December 23, 2003
Christmas is a strange time of year. Maybe it's what the media has pounded in my head or something, but I feel that I should be doing things. Don't really know why this is so. I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed my Christmas holidays. I mean *really enjoyed* it. Sure... there are the fun moments, but all of that is kinda fleeting, kind of forgotten after a few months. I think the bigger problem for me is to feel the "true meaning of Christmas", whatever that means. I know it's about Jesus, but the world focuses on other things during the holidays, so I suppose I shove him aside too (although I do try with no avail). I think I'm a wannabe feeler, but I'm just not wired to do that, and I think there's something gone wrong inside, but don't know how to fix it. So Christmas remains a strange time for me, a little commercialism mixed with a little materialism, mixed with a little religion. Not how I want it, but it's how I have it.All that over thinking aside, I am back in Mississauga. It's okay... nice to see familiar faces again on the home turf. Almost strange being back after a year and four months of independence from parental care. I was strolling Loblaws today with Becca and was thinking about the good times back in Ottawa when I got to fend for myself. Ahh... the freedom. Speaking of food, my family keeps telling me how they're eating all this good food now that I'm back. I remember telling that to my sis when she was the only one off to university. I am indeed part of a very food-centric family (just ask for Mok-Leung crew about our festivities last night...). A-okay with me... food is good anytime. :o)
On another note, I'm kind of out of it lately. Lethargy in a time of holiday rushing around is not good, but then again, I'm not really rushing around anywhere (the good/bad thing about 'sauga - lack of good transportation, and my lack of driving confidence). Could be me pounding hours upon hours of television into my head - I'm off in my WB fantasy world again. Or just the lazy, hazy home atmosphere. I suppose tea (mmm... found my mountain chai, Higgins and Burke Pear and Honey Lemon at Highland Farms) doesn't really do much work on a lethargic person. Oh well.
There's also one of my best friends being in the hospital - that can really drag a person down, although I can't really say that's causing me pain and anguish, though concerns are abound. Please pray for Niette and her health... it's not too major, but a whole lot of tests were ordered and who wants to be poked all day for the holidays? Keep her in your prayers. Love you, Nie. I'll see you soon. Say hi to the folks at 2B for me!
Anyway, I suppose that's it. For some reason, when I'm back in 'sauga, I don't want to go online too much (although perhaps that's going to change since it'll be my home for the next four months). Might be the new year before I write in here again. Until then... take care. And whatever you're feeling - I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
December 18, 2003
Finally in the "out" crowd as of 9pm tonight. Yay!!! Now I'm packing to some Barenaked Ladies, while trying to update this place and send an e-mail off to my subletter! Haha... the lack of concentration continues on!I'll be leaving this joint tomorrow morning (not really gonna miss this place... probably because I still have the spring term to be holed up here), then the Christmas festivities begin! I still am not really in the Christmas mood yet (whatever that means), but perhaps the party at Ben's will set things right. It'll be nice to see the MCBC folks (a whole lot of them too, it seems!) tomorrow, and the day after at the Cantata, and the day after that at church! The joy of it all!
All is now over. No exams are left. So all of Victoria is going home! Let's test THAT syllogism! Hehe... it's not even a real syllogism, since the subject, predicate and middle term don't even match up. ANYWAY! I need to dismantle the computer... so I'll see you all back in Mississauga!
December 17, 2003
*sigh* Just me and Andrew in the house now... everyone's gone! Well, Lawrence still has to pick up some stuff, but that's about it. Those mathies are always done early, I tell you! Us arts and science folks get shoved around wherever they could fit our exams. :oP If only my last exam was 261... I could maybe, possibly cram more into my head and do better, but nooo, it had to be the most boring course of critical thinking. Oh well, I could smoke the exam if I wanted to, but do I want to study? Negative. But doesn't Free Cell sound so enticing??? Hmm... maybe I'll start after this round of procrastination...Anyway, had Lifehouse's "Everything" on continuous rotation. Haven't had that CD out in a while for a trot... such a good CD! Now I have OLP on... another wicked sweet CD (yell on about that suburban man!)! Parents came up earlier today to move some stuff back home and we went out to dim sum. They also bought some pics I took since the second last day I was in Ottawa (well, one pic from there... includes the cottage, my room here, classes, cell group...), which turned out nice. I'm so pampered, it's sickening (but no doubt enjoyed). I also got some errands done around campus - namely sell my biopsych text (just checked - I sold another text! but two more or now old... boo!), hand in my plan modification form to Renison (PSYCH courses can't double count in SDS - meaning I prolly have to do PSYCH 120R and 121R although I have 101! argh!). Trekked over to AL 116 to check for my PSYCH 291 marks, but only the midterm ones were up. Boo to that too!
