'Politically Incorrect''s Bill Maher Takes a Comic Look at Politics

Aired July 16, 1999 - 9:00 p.m. ET

LARRY KING, HOST: Tonight, in one corner, Bill and Hillary, George W., Liddy Dole and other White House wannabes. In the other corner, the man who put incorrect in "Politically Incorrect."

We're ready to rumble with Bill Maher for the full hour next on LARRY KING LIVE.

So much to cover, so little time. It's great to have Bill Maher with us on LARRY KING LIVE. Later on in the program, we'll discuss what's happening with his show, the extension into 2001, his return to stand-up comedy in a big way, lots of things to talk about, but right now what else could we do with Bill but go right to subjects at hand? We know you like that. I'm excited.

BILL MAHER, "POLITICALLY INCORRECT": Are you being managed by Don King now?

That was a very histrionic opening.

KING: Well they planned it for you. I didn't plan this. The producers think up -- all day they worked on that.

All right, let's get into things we haven't discussed in a while: Clinton-Lewinsky -- your thoughts on that whole thing William.

MAHER: Oh, well it's sort of a postmortem now, but...

KING: Yes, let's look back.

MAHER: Yes, we're at a point now where -- I guess we always were, where nobody's mind was ever changed. I don't think anybody's mind was ever changed. Either you were -- everybody was outraged, that's interesting. Either you were outraged by the fact that, you know, the president got a sexual act done in the office, you know, these people would come on my show, the office where Reagan wouldn't take off his coat, you know?

KING: Sacred office.

MAHER: Yes, OK. Or you're outraged by the way we treated our president. And I was in the other -- that latter category. That's what outraged me.

KING: You were outraged at the way we treated the president?

MAHER: Yes, very much.

KING: You thought the president did OK? That was a correct thing.

MAHER: I actually -- womanwise I thought he could have done better, and he should have done better. I mean, Kennedy was getting Marilyn Monroe. He was getting the chunky chick who brings in the mail. This was not fair. This is the president. I mean, if he wants some, he should at least get the best.

KING: How do you explain that he came through that as well as he did?

MAHER: Because the American public -- basically about three quarters of them, agreed with me.

KING: That...

MAHER: That it was -- it wasn't admirable contact -- conduct, but on the other hand, it wasn't something you should be thrown out of office for. And I think they understood in a very innate level that, first of all, everybody has flaws, you know. I mean, even a president has flaws, you know. I mentioned Reagan -- I got all sorts of flack this year when I pointed out on my show that he had flaws too. His were flaws of the mind. I'm not making fun of him, OK, but, you know, I'd rather have the president's penis be the organ that's a little flawed than the mind, OK?

KING: Well put.

MAHER: And I think -- you know, if you want to write me letters, I tell you right now, I'm not going to make any apologies for that. I mean, if their side makes the point that this president is not fit for office because of what he did with -- then it's fair to say not every president -- every president was not fit for office in some way.

KING: The one thing one can say about you Bill is we can't type you, because as we go on through we will learn that while early viewers may say, Boy is he liberal, they will soon discover other things as we travel this path.

MAHER: Yes.

KING: What'd you think of Ken Starr?

MAHER: Same as the ebola virus. Just right here in the -- and again, I think the people in America thought the same thing. They judged -- they made a judgment. People kept saying, you know, It's the media. Well, you know, they didn't need the media. That's why this was a good issue for them. They didn't have to have this explained. Anyone would understand that a middle-aged man in the 22nd year of a probably businesslike marriage -- I don't think I'm going out on a limb there -- might need, you know, a little relief, considering he has the most stressful job in the world. That doesn't seem like -- again, not admirable, but he had like prison sex 10 times in 16 months, right? It was prison sex. It was in a hallway looking to see if someone's coming in. It doesn't...

KING: So Ken Starr, we -- the public saw him as a...

MAHER: As a persecutor, as someone who criminalized what should not have been criminalized.

KING: Some other characters in that saga -- Linda Tripp.

MAHER: Again, someone with, I would say, a very low poll rating. Someone not very popular, and, you know, for a comedian it's great because I don't feel guilty about making somebody -- making fun of somebody like that. I don't normally do jokes about people's appearance...

KING: No, you don't.

MAHER: ... but I hated her so much that once in a while I would let fly.

KING: You hated her because she taped a friend.

MAHER: She taped a friend, and also she was out to get a president. I mean there was no doubt about it. I mean, when Hillary Clinton said this was a vast right-wing conspiracy, that was true. I mean, he also did what did, but it also would never have gotten to where it had gotten had there not been a vast right-wing conspiracy. The money that allowed Paula Jones to have all her things, and the connections between Paula Jones's lawyers and Ken Starr's lawyers, and Lucianne Goldberg and Linda Tripp. I mean this was all the bad guys.

KING: Do you put Goldberg in the Tripp category too?

MAHER: Yes, well, I mean she egged her on. She was the Iago, and, you know, and Linda Tripp was the Falstaff.

KING: And even Larry Flynt played a part in this. How did you read that?

