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| A conclusion is the place where you got tired thinking. Martin H Fischer |
| I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks Joe. E Lewis |
| It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
| What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one? George Bernard Shaw |
| I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph. Prince Bismark |
| When Solomon said that there was a time and place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking an automobile. Bob Edwards |
| I never thought much of the courage of a lion-tamer. Inside the cage he is at least safe from people. George Bernard Shaw |
| You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work. Hy Gardner |
| Of course there's alot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. Dr. A Lawrence Lowell |
| You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope |
| Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. Mark Twain |
| Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. Sir Winston Churchill |
| Adam & Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething. Mark Twain |
| Men heap together the mistakes of their lives, and create a monster they call Destiny. John Oliver Hobbes |
| My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. Benjamin Disraeli |
| Either the wallpaper goes or I do. Oscar Wilde, last words |
| Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. George Bernard Shaw |
| I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand. Edward Appleton |
| Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, sings. Ed Gardner |
| Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it. Don Marquis |
| Do you know what a pessimist is? A man who thinks everybody as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. George Bernard Shaw |
| Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain |
| A pessimist is one who has been intimately acquainted with an optimist. Elbert Hubbard |
| I like children. Properly cooked. W.C. Fields |
| I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English. Saki (H. H. Munro) |
| Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. Oscar Wilde |
| Everyone likes flattery, and when it comes to royalty, you should lay it on with a trowel. Benjamin Disraeli |
| Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt. Kin Hubbard |
| Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm. Frank Dane |
| Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made. Otto von Bismarck |
| A great many open minds should be closed for repairs. Toledo Blade Newspaper |
| Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. Johnny Carson |
| A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. Groucho Marx |
| I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. Robert Orben |
| People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad. Ralph Waldo Emerson |
| Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. Mark Twain |
| You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves. Michael Wilding |
| Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it. Anonymous |
| Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
| A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he runs a red light. Henry Morgan |
| If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. George Burns |
| The covers of this book are too far apart. Ambrose Bierce |
| Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Anonymous |
| Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. W. Somerset Maugham, author |
| Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. W. C. Fields |
| The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck |
| Great Britain and the United States are nations separated by a common language. George Bernard Shaw |
| Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. Fletcher Knebel |
| We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. Ambrose Bierce |
| He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. George Bernard Shaw |
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