Rebekah 201: Useless Stuff
Photographs
Poetry
Roy Archives
Song: For Good - Wicked Soundtrack
"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? Because I knew you I have been changed for good." Why can't I let this go? The first question in the quote is probably the key. If I knew that the change was for the better, I wouldn't feel so strongly about this issue. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid of failing again? Am I afraid of dying? Am I afraid of the mental anguish? I don't know.
6/23/05
Song: Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson
That song, my friends, is the story of my life. :-)
6/21/05
Song: Goodnight My Someone - The Music Man Soundtrack
I'm thinking about quitting my job during the fall. I want some free time before I get into my career. Right now I'm working during the day, going to church every night, taking a class...Yes, I would say that I'm busy. Next week I am getting a vacation, which I'm hoping will be wonderful.
6/18/05
Song: Defying Gravity - Wicked Soundtrack
I'm hoping to see Wicked one day. The soundtrack, which I just got today, is awesome. From what I can tell I can relate to Elphaba, the Wicked Witch in her college days. Funny, huh.
6/17/05
Song: Fallen - Sarah McLachlan
Why do all the sermons have to be about forgiveness?! I want to forgive, but I've already made it hard on myself by telling the story to all that I'm close to. I can't forget it. I wish I could. I want to be rid of this burden. On another note, my brother is making life extremely difficult...basically by being a typical brother who is protective of his sister. Anyways...I'm planning to go to a funeral tomorrow. Just two days ago I said I missed my friends from school. Well, I'll get to see them...One just lost a parent. I know all about that.
6/12/05
Song: Stranger on the Shore - Acker Bilks
Sorry I haven't updated in the last few days. I've been busy. To sum it all up: One day I want to be a soloist with a professional orchestra. I also have a new digital piano, Yay! Oh...and I never emailed. I don't know if I can. I would like to believe that change has occurred, but somehow I don't think it has. I need to start talking more about religion in daily conversation. I'm so eager to avoid conflict that I have trouble bringing it up with those that are not of like faith.
6/7/05
Song: Sweet Dreams - Patsy Cline
To email...or not to email...that is the question. I have decided that the right thing to do is email. But what do I say, how do I say it? I want to make things right. I have to let go of my anger.
6/4/05
Song: Powerless - Nelly Furtado
Each day is a gift. That sounds like a line from a fortune cookie...and I do love fortune cookies. What I'm saying is that the excitement of life comes from not knowing what is going to happen. As the day unfolds, I find less to be excited about because I find an answer somewhere. One day I'll run out of things to look forward to on earth.I will run out of gifts and will begin to receive empty boxes. I will die shortly thereafter.
6/3/05
Song: Angel - Sarah McLachlan
The Internet...It's as impersonal as you make it. I lay here crying while typing an occasional "lol" in response...they never know. I hate to cry in front of people anyway. It's best that they don't know. After my dad died there's only one person that has been able to comfort me when I talk about it. But I haven't talked to him since my recent breakdown. I think I've been neglecting my friends. I'm sorry.
6/2/05
Song: Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down
It came back. Where is my happiness? Someone finally likes me, and I think I'm going into a mild depression again. There is something definitely wrong with that. The mood chart of life looks like sine...1/2sine in my case. Don't get it? Tough. I'll tell you what's wrong with me: I miss my dad, and there's nothing I can do about it.