*Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
*I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
*Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive...
*You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
*Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
*I'm not a complete idiot-some parts are missing.
*Out of my mind, be back in five minutes.
*God must love stupid people, he made so many of them.
*The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
*It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
*Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
*Ever stop to think...and forget to start again?
*Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it.
*FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.
*A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
*A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
*They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
*He who dies with the most toys, is nonetheless dead.
*A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS...but it takes up three thousand times the memory.
*Ham and Eggs-A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
*The trouble with life is there is no background music.
*The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shifts
Perpetual Munching Spree
Puffy Mid Section
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Plainly, Men Suck
He askes, "What is it supposed to be when it is finished?"
The blonde answers, "According to the picture on the box it is supposed to be a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment...then looks at the box and then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we are not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger," and taking her hand he continues,"Second, I want you to relax, let's have a cup of tea, and then...." he sighs...
"Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."