March 28, 2007
Oh WOW. I haven't updated in quite some time! I guess March was an eventful month, in a way. Family craziness, joining Facebook (heh... welcome to stalkerville), figuring out my referees for my applications, plus the regular school stuff. And now it's coming to a close. April will be an interesting month, but really, just a roadblock to the adventures in May. :o)

Lent is also coming to a close. I haven't heard much people share their Lent experiences yet. Mine are pretty boring, but who said this was supposed to be more spiritual and exciting than before? I suppose it's a problem I keep running into in these 3 short years I've participated. It's that daily drudgery that God trains us to become His servants, and something I'm still going "are you sure something's not supposed to explode or change?" Well, I do enjoy the subtle ways that God works.

On some good notes, God has been good. Yesterday, it was that absolutely gorgeous 21 degree weather and that gentle wind (and lack of bugs!) that made it, in Ceci's words, brilliant. Oh, and of course, there was a as-lovely-as-possible study session with Manika for the final midterm of my undergrad life. I'm certainly going to miss this aspect of residence life (the snacking, the random off-topic discussions, the 6 hour study marathons, the eye rolling from housemates about our nerdiness...). Oh, residence.

Then today, first thing I find in my mailbox was a reply from the admissions counsellor at Tyndale saying that I could indeed have an employer as a reference, no problem. That's certainly a load off my regretful shoulders (regretful in that no, I didn't take the advice of upper years to schmooze with profs, much to my currebt dismay). Also, I got a decent enough mark on my social control paper, which is great, since I really didn't know if I was proving anything by the end of that exercise. :oP

Anyway, on a slightly different note, here's a to do list for the next while (in no real order):

• Finish up the application to Tyndale!
• Learn Mandarin (honestly, if Manika can speak it, then I better get a move on it)
• Finish up one of my stories (thank you to Vincent Lam's comment about having to edit his short stories 10-25 times in the Imprint!)
• Finish up Courage and Calling and A Christian Critique of the University
• Take a personal retreat
• Finally make the JOY winter retreat videos!

That is about it. I guess I'll see you all in April!

March 8, 2007
Just watched most of Luther (2003) in class. For a movie about a Christian figure, it was quite good. I liked the way Luther was played - a complex, volatile, yet humble human. But imagine carrying such a revolutionary thought on your shoulders, going against everything you've ever been taught. You'd be pretty complex and volatile too.

One quote that struck me was one spoken by Luther to his mentor, Johannes von Staupitz. Staupitz was warning Luther to remain calm during his trial:

"That day when you sent me out so boldly to change the world, did you really think there wouldn't be a cost?"

Stuff like this always makes me think of my generation, and of our apathy about the issues around us. The word "cost" makes us shudder and run the other way, or at least spend long periods contemplating what we should do. I can only count on one hand off the top of my head of examples from our generation actually making a difference in the world. There's Craig Kielburger, founder of Free the Children, and Hannah Taylor, an 10-year-old anti-poverty campaigner who has spoken to the businessmen on Bay Street and founded the Ladybug Foundation. That's two. That's it.

I'm a harsh critic of my generation, and hey, I'm part of the damned. But I have the impression that once we sacrifice ourselves for a bigger cause, we become fully alive somehow, and it irks me to no end that we choose to sit on our butts, lamenting the condition of the world with a "aww, that's sad" and not do anything about it.

I guess I need to stop griping so much and become part of the change, but admittedly, it's hard to know where to start.

March 7, 2007
The Bosporus was on my mind today, as I lay in bed, feeling the cool breeze coming in through the window crack (residence can get sauna-like), pretending I was by the water. Imagine looking out a strait-side apartment window, staring across from Rumelia in Europe and actually being able to see Anatolia in Asia. For an Ontario girl, stuck amidst the rolling hills of this region, that would be quite a sight to behold.

