dawg

what does your choice of dog say about you? well if biggles is anything to go by, then there is no hope for me. just the other day my family were telling me that biggles is "a perfect fag dog". why only they can tell you, but I suppose that basset hounds are not the icon of masculinity. trouble is, bassets are not exactly the icon of intellectualism either. bassets just exist. they are there to be loved. that's it. you want anything more, get a border collie.
biggles' parents are two beautiful bassets called womble (dad) and trixie (mom). womble is just mad, he needs doggie ritalin if such a thing exists. trixie is probably the cutest dog in the whole world. I think she would win a "longest ears" contest at any basset hound show... we nicknamed her "pwincess trixie" because she just has that air of royalty about her, always completely dignified (even when stealing something off the table!).
so, from these two came one (completely unexpected) litter of seven, of which biggles was the second-born and probably the pick of the litter. he got really nice tricolour markings from womble and trixie's long ears and sad face. however, as any experienced basset owner will tell you, don't let those apparently sad eyes fool you! it's all just a big ploy to get you to give in and spoil them rotten (an inevitability, by all accounts).
unlike his parents, biggles doesn't have any "itchy spots" like so many other dogs do. you can scratch him anywhere and he remains dead calm... although he enjoys it immensely. however, when he gets all excited and playful, he goes completely crazy when you scratch him on his lower back - where his kidneys would be, I suppose - and bites you (all in play, of course). if anybody else has a dog that is so sensitive in this area, I would be glad to hear about it.
biggles is fast establishing himself as a (pardon the expression) cat burglar. to date, his loot includes gym training gloves, slippers, plastic funnels, vegetable bags, socks, shoes, clothes... and these are just the items we know about. what is so unique about his talent is his ability to steal these things so silently and unnoticed. well, unnoticed until we are forced to reassemble said items from their lawn-strewn components in jigsaw-puzzle fashion and determine their identity. of course, it is at this point that the forlorn basset look comes in handy, and biggles uses it shamelessly.
it is questionable whether biggles would make a good guard dog. fortunately we have not yet had occasion to determine this, but our other dogs have somewhat mediocre tenor barks while biggles has a rich, deep baritone. the problem is that to rouse biggles from his bed in the middle of the night is probably a tougher task than raising his master! this is especially so in the winter when we are forced to bury him in his blankets before he will even contemplate settling down for the night.
biggles is also an established contortionist. bassets have often been described as "two dogs long and half a dog high"... owing to his length, biggles is able to assume an amazing variety of convoluted and apparently comfortable sleeping postures that often make me wonder whether he is in possession of a spine at all. do others have bassets who sleep this way? it's crazy!
but then, I look at my mad basset and am reminded of the words of a fellow basset owner: "anything else is just a dog".