtains* Well, minna? Did it suck? Should I have stayed away? Or should I continue to write? Let me know what you think, 'k?

Oh, yeah. The song is called "I Dreamed a Dream", and it's from the musical Les Miserables. If you ever have the chance, go see it. Or at the very least, buy the soundtrack. The music is absolutely incredible, and the storyline is so tragic and sad. Actually, there are a lot of parallels between Les Mis and Gundam Wing.

Ja ne!

Hinode