From: [email protected]
Subject: Nurse Jones on "scenes"
Date: 5 Feb 92 03:45:43 GMT
From Nurse Jones,
About scenes. I never thought about it, but I use the word in at
"theatrical" sense, primarily. I regard the things Jay and I do as
planned, orchestrated, and controlled. Not to the last detail, but
there is an overall game plan. I don't always (almost never, in fact)
know what's going to happen, but I need to know that Jay knows, and
will control it. There is no sense of sponteneity, but plenty of
apprehension, uncertainty and (yes) fear. I like to feel that Jay is
in complete control, and that whatever I do, it won't throw him off
stride. I like to feel he knows where he's going. Since he always
does, this isn't something he has to fake.
But it's always a scene. The stage is set. There is preparation
(dressing, makeup, whatever), anticipation, pre- performance jitters,
a definite beginning and end, and "it" is demarcated and separated
from the rest of our life by this. We sometimes have spontaneous sex,
sure, but the theatre of a "scene" has major appeal for me. The
private "scene" I wrote about in "The List parts 3a and 3b" (did that
EVER get onto ASB in one piece?) among 4 people was still a scene in
my book, as are the 2-person scenes Jay and I do. What makes a scene a
scene is not a "public performance" component, but the preparation and
the demarcation by a beginning and an end.
The reason for doing "scenes" this way? The separateness from "real
life" seems to make it more special. A world we can go into. Science
fiction fantasies made real. The feeling that "now we are beginning
something special, different, and potentially mind-blowing in the very
best sense." This isn't everyday life anymore. The rules don't apply
anymore. Watch out. Dreamtime has begun. And someone else is
controlling it.
The word "scene" has a lot of meanings, I know. THis is just one.
Anita is posing me for her painting. That has the feeling of a scene,
even though there wasn't anything particularly sexual about it, except
that it's a nude. And she gets kinda familiar now and then, but the
work comes first for her. Posing gets boring quickly.
On another subject: She's been doing sketches of me sitting at this
computer, too. She asks me what I am writing about sometimes, and when
I tell her, she *always* says, "I knew it was something like that."
She says my emotions show very clearly when I write. I *have* gotten
teary a few times, but I didn't know it was that obvious. She can tell
when I'm angry, being funny, sexy, whatever.
Mr. Croesus, the rich old cheapskate, has finally died. Checked out of
the departure lounge. There was already a new patient in his bed when
I came in in the morning.
It's funny how people leave a hole in the world when they go. But
because you can't SEE the hole, you keep thinking you'll see the
person again, and then you are reminded that the hole is there. There
should be black spaces to remind us that people are gone until we get
used to them not being there. Or at least we shouldn't fill up their
damn beds so quickly. I was _joking_ with the guy yesterday.
Maybe that's why I like "scenes." There's enough frigging sponteneity
in the world as it is. I like for things to be controlled sometimes.
Well, SOMEBODY ought to be in charge, and despite the "Re: Hell is
real ..." thread, I'm not sure anybody is.
Nurse Jones,
Still an atheist,
thank God.
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