Really wanting to go home, but there's a full day and then some before that can happen. Stupid night exam! Maybe I'll go insane before that, not that it will do me any good on any fronts. :oP OH MY GOODNESS it's going to be 12�C on CHIRSTMAS EVE in Mississauga! What?!! Canadian weather is SOOO screwed up. Might as well as wear shorts and a t-shirt and throw a holiday luau (*wink*)!
Well, I better get going before I share all the minute details of my little life, boring you to literal death. Looking forward to seeing the Mok/Leung crew on Friday/Saturday/Sunday (whichever comes first)! :o) Take care!
SONG OF THE MOMENT
I crawled out from the pain of yesterday
I crawled to you and
I said all the things that you said to say
Have I said enoughDo you like it
Do you like itI know why you're playin' these dirty games
They're killing me and
I know how you love to watch me beg
Well here I amDo you like it
And do you like it
And do you like itI don't wanna be a puppet for you
Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding
I don't wanna be a sucker for you, yes you
I hate myself for begging
I hate myself for staying
I hate myself for listening to youIt's too little too late
Well I can't escape
So begging you please
I changed all the things that you told me to change
I'm on my kneesDo you like it
And do you like it
And do you like itI just wanna get out
Stuck inside of this
Waiting for something else
Waiting to exist
Can you offer me help
Help for what I missed"Do You Like It", Our Lady Peace (from Gravity)
Isn't this just such a festive little song? :oP It's a good song though, although the lyrics are slightly negative. Nice to blast on one of your off days...December 15, 2003
Just got back from The Embassy tonight - the skit was great (I *can't* believe those guys actually went into the water in shorts and a t-shirt... and running in the snow barefoot? eek!), Ben was *awesome* singing "Better Is One Day" and Brandon was a riot, especially with the whole supermarket thing. I really enjoyed the message - challenging and mind-bending, as usual. I suppose I'm kind of the on the "Santa vs. Jesus, duking it out in a boxing ring" bench, but perhaps Jesus would have told the story of Santa as a parable on God's great generosity. Generosity's hard, but with God's example, it can become an everyday occurrence. :o) Oh, and I didn't get to say bye to Jasmine, so here's a virtual hug! {{Jasmine}}PSYCH 261 is OVER! YES!!! Just critical thinking to go on Thursday night, shouldn't be that bad. Indeed I was caught in the blackout during the exam, but thankfully, I was done my exam in 45 minutes (guessed a lot of answers! not good!), checked it over in 15, then the power cut at 3:00pm as I was about to leave. I seriously doubted my chances of leaving when the room in MC plunged into pitch blackness, but thank goodness for whoever thought of the idea of emergency lights! I fled the scene soon after, relieved that it's all over. It *better* be over... I really hope that the exam was finished and that there's no rewrite needed! No updates on the course webpage, so I think it should be okay...
Well, that's about it for now. At home or on campus... take it easy and have a great night, kids! :o)
December 14, 2003
Listening to some "old school" Steven Curtis Chapman right now... if you count "Signs of Life" as old school! I would, just because that was his pre-modern pop era (not that 80's stuff he did, although some of it is standable). It's awesome stuff though - it's on "The Walk" right now, which has got to be one of the best country sounding songs ever! :oDI finished reading biopsych finally! I was going one chapter a day until yesterday when I actually read three! Praise God! :o) But of course that kept me up until 1:00am, and after a late dinner of KFC delivery (my idea, to Nessie's delight/chagrin) and a can of Pepsi, I couldn't sleep well. I probably went into stage 1 and 2 sleep, but the rest of it evaded me until much later. Nonetheless, I got up for church this morning (cute BLAST kids put on a musical called "A Star Is Born"), but when I got home at 11am, I napped until 3:30pm (no doubt some REM rebound going on... and at first I *was* dreaming about the musical... how prophetic, or something! okay, enough of biopsych!). So now I'm up and about to review biopsych, but no before I update here first.
Weird piece of news I just got off the phone from dad - they captured Saddam Hussein. Go Americans for getting their Ace of Spades. My housemate Andrew tells me he was holed up in a six-foot hole. How lovely. And I'm looking at pictures of him on the Toronto Star website - he looks like a homeless person. From royalty to nobody. I wonder if it's giving Americans a sense of peace... I doubt it. But perhaps some of the troops can return home now.