MAHER: Right, I thought that was great. I mean, Larry Flynt put his money where his mouth is. Not that I'd want to be where Larry Flynt's mouth was -- ooh, that was a scary thought. But, you know, when you think about it, Larry Flynt, for $1 million -- that's what he offered -- brought down a speaker of the House, exposed Bob Barr, at least one or two others. Ken Starr, for $40 million, couldn't get his man. He couldn't get Clinton.

KING: The irony.

MAHER: Not the irony, the justice.

KING: And finally in what whole story, Drudge -- Matt Drudge. What do you make of him? MAHER: I -- you know, I like Matt. I have him on the show. He's a character. He has definitely stretched journalistic standards very thin I think, but, you know, he's hardly the only one. And he's hardly alone out there in the idea that -- you know, it used to be that people would ask: Is it true? Now they ask: Can I get sued for it? You know, that's the standard is -- or could I get away with saying it? They sort of -- now the standard is sort of: I'll throw it out there and we'll see who denies it.

KING: Bill Maher is the guest. He's the host of "Politically Incorrect." He's with us for the full hour, and before you think he's one way, he'll surprise you. We'll talk about Hillary next. Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "POLITICALLY INCORRECT")

MAHER: The president was in New York to raise money, as he always has to do. He saw a Broadway show called "The Iceman Cometh." You would think he would avoid that. And then had a big fund-raiser, mostly with the fashion industry. There was a big photo op with Ralph Lauren -- two men, Clinton and Lauren, there who have, let us just say, left their mark on clothing.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back with the Maher man. We go back a long way, Bill Maher and I. It's always great to see him, and oh especially great to have him with us for the full hour.

Hillary Clinton, why does she stay in that marriage, do you think?

MAHER: Well, she's the first lady.

KING: Good job.

MAHER: Yes, good job, springboard, and, you know, how about maybe she loves him, maybe she forgives him in a way that certain other begrudging people cannot.

KING: Not our business.

MAHER: Not our business, right. I mean, who knows what their marriage is. I doubt if it's red-hot monkey love at this point, but I mean, how many people can say, after 22 years -- certainly you will never be the expert on this.

KING: Keep it up, Maher. Keep it up, Maher, keep it up. Is...

MAHER: What was the longest your marriage ever lasted.

KING: Seven years.

MAHER: Seven years? KING: But this one's forever.

MAHER: OK, yes.

KING: This one, hey, got a little baby boy. This is -- OK, don't...

MAHER: Right.

KING: And how many times have you been married?

MAHER: I've never been married.

KING: Why? Are you afraid? Is there some psychology...

MAHER: You know, that bothers me. I've had people on the show that...

KING: It bothers me when you bring up personal things so I do. Why does it bother you there?

MAHER: It bothers me when people say you're afraid to get married. Or I've heard the term many times thrown at me "commitment phobe." Now phobe implies an illness, a disease. You know, I don't like sushi. I'm not a "sushi phobe."

KING: You choose not to be committed.

MAHER: Right.

KING: OK, fair.

MAHER: So?

KING: Why do you think she's running for the Senate?

MAHER: I can't believe you are quizzing me about why I don't get married.

KING: No, if you quiz me on marriage I can quiz you on non- marriage.

MAHER: Because obviously -- I know, but obviously the institution does not work perfectly. I mean, so I would have to do it seven...

KING: Oh, so I'm your role model in a sense for not...

MAHER: Exactly. You...

KING: Why do you think she's running for the Senate?

MAHER: Because I think that's what the Clintons do. I think they're policy people. I think she would not be happy just sitting around or doing something less. I think she'll also win, and...

KING: You do?

MAHER: Yes. Yes, I think the people of New York state have a -- have a soft spot for celebrity runners, you know, Bobby Kennedy came in. That's kind of like the -- they won't be able to resist that. And I don't know how she'll be as a senator, but...

KING: What do you make of all the venom, though, the opponents who hate her running but actually benefit by it because it keeps them going for years?

MAHER: They hate Clinton. I don't know why they hate the Clintons with a visceral, lava like -- it's molten, this hatred. I...

KING: But it helps then in a sense because it's, like, daily.

MAHER: It is. One of the Clintons greatest assets is their enemies.

KING: Absolutely.

MAHER: Yes, but I've had so many people come on "Politically Incorrect" and people who are supposed to be upstanding, and they're very -- and they will just right come out and say, he's a rapist, you know, because of that Juanita Broaddrick. And it just makes me see red. It's like, first of all you shouldn't throw that around if you don't know -- and we certainly don't know -- but about the president? The president you would say this about?

As my mother pointed out to me, it's not the presidents that have changed, it's the people.

KING: What do you make of...

MAHER: When FDR was president, they had respect, you know?

KING: So it's we that change not...

MAHER: Yes. FDR was in a wheelchair. They didn't even talk about that. It was like, does he have legs? I don't know, but he's the president. We wouldn't go there. That's a private area, his legs. But this one's groin, that's OK.

KING: Liddy Dole, how's she going to do?

MAHER: I am not a big fan of Liddy Dole.

KING: Why not?

MAHER: She's -- she is the most -- she makes Al Gore look like Ricky Martin. She's just very practiced, very -- and also she started out her campaign with a huge lie. And as you know, Larry, I make my living because I have the best BS meter. When I hear a lie, I cannot let it pass.

