The "GHOST" Crap:
The kind where you feel the CRAP come out, see the CRAP on the toilet paper, but there's not CRAP in the bowl
The "CLEAN" Crap:
The kind where you feel the CRAP come out, see the CRAP in the bowl, but there is no CRAP on the toilet paper
The "WET" Crap:
You wipe your ass fifty times yet it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin your underwear with those dreadful skid marks
The "BRAIN HEMMORAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE" Crap:
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke
The "SECOND WAVE" Crap:
This CRAP usually happens just after you've finished, your pants are about at your knees when you suddenly realize you still have to CRAP some more
The "CORN" Crap:
No explanation neccessary
The "LINCOLN LOG" Crap:
The kind of CRAP that is so enormous you're afraid to flush it down for fear that it will clog the toilet.
The "NOTORIOUS" Crap:
The kind of CRAP you have in the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the treadmark left on the bottom of the bowl after you flush
The "GEE I REALLY WISH I COULD" Crap:
The kind where you want to CRAP but, even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting
The "POWER DUMP" CRAP:
The kind that comes out so fast you barely get your pants off before it starts
The "LIQUID PLUMBER" Crap:
The kind of CRAP that is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows and gets water all over the floor
The "SPINAL TAP" Crap:
The kind of CRAP that hurts so much coming out, you swear its coming out sideways
The "PORRIDGE" Crap:
The kind of CRAP that comes out like toothpaste, and it just keeps on coming. You realize you have two choices: A) Flush and keep going, or B) risk it piling up to your ass while you just sit there, helpless
The "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" Crap:
When you drop lots of little, cute round ones that that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water
The "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE" Crap:
Also sometimes referred to as the "TOXIC DUMP". Of course you don't warn anybody of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, youn stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air
The "I KNOW THERE'S STILL A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" Crap:
when you just sit waiting patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe it now, its going to smear all over the place
The "I'VE JUST DIED" Crap:
The type of CRAP that feels like you're giving birth to a porcupine out of your asshole
The "TITANIC" Crap:
The kind that sinks to the bottom as soon as it hits the water
The "LINGERING" Crap:
The type of CRAP that its smell seems to never have left your butt and you figure that everyone can smell the CRAP so you avoid contact with everyone for about 10 minutes or until they have forgotten you went to take a shit
The "PEARL HARBOUR" Crap:
When your CRAP shoots out so fast and hard it actually makes an explosion in the water splashing you with the dirty poo/pee water
The "SCHOOL" Crap:
This kind of CRAP is very unique. It is very very rare and the only reason you are going at school is because you are about to explode or CRAP yourself. Firstly, you check to make sure nobody is in the bathroom. Once you have the 'all clear' you go in. You dont sit, you squat. And you go as fast as you can yet with some caution to make sure no splashes occur guaranteeing you that nobody can hear if they should walk in. Also, you are praying for your your life it doesnt smell. And afterwards you have two options: 1) rush out of the bathroom so nobody thinks you were in there 2) walk out all cool and smooth and act like you just went to piss
The "THANK GOD FOR GRAVITY" Crap:
This CRAP can also be referred to as "The TIRED Crap". You have just come back from a lot of excercise or a long night of drinking/smoking. You are just WAAAAYYYY too tired to do put any kind of effort into anything so you put your hands in your face and let gravity works its magic
Now either after laughing your ass off, throwing up a few times, or thinking that I must have better things to do with my time (or possibly all of the above), I'm sure after every time you go to take a CRAP you are going to analyze it and try to guess which CRAP you have just commited.