Well, I better get going with those multiple choice questions on the biopsych CD - I should get at least 10 out of 100 for sure if I could, right? Take care, and hang in there with those exams everyone!
December 11, 2003
A few shout outs to people with webpages (does this give the rest of you to make a blog now, or at least update it???):
Angela: Ma petite cousine. :o) Thanks for the forward, and for posting that "miserable failure" thing on Google for me to amuse myself over. Poor POTUS! School will be soon be over... hang in there!
Ceci: Lucky ducky! All done exams already... ain't it a great feeling? Can't wait to see you either! Have fun with the cards, the tree, and Cantata decorations! Oh, not to mention Tabi. :oP
Jasmine: Great rainbow sleeves! I like 'em... so does my sister. ;o) Best of luck with the 261 exam... I still have yet to read Vision! Eek! I'm also itching to see your new hair... soon...
Marianne: It's awesome to hear that you've secured a ride from Chris to Toronto. Must've been a big hassle and worry - but God is great and He provides. Hang in there with those pesky exams... just a few more days and you're off to Nova Scotia!Anyway, what's new in this corner of the world? The biggest yet is the hydro bill - $65 per person!!! That pretty much drains out my bank account - I am officially a poor university student. Or as I like to put it, "a penniless writer." Haha... I wish I could be a bohemian! There's also the fact that it's two down, two to go now. Today was pre-confederation history exam, and it was written on a lefty desk in MC (you know how small those could get... doesn't even fit a sheet a piece of paper... and you'd think those engineers would do better than this!). Needless to say my shoulders are not in the best of form, but at least it's over!
Well, it's a babbly kinda day, and since it's a babbly kinda day, I'll just tear myself away and try to read about Vision. It's nearly 40 pages of pure biopsychoness! Good luck to me...
December 10, 2003
Oh, why do desires to change programs switch into full gear just as exams are being written? Well, at least I can thank God that my schedule is pretty spaced out, allowing me what technically is ample time to study. So, yes, my faithful readers, I am doing some plan modifying as I type. I chatted with my parents about my revelation on the weekend over a Swiss Chalet festive dinner - this was back when I was contemplating a switch of majors to SDS (oh how I aspire to be just like Becca!) - and they were supportive. Thank goodness. My mom did bring up the fact that I seemed to be very wishy washy about things I want to do, to which I fully agree. I definitely have committment issues to things I haven't tried yet.So over the course of these few days, I mulled over this. Should I switch completely to SDS? Drop co-op (which doesn't really offer many relevant positions in terms of urban ministry anyway)? Of course, these two options entail that all those courses I've done so far are pretty much discounted, meaning I wasted a year and a half for nothing. There are also BSW and MSW considerations, which I think would be beneficially to have attached to my name if I want to do that kind of ministry anyways, and this means more courses need to be taken, no doubt adding at least a term to my entire length of studies.
Anyway, as of December 10, 2003 at 4:31pm, I've decided to go with this as my program: honours arts applied studies co-op and honours psychology with a social development studies minor. That way, all my crazed applied studies courses (which are 9 or my 15 courses taken, something like that) and my few psych ones (4 so far) are counted for. Keeping the co-op would unload some of the financial burden of tuition, so I'll stay in the that, at least for now. I probably still have to take an extra term just to fit everything in, but that's okay, as long as I'm equipped with the skills I need. I'll have to drop my pursuit of getting a history minor, which kinda sucks because it would be nifty to have a minor in something I enjoy, but oh well, everything is in preparation for God's plans for me. :o)
*sigh* All this amidst of exams, which to this date I've still only written just one. Next one is tomorrow, and it's pre-confederation history. Normally I woulnd't be too worried about history courses, but it spans 300 years of history and it ain't pretty trying to connect points from all of it in the span of 2 hours over 2 essays. Took me the entire day just reviewing notes (and I didn't even take that many breaks... as long as you don't count the 2 hour William's outing with Stef :oP). You know, all this plan switching business might not even follow through if I get put on probation (possible, given the 75% that needs to maintained in both psych and applied studies courses, which is basically all my courses!), which would mean a plan switching in itself. Ahh... these are interesting times.
