Welcome to my creative outlet. Here you will find stories, poems, plays, reviews, and other things written by me, as well as some of my artwork. Please remember that everything found here is created entirely by myself (unless otherwise mentioned) and is not available for you to take.
Milkshakes
Well, what do we have here? No really, that's a question, I don't know what the hell this is. I suppose it's a play of some sorts. I wrote it after learning that Theatre of the Absurd is random and doesn't always make sense. The second my english teacher said that I knew I could write one. The following is only act 1 scene 1. I may or may not add more to it. Just read it, apparently it's funny. Oh, a warning to anyone who does read it - I really do think like this.
Characters: Guy 1, Guy 2 (aka 1 and 2)
Act 1
Scene 1
Scene: Nothing set up. The two men are standing side by side in front of a black curtain.
Guy 1 - Jackie Chan?
Guy 2 - No, I said not Asian!
1 - Jackie Chan is Asian?
2 - I dunno, I think so (pause) why wouldn't he be?
1 - Well, if his parents weren't Asian then he wouldn't be.
2 - Yeah, I guess (pause) Are his parents Asian?
1- Why the hell would I know? You're the one who said he was Asian in the first place!
2 - Did I?
1 - I don't know, did you?
2 - Apparently.
1 - Then I guess he is. (pause) Why are we talking about Jackie Chan anyway?
2 - You started it. I was talking about purple flying monkeys.
1 - The ones that aren't Asian?
2 - Exactly!
1 - You know, I never knew that monkeys could fly.
2 - They can't.
1 - But you said...
2 - They can only fly if they're purple.
1 - What colour are the purple flying ones?
2 - Green.
1 - So they can't fly?
2 - No. Green monkeys can glide.
1 - Like Batman?
2 - Exactly.
1 - He glides with style!
2 - Batman can't fly?!
1 - My god, you didn't know that?
2 - Of course I knew he couldn't fly, I just never realized it.
1 - Aren't they the same?
2 - What? Flying and gliding?
1 - No, knowing and realizing.
2 - Of course not, they're completely different.
1 - Oh, okay. (pause) What's the difference?
2 - I (pause) don't (pause) know.
1 - (looks confused for a second then bends legs a bit and sticks arms out straight while waving them up and down - like flying)
2 - What are you doing?
1 - Flying.
2 - Flying!?
1 - Flying!
2 - (looks down at #1's feet still on the ground and then at his face) You're feet are still on the ground.
1 - Are they? (flaps arms harder) How 'bout now?
2 - (Again checks) Still on the ground.
1 - (Stops "flying") I guess I can't fly right now then.
2 - (raises eyebrow at #1) You can fly?
1 - (proudly) I can fly only when I want to.
2 - Like the blue monkeys.
1 - There are blue monkeys now?
2 - Yeah, you never heard of them? The blue sometimes flying monkeys.
1 - Nope, never heard of them.
2 - (Shakes head) You're hopeless.
1 - Hopeless?
2 - Yeah.
1 - Why, because I've never heard of purple flying monkeys or blue sometimes flying monkeys.
2 - Exactly.
1 - I have just one question for you.
2 - Shoot.
1 - If the purple flying monkeys are actually green gliding monkeys then what colour are the purple flying monkeys?
2 - Oh, they're purple. Only purple monkeys can fly.
1 - What about blue ones?
2 - They sometimes fly. Sometimes flying and flying are two totally different things.
1 - Okay then. (pause) Then what do you call the purple monkeys that fly seeing as the name purple flying monkeys is taken by the green gliding monkeys.
2 - The monkeys that are purple are called blue sometimes flying monkeys.
1 - Then what are the blue monkeys that sometimes fly called?
2 - Oh, we call those red floating monkeys.
1 - Don't tell me there are red monkeys that float too.
2 - Yeah, is that a problem?
1 - Well then what are they called?
2 - Those are the ones called green gliding monkeys.
1 - So let me get this straight. The purple flying monkeys are actually green monkeys that glide but they can't be called that because the name green monkeys that glide has already been taken by the red monkeys that float.
2 - Yes...
1 - But the red monkeys that float are called green monkeys that glide because the blue monkeys that sometimes fly were called red monkeys that float.
2 - uh-huh
1 - But the blue sometimes flying monkeys are called red floating monkeys because the purple monkeys that fly took the name blue sometimes flying monkeys.
2 - Exactly.
1 - Are there any other monkeys I'm unaware of?
2 - You forgot about the yellow crime fighting monkey with polka dots.
1 - Yellow, polka dots... crime fighting!?
2 - That's right.
1 - And what do you call him?
2 - Oh, he's called Spot.
1 - Spot? That's it?
2 - Seems silly, doesn't it.
1 - (Sarcastically) Oh, yeah. That's the only thing that sounds silly.
2 - Glad we agree.
1 - So the polka dots on er... Spot. What colour are they?
2 - Why, there grey of course.
1 - Grey?
2 - Yes, that's right.
1 - So... now do we not only have purple, green, blue and red monkeys, but now I'm supposed to believe that there is a grey and yellow crime fighting monkey out there who answers to the name Spot.
2 - No no no! He is not grey and yellow. He is yellow and grey. If he were grey and yellow then he would be a grey monkey with yellow spots. Gees! I can understand getting through kindergarten not knowing a thing or two about colours but you're a grown man.
1 - Sorry, my mistake. (pause) Do you not know of any ordinary monkey species?!
2 - Ordinary? You don't think purple monkeys are ordinary?
1 - (Shakes head)
2 - Okay wise guy, what is an ordinary monkey to you?
1 - Oh, I don't know. Chimps, gorillas, baboons. You know, brown, black, tree climbing monkeys. The kind that don't fly, glide, float or (with disgust) fight crime.
2 - Chimps? What the hell kind of name is that?
1 - (Stares blankly at his friend) You really are hopeless. You've never heard of chimps?
2 - Never. What makes them so special?
1 - Maybe the fact that they're like the next most smartest animal like, ever!
2 - Can they fly?
1 - No.
2 - Sometimes fly?
1 - Never.
2 - Glide?
1 - Not a chance.
2 - I don't suppose they can float.
1 - What do you think?
2 - Well, they can hardly call themselves smart then. What can they do?
1 - I'm guessing a hell of a lot more than you can.
Lights off people exit
end of scene 1