Seeing as how this page hasn't been updated because I've been gone and Josh has been too busy looking a goat-on-midget porn, I figured I'd whip up something to put on here, similar to potatoes or other whipped products.

Let me explain this. I stole this list from Amber Hovis's AIM profile, and it listed no credits or anything to infer it wasn't stolen by that whore, but I'll assume she wrote it anyway. I don't really care about writing this because I don't have any interest in dating preppy girls with dumb priorities like expensive shoes ,slathered make-up, and a jackass boyfriend.

EDIT: I'm single again, so now I get the opportunity to re-write this as I please. Hooray for more kicking ass while not getting any at the same time.

1.) Don't ever lie to us; we always find out. *Fine. You're ugly.*

2.) We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. *We don't enjoy listening to you as much as you enjoy talking.*

3.) Don't say you understand when you don't. *If you would just shut up we wouldn't have this problem*

4.) Girls are pretty; get over it, especially yours. *This is example number 1 of the moron who wrote this. They couldn't even manage to word it right. And not all girls are pretty. Sorry. Even that "powerful woman" movement of the 90's doesn't make a one breasted woman with a fetus growing out of her head "pretty."*

5.) You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like. *I know what it means. PMS is just some stupid synonym for bitch.*

6.) Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. *But...but...saying something sweet IS doing something sweet....OMGZ PARDOX!!!!!111&^*%#!!!!*

7.) If you talk about having a big dick; we know you don't. *We like to tease, just like girls who wear padded bras.*

8.) Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want relationships. *The only thing that matters to a hoe is the right amount of cash. And if size doesn't matter to you girls who want "relationships", why aren't any of you dating midgets. Midgets are cooler than most of you could ever dream of being. Yea...I know that wasn't funny.*

9.) We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big. (I'm not exactly sure what this means, so I'll just skip it and assume its stupid.)

10.) A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not us. (562,742,272,472 pairs of shoes only impresses your friends.)

11.) No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe. (Can preppy girls not come up with a better insult than hoe. If they are so smart, how come they have one syllable, misspelled insults and I can come up with stuff like goat raping scrotum spelunker. Sadly, I hate to admit that, yes, most of my ex-girlfriends are hoes -cSoHuEgAh-)

12.) It's good to be sensitive, sometimes. *It's never good to be sensitive. Life should be about kicking ass and cussing people out....day and night*

13.) If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize. *That sounds pathetic and wussy, like Axl Rose*

14.) Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it. *Ok, so we'll go to dinner and a movie. But in the middle of the movie, I stab you in the eye with a straw. Spontaneous enough?*

15.) We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it. *We smell bad by nature; we can't help it.*

16.) We are DrAmA queens. *That's implied by typing l!k3 d!s*

17.) Fashion police do exist. *Well, start wearing a t-shirt and jeans everyday..they've never arrested me. Or just wear nothing. Whatever.*

18.) We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about. *Then what is the point in having you in my life if we have absolutely NOTHING in common.*

19.) Hugs and kisses must be given at all times. *Just die already*

20.) We don't shave our legs everyday :get over it. *Well when you stop shaving, don't come crying to us when people start pointing at you and laughing.*

21.) Don't make bets about us; we always find out. *I bet you make bets about us all the time, I bet.*

22.) Shave; no matter how cool you think your go-T or beird or mustache looks, we hate it. *So, now guys have to shave and girls don't. Also, there is no i in beard. In conclusion, everyone shave.*

23.) Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it is not. *Whoever wrote this spelled emit wrong, so I therefore declare the previous statement false.*

24.) It is not cool to shoot snot rockets. *The first girlfriend I have that tells me this will be dumped immediately. (And she was)*

25.) We are beautiful at all times. *Well then quit asking us if you are.*

26.) We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't. *Sure thing, fat-ass.*

27.) You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it. *Because we're not too lazy to stand up and pee...I guess*

28.) Most importantly: we ARE always right. *I'm tired.*