From: [email protected]
Subject: Nurse Jones, Re: saving the genital area.
Date: 18 Nov 92 19:04:39 GMT
From Nurse Jones,
What's all this I hear about saving the genital area?
Of *course* we should save the genital area. I mean, where would we be
without... Oh.
Sorry.
Guess I'll have to write something about pubic hair.
And I was feeling so conservation-minded.
Ahem. So anyway.
What if there were a painless, stubble-free, low maintenance, visually
attractive alternative to shaving, depilatory, plucking, and
electrolysis?
Keep reading. You may already be a winner.
I dunno why, but The List still generates e-mail questions about pubic
hair. It's not like I'm an expert or anything. But I am about to
memory dump on the subject.
Here's what I know from personal experience:
Depilatory is fine if your skin will stand it (I can, some can't, but
I definitely recommend a test patch); after extended use the follicles
find it hard to recover. I spent a few months wondering if mine would
*ever* grow back. It did. Luck or patience? I dunno. *Never* shave
after *or* before using it. I developed an awful rash that way. Skin
can only take so much.
Plucking. Tried it. Labor intensive, you need a dedicated SO and a
good book. Start with a topical anesthetic (I used Solarcaine, 20%
benzocaine) to ease into the discomfort of the plucking. On the plus
side, it grows back fine, with no stubble. And once he's got you
clean, it's a *lot* easier to keep it that way than it is to get there
in the first place.
Here's what I did over the Summer. I've been getting electrolysis
treatments.
And before you get excited the answer is, "Yes, there, and No, not all
of it."
We're just kind of whittling it down to the edge of decency. I decided
my criterion is to have just enough that I look believably natural --
but little enough that you would look twice and still not be *sure* if
it was natural.
Besides, you *know* I like things to be tidy. Mrs. Pearson always
emphasized how important it is to keep a neat and orderly work area.
Of course, this isn't the third grade anymore... Although we did have
some fun with fingerpaints recently... Sorry. Off the subject again.
Anyway, the electrolysis lark was something I had been wanting to do,
but I had to work up to it because of my piercing. My initial
embarrassment was totally misplaced: the electrologist (I called her
an electrolysisist and she corrected me) has seen everything. She
regaled me with stories about a woman whose husband was an American
indian and he insisted that she have every single hair below her neck
removed. Legs, underarms, loincloth area, everywhere. He said indian
women don't have body hair and he couldn't tolerate it. I'm not sure I
would have believed that line, but apparently she did it for him. The
technician said it took over a year's worth of visits.
So. After doing a bit of modest landscaping in Petticoat Junction, I'm
very neat and tidy.
Here comes the fun part, and you don't need electrolysis to do it:
trim it short and (tada!) get some Jolen Creme Bleach. It's for facial
hair, very gentle, and Nurse Jones tested. Mix it up and keep it off
the membranes. They even give you an applicator in the box. What's
left of your pubic hair will seem to disappear. Actually, it's still
there, but it's invisible. Well, mine is. A little conditioner and it
*feels* almost like it's not there.
Blonde's *do* have more fun. Nurse Jones says check it out.
Anyway, back to the electrolysis. Which I did *before* trying the
bleach. I'm through with the treatments. It was worth it. It makes me
feel ... sexy. And Jay tells me that if he were a gynecologist -- a
*professional* one, he means -- he would be tempted to ask me if I had
had anything done. It's a close call as to whether I look natural or
not: too little, and too neat. Which is just perfect.
Of course now, having gone blonde Down There, well, it's obvious that
I've been redecorating. But in an emergency -- like having to see a
fundamentalist gynecologist (no averti, that's *not* a new religion.)
-- I could dye it back, take out my ring, annd noone would be any the
wiser. Except that I'm maybe a little too neat and tidy.
Of course being a typical male, Jay can't resist the temptation to
make a mess of anything that's neat and tidy.
Now that I think of it, that's a Fundamental Truth about men. It
doesn't matter what it is: if it's neat, it's like a magnet that
attracts messy men. It's like trying to keep graffiti off a blank wall
in New York. Last Spring I washed the floor and within minutes there
were footprints. Same thing when I tried cleaning the bathroom once.
You just can't keep ahead of him. Lord knows what would happen if I
ever made the bed.
And anyway, I don't have time for housework now that I supervise a
shift. Plus I have to get my car fixed. It's a total mess. Another
piece of bondo fell off this week and the battery is starting to sag
through the floor. Of course Jay, the cheapskate, says it would just
be throwing good money after bad to get it restored, but I couldn't
bear to junk it. Do people always feel sentimental about volkswagens?
Sorry. This was supposed to be about pubic hair, wasn't it?
Still... I do love the old beetle. Sniff.
Nurse Jones,
I wonder
how much it would
be *without*
parts and labor...
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