Untitled

November 8, 2004
Love Crimes - Moonspell

Okay, I've fiiiinally gotten Microsoft Picture It! downloaded again on my computer, so, I'm going to be making sooo many new layouts for all of my many sites, and friends. I'm working on a new one for this site, but I want to get your opinion. Here's a preview of it so far:

November 2, 2004
Bob (Cousin O.) - The Gits

Holy shit, I haven't updated for a month! Umm... Where to start? I have a lot of organizing I need to attend to. I love this layout, but, I'm not sure if having a pop-up window is the best format. I have about 6-7 sites to re-vamp, excluding this one. Plus there's also schoolwork which will get me absolutely nowhere. I mean, if I'm doing badly anyway, what exactly is the point in attending? Even my psychiatrist said: "Well, school just isn't for you, I guess." I've known that for 5 fucking years! I'm skipping like mad now. I've realized that I learn more about the human mind and psyche by just sitting on my ass for 1 hour and listening to my brain than an entire years worth of anthropology classes could! Ftttt.... So, I continue my long and useless search for a host. I've had many offers, but I've either been a total ass and lost it, they forget about it and I'm to cowardly to speak up, they mysteriously disappear, and so on... So, again, if you have a remotely stable hosting program and, due to some cosmic miracle, you think this site is a worthy candidate, email me and we'll talk. In the mean time, I'm gonna que in line through online application after online application.

Man, it's been a pretty dipsy week. Bush is the president. Whoopee. For some reason, this election has completely fucked me up mentally. It felt like it was a matter of life and death, and I was so neurotic. As much as I love the film "Fahrenheit 9/11", I have my issues with Michael Moore. I think, like many people, he can be very hypocritical. For example, he criticizes the politicians and the media for using fear to manipulate the public, yet fear is a key component of his method of converting people to his way of thinking. I mean, I share his bias, but others may not. And, I think that film may have contributed to my abnormal neurotic behaviour lately. But, come on. This is pissing me off. Bush does a lot of the work against himself anyway. I'm surprised the Republican Party hasn't duct-taped his mouth shut permanently, because everytime he opens it, he fucks everything up. Oh well, 4 more years...

Well, I had such a bad physical yesterday. The new nurse was so fucking incompetent, I wanted to scream. First, she shoves the needle carelessly into my vein, then attempts to have blood flow out of it by tapping my arm, causing the needly to wriggle back and forth while it's inside me. After 3 minutes of this and realizing this isn't working, she gives up, and bandages my vein, and goes for my left arm. She ties up my arm again and again and finally injects the needly once again into me, this time successfully. After what seemed to be 5 vials, she bandages me up, and only spills a few droplets of blood in the process. Then she checks my height and weight, while I still have all of my clothes on. I ask if she could possibly convert the kg to pounds, and after 5 minutes, she reluctantly decides I weigh 158 pounds. WHAT!?!?! Okay, I'm particularily sensitive about my weight, having been anorexic for 2 years in the past, though now I've recovered from it. But, there is no way in hell that I am 158 pounds. I have no particular problem with that weight, but she better not fucking record all these miscalculations. Other than these setbacks, I'm perfectly healthy. Though, mentally, I'm as fucked up as everyone else in the world.

September 24, 2004
Save Me - Aimee Mann

Fuck. I hate human relations. I think there is something seriously wrong with me. I just want to be numb and dumb and stupid and ignorant. I've come to the pathetic and obviously false conclusion that knowledge is pain and learning and change is involuntary masochism. I'm responsible for so many people's feelings and I'm such a jerk, I'm such a bitch, I just wish by process of elimination or survival of the fittest or whatever, I'd just get wiped off the face of the planet. I seriously think I'm fucked in the head. I think I deserve nothing but to be locked away where I can't hurt or affect anyone and be rendered to the state of a fucking vegetable. I'd rather die, because I'll probably still have my fucking haunting conscience and demons and all those lovely thoughts.

All I can do is soldier through this fucking thing until I meet my end. I'm sorry if this entry depresses you or acknowledges your own problems, but, if I don't get this out, it'll fucking eat me alive. Actually, acknowledging it like this will probably depress me even more. Oh fucking well.

There's a lot more depressing me, but, I just cannot risk even thinking about it again, or I'll fucking start crying and I can't afford to do that right now.

P.S: The movie "The Heart is Deceitful Above all Things" was brilliant. I fucking loved it. But i'm too disturbed right now to write a detailed account of it.

P.P.S: Also, I don't think I'll be able to be hosted by Kylie anymore, due to problems with her account, etc. So, if anyone wants to host me. I actually have a steady FTP program up and, not currently but will be, running so, email me if this interests you.

September 16, 2004
Subway Hero - Thistle

I'm so fucking PISSSSSSSEEDDDDD OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!! I can't go to my own city's festival opening of my favourite book's film (The Heart is Deceitful Above all Things) If I had one of those stress balls, the beans or contents would be splattered all over my lap right now. I fucking hate adolscence so much right now. If ANYONE From Toronto sees this movie, please tell me about it. It's playing tomorrow @ 12:30 PM at the Paramount theatre. FUCKKKK!!!!! I can't think about this: it's too depressing. Anyway, if you're going to the festival, you can purchase my JT button in time for the screening. *sheds tear* GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

UPDATE!!! I"M GOING!!!! YEAH!!!!

September 13, 2004
Fade into You - Mazzy Star

I don't really feel like blogging: not much to say... I love most of my new courses this year. Anthropology especially. And Media Studies. And Drawing and Painting. And.. well, everything except Math... yfhrtdcuj yujit... typing sucks...