I suppose the one unconfusing and even quite happy thing is getting an 83% on my critical thinking test. I thought I did worse, but any mark that begins with an "8" is worth celebrating nowadays. Of course, there's Urbana to look forward to, but there's just all this muck to get through before that happens.
Well, after a day of going on campus, selling textbooks, mailing a Christmas card, picking up my test from SJU, heading to PAS to get some advice from psych undergrad advisor, it's about time I did some studying for tomorrow's exam! Maybe I'll even squeeze in some studying for the dreaded PSYCH 261 exam. We'll see...
Take care all, and I hope life doesn't confuse the heck out of ya!
December 7, 2003
I had a revelation last night while doing the some thinking in bed. I think God is telling me to go into ministry with the urban poor. Let me back track. I read some articles (In the shelter of a kind word | The Seaton House rules) on the plight of the homeless in the Star, something that has always stirred my heart ever since going on the Toronto STM in grade 11. Now, after reading Purpose Driven Life, I realize that God has wired me with specific interests and passions, and the homeless is definitely on top of my list. I mean, I loved the times in high school when I got to help out at the Open Door at Square One (scroll to find it) just chatting with people dropping by or putting together grocery packages for them, making beds and serving food at The Good Shepherd, doing sandwich runs around downtown Toronto (even in Ottawa this summer)... that's when I found most satisfaction. Of course, like Ken Taylor was saying today, it's not about me, but nonetheless, that could be where God wants me to serve.I must admit I am the most unlikely candidate for the job. I'm a sheltered suburban kid with no street smarts (I can't even cross streets properly!), not to mention any good counselling skills or anything needed for urban ministry. But thankfully, this is where God steps in a fills the huge empty gaps (and trust me, they are too numerous to count). I'm still a bit weary that it might just be an impulsive desire in an effort to "figure out" what I'm suppose to do with my life, but really, the circumstances I've seen myself in add up. There might be some major retooling of my life ahead, but really, if I wanted to be God's servant, it's inevitable.
For now, I'll have to chat with my parents about it, see what they think. But Oswald Chamber's words in My Utmost For His Highest are ever present in my mind - act on God's impulses and don't rely on others for advice and delay the opportunity. I'm still needy for some outside security though, but I hope I'll be where God wants me to be sooner rather than later. Maybe at Urbana, it'll become even clearer...
On a totally different note, I've done up the review for Our Lady Peace's Gravity, so check it out if you have time. I'm loving it tonnes - it's spinning as I type these words. Anyway, my parents and sister are coming up for a visit later today, so I better get some textbook reading done before they arrive. Take care, guys. Have an awesome week!
SONG OF THE MOMENT
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
Nothing in between
You know the truth
Nothing left to face
Nothing left to lose
Nothing takes your placeWhen they say you're not that strong
Well, you're not that weak
It's not your fault
When you climb up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're wellThere's nothing left to prove
Nothing I won't do
Nothing like the pain
I feel for you
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to fear
I am always hereWhat you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone is over
What you've got
What you love
What you need
What you have is real
If it's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough
I'm sorry
If it's not enough
It's not enough
It's not enough"Not Enough", Our Lady Peace (from Gravity)
One of the best songs from the album... it's got some really emotional and emphatic singing going on, and elements of hardcore. They lyrics are pretty sweet too - I especially love the chorus.December 5, 2003
*SQUEEEEEEEEEALLLLL!!!* I can't believe Marianne bought me Our Lady Peace's Gravity for Christmas. I LOVE YOU!!! You totally made my day. :oD I had wanted the ablum for ages now... I even looked at it just yesterday at Conestoga Mall. And when I was listening to the radio last night, "Somewhere Out There" came on and I was thinking that I would have the album soon... and very soon it was! Must have cost you a fortune, Marianne, so thank you and thank you again! You're the best! :o)Needless to say, the album is spinning for the second time in my CD player right now, and it's absolutely awesome. OLP is sooo talented - every song is well crafted, and the lyrics are great. No song is out of place, definitely an excellent album. Not to mention the fact that OLP is Canadian, which goodly butters my bagel (look Becca, I did it!)!!!
Anyway, today I went to CCF's informal meeting. We had a praise and worship night, which was pretty cool. I really wish we did some action songs like the WAY old favourites "I Will Not Be Shaken" and "Every Move I Make." That would have added the cream cheese to my bagel! Nonetheless, I was chatting with Agnes afterwards and she was commenting on the amount of musical talent in CCF. I definitely agree with her fully and completely. I think it's a Christian circles phenomenon, since music is such a big part of church life. Worshipping through song is wonderful - I'm glad God created music.