KING: And what was that? MAHER: She started out her first day, she said, you know, I'm not a politician. And I think maybe that's a good thing. They all applauded. Not -- she's not a politician? A huge lie. She is a politician for many, many years.

KING: Which annoyed you from the start?

MAHER: A lie always annoys me.

KING: Do you think she might be the vice presidential candidate of George W. Bush?

MAHER: I doubt it.

KING: What do you make of George W. Bush?

MAHER: I always say he's the Matthew McConaughey of politicians. Remember Matthew when he was out on the cover of "Vanity Fair," and he hadn't made a movie, and, you know, just the powers that be just sort of decided,...

KING: Annointed him.

MAHER: ... here is your next movie star. It was like, OK. Sure, he's a good-looking guy, and I'm sure he's in this movie. Well, it's sort of like that with George -- I mean, I'm not against him, I'm not for him, but I'd like to know a little bit about him before, you know...

KING: Why do you think they're rushing to give him -- he doesn't even -- he turned down matching funds.

MAHER: That is such a -- that money thing, which, look, you can't just blame him. They all do it. He's just doing it best, so they're jealous of him. But this idea that it's all about the money and the voters just get lost in the mix -- he's not out there right now even trying to appeal to voters. Do you know who he talks to when he goes out around the country now? He talks to people like -- he was in New Hampshire talking to the people who were involved with the ethanol subsidies. Now, there's a -- there's an issue that's going to start a real prairie fire. Why? Because they have money. He went to Silicon Valley. He talked to the people who were interested in the fact that Internet commerce not be taxed. Again, not really resonant with the people, because they will give him money. So they're already ponying up.

That's, to me, the biggest problem in America. We have a government that is a system of open bribery. We have nothing but cash whores -- and when I say that, I don't mean any disrespect to real whores who actually have a little morals.

KING: At least they're quid pro quo.

MAHER: Right, exactly.

KING: Do you think it's because there's just not a lot of Republican candidates around and he has a great name and he's a nice- looking guy and he stepped into a void?

MAHER: Yes, I mean it's unfortunate but in America brand name carries a lot of weight, and people go into the jobs that their parents...

KING: Same as Hillary for the Senate in New York, right?

MAHER: Right.

KING: Brand Name.

MAHER: Wallendas got on tight ropes and Knievels jump across canyons, and bushes and Kennedys and Rockefellers and Clintons run. And people, you know, he has a high poll rating. A lot of them think it's his father.

KING: You think America thinks George Bush is running again?

MAHER: That's a fact. In polls, if you ask -- if you probe a lot of people, who's George Bush, they think they're talking about the old man. Yes, but why should people be paying attention a year and a half before an election? It's ridiculous.

KING: We'll take a break, come back and ask about Al Gore.

Our guest is Bill Maher, the host of "Politically Incorrect" on ABC.

Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "POLITICALLY INCORRECT")

MAHER: Do you know what issues George W. Bush has campaigned on? He was in California saying that he is for keeping Internet transactions tax free.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's worth $36 million.

JACKIE COLLINS, AUTHOR: I like that.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The lesser the better.

MAHER: That's because nobody cares about that.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The lesser the better.

MAHER: That's just to get money from Internet companies. They'll buy the voters later with the money they get from the companies to buy ads.

JACKIE COLLINS, AUTHOR: But I like him. I'll tell you why I like him. Can I tell you why I like him? Because he's had his playboy days. He's not like the current president, who is still having his playboy days. He's had those playboy days.

MAHER: Good point, Jackie. Thank you. UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That doesn't mean we can't say anything bad about him because we don't know much about him. But in Texas we know as much as we can.

MAHER: I know this about -- I don't know how someone who writes books called "The Bitch and the Stud" cannot like Clinton.

COLLINS: Wait a minute.

MAHER: That's number one.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're running down the line with Bill Maher of "Politically Incorrect" on ABC.

Al Gore -- it's not even a question, just had to make a statement. Go with it.

MAHER: You're slowly writing yourself out of this completely, Larry.

KING: That's right. You don't need me.

MAHER: By the end of the half hour, I'll just be doing it. Al Gore -- well, I do think he'll be the next president. I've predicted that from the get-go, because...

KING: He trails by much, though, at the current juncture.

MAHER: Yes, but come on. Like I said, they don't even know who's running. They're not sure which Bush it is, OK? When they find out who the guy is then we'll take another poll. They don't pay attention until after the World Series -- next year's World Series, not even this year's.

But Al Gore will win because people like Clinton as a president. Even the people who don't like his morality think he's done a hell of a job. And Gore is completely part of that.

KING: So why isn't he getting all the...

MAHER: And gore is Clinton, you know, without a crotch. He's, you know, he's Clinton without that problem. He's a...

KING: Oh, but without the charisma, too.

MAHER: He's an anatomically incorrect Clinton. And that's -- that would -- that's a perfect candidate. No, it is. If you like Clinton, the president, but you don't want Clinton, the guy who hits on everything that's not covered with icing or trying to give him money, then that would be a good candidate.

KING: But why hasn't he, then -- why isn't he way ahead at this point?

MAHER: Because only three people are watching. I keep telling you. First, it's the summer. No one cares about politics in the summer. No one cares about politics at all, you know, really, in this country, a very small amount, and it means a absolutely nothing.

