    |
HOME AT LAST- GASP!
Palmer buys Vanessa a House!
Vanessa was bored- just how long did Palmer expect her to hang around the Valley Inn, doing nothing? She tried to get Palmer's attention, as he sat, reading the Sunday paper- How DID he always seem so...content, just sitting? Vanessa wondered.
''Palmer, Darling? Will we be getting out, today, or are you just going to sit around, letting all the blood flow down into your ankles? I'm frightfully bored, Darling!''
Palmer glanced up from his paper, and scowled, licking his fingertips, as he turned the page.
''I like my ankles to be full of blood. It soothes me!''
''Oh, you're sooo amusing! That's it, read your paper, ignore me- I'll find something to amuse myself with!''
''Good. Keep me posted!'' Palmer snorted.
Wistfully, she sighed, and thumbed through a copy of ''Tempo''.
''Let's see...Ha! ''Enid Nelson honored, as Pine Valley Chamber of Commerce holds awards dinner...yadda, yadda...For her years of tireless service, to the youth of Pine Valley? Hmph! I'm sure Enid has been ''serviced'' by a few ''youths'', in her day- but, an AWARD? That's just...preposterous!''
Palmer looked up from his paper. ''Not that I've ever been one of Enid's great admirers- But, the woman has done a lot of volunteer work, for the community.''
''Well, I could do just as much volunteer work, IF we had a decent place to have parties in! This room is so cramped, I barely have room for my shoes, let alone ever having a party!''
Palmer rolled his eyes, & sighed.
''Vanessa- You know full well, that the Valley Inn has the largest and most luxurious rooms in Pine Valley. When I was a boy, in Pigeon Hollow, our cabin was barely bigger than our bathroom is, here!''
Vanessa gasped. ''You mean, you HAD bathrooms? Oh, how all of the other hillbillies must have been positively green, with envy! Tell me, Darling- Did Pappy's backyard still spout Dom Perignon?''
Palmer rolled his eyes, and deadpanned; ''No, My slack-jawed cousin Cletus and I had to drive the one-eyed mule into town, for that little indulgence!''
Vanessa chuckled, and walked over to Palmer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, kissing the top of his head.
''I'm just teasing you, my little country bumpkin!''
''Vanessa- Have you been nipping at that free hotel mouthwash, again?''
Vanessa threw her head back, and laughed. ''No, Darling! I'm just in such a gloriously giddy mood, because I love you!''
''Good Lord, Vanessa! And you make fun of the fact that I used to clean out horse stables?''
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Vanessa batted her eyes, and said, dramatically; ''Now, WHO could be coming to call, so early on a Sunday morning? I'll get it!''
Palmer threw his paper down on the floor. ''Looks like I'll never get to finish this paper, today!''
Vanessa came breezing back into the room, with Marion Chandler in tow.
''Why, look, Palmer! It's Marion Chandler, come to call! Isn't this a pleasant surprise?''
''Good morning, Marion. You're looking...well.''
''And, you look delicious as ever, Palmer! Why, I was just saying to Stuart, the other day, how Palmer Courtlandt is ageless! Tell me, Darling- How DO you do it?''
''Actually, I believe it has something to do with all of the ''natural materials'' that get heaped on me, day after day!''
''Oh, Palmer! You always were such a card! Anyway, Darlings, I brought over those property brochures, that you wanted to see! Take a look, and if you want, being that it's early, we could manage to see three, maybe even four of them, today!''
''Property brochures? What the Devil...Vanessa! You called Marion over here, without my knowledge, and expect me to go running around all day, looking at over-priced gothic monstrocities?''
''Well...YES! Oh, Palmer! We've been cooped up in this teeny, tiny room, forever!''
''This happens to be a ten room suite!''
''Oh, Palmer- I want to see to it, that my man has the kind of stylish, lovingly prepared, exquisite...''
''Expensive!''
''Well, we could always end up getting one of those tacky condominiums, where Leo and Laura live! Yes, wouldn't THAT be lovely? The Santos' baby, up crying, all hours of the night! All of those lovely young people, coming and going, all hours...''
''Sigh...Alright...I'll look...''