I'm not in a "revealing" mood right now. I wrote a new poem called "Bound" that I'm, in the present, proud of... You can view it in the poetry section soon... For now, I'm just gonna write out movies I want to see (yes, the return of the lists):

Saddest Music in the World
The Heart is Deceitful Above all Things
Napoleon Dynamite
Saved!
Talk to Her
Y Tu Mama Tambien
The Big Lebowski
Das Boot
Naked

Oh yeah, and I have a new email: [email protected] What'swith this fucking Hesper shit?!? Really, I'm asking you: Maybe you have a better idea of what's going on in this twisted mind of mine... And I have a shop (like anyone'll buy anything). Oh yeah, and I revived my habbo hotel account. I'm starting to get eerily creative with my excessive procrastinating.

September 6, 2004
The End - Nico

Man, man man... Man, did I ever miss a lot while my computer was being repaired. JT's film "The Heart is Deceitful Above all Things" is coming to the Toronto International Film festival!?! Holy freaking hell, why was I not aware of this!?! My mum works for them, I can get tickets!!! In the profound words of Comic Book Man: "there is no emoticon, to express what I'm feeling!". Also, his book (JT's, not Comic Book Man's) "Harold's End" is out this month. MAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!!!! Time just flies when you're deprived of internet access. My fave sites have been updated. As much as I hate to admit this, not having the internet for a duration of time can have it's pluses. You can just spend hours and hours newly fascinated with every aspect of it's wonderful--ness... ? Speaking of illiteracy, school starts tomorrow...

Also, I may be getting a new site soon. Not a new layout, I'm going to keep this one for a while... Kylie offered to upload this site. For some reason, but, I think it'll be http://hesper.possibly-maybe.orgWhat the fuck does Hesper mean? I have nooo idea. Anyway, I won't hold my breath. *PS: Sorry for the mix up, Iva*

August 22, 2004
Lumos! - Harry Potter soundtrack

Yes. I am quite obsessed with Harry Potter. You can few my pathetic site here. So far I've been unable to make contact with anyone: Kristin, where I am still pining over screwing our get together up. Chih, my ultra-fun psychiatrist appointment getting in the way. I was soooo happy when my friend Dan called me and we gushed our love for Rowling, Bront�, Wilde, etc.

Oh yeah, I got a haircut. It's pretty nice. I'm just worried that I won't be able to style it. Well, I'll be able to answer that question tomorrow, if I don't wake up later than 4:00 PM. Yeah, you read correctly. I've been having major insomnia lately. Actually, not lately. I've been an insomniac junkie for a few months now. Funnnnn...... I might see "Saved!" tomorrow. "The Godfather II" is playing also, but I've already seen it a bajillion times, so, I'm not about to pay to see it on celluloid. Though seeing a giant version of a young Robert de Niro and Al Pacino could really pump my bored, catatonic heart.

August 21, 2004
Werewolf - Cat Power

Well, well, well... I hope you've all (or, anyone who visits this thing) found your way here properly: dot.tk URLs are being really screwy and unpredictable so I've decided to get a whole new URL all together to go along with the new layout. Though, it's totally random and unrelated. What I want to do is be able to pay for a proper official URL (ex. .com, .net, etc.) but, I'm nowhere near being wealthy enough to do that.

Summer has really, really, really, really, suuuucked ~~so far~~. So far being crossed out because it's practically over. The highlight of my summer has been seeing Sarah, and playing the incredibly easy but addictive Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban game on my computer whilst scheduling the rest of my day around the 3 M's: Maury, Montel and Millionaire re-runs. What a gripping life I do lead.

August 10, 2004
Deus (Remix) - The Sugarcubes

Okay, I have to make this fast, because my time on the Picton library computer is almost up: I miss my eleborate layouts, and I realize that I've been neglecting my other friends' sites (you know who you are). This is just a message to confirm that as soon as I return to civilization, I will be more determined than ever to make my site and family sites better than ever. Also, I updated the "Faves", since I have nothing to do but watch videos from the rental store and read. Oh yeah, and yell at the actors portraying 15 year old crack whores on Maury, man, the summer has drained the life out of me. See ya later

P.S. I think I got the only computer that doesn't have MSN. DAMN!!!! Oh well, I'll try to book the computer on Monday. *whimpers* I'll be going home Next Thursday. Another 8 fucking days in the middle of nowhere.

August 3, 2004
Followed the Waves - Auf der Maur

Oh my god. Another 2 fucking weeks in nowhere ville. Please, I would gnaw my arm off for one freakin' solid day in Toronto. It's just been back and forth so far throughout this summer. After this, I'll have three weeks left. This is just sort of a check in for those of you who think my insanity has driven me to my mind's end. I'm all right. Just bored to tears. Apparently I have a few more bookings this week, or the next one, so I'll try to get a computer that has MSN. *Sigh* I was thinking of having my hair cut short again, but, I think I want to be able to enjoy this length a bit longer before I let go completely. Though I'm going to dye it bright red again. I just love that colour. I'm losing my originality too.

For those of you who don't know me well (you fortunate bunch), when I am bored, no, when I'm without any idea of what to do, okay, I just do this regardless: I write out lists, and so, I've been creating a potential look(s) for my next yearbook photo(s) (11 and 12) I know, how sad am I? Pretty pathetic. I wanna do something wild in Grade 12, like a la Isabella Rosselini in Blue Velvet Except my hair will be a dark popsicle blue instead of just indigo black. Hmmm... I know, I'm running out of ideas for this blog too. Please spare yourselves and visit my friends in the linkage section. Apparently the Garbage album is postponed till January 2005 *whimpers* Oh well, I guess they're making it damn good. Listen to me, I sound like a fucking hick. And my days consist of propping myself in a couch and screaming at the tv, which either is playing Jenny Jones, Maury Povich, and if I'm lucky, Montel Williams. Jesus... Product of one's environment indeed. And, that gives me more time to build up my, currently content-less, garbage fan site.

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