KING: What do you make of the "boring" charge, though? They're going to play this up. What did you make of Bill Bradley and his whole -- he's raising money.

MAHER: I like Bill Bradley. I think he has a shot at being guy who I could look at and think, oh, he's actually saying close to what he thinks. I don't expect anybody to, like, really be "Bulworth." But we're not getting that from anybody else. I think he could be that guy. I think somebody ought to like try that again. I know they get their head handed to them when they try to be honest, but I like a guy who tries.

KING: What do you make of the rise of Governor Ventura of Minnesota?

MAHER: I don't know much about him or what he's done, but I think it's positive that we could have elected a guy, somebody, somewhere, who wasn't, you know, the standard cookie-cutter guy in the suit and the red tie, you know.

KING: He's refreshing.

MAHER: I hope. He may just be like a wrestler who lucked out and, you know.

KING: No, he's pretty smart.

MAHER: Yes.

KING: Have you had him on yet?

MAHER: No.

KING: He would go on.

MAHER: How do you know?

KING: I feel he would.

MAHER: I bet you we've asked him, and he's turned us down or maybe he's been too busy.

KING: Bob Smith has left the Republican Party.

MAHER: Oh, no, Bob Smith has left the Republican Party.

KING: He announced it on this show Monday night.

MAHER: Larry, I've got to leave right now. Yes, I did a joke about that. I almost, yes, had a joke about you in that joke, and I took it out because I was coming here.

Yes, Bob Smith left the Republican Party. I think that's good. I think that's a positive sign, because the Republican Party I think, first of all, means nothing to me now. I think they're the worst of both worlds. I think they don't do what I used to vote for a Republican to do, which is to be a mean old white guy who watches my money. That's what I want them to do.

KING: They're doing it with health care.

MAHER: No, they're not. They're fighting over scraps. This is not the -- that contract with America -- are you kidding?

John McCain is running for president. He's Republican. OK, here's a guy who spent five years in the "Hanoi Hilton," shot down over Vietnam. One of his issues is a passengers' bill of rights. This is a guy who got shot down over Vietnam, but he cares about looser restrictions on carry-on luggage and -- I'm not kidding. There's, like, a bill; they have 24 hours and they have to find your luggage, like they're just hiding it on purpose now. Oh, damn, I guess we've got to give to them.

KING: So these old white men you like?

MAHER: Well, that's -- I thought the era of big government was over. I mean, when Clinton said it -- OK, I know that's crazy, because he's a Democrat and a liar -- but the -- and I love him -- but the Republicans, they're supposed to be the ones who are actually thinking that means something. What happened to that party?

Now it's just the party that looks into your bedroom, which is what I thought Reagan was against; get the government out of our lives. OK, so they do that, they do the bad part, and then they don't do the good part, which is watch my money.

KING: Who's left that you admire, really admire? I mean, everything's by default with you?

MAHER: I'm for Adlai Stevenson, to be perfectly frank.

KING: Good man.

We'll be right back with more of the thoughts -- we'll turn to other areas away from politics: life in general, with Bill Maher of "Politically Incorrect."

Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. BOB SMITH (R-NH), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Tomorrow at 2:15, I'm going to take the floor of the Senate and announce that I'm leaving the Republican Party, a party that has been my party for almost 50 years, as long as I can remember.

MAHER: This is going to be terrible news to a lot of you, but Bob Smith...

(LAUGHTER)

... is no longer a Republican. Do you know Bob Smith? I didn't either. He's running for president. He is a senator from New Hampshire. And he said the Republican Party is insufficiently conservative...

(LAUGHTER)

... for him. So he, last night on LARRY KING, said he is out as a Republican, and today he made it official. He marched right down to Republican headquarters and turned in his mistress.

(LAUGHTER)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: You've had Heston on, G. Gordon Liddy, Nugent, Elayne Boosler -- all talking about gun control.

MAHER: We had those three gun guys on one show together for the people who sometimes I get letters from, who say, oh, you only have one conservative on at a time. Well, not true. We had them all together, and...

KING: And, basically, you are a conservative, as you have said tonight. White man saving your money is conservative. That's conservative. I can't analyze -- it ain't liberal.

MAHER: No, but you -- I am liberal about some things, conservative about others.

KING: That's good.

MAHER: You need both. That's the point.

KING: What are you on gun control?

MAHER: I would say I'm with the liberal camp, but I don't know.

See, I don't think the terms mean anything anymore. I think my position on Clinton is the conservative position. I think the conservative position would be to stay out of his bedroom. I'd bet you Barry Goldwater, if he were to judge the Clinton scandal, would have said Ken Starr is wrong. He's criminalizing private behavior. So who knows what the terms means.

KING: What do you make of gun control?

MAHER: What are your thoughts on this whole gun thing? I'm not against anyone owning a gun a gun, "a" gun. There's nothing wrong with owning a gun. There is a lot wrong with worshipping guns. And they do worship them. And they don't -- there is no room for compromise with these people. That's the problem.

I've tried to say to Mr. Heston, who I like a lot, and comes on often, I've said, you know, it's the Second Amendment. But he thinks in terms of commandments, you know. He sees it as a commandment. And I've said to him, I said: It's an amendment. The very word "amendment" means, we rethought a few things.