Marion piped up. ''Oh, Palmer, you won't regret it! I have some absolutely fabulous properties to show you!''
************
Marion turned the realtor box key, and opened the massive, stained-glass and iron front door. They stepped into the foyer, and Vanessa gasped.
''Oh, Palmer! It's...perfect!''
The soaring foyer was panelled in deep mahogany, with a huge, stained glass skylight, which let the sun shine down upon the exquisite marble-tiled floor. Walking past the foyer, they were greeted by a magnificent, ornately carved spiral staircase, with two massive doorways, on either side. One leading toward the formal living room, and the other leading toward an enormous ballroom- at the center of which was a grand piano. Vanessa ran her hands across the keys, and beamed.
''Look, Palmer! For when David comes over?''
Palmer scoffed; ''Oh, yes! He's always popping in, looking to play Mozart for us!''
Marion smiled. ''This house is YOU, Vanessa! Come, see the living room!''
As they walked into the formal living room, Vanessa gasped. She had never seen a room like it before.
''Gracious! It makes WildWind look like a tenement! Palmer! We have GOT to get this house!''
Palmer walked into the room, and up to the enormous, marble & granite fireplace. He closed his eyes, and remembered how, at Courtlandt Manor, he would love to sit, in his favorite chair, by the fire, sipping brandy, and petting his favorite Doberman, Finch. Then, he remembered how, during the divorce, Opal took his family home, his fine furnishings, his Dobermans...and turned his home into a Beauty Parlour! Now, he could have his ''castle'' back- with a new Queen. He smiled at Vanessa, and cleared his throat.
''I say, we put an oxblood-leather wingchair, right here by the fire.''
Marion squealed, Vanessa gasped, and Palmer took out his checkbook.
''Oh, Darling, you won't regret it! Greymoore is one of the finest estates on the East Coast!'' Marion chimed.
''Vanessa! Our next stop is Pickwick Kennels, out on Route 6. How do you feel about Dobermans?''
''Oh, Palmer! I feel just divine, about Dobermans!''
************
Back at the former Courtlandt Manor, Opal sighed, and tipped back another glass of wine, and cracked open another pistaschio nut. Petey was on a sleepover, and she was alone- again. Flipping through the TV channels, she paused, when a commercial for Courtlandt Electronics came on. Palmer- God, she still missed the old coot! The sting of tears surprised her, and she instinctively rubbed her eyes- forgetting about the red food-coloring, from the pistaschios. Realizing what she had done, she ran to the mirror, only to see deep, red smears, under her eyes.
''Well, don't that just beat all?''
She reached for the wine bottle, to refill her glass- but found it empty.
Sigh... No luck fer me, tonight, huh?''
Reaching for a tissue, she was suddenly very lonely. She flopped back down on the bed, reached for the phone, and dialed Erica's number.
''Hello?''
''Girlfriend, I am lower than a flea with an ingrown toenail! Listen, Honey- Are you doin' anythin' tonight? I was thinkin' that you and me could, Oh, I dunno- Go and rent one of them movies, where Meryl Streep is dying of some incurable disease, and has a rat-fink polecat fer a husband! How 'bout it?''
''I'd love to be able to spend some time with you, Opal! But, I can't! Bianca's gone off, with that horrble Frankie person, and Chris Stamp is going to drive me around, to look for her!''
''Sugar, don't you think you ought to loosen up the old apronstrings, a bit? Frankie seems like a good egg to me- and, actually, I WISH that I had someone of my own to go off with!''
''Opal- you just don't understand!''
''Oh, I understand, Honey. It's been so long since you had a relationship of yer own to be worried about, that now all yer attention is focused on Bianca!''
''Opal- Have you been drinking, again?''
''And, what if I have? I'm entitled!''
''Opal- I can't talk to you, when you've been drinking. Call me back, tomorrow- After you've slept it off- OK?''
Click!....
''What the...She hung up on me? I can't believe it!''
Pursing her lips, Opal hurriedly dialed Myrtle's number. After a few rings, Myrtle picked up.
''Hey, Myrt! It's me, Opal! I was just sittin' here, thinkin'- You and me don't spend near enough time together, these days. I was wonderin', if you...''
