Newsgroups: alt.sex.bondage
Subject: The List 20
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Date: 13 Nov 91 01:45:44 GMT
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From Nurse Jones,
I'm getting pretty good at hypnosis. Or maybe Jay is just very
susceptible to induction; he seems to get more so as we work at it. I can
get him into a trance in just a few minutes now, having planted posthypnotic
suggestions that help. In fact, I have had him following posthypnotic
suggestions for a week now, just harmless ones, but increasing in
complexity. For example I tried giving him a complicated sequence for
shaving his face in the morning, for example. It worked fine. I did that so
I could watch him to see if it worked: I'm usually in the bathroom putting
on my face while he's shaving.
I'm even getting time compression to work. The last two times I gave
him complicated instructions, I had him repeat them silently to himself
eight times in thirty seconds real time, an hour experiental time, and he
did. He took all the time he needed to do it, and it saved hours of
repetition on my part.
I think we're ready to "do" him. It's still me that I'm worried about,
but not as much. Jay is working on that, also through hypnosis, and it seems
to be working. I must be an easier subject than he is. One of the books we
have said that might be the case. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist, and don't
feel as defensive as Jay about "letting myself go" in front of him. Anyway,
I'm beginning to accept the idea. Jay isn't going to be changed, or a
different person. There is this tiny, silent, female voice inside him. It is
there in most men, overwhelmed and vestigial. She will have her moment in
the sun, and Jay will watch from the inside and learn what he wants to know
about himself, experience what he wants to experience. I will be preparing
him like a makeup artist would an actor for a part. While she's here, I'll
have a few hours to make a new friend, get to know that side of Jay, however
briefly. Someone (Phillip, I think) said I needed a mission. That's it, I
think. A few months ago, I would have thought revenge to be mission enough.
Bring her out, send her back. LET him walk the walk. That's the mission.
That helped. It was an insight. Thanks, Philip.
I have some questions for Kayvan. First, I've got the collected papers
of Milton Erickson, as you suggested, and some commentaries by his
disciples. He really is by far the most useful. And I'm beginning to think
that all this physical preparation I've done is unnecessary. I'm pretty sure
I could make him think he was female -- while in a trance -- even without
all the elaborate makeup, the body suit, the prosthetic femininity, etc.
Which would be better?
My original feelings were that the experience would be lessened for him
if it all took place while I had him under. So I had planned to work to
convince him that he would be female (for a limited time) upon waking, and
reinforce the illusion with makeup, etc., and dim lights. Have him reenter
the trance and turn back into a pumpkin at midnight. Maybe I should forget
the makeup? But the act of putting it on is part of being female, and I was
going to have him participate in that to a very limited extent. And (this is
important) _I_ want to percieve him visually as a totally female different
person rather than as a campy Jay, which I could not stand.
Big question: keep him under for the whole experience,
or
bring him out as female and put him back under afterward. I've tried
two posthypnotic suggestions that lead me to think I can do this:
(1) I gave him a posthypnotic suggestion to make one of his legs go to
sleep temporarily when I triggered the response, so I know I can cause
perceptual distortion hours after the session.
(2) I gave him a posthypnotic suggestion that put him back into a
trance while we were making love, triggered by key words again. That
worked, too. I wasn't sure if it would, because of the situation, but
it did. I was on top when I whispered the trigger in his ear. We
stopped moving, and he concentrated while I did a sex change on him. I
told him I was developing a penis and he a vagina, breasts, etc., all
the while moving my hips just enough to create the impression that
things were changing down there. I told him that when he awoke he would
be female while we made love and that then I would put him under again.
When he opened his eyes, he didn't say anything, he just looked at me
and began moving his hips experimentally. He spread his legs and pulled
me to him, the way I do when I'm on the bottom. I kind of wish I had
been hypnotized too. I often fantasize that I have a penis when I'm on
top, but I'd like to know what it's like to believe it. It was actually
a very tender moment. His orgasm was much less, um, athletic (?) than
usual. I didn't even have an orgasm. I was working. I put him back
under immediately after his, though, and reversed everything. But he
remembers it all.
I could probably go either way. Do it while he's under, or after and put
him back. With or without props. I think the props might be more important
to me, but I guess they couldn't hurt from his standpoint, so long as they
don't actually interfere. I got a corset made for him while I was in San
Fran, for example. That would be a surprise I think he/she would welcome,
but it could interfere, too.
Kayvan? Time is nigh. Guidance, please. Do we need more practice runs?
Option A or B?
While I had him under last weekend, I asked him to tell me why he
wanted me to top him, what he wanted out of it. (A suggestion from Fred) He
really thought about his answers, concentrated on organizing his thoughts. I
had asked him to do this after I put him under, and he was very
straightforward and organized about it. When he spoke, he gave me a
prepared-sounding statement, told me there were 7 reasons (he had even
counted them):
1. He wanted me to know how I would feel as a top so I would know what he
was experiencing, what I was giving him, and
2. So I would be able to experience the feelings I already had, the
feelings I was so ashamed of, that earth-mother-god-like benevolent
control. He didn't know specifically that that's what I would feel,
but he's glad that was it, because
3. He liked seeing me feel those emotions and he liked being the
recipient of them.
4. He said he wanted me to show him how I wanted to be treated as a
bottom. And how I liked to be treated as a woman.
5. He wanted the experience of being a woman like I was during The List.
6. He wouldn't feel entitled to the experiences of Column One until he
had paid his dues. Besides, looking to the future,
7. He won't feel he has the right to go back to the way it was, with me
as bottom, until after he's been there.
1 and 2 were for me.
3,4, and 5 were selfish, for him.
6 and 7 were guilt for the past, justification for the future. His words,
not mine.
All this makes it seem so complex and psychological, but it's more important
to me to understand this now that I find it so hard. When I was the bottom I
didn't want to think about motivations because I liked it and didn't want to
think about why. I don't like being a top as much, and I'm looking for
reasons; I guess I'm really just fishing for a reason to stop being the top.
Jesus. Wordstar tells me I've been taking myseslf seriously for three pages
now. You must be bored silly.
Nurse Jones,
who even fits her OWN definition of a female bore:
Someone who is more interested in herself than she is in me.
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