Alcoholics always do the craziest stuff, like dress in drag and dance the to Village People with a tampons hanging out of their ears for a mere 5 dollars. Some of them even go as far as having sex with creatures not of their species. I myself know two of these sort of folk. However, whether or not they are drunk in the process is yet to be determined. Probably not, as they always seem to blush when I bring it up. Then they punch me and go off and masturbate in the bathroom or something.

Every drunk person I've seen acts a different way. Probably my favorite was this semi-old guy at an Outback. He was with about 5 of his buddies, they had obviously been out playing golf, neglecting their young, retarded children and high-maintenance wives they had promised to love and cherish in sickness, health, and hangover or whatever. The guy got up to go puke in the bathroom or something, and I guess he got lost. He walked halfway across the restaurant in the wrong direction, then had to stop and take a breath. By this time he had broken out in a sweat. Then he proceeded to go back to his table and give all of his buddies rim jobs and gooch cleanings with his tongue while everyone in the restaurant watched. I left quickly. What, are you calling me a liar? Huh? Well, fuck you. I just won't believe you when you come up to me and say "Hey, Ryan. Lemme tell you about the drunken gay sex I saw at Burger King today."

I�ve tried to stay away from alcohol as much as I can, because I�m bad enough without out. I know most of you people know me as Mr. Docile-Shy-and-Boring, but just get me away from my parents a day. The one time I actually drank enough alcohol to mess me up a little, I ended up dancing half-naked in a hotel hallway, and I mooned some poor bastard who couldn�t get into his car. Yea, alcohol is dangerous, but for the non-drunken, its just entertainment.