English_Language

I'm a die-hard fan of the English language, and anyone who actually speaks it. Perhaps because there are so few who actually can anymore. Of course in today's day-and-age we communicate in a variety of mediums, making language proficieny unnecessary. Since language has long been the ultimate sign of intelligence, perhaps that is why so many say civilization is "moving backwards." To demonstrate my point, recall your high school days. If you graduated in the past decade or so, then it won't be hard to remember the people whose primary vocabulary and sentence structure was similar to what follows: "Totally, like, whatever! I mean, ya know?" I confess I've been guilty of overusing some idioms and phrases, but never anything quite that excessive. I had to train myself not to do it, but it quickly became one of my pet peeves. Murphy's Law immediately struck as soon as I developed a distaste for this kind of low-life speech and I found myself surrounded by these kinds of people wherever I went. Even a much beloved teacher of mine starts every other sentence with "Now, listen people...." There are so many rich words in the English language, most of which are underappreciated and thus underused. Many people would respond with "so what?" So let me list some advantages to knowing and using the English language. I have learned that knowing a few uncommon words helps to improve your status. For example, if in one of your classes, the teacher asks for feedback on a topic, give a short, pithy summation of your opinion, surmounting it all with a rare, audacious word: "....and I think that entire idea is simply NEFARIOUS!" You will most likely stump the teacher, providing this isn't English class, and your fellow students will either think "My god, what a fountain of knowledge," or "My god, what a *&%$^%@ idiot." Either way, you will have made a stonrg impression which will not easily be forgotten. Words are also fun among peers; especially when they are the type of mindless people who just go along with everything you say and pretend to know exactly what you're talking about. I have no mercy towards these mindless organisms and I will happily exploit them. It is even more fun when two people conspire against a third and create an almost double-speak dialect.

"My God, that girl in class today! She is so catyloid!" (cup-shaped)
"I know! She acts like she is the ultimate baluchithere (a hornless rhinocerous of the extinct genus Baluchithorum that inhabited Central Asia during the oligeocene and early Miocene epochs. The largest land mammal known.)

...Etc. Obviously this is a little overdone and it is most effective when the third person can at least follow the idea or train of thought. You just throw in a word every now and then to keep them busy. If you do too much, they might actually ask what a word means, at which point you can (1) look at them, look at your conspirator and then proceed to howl with mocking laughter, or (2) simply give them a withering look that communicates something similar to "How can you be such a mindless idiot?" and proceed with the conversation. Either of these should be quite effective. They won't ask what you mean anymore. That's only part of the fun in language... English especially.

We live in a culture that every day knows little less about our own language. For the sake of "keeping it simple," we have begun to eliminate words, condensing, if you will. We don't think about how narrow our vocabulary actually is. The average of an adult is 1,400, but the working vocabulary, the one we actually use from day-to-day is somewhere in the area of 400, and shrinking. You don't have to look far to prove this one. It's evidenced in modern communications and media. Can you imagine, for example, a reporter asking a famous celebrity what she thought of a current political issue (since there is never an end to issues of the political nature, and never an end to the celebrities ready to offer their opinion on it) and her replying that she thought it was "simply contumely"?? Even if the clip made it past the cutting-room floor and onto a clip on Entertainment Tonight, the thousands of viewers would do a double-take (unless of course she is a british actress, in which case large and uncommon words are accepted and forgiven as long as they are said with a thick brogue) People expect their celebrities to be on the same intelligence level as them or at least pretend they are in public, and a word like contumely is one a select few in today's society would know right-off-the-bat, most of which would be grading English papers instead of watching Entertainment Tonight.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not against "american" language, which is what we actually speak. As Henry Higgins says in My Fair Lady, "...In America they haven't used [English] for years!" It does seem we are breaking away and forming our own linguistic culture. There are whole dictionaries of American "slang" on any bookstore shelf, and most of it is fun to use, being extremely creative.

I've often thought one of the funniest scenarios possible would be to have some of the great orators and rhetoriticians of the past in the same room with some modern celebrities and politicians. Benjamin Franklin, Winston Churchill, Thomas Jefferson, Cicero, & Vulna joined by Rosie O'Donnell, Senator Ted Kennedy, Jim Carrey, Al Gore, Meg Ryan, Peter Jennings, & Tammy Faye Bakker. It would be even better if they came together to discuss an ethical issue they all felt strongly about.. One can imagine the scen that would arise. Not to insult any modern celebrities' intelligence, but I suspect a few would fall behind in the debate. As a friend once sarcasticly commented, "The reason everyone thinks the Gettysburg Address is so great is that no one understands it! How long is four-score and seven years ago? Only Abe really knows for sure..." Perhaps the founding fathers should have done future generations a favor by writing the constitution in simpler terms. As it is, no one seems to really understand what the hell it says, as this past election and the arguments following proved. Anyone who has carefuly read it understands why we vote by the electoral college and not by popular vote (which was really the key issue brought up by the Democrats, in case everyone missed that and thought the level of intelligence in Florida was the main issue) Hillary Clinton must have skipped over that part in law school.