This morning started very good.Brett called to me and I was going to meet him to day at MBK. So excited. I was thinking. would he look like Mr.Brian? blue eyes? crazy? funny? Anyway I've gotta go to school first.
Home: I went to Sangkeet Wiattaya(my old school) to get another centifecate. but my teacher wasn't there.So i have to come back another day. And then i went to Horwang school. So bad luck,Horwang school need 40 students,But I was on that lits also. but I'm number 42! need only 40! I know now I dont fail match.Because 42-40=2.Only people.:-( So bad..
And then I went to see Brett at MBK.After we met. I was a bit shy when people looking at me and Brett.So then we went back to his room.He's nice guy.we didn;t talk about sex at all. just talked about another thing. But finally we got closer,And he kiss me...and then....................... but he didn't fuck me.we just have a nice time.and I met him just fun.dont wanna think much about him.because i know he's not looking for love. After finish...we lay donw on the bed, i play with his face,I used my finger touching his face.and it made he falling in sleep. finally not to long "I'm sleepy" and then not to long. I left him there.And went to see movie alone. I was a bit lonely.i dont know what wrong but feel so lonely. Very very much. I was looking at many many lover walked pass me.I ask my self again "What i haven;t got?What's wrong with me?why am i walking alone,What am i doing here?' I can;t find the answer, I went to McDonald's I bought Coke and Burger,After I finish burger I was planing to go to see movie at Scala. while i walked,I hear one voice "bro,I want coke,I haven;t got anymoney to buy" I tried to find where's that voice come from.I saw a little boy sit on the street,pray at me.and in his eyes very sad. I was thinking to gave him some money.but i fear that he won't buy something to drink.So i looked at him again.And I gave him my Big Coke. and he smiling. I was laughing at my self.Am i carzy or the thing i've just done it right thing. I dont know.So i bought PEPSI BLUE. And think. "Why,I've been good boy,why no one was nice to me?" just then. and forget it. After the film finish I walked to sky train station and I saw on woman and on gril sit on the street again.I hurry to find money,I found some coins. 'bout 16 or 17 baht. I gave them all.It's made me missing mom again...huh...so crazy!!!!!!
And I also saw Howard at sky train station. i follow him just want to ask how is he. but seem like he's not very friendly(he is my last ex) so i just left. finally i sent sms "are you ok,you look a lot older,look like tired!" and then he send me sms "thank u.you alway say nice word to me.you more look like slut" I was wonder what is "SLUT" when i get home find what's the word mean. When i know what does it mean! I was so angry and i send him "I TOLD YOU THAT BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO LOOK AFTER UR SELF.DONT WORK TO HARD.BUT NO MORE.WHEREVER YOU GO.HELL,YOU A LIVE OR DIE,UI WON"T ASK ANYMORE 4GIVE ME" so angry!!!!!!!! and he send sms "I DONT NEED YOUR ADVICE THANK!"
Finally I stared to cried.not about that Howard.But feel tried. never felt like this before.cried and cried.feel tired,no more hope.dont know where to go to study.dont how to find that US$6500.:-( and cried and cried,,,want bf now.. and then not to long i stop and come here to online.
I think maybe I more lucky than that boy on the street.who was asking me 'bout coke and another lady and that gril,but then again.. it;s still many people more luycky than me.and more people lucky than them...'cos this is world..where's people never feel enough. or just me?