''Good Lord...You're drunk again, aren't you, Darlin'?''
Opal rolled her eyes. ''Fer Pete's sake! Can't a gal get a little tipsy, once in a while, without everybody gettin' their knickers in a bunch over it?''
''Sweetheart- You've been drinking an awful lot, lately. I'm starting to worry, that maybe you have...a problem with it...If you know what I mean.''
''Don't be silly, Myrt! How long do you know me? Do I seem like a drunk, to you? Oh, sure, I enjoy a few belts, every once in a while...and, fer yer infermation- I've seen YOU knock back a few, on occasion, Miss Carrie Nation!''
''OK, OK! I won't badger you, Sweetie! Look, it's late, I'll let you go and get some sleep. Take care, Darlin'! And, don't drink anymore, tonight, OK?''
''Yeah- I'll get some sleep- I'll do that, Myrt! Nighty-night!''
Opal hung up the phone, and looked at the empty wine bottle, next to the bed. She walked over, picked it up, and threw it in the wastebasket, next to the nightstand. Then, she went downstairs, to the kitchen...and got another bottle.
Opal poured herself another glass, and raised it to her lips.
''I'll do that, Myrt...''
************
''No! No! No! How many thimes do I have to TELL you? I said, put it over there!''
The moving men were beginning to lose patience with Vanessa. They had been trying to place an antique armoire in spot that would make her happy, for nearly an hour.
''Look, Lady- If you ever want the rest of this stuff brought into your house- Could you decide where it is, exactly, that you want this thing? While some of us are young?''
''Why, you insolent...Leo!''
Vanessa beamed, as her youngest son stood grinning, in the doorway.
''Door was open, so I just wandered in. Wow...some digs!''
''Oh, Leo! Don't you just love your Mother's new home? Don't just stand there, Darling- Come in, come in!''
''I'm happy for you, Mom. I guess, this what you wanted, all along. Hey- at least, you didn't have to knock off Palmer, to hit the jackpot....Um, you didn't knock him off, did you, Mom?''
''Leo! Don't be silly! I love Palmer! We both couldn't be happier! The very notion, of suggesting that I would...that's just crazy! Oh, that reminds me...How IS Poor Laura? Still in the asylum?''
''Oak Haven is NOT an ''asylum'', Mother! Laura has...problems...and, Oak Haven is a place where she can get the help she needs. In the meantime...''
''In the meantime, Darling- you are foot-loose, and fancy-free! Oh, Leo- Why don't you give that beautiful Greenlee Smythe a call? She can't be truly happy, even with that handsome young doctor!''
''Look, Mother- we went over this! I can't just abandon Laura, while she's still in Oak Haven- That's like a rat leaving a sinking ship! Besides...I don't think Greenlee would ever take me back. I treated her horribly, when Laura was having her breakdown. Actually, that's sort of what I came here to talk to you about. I was wondering- Would it be OK, if I stayed here, with you and Palmer, while Laura's in...the hospital? I can't afford to pay all of Laura's psychiatric bills, and keep up with payments, on the condo. Brooke wants to help, of course- But, I got myself into this mess, right? At least, I still have my job- I really want to be able to stand on my own feet, one day. Kind of a silly thing to say, when I'm asking to move back in with my Mom, huh? But, I'd pay my own way- really. It's gotta be cheaper than my mortgage is! Something's got to give, so I'm putting the condo up for sale. If it's a problem, I understand- I can always get a room at the Pine Cone.''
''The PINE CONE? Absolutely NOT, Darling! Why, Palmer and I have tons of room, here! You can pick out any room you'd like- Except for the master bedroom- That's ours, of course! Stay as long as you like, Sweetheart!''
Smiling, Leo hugged Vanessa, and winked. ''You're a peach, Mom!''
Vanessa busied herself with the rest of the decorating, for most of the day, then later, got a call from Marion.
''It's all set, Darling! He's almost finished!''
''Oh, my goodness, really? I can't wait! When can I see it?''
''I'll call you back, when he's completely done. You are going to be stunned, Vanessa...stunned!''