KING: That's right.

MAHER: It means it's not chiseled in stone, so therefore, things have changed since they wrote that back then.

KING: He doesn't accept that?

MAHER: Of course not. I mean, he thinks that's the most -- he thinks that's more important than the First Amendment.

KING: But you can't ban worship. I can worship a gun if I wish.

MAHER: Yes.

KING: What do you want to take away from me, then? You, Bill Maher, would like to take what away from me?

MAHER: Well, as far as gun control?

KING: I can't have two guns? Is that what you're saying? I can only have one gun?

MAHER: Well, you know, they even turned down a law in many states that the proposition was that you could only buy one gun a month, and this was too much of a slippery slope for some people. One a month? What about Christmas, they said. You know, what about my gun-of-the-month club? You get that 13th extra.

You know, I mean, if you started when you're 18 and collected until you were 60, that would be over 500 guns. I don't care how small your penis is, Larry, you don't need that many guns.

(LAUGHTER)

KING: We'll be right back with more of Bill Maher. In the next portion, we're going to try to draw him out on things.

Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAHER: Last night, the Clintons, Bill and Hillary, were in Paris. I just myself had a beautiful romantic weekend -- the most romantic city in the world. And he's over there in Paris trying to get back with her, you know, because of what happened, and he was almost there, Paris, the lights, the night, the stars, but every time they walked outside they see another chick in a beret...

(LAUGHTER) ... and I tell you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: Bill Maher is also one of the best stand-up comics ever. He'll be at the Improve in Irvine, California July 31st, and August 13th and 14th at the Sands in Atlantic City.

MAHER: That's right.

KING: If you haven't seen Maher stand-up -- you've seen him on "Politically Incorrect," wait'll you see him stand-up. That's where he started.

OK, you've got a list here; what is this?

MAHER: You mentioned guns Larry -- we were just talking about guns, and I had my briefcase with me because I came from my office. I keep this list with me, because one of my beefs is that this country -- it doesn't say we're against dying, it's just some things are intolerable to die from and some things it's OK to die from. And I will give you -- and there are no rhyme or reason to it.

It's OK to die from alcohol, you know? It's OK to die from air pollution, traffic accidents. You know, they say Memorial Day weekend we'll be expecting 500 dead. People go, That's not bad. But if one soldier dies in Kosovo, that's intolerable.

KING: Good point.

MAHER: I don't get that.

KING: What else?

MAHER: OK, so you can die from alcohol, air pollution, traffic, prescription drugs, sun cancer, fatty foods, long hopeless terminal illness and guns. And you can't die from smoking, illegal drugs, assisted suicide or the one I mentioned, being in the Army. I mean, I never...

KING: So what is this saying?

MAHER: It's saying we're screwed up. It's saying we're screwed up. There's no reason for this. There's no reason to put these in these categories, to point fingers at the people -- you know, the smokers. You, you alone are the...

KING: You defend the smoker.

MAHER: Oh, yes, I do, Larry.

KING: Explain that.

MAHER: Well, again... KING: It kills. It's a killer product, isn't it?

MAHER: Larry, so is fatty food, so is sun cancer, so are prescription drugs -- all these things. Why do we point at the smoker and say, You know what? Your bad habit costs society, and that's the real -- you know, because that's the cover reason why we have to get rid of smoke. Your bad habit costs us in health care. Well, the person who's overweight, his bad habit is costing society too.

KING: So what you're saying is everything goes or...

MAHER: No, I'm saying I don't want to, like, attack the people who are overweight. I'm saying get off the smokers. I'm saying just be consistent.

We're all in this society together. We're all costing it in one way or another, OK. We all do something. None of us are perfect. We all pick our own poison. Don't point at me because mine is the one -- why do they pick on smoking? Not because it's the most important issue, because it's the one that's easiest to pick on. So that's why I defend smokers. And my mother still smokes.

KING: You also permit smoking on your show, right?

MAHER: Oh sure, if somebody wants to smoke, let them smoke.

KING: You could be the only show on television that has smoking.

MAHER: I've had -- probably am the only one.

KING: You get any protests?

MAHER: If I did, I don't care. If -- there's not a day that goes by I don't get letters that say, I will never watch your show again. I think, Good, then I'm doing my job.

KING: Does Disney ever bug you on this, because they own ABC?

MAHER: No, Disney's pretty good. Of course they don't watch. They don't care what I do.

KING: You talk a lot about kids, right? You put kids things -- we're oriented as a society toward kids.

MAHER: Well, overly so, I think, yes. I mean, I think everything is marketed that way. I don't -- there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it, except that kids are the ones -- I'm talking about teenagers and so forth -- they're the ones who advertisers want to reach, because they're the ones who apparently have not made up their mind about brand loyalty.

KING: Right, and they have some spendable income apparently.

MAHER: Right. I mean, you know what you like.

KING: Correct. MAHER: You like suspenders.

KING: Right. I know my coffee brand.

MAHER: You like that cut of shirt -- right. You are not going to change and suddenly...

KING: You're not going to change from long-sleeve, over-the- head, top-button shirts.