And imagine strolling in the magnificent Hagia Sophia after a morning sipping Turkish coffee and savouring burek to sunrise. The place was meant to surpass the glories of Solomon's empire, with natural light streaming down the massive and impressive dome, just like God descending the heavens. Can you imagine worshipping God in that place? Now it's known as the Ayasofya Museum, displaying its unique blend of early and Eastern Orthodox Christian as well as Islamic influences. It sends shivers down this history lover's spine.

Oh, Istanbul. Oh, Constantinople. Oh, Byzantium.

There's a big world out there, isn't there?

March 3, 2007
Who knew Hildegard of Bingen, whom I was introduced to in ARTS 301, would come back to haunt me? She's an 11th-12th century abbess who, interestingly to the modern mind, was given to the Church as a tithe since she was the tenth child. Worked out for her, since she became one of the most well-regarded women in Christian history.

I think what struck me most about Hildegard was that a) she had the most interesting and almost modern illuminations done of her visions, and more importantly, b) she struggled with following God's call. In fact, she didn't embrace her call of sharing her dreams and visions until age 43 or so. This quote from her Scivias has elements that ring true in my own life (from Wikipedia):

I didn�t immediately follow this command. Self-doubt made me hesitate. I analyzed others� opinions of my decision and sifted through my own bad opinions of myself. Finally, one day I discovered I was so sick I couldn�t get out of bed. Through this illness, God taught me to listen better. Then, when my good friends Richardis and Volmar urged me to write, I did. I started writing this book and received the strength to finish it, somehow, in ten years. These visions weren�t fabricated by my own imagination, nor are they anyone else�s. I saw these when I was in the heavenly places. They are God�s mysteries. These are God�s secrets. I wrote them down because a heavenly voice kept saying to me, 'See and speak! Hear and write!'

I love it when you find that the greatest spiritual figures in history also struggled with following God's commands. Honestly, struggles in the faith aren't shared as much as they should be, leaving most of us feeling isolated and alone in our confusion. How do we ever get rid of the notion that we need to appear all together in church circles?

Sucks that I only have so much time to contemplate on such issues. Now I need to get back to my paper on governmental social reform, which is I suppose okay, since I do like to put together papers.

March 1, 2007
Happy birthday to Cecilia and Fong Fong! Another year older, another year wiser. Cheers, girls!

Wow... I haven't updated this site for 3 weeks or so. Pretty crazy! Reading Week is come and gone. Didn't get much homework done, but got a lot of errands run, like cutting my hair, getting new glasses (one eye increased by another 1.25... sad, yes), seeing the doctor, eating at Hawaii Bakery, etc. I wonder when the new glasses will come in?

Lent's also begun. This year, the sacrifice is caffeine. It's not nearly as "bad" as music, but I do miss my coffee/tea in the morning (and the afternoon, and... whenever). And I keep having dreams where I accidentally eat chocolate. Quite bizarre. Also, I hope I will be attentive enough to listen to God's voice during this season. Especially as I settle with the idea of attending seminary once and for all. Or... doing something else. We'll see.

Anyway, I should get some of my many readings done this fine morning (when the wind is raging and the threat of freezing rain hangs in the air).

SONG OF THE MOMENT

I have called you children
I have called you son
What is there to answer if I'm the only one?
Morning comes in Paradise
Morning comes in light
Still I must obey
Still I must invite

If there's anything to say
If there's anything to do
If there's any other way
I'd do anything for you

I was dressed in embarrassment
I was dressed in wine
If you had a part of me, will you take your time?
Even if I come back
Even if I die
Is there some idea to replace my life?

Like a father to impress
Like a mother's mourning dress
If you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you

I have called you preacher
I have called you son
If you have a father or if you haven't one

I'll do anything for you

I did everything for you

"For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti," Sufjan Stevens (from Michigan)
What a great song writer Sufjan is. I also love the banjo work in this song, along with the plaintive but gorgeous trumpets. My favourite line: "If you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you." That's possibly the greatest promise ever.