Mistry Survival Guide

 

It takes all sorts to make a physics batch. But the one unifying quality, I have noticed, is that nobody knows shit about electronics. Perhaps its because Choksey teaches us in SY or that Lentin teaches us in FY. Whatever it is I have yet to see a TY student who enters the lab and understands what an opamp is.

 

It was in such a state that I entered the lab for my first set of “instructions”.

 

for the uninitiated this is where the whole set of experiments for the next two months is ‘explained’. Instructions constitute the most boring hours you will spend in the department.  No student comes out of theses sessions any the wiser and most physics student emerge from them disoriented and badly in need of a restorative. This explains why the canteen staff rub their hands together in glee when they hear that the physics department is planning to … instruct . Some might even have noticed that the old man behind the counter at sunlight has a similar response.

 

Anyway, Back to the Story, Mistry had taken charge of this set of instructions and was about to explain something about the gain of an opamp. As soon as the meaningless Mumble started I felt my eyes grow heavy. Luckily I had already made my bed on the last bench well hidden by Aziz’s imposing mass.

 

Halfway through, mistrys dull monotone was interrupted. Apparently he had asked us to derive some equation for an opamp circuit.

 

Now a little known fact is that at the start of my TY Mistry thought I was as honest and hardworking a student as he had seen. (Ask him now and you will see his countenance turn unusually grim)

So when he noticed that my eyes were closed, he assumed it was because I had derived the equation.

 

M : “have you derived the equation”

 

Now at that time I don’t know why, My memory fails me. But for whatever reason, I blurted out a loud (some say  defiant) “yessir”. Mistry unquestioningly accepted this and I was about to close my eyes again, When I realized that I had been summoned to show the class how to solve the problem on the board.

 

I don’t know if this has ever happened to you but it is infinitely more effective than the college coffee(or the offerings at Sunlight).  My eyes grew wide, I had no idea what the circuit was and I could hardly tell mistry my bold reply had been a tad misleading.

 

My drowsy mind swung into action (actually my mind moved rather lethargically and I had to buy time by tying my shoelaces. To make matters worse I was wearing floaters but I can only tell so much in one essay)…..anyway I soon decided that I would try something I had thought up earlier. I decided to give Mistry a taste of his own medicine I would be so boring and uninformative that even mistry would beg me to shut up…..

 

I walked up to the board with what I thought was a confident swagger. And proceeded to rub out mistrys drawing of the circuit. I then began slowly redrawing it. (the duster was bad and I could see the lines) I explained every part just like lentin sometimes does.

 

“This is a resistor.” I said and gave the frontbenchers an enlightened, meaningful all knowing sort of look.

 

“it is connected by a wire to the inverting terminal of the opamp.”

 

“This is another wire”

 

“it is connected to ground”

 

and so on. I could see that Mistry was busy biting his lip.

 

I wonder if you have noticed that there is always a bustle to Mistry’s movements. I was somehow very confident that I could stretch this thing out indefinitely and if my reading of mistry was right. He would soon cave in and explain it himself.

 

Unfortunately biting his lip seemed to help him keep himself in check and when I had finished drawing the diagram he was still standing there expectantly. A quick look at the class showed me something even more horrifying; the more studious elements of the class were also waiting expectantly. Anagha and Dhanashree, I noticed, had even been making notes.

 

I had nothing left to say about the circuit diagram. So I turned to the only other thing I remembered of my electronics. The general properties of the opamp something I had learnt well for the one answer in chokseys SY paper that is a surefire 8 marks. I knew I had to stretch this because its completion would exhaust my whole electronics vocabulary

 

I spoke of how the input impedance is very high and Told of the virtual short between the terminals.

It was when I was halfway through the second point - and about to wax eloquent about how important it was to understand that the virtual short was indeed ‘virtual’. As opposed to ‘real’ - That Mistry couldn’t stand it anymore. He jumped in saying “ I think what he is trying to say is………..”

 

I was off the hook.

 

I Felt proud like no psychology major has ever felt.

 

I think it wise for any FY to learn this Piece of social engineering. I have used it successfully on 2 occasions.  And seen it done on one other occasion.

 

Actually I have recently been consumed by a doubt. Knowing that Mistry cant be THAT stupid. I often wonder if he wasn’t just letting me get away with it. Whenever I think these thoughts, I just come back to the quotes on this website and can rest Assured.