I'm out of school now. I'm also really bored. I'm going to resort to cleaning my room tomorrow. Now you know something is wrong with me. Oookay. Who wants to play ping pong? Ah, why do I even bother asking. Maybe I'll finally get around to writing my novel. (Like that's ever gonna happen.) Or maybe I should go on the cliched journey of "trying to find myself." Uh, no. I dunt think so. The more I look, the more I'll get lost. If there's one thing you should learn about me, its that I have almost no sense of direction.
5/29/04
What do I want? I think I'm inventing much of my life. What is reality anyway? I don't seem to be in touch with it. Or maybe I understand it all too well, and I'm trying to avoid it. I don't even trust myself. I'll interpret someone's action one way on instinct, and then I'll think about it and convince myself it never really happened. Other people convince me too. Then I feel incredibly stupid for ever believing it to be true. And it's so obvious what I'm talking about, I'm not going to bother to go into any more detail.
5/28/04
Never say never. Sounds very 007. Anyhoo, I went on an emotional roller coaster ride today. I'm not too fond of rollercoasters. At one point I'm all sappy and day dreamy and the next thing I know, I go through the whole 'Woe is me!" thing. Oh, I hate to feel like that. But it seems to be a regular occurence. What does true happiness feel like? It seems that once I obtain something that I think will make me happy, I lose something else I already had in the process, thus making me once again unhappy. It's a see-saw. It's a balancing act. I'm very uncoordinated.
5/27/04
Hmmm. That was a weird experience. I finally looked in the mirror and saw someone other than myself there. That's always been a fear of mine. To see someone watching me. But I didn't seem to mind this time...
5/26/04
I've had a most eventful week. I had an interesting conversation, and a not-so interesting conversation. I read 1984, which I found terribly disturbing and I read Persuasion, which I found terribly familiar. I went to a graduation and decided I hated high school even more, if it was possible. I have a new song playing in my head. I also discovered a new sense of 'lonely.' It's worse than the old one.
5/20/04
Stoic, huh? I'm only stoic when I'm trying to act. Which I can't do. Otherwise, you would say I laugh and cry entirely too much. I'm trying to decide what to do my informative speech about. I can't do it on anything literature related because the professor will make me look stupid. And I hate looking stupid. Unless I'm trying to. I don't want to do a how-to speech. That gets too complicated. The only thing I'm really good at doing is playing the piano. That's not exactly something you can teach in 4-6 minutes. So I'm thinking something like "The life of Audrey Hepburn" or maybe the stock market crash. Or maybe I should do something totally unknown like "The Chik-Fil-A Cows." Umm...no.
5/18/04
Welcome to Du Loc, such a perfect town, here we have some rules, let us lay them down. I'm SO ready for Shrek 2. Today I plan to check Northanger Abbey out. I hope it's better than Sense and Sensibility. Personally I think Pride and Prejudice was her best novel.
5/17/04
O wow this hurts. And now I'm bleeding all over the place. This is so great. That's what I get for being clumsy again. Medic! Ok, enough of that. I wish I'd given the homecoming fight story today instead of the wreck. It was so much more interesting. At least I got some people to laugh. I have this fear that I'll be too boring or too sarcastic. Sarcasm can come off funny sometimes, but I don't have the ability to make it that way. So I just rely on good ole Southern dialect. Trust me, you don't even want to hear my 'ignorant redneck' impression. But I must say, it's a lot better than my Irish accent.
5/15/04
Satire. I love that word! I believe it's even better than "Irony." Satirical is exactly the word I've been looking for to describe my mood.
5/14/04
Why do I feel like I'm wasting time? OK, technically I am. But never mind that. I'm about to read some more of "Sense and Sensibility." Yeah, I'm going through this whole Jane Austen phase. I'll be out of it soon just like all the other phases and I'll move on to something less intelligent like Garfield (the cat, not the former president).
5/13/04
Here I am in the computer lab. And it's crowded. And I hate crowds. And I say 'And' too much. But if I stop saying 'And,' I usually substitute 'So.' I'm having one of those days. Well, actually this is the second of 'those days.' Let me elaborate: 1) Wore my shirt inside out in public. 2) Got my hair caught on a bulletin board. 3) Stepped on a shoe that flew up and hit me. 4) Tripped several times....And so on and so on. I think I hit my shoulder in a door way too. It was something stupid like that. I apparantly don't judge distances very well. Update: 5) Locked my keys in the car. Number 6 I can't mention. But it was something bad too.
5/11/04
In the past days I've discovered that I'm not the worst public speaker in the world. (No, I'm number 3,000,930,078.) My GPA isn't out of the woods, though. So far I've made it through 32 hours with a 4.0. Although it would be nice to make it through all 128, I'm not that optimistic. This speech class (Oh, excuse me. "Oral Communications.") may very well make that wonderfully even number uneven.
5/6/04
All of my hometown is still upset. Sometimes I wonder how people can be so stupid to forget consequences. 130 mph. They're lucky not all of them were killed. But I think right now the driver wishes he was. It's been three days and it still hasn't really hit me. Everyone talks about it so much that its not shocking anymore. I feel guilty for not crying. Yes, I'm upset, but like I said, it still hasn't really hit me.
5/3/04
Today I'm a mixing pot of emotions. (Emotion can be a horrible symptom.) Let's see. I'm angry. Well, I'm not really angry right now...Just frustrated. And I'm frightened. And I'm confused. And to top it all, I'm hungry. I think curing the hunger might make me feel better. I'm thinking Subway. Hmmm. Italian herbs and cheese. With ham. And more cheese. And a cookie.
5/2/04
Consider the poisonous tree frogs. Brightly colored and beautiful. Ironically the colors serve as a warning to the poison that lies beneath the appearance.