A one. A two. A one, two, many, lots... Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do But I have to say this as a warning to you: With almost all animals, you can have ball But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. The spines on his back are too sharp for a man They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can The result I think you'll find will appall: The hedgehog can never be buggered at all! Mounting a horse can often be fun An elephant too; though he weighs half a ton Even a mouse (though his hole is quite small) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. The spines on his back are so awful thick you'll end up with naught but a painful prick. He has an impregnable hole when curled up in a Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all! Screwing a cow while she goes moo-moo Will be entertaining to both her and you Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet And a cat or a dog can be more than a pet Even a giraffe (despite being so tall) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can manage a snake, though its poison might kill It's amazing how humping a camel will thrill You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite We already mentioned the horse, you may recall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell Or even an oyster, should he let go of his A troll can be rocky if down you should fall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter Or pego a pig after parting his trotters Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer The lemurs cry 'Frink!' as a coy mating call But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. Antipodean pranks -- you can futter a wombat. Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat Or hump a goanna -- go on, do it all But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising, Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!) But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You could thrust with a thrush if you fancy a climb, Or pork a few piglets if you have the time, A skinhead's pet cat if you don't mind a brawl, But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the bear if you do it with care, in the winter when he is asleep in his lair, Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the ox (if you stand on a box) And vulpologists say you can bugger the fox, You can bugger the shrew though it's awfully but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. And the elephant too that you meet in the zoo, Can be buggered if you are sure just what to do, You will need a large mattress upon which to fall-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the cat if it isn't too fat, You can bugger the rabbit you draw from yourhat, You can bugger the shark that you've chased in your shawl-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the ermine and all other vermin, like rats, mice, and roaches if you're not discernin'. You can bugger the dog it will come when you call-- but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the cow (I will not tell you how), Or the boar, or the piglet, the shoat or the sow, You can bugger the ass as it stands in the stall-- But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. You can bugger the snake (hold it down with a rake), Though to bugger the quetzal may be a mistake. You can bugger the billy, the nanny, the kid- But to bugger the hedgehog just cannot be did. You can bugger the slug though it messes the rug, You can bugger the different species of bug, Or do it with a snail if you slow to a crawl-- But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. At the end of the day when you've had your rough way, with all of these creatures you'll just have to say 'That damned Erinaceous has been my downfall'-- For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.