MAHER: I might, Larry, but again, I'm not married. But that's who they're trying to get. Therefore, everything follows the advertising dollar, and you get this upside-down society, I think, where, you know, you have only magazines with 19-year-olds on the cover. When I was a kid, a 19-year-old only got on a 19-year-old magazine, on "Teen Beat," you know, who wants to read about Brittany Spears? I mean, she's a pretty girl. OK, if you have to put her on the cover, but then whoever's on the cover has to get the biggest story. Is there anything that she could be sharing with society? I mean, Jennifer Love Hewitt -- a wonderful girl I'm sure, but what sort of wisdom is she imparting that this tale is wagging the media dog.

KING: You also -- you get angry at all babies beautiful. You don't like babies.

MAHER: I don't like babies -- again, don't call it a disease.

KING: You don't like babies.

MAHER: No. Lots of people don't, I'm just the one who's out of the closet. Babies are disgusting.

KING: You're out of your mind.

MAHER: No, I'm just different than you. Why isn't that OK? Why do the people who want to be...

KING: How can you not like a baby? You were a baby!

MAHER: Yes, I was taking a crap 10 minutes ago too, but I'm not that now, OK? I mean, some things are just not appealing to people. Why did -- why does it have to be something's wrong with you? Why are...

KING: I didn't say -- all right, I didn't mean that it way, but they're just so sweet and cuddly. How could you not like...

MAHER: I love dogs. I love animals. Maybe you don't...

KING: I like dogs too.

MAHER: But some people don't, and when they don't I don't say, What's wrong with you? How can you not like a puppy? But that's what I think.

KING: All right, can you tell us why you don't like babies? MAHER: Because they could go off at any time. Because they're gross. They stink, and they spit, and -- I -- who cares. I just -- why don't you like a certain food?

KING: You can't -- that's hard to explain, why you don't like foods.

MAHER: I just -- it's -- there's nothing appealing to me about it.

KING: Are you critical of the septuplets?

MAHER: Very. The septuplets, yes, and also the hypocrisy -- talk about a lie -- all this: It was a miracle from God. It was a miracle from Pfizer, OK? This was a miracle from the good people at Dow, and turkey basters, and all the -- I mean God does not make litters of children, OK? So to say, you know, we were just -- that's ridiculous that we would celebrate that. We need less population growth, not encouraging it that way.

KING: We will include some phone calls for Mr. Maher on this edition of LARRY KING LIVE. I almost hate to say this, but tomorrow night we're going to repeat our interview with Queen Noor. That's from the ridiculous to the sublime.

We'll be right back.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "POLITICALLY INCORRECT")

MAHER: Now, over in Europe are the Clintons right now. President Clinton and Hillary are on an eight-day tour of Europe. He is going to meet the G-7 people over there in Cologne, Germany, with -- also Boris Yeltsin is coming to Cologne. And that is the perfect place, Cologne, you know for Yeltsin and Clinton to meet, because Cologne is what Clinton splashes on to cover his affairs, and it's what Yeltsin drinks when there's nothing else around the house, so that's the perfect.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: "Politically Incorrect" has been renewed through January of 2001. In a separate deal, Bill has signed to do a one-hour stand- up special for HBO next year, your first since 1995.

MAHER: Yes, it will be my fifth.

KING: He'll be at the Improv in Irvine, the Sands in Atlantic City. Coming back to stand-up, did you miss it?

MAHER: Yes, I did, and it's great to be back. This new special is going to be called "Be More Cynical."

KING: And obviously it can't be taped because you're going to be as timely as yesterday. MAHER: Yes, I think I'm going to try to do it close to the election next year.

KING: Let's take some calls for Bill Maher. Ellijay, Georgia, hello.

CALLER: Bill, how will CNN alumnus Pat Buchanan do in his race for the presidency in your opinion?

MAHER: Pat Buchanan? Is he still in?

KING: Yes, he's still around.

MAHER: Oh, well, you know, he'll -- he'd be good in the Bob Smith party. He'd be good in that, because he's not really a Republican either, you know? He's part of that Christian right that sort of parasitically took over the host Republican Party and is trying to kill it, like every host does.

KING: What do you make of the Quayle candidacy?

MAHER: The Quayle candidacy? Quixotic.

KING: Aspen, Colorado, hello.

CALLER: Hello, Larry.

KING: Hi.

CALLER: I have a question and a comment for Bill.

KING: Sure.

CALLER: First of all, Bill, I love your show....

MAHER: Thank you.

CALLER: I love your attitude. And I was going to ask you about Ross Perot, but instead I think I'll say, why don't you run for president?

MAHER: Because of shows like this.

KING: You want honesty, you want directness, you want to tell the people. Why not put your...

MAHER: But that is the exact reason is because a comedian -- I think the role of the comedian -- and I think I take it to an extreme, but I think that's, you know, honesty in the defense of liberty is no vice, if I may paraphrase. Comedians tell the truth. They don't conceal, they don't fudge. And especially politically in correct means the opposite of being political, which means you have to say a bunch of mush to nobody.

And, therefore, I would be the exact worst candidate because we don't vote. We say we want an honest man. We say we want somebody who will tell the truth and give us the straight poop. But Ross Perot, you mentioned, he was a hero, remember, the first time he ran, until he got specific and said things like we need a 50-cent tax on gasoline and some other good ideas that were a little too honest, and we got rid of him.