Well, I'm gonna do some packing and write some Christmas cards now. Have a wonderful weekend, and all the best on exams!
SONG OF THE MOMENT
Johnny wishes he was famous
Spends his time alone in the basement
With Lennon and Cobain
A guiltar and a stereo
While he wishes he could escape this
It all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
In a song that has no soulI remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped
We are, we are all innocent
We are all innocent
We are, we areTina's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music
Hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery
And a new nose
Every calorie is a war
While she wishes she was a dancer
And that she'd never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her some answers
And make her feel beautiful"Innocent", Our Lady Peace (from Gravity)
I think this song has some great lyrics that hold true for many people, probably a bit true of myself even. It's a great tune too - I remember trying to play it for my housemates in Ottawa and getting them to sing along... let's just say let's leave it to OLP in concert. Anyway, did you know that this song features children singing alongside Raine Maida? I didn't even detect it until I read the jacket, but now I hear it. Great song, I love it. :o)December 2, 2003
Ahh... a lovely evening with the cell group last night. Kind of sad that not everyone made it out to our last meeting, but nonetheless I still had a great time of fellowship with everyone. We went to The Embassy for the 7pm service (thanks for the pics Jasmine!), then went to East Side Mario's for dinner and sharing and ended up staying there until one in the morning. It was four hours of reminiscing the old days of WAY, discussing about culture, gender and how relationships are viewed in light of that, music, more WAY stuff... I had a blast. And I forgot to thank Simon for paying the tab, so thanks a bunch!Heh, I should really get going on the studying, but I find myself magnetized to Waterloo Town Square (I'm finally done my Christmas shopping... at the dinkiest mall in the KW area... oi!) instead of to my books. I'll be able to sell those wretched things... mwahahahaha! Oh, before I go, I put a few new stories up that I got by e-mail, so check 'em out!
To Stanovich and his psych propaganda it is! Have a great evening everyone... :o)
SONG OF THE MOMENT
You know that I love you
You know that I want to know you so much more
More than I have beforeThese words are from my heart
These words are not made up
I will live for you
I am devoted to youKing of Majesty
I have one desire
Just to be with you my Lord
Just to be with you my LordJesus you are the Saviour of my soul
And forever and ever I'll give my praises to you
Jesus you are the Saviour of my soul
And forever and ever I'll give my praises to you"King of Majesty", Marty Sampson
Awesome song, and performed by an awesome Embassy worship team last night. Worshiping God through song is just a great experience... I love it. :o)December 1, 2003
Yay! December has dawned... besides exams, I'm so excited for the Christmas holidays! Like the background? Had my first chocolate off of the advent calendar that Jasmine gave me - that's real exciting since I've never had one of those before in my life. So thanks a bunch! It's pretty crazy to realize that this is the last month of 2003... where did the time go? Let's relish it with egg nog and sugar cookies. ;o)The weekend was not bad. Kicked off with hanging out in uptown Waterloo with my beloved Marianne - had Quiznos (that place is *brilliant*!) and strolled the massive Liquidation World (great place to go crazy being "vogue") for an hour. Oh! Check out the strip pic we took in one of those photo booths! CCF had a sharing night, and then we headed to Pita Factory for some after fellowship hanging until we got smoked out by some person who lit the garbage on fire. Good job. A large chunk of Saturday was spent with CCF small group leaders in a time of sharing, then I hit the mall where I ran into Faith, which was a nice surprise. Oh yeah, also baked a bunch of cookies for presents. Had church on Sunday, did some Christmas card writing and present wrapping, and of course, there was studying. My weekend in a little more than a nutshell.
SPCOM is over!!! Gave my final impromptu today on being Santa Claus for my kindergarten play. If I had a scanner, I'd scan a pic of me to prove it to you. Pretty decent speech, although kind of lacking in making a point. Oh well, the best thing is that it's over. Let's see... got the letter from JOY today, so that was a really nice treat as well. Thanks guys... I feel loved. :o) Then tonight is hanging out with the cell group for one last time at The Embassy service and dinner at a mysterious location (hmm... I suppose the plaza isn't that mysterious, but that's campus choice for you!) - I'm looking forward to that.
Well, that's about it for now. I can't wait til exams are over... got LOTR (well... that might be in between exam time!), the "photo shoot", some Niette time, and URBANA to look forward to! Until then, happy studying!