Forget Asian Bird Flu!  You gotta catch Larry Bird Fever! Play the Larry Bird contest!
Everybody knows that Larry Bird was the greatest athelete to ever live.  Larry dominated the National Basketball Association throughout the 1980's.  He shot, passed, and defended with acuity, aplomb, and tenacity respectively.  He once scored 82 points against the Cleveland Caterpillars.  Larry punked fools and fooled punks, often both on the same move to the hoop.  Larry stood out on the court like a mighty Everest among foothills, or like a foothill among anthills depending on what scale you prefer your hyperbole.  And although he didn't much care for the Irish, he was a good soldier who donned the mighty Celtic green for every game of his career.  Except for when it was a home game, then he donned mostly white.  But whatever he was donning, chances are that if you were his opponent he was gonna dunk on your slow ass when you expected him to shoot, and he was gonna shoot over your schoolgirlishly flailing arms when you expected him to dunk. Yes, when we think back professional sports in the 80's we may think of them as the days of "Bo knows baseball" and "Bo knows football." But Bo knew deep in his heart that he was a deeply inferior athelete to Larry Legend.
The event that brings us to this contest is a conversation I had with somebody the other day in which we were talking about Larry Bird.  I made some sort of joke about Larry deriving his super powers from his moustache and was told that he didn't have a moustache.  I flatly told this person that she was wrong and then later I looked up some pictures of Larry Bird on the internet and was dumbfounded to see that he did NOT have a moustache.  I don't know why, in my memory, I had attributed a moustache to him for all these years.  Finding out that he didn't have a moustache shocked me and put me at a loss for words.  Clearly my perception of the greatest athelete ever to live hadn't been congruent with reality. This was not at all a settling thought.  How many other of my closely held beleifs could be this wildly out of line with fact?  So the purpose of this contest is to get you, the contestants, to help me create a small reality in which Larry Bird did have a moustache.  Thats it, its pretty simple, flimsy but simple.  Get a picture of Larry and give him a moustache and then email it to me.  I will pick the winner and post it on this site.  You may select one of the Larry Bird images that I've supplied, or you may venture into the strange land of websites about basketball and cherrypick your own.  Here's how to do it.
Larry said knock you out.
1. Find a picture of Larry Bird (you may use the ones on this webpage).
2. Right click it.  Click "Save Picture As." Save it as something.
3. Open the picture in a program such Microsoft Paint, or Photoshop or Norton PhotoBugger-er or whatever you have.
4. Go to town! Give Larry a moustache! Be creative! The possibilities are endless! Give him other facial hair or features or whatever!
5. Dude!
6. Try your best to save it as a .jpeg file.  Email it to me at:
[email protected]


This contest will go on for a period known in the Mayan calander as "an arbitrary length of time", and at the end of this period I will choose a winner.  That winner will receive a prize and his or her moustachioed Larry Bird will be posted on this webpage.  I haven't decided what the prize is.  In fact maybe I'll just let the winner suggest what his or her prize should be.  And then I'll haggle you down to a cheaper prize, and then you'll haggle me up to a more expensive one, and we can do it in Cuban accents to make it more fun.  Whatever, I'll figure it out.  Get to work!
Larry treads carefully around his fallen opponents.
Some fans called him "Lights Out Larry" for some reason.  Probably because they were from Boston and therefore weird.
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