People vote for things like "compassionate conservativism," you know, phrases that mean nothing, say nothing and are not honest. And Clinton got the job because he was great at fudging.

KING: Provincetown, Massachusetts, hello.

CALLER: Hi.

KING: Hi.

CALLER: Do you think that if Hillary ever ran for president that she have a shot at it? And would you vote for her?

MAHER: Oh, yes, I might. I think she'd definitely have a shot at it. I think she probably -- if I had to say which female candidate has the best shot in the next, you know, 10, 12 years of becoming president, I would say it would have to be Hillary Clinton. Do you think anybody else would...

KING: What do you think Bill's going to do?

MAHER: After he retires?

KING: Yes, after -- you know, he's a young retiree.

MAHER: Right.

KING: What is he going to do?

MAHER: Well, they say he's going to come out here and work in the show business industry. I don't believe that.

KING: She's going to live in New York, he's not going to...

MAHER: Yes, I think he's going to get a lot of tail. I'll tell you, I think that is priority number one. There's a backlog going on there, let me tell you.

KING: Farmington, New Mexico, hello.

CALLER: Hi, Larry, I would like to ask Bill what he thinks of George Stephanapoulos and his new book?

MAHER: I have not read it. I think he showed a certain lack of loyalty there.

KING: What do you make of books when people leave, like they leave the White House and they write a book about it?

MAHER: I think it's crappy. I think it's crappy morals. I think it's low. I think people just don't have any class anymore. What did you think of that Salinger? You know, here's a guy who is the most private guy in the world, and she auctions off his letters, you know? I mean, it's just...

KING: And it was nice of the person who bought it to return them to him.

MAHER: Yes, see? Every once in a while there's a little hope in the world, Larry.

KING: Do -- are you mostly cynical?

MAHER: Well, as I was mentioning, I want to call this special "Be More Cynical" because my theory is this country needs to be more cynical. Everyone says, you know, we're so cynical. We have to stop being cynical. No, we're not cynical enough. We're too stupid. We're too taken in by stuff. I mean, politicians wear red ties. Why do they all wear a red tie? It works. What are we, bulls? You know, I mean, we're not cynical enough. We're fooled by advertising, which is used to sell us things and to scare us from things, products, politicians, which are sold just like products, but, you know, if you think, you know, Penny Marshall is shopping at Kmart, you're the same level of needing more cynicism as someone who is going to -- compassionate conservativism. That sounds good. No, it sounds lying nothing.

KING: But the media -- you've been critical, true, about newsmagazine shows? Too many of them?

MAHER: Oh, you know, I don't see many of them. So...

KING: What do you make of them? They're sweeping the country. Everybody's got 14 going. I don't even know what night they're on.

MAHER: Well, this country needs a good sweeping. Well, you know, it's cheap entertainment. That's what it means for the networks is that, you know, you'll never have to pay $13 million an episode for "Dateline."

KING: Detroit, hello.

CALLER: Yes, Bill, if Republicans are old white men that watch your money, how do you characterize Democrats?

MAHER: Well, Democrat are the -- should be the -- the liberal party. They should be the party that is...

KING: Likes big government.

MAHER: That likes big government and thinks that there's a place for them solving problems that the Republicans might counter. But in general, what I'm saying is that each party needs to be itself, and Republicans are traditionally stuffy businessmen types. And there's nothing wrong with that. You need stuffy just the way you need liberal, you know? And if I want someone to watch my money, I should be able to vote for a Republican. If I want to go have fun on a boat, I'll call Gary Hart or Ted Kennedy. But let's just everybody just be who they are.

KING: I understand.

We'll back with more of Bill Maher after this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAHER: What does it say that Hillary Clinton is now embraced because she's a victim when she was kind of derogated when she was a policymaker. What does that say about the cause and where it's gone, and did it go anywhere.

GERMAINE GREER, AUTHOR: Look, I don't get it, actually. I find it absolutely nauseating that now Clinton can't keep his hands off her. Every time they appear in public he's pawing her, pushing her around as if she was a supermarket trolley. And you think, hey, know, just hang on a minute, you know?

MAHER: Really, I haven't noticed that.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He's pushing her away, I think.

GREER: But haven't you noticed thy hold hands and they smirk at each other?

MAHER: Clinton is pawing her in public?

GREER: Yes, they're always in physical contact. It is heave making, don't you think.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I agree. I agree.

GREER: Absolutely. I mean, you know as well as I do the man is terrified of her, absolutely terrified of her.

MAHER: Well, maybe he's holding her hand so she won't hit him. You know, I mean, we've all done that with a chick,\that kind of: Honey, wait until we get home.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Protection.

ALAN THICKE, ACTOR: I feel like an award show: She's a carpetbagger, he's got rug burn. They're shagadelic.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back.

In defense of babies, this is Chance, my kid -- Shawn and my kid. He's four months old. That's his total personality. Now, tell me that that...

MAHER: We both know that came with the wallet, that Tony Danza is the father of that child. I don't know with a you're trying to pull. But, no, why do I have to like that?

KING: No, you don't have to, but you can't say that is a...

MAHER: No, but to me, it's the conformity. This country has such conformity. That's what I object to. And government-endorsed conformity is the worst. The government by its tax policy tells me churches are good, children are good, cigarettes are bad. Well, what if I think cigarettes are good and churches are bad? Isn't that an opinion? Although it may not be in the majority that is as valid, if this is really America?

KING: What about smoke that might go from me to you?

MAHER: Larry...

KING: Fatty foods doesn't go from me to you.

MAHER: We have completely conquered the problem of secondhand smoke. You cannot smoke anywhere. That is a red herring argument. You can't smoke in bars in L.A., bars. A bar? Hello; vices. You can't smoke at the beach. The beach is an ashtray. You can't smoke at auto shows.

There's no smoking anywhere it could hurt anybody. So don't throw that one, not that that was a good argument anyway, because there was a thousand noxious fumes in the air every day. Did you ever walk behind a bus, OK?

KING: Is there anything you would ban?

MAHER: Ban?

KING: Ban.

MAHER: Yes, assault rifles.

KING: OK, but you wouldn't ban drugs? You wouldn't ban cigarettes? You wouldn't ban...

MAHER: Right. I am for an adult society.

KING: You're a libertarian.

MAHER: I am a libertarian, absolutely. I am for everybody doing whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else.

KING: Plain and simple.

MAHER: Yes, plain and simple, but not when you get the government involved and the government fooling people into thinking that, you know...

KING: Do you think we're entitled to health care?

MAHER: You mean government...

KING: Yes.

MAHER: I think there should be some program that you can join up with the government, but I don't think it should be the extent it is now. Because I think when you take away the idea that you have to look toward your own future and helping yourself -- it's like the old story about the squirrel saving his nuts. The squirrel who didn't save his nuts --

(LAUGHTER)

MAHER: They all think...

KING: We're going to leave that alone.

MAHER: No, no, I wasn't.

(LAUGHTER)

KING: We'll be back with our remaining moments after this.

MAHER: I promise I wasn't.

KING: Tomorrow night on LARRY KING WEEKEND, an encore presentation of my interview with Queen Noor.

Then next week, on the 30th anniversary of the first man walking on the moon, we'll talk to Buzz Aldrin, the second man on the moon.

Wednesday night, millions of listeners tune in to him every morning: Don Imus will be the guest.

Then on Thursday, the cast of "The View" comes to LARRY KING LIVE. We'll talk to the hosts of ABC's popular talk show,"The View."

It's all ahead on LARRY KING LIVE, 9:00 Eastern on CNN.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back with Bill Maher of "Politically Incorrect."

Twin Falls, Idaho, hello.

CALLER: Hi, Bill.

MAHER: Hi.

CALLER: You know, earlier in the show, you said that you -- quote,unquote -- hate liars, and, Bill, I believe that Bill Clinton has been, like, almost the ultimate liar. Why are you so hard on Elizabeth Dole? And also, do you believe in God?

MAHER: I do believe in God. I do not believe in religion. I do not understand why people need all the bureaucracy between them and God. It's supposed to be such a personal relationship, but with all the people in between, it's like the DMV, you know. Also, I don't believe in people's, you know -- the conception of God as, you know, a guy who writes books and he's a single parent. You know, come on, if he's God, he's not on the same level we are. That's the whole point of being God is that you're not feeling...

KING: But you believe in a creator?

MAHER: I definitely believe in a life force, call it god, that is superior and that is to be aspired to.

As far as Bill Clinton's lies, my comment to that would be, there are some questions that do not deserve an honest answer, because they should never have been asked in the first place. And that is an instance where a lie is acceptable. There are other lies that he's told that I've objected to, but they're policy lies. Those lies bother me. A guy lying about his sex life doesn't bother me. George Bush saying Clarence Thomas is the most qualified member for the Supreme Court, that's a lie that bothers me, because it affects my life.

KING: Do we have the right to ask public officials about their private lives by the very nature of their asking for our vote and being on our payroll?

MAHER: To a certain extent, but not a tremendous extent. You know, there's politicians now who are signing these pledges, you know, and then challenging their opponent. The pledge of purity: I never had an affair. I never had a homosexual experience. I never -- and they make the other guy sign it.

How about a none-of-your-damn-business pledge? That's the one I would like them to is sign, because where does that -- when you start listing things, where does that list end? I never rented a porno movie? I never watched my dog lick himself? I mean, what -- where do you take this pledge?

KING: Where does it go?

MAHER: Yes, exactly.

KING: What do you make of the Ten Commandments hanging in all public buildings?

MAHER: Stupid, nonsensical. I mean, half of them are religious to begin with, so right there that's a violation of church and state. And also, you know, they asked the kids which Commandment they knew. They only can name one: Thou shall not kill. So obviously they know the one that pertains, and it really doesn't matter to them.

KING: As always.

MAHER: Oh, Larry, pleasure.

KING: Bill Maher, thanks for a great hour.

Bill Maher, the host of "Politically Incorrect." You'll also see an upcoming HBO special. It'll be coming next year. He'll also be at the Improv in Irvine, California July 31, and at the Sands Hotel in Atlantic City August 13 and 14.

We'll repeat the interview with Queen Noor tomorrow night.

Thanks for joining us. Have a great weekend, and good night.