From: [email protected]
Subject: Nurse Jones flirts
Date: 14 Jan 92 08:58:14 GMT
From Nurse Jones,
Some wise net.person suggested I flirt with Anita. If you can't do
that, they said, you have no business doing anything more ambitious.
That may have been the single most practical thing anyone suggested. I
am so uptight that I think defensively all the time. I never even
thought about the fact that stepping up to the line and trying to
cross it myself, however briefly, would be a smart thing to do. A way
to scout the territory, as it were. Find out if there really are
injuns. Out there.
Anita is a tactile person. She hugs people hello, hugs them goodbye,
pecks them on the cheek for the smallest of reasons. If you did that
back home, people would think you were, well, from California or
something. Indiana is so conservative the female impersonators are
women. Anyway, you may have deduced that I am not a hugger or pecker.
It doesn't come naturally to me; I'm awkward at it. I'm not
demonstrative with anyone but Jay. Anita makes it seem so natural.
Anyway, I did something really stupid. I couldn't think what to do to
even show affection for Anita. I mean I like her, she's a good friend,
but I tend to show my feelings by planned actions, not spontaneously.
I bring a casserole to a sick friend or go to extraordinary trouble to
help if they have car trouble. Drive them to Cleveland. Something like
that. Something when they need it, when it's important. Midwesterners
are always going everywhere with casseroles. I have an aunt that
brings them to funerals.
I expect that on judgement day, the midwesterners will be standing in
line at the pearly gates with casseroles. It gives you something to
hold onto and to talk about: I brought a casserole. Oh look, George,
Margaret brought a casserole. How nice. I thought it might save you
the trouble of cooking. During these trying times. Oh that's very
thoughtful. Thankyou so much. It's chicken. My mother's recipe. She
uses celery. And bread crumbs on top. My my. Imagine. Sounds
wonderful. Heavens, don't just stand there in the cold, come in and
let's get that in the fridge. Here, let me take that. Goodness, it's
still warm. George, come in here and smell this...
Get the idea?
For God's sake, stay out of the midwest. They were just having their
clutch rebuilt.
Where was I? Before my stream of consciousness got diverted to
Indiana. Oh yeah. The point is, midwesterners, when confronted with
Real Life Situations, bring a casserole. I couldn't really do that
with Anita. So I did the next worse thing. I feel like that 15 year
old kid that I tortured in the exercise spa. Remember him? Maybe you
missed that post. Anyway, I did exactly what he would have done. I
held her hand during a movie. Can you imagine?
I sat there, next to her, (we were between Jay and Tom) working myself
up to this during the entire movie, and finally I reach over and pick
up her hand and hold it. By then my hand was all sweaty and hot. And
she didn't know what the hell I was doing. I mean Star trek 6 wasn't
exactly a romantic movie. My pathetic little overture did NOT turn out
to be sexy. She figured it out, after a moment of acute embarrassment
on my part. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her smile. Then she
looked down and I could tell she was trying very hard not to laugh.
Then she laughed. Thank god the lights were out. I'm sure I was
glowing in the dark. I snatched my hand away. She sat there for a
minute and then she yawned and stretched elaborately and put her arm
on the back of my chair. And then kind of accidentally let it slide
around my shoulders. She was spoofing a hormonally disabled teenager.
Then *I* started sniggering. We were both having a good snigger, in
fact. Then she kissed me on the cheek and hugged me and everything was
alright again. Whew. That was close. Then about fifteen minutes later,
she picked up my hand and kissed it and held it in her lap. Now, THAT
was sexy. And it seemed the most natural thing in the world. How come
I can't do that?
Anyway, on the way home, we called ahead for takeout pizza and the two
of us sat in a booth waiting for the pizza to be done while the guys
played some antique pinball machine. She told me she thought it was a
very nice gesture, holding her hand. And suddenly, for no reason, I
had That Feeling. I decided I was going to do it again. Just reach
across the formica and hold her hand again. My heart was pounding the
same way it had in the theater. This time, though she was ready for
me. She held my hand too, with both of hers.
Then the pizza guy gives us a funny look and says it's ready and do we
want it cut into six pieces or eight. I told him six, I didn't think
we could eat eight. Har har. He'd heard it before. And "A" bumps me
with her hip as if to say 'cut it out'. I was feeling very brave. I
guess "A" was, too. We walked up to the counter holding hands.
That night, at home, we had a chance to talk, and she said she had
read one of my earlier posts in which I had asked for net.support in
dealing with This Whole Thing. In that post I had mentioned that I
wanted to jump in at the deep end, if I jumped at all. And she asked
me if I didn't think holding hands and flirting was easing in an inch
at a time. I said yes, it was, and she said okay then, we'll keep the
suspense.
Since that, life has been nervewracking. She's very good at this. I
feel outclassed. All I can do is follow her lead. It's hard to believe
that I am the first woman she has been interested in. She can do the
littlest things to make me feel sexy. Like look at my lips instead of
my eyes when I'm talking. That's very disconcerting. And she has a way
of wetting her lips that makes it look almost but not quite as though
she were about to kiss someone. Me. She doesn't, but she always leaves
it ambiguous as to whether she intended to give that impression. It's
not an obvious or sleazy gesture, she just nips her own lower lip
between her teeth for a second.
And she bends over sometimes and shakes her hair and then flips her
head back and combs her fingers through it. The thing is, when she
flips her head up, she's always looking right at me at me to see if I
was watching. I really envy her her hair.
And when they left that night, she shook my hand. Do you believe that?
Shook my hand! Usually she hugs and kisses a cheek. Shaking hands is
so unnatural. It's amazing how the simple act of shaking hands can
underscore the fact that you're now NOT hugging each other for a Very
Good Reason. She is saying, 'I would be hugging you if we WEREN'T
planning Something, but since we are, I have to shake your hand.' So
now it's artificial formality mixed with eyecontact-only flirting. I
am ready to go back to hugging just to break the tension.
So our so-called flirting has been two weeks of NOT touching, so far.
Jay had a suggestion. He says "A" and I should put on each other's
makeup sometime, instead of our own. What a bizarre thought. "A"
barely even wears makeup. I wonder what's what's been going on in his
mind since the last time I looked. Hypnosis is a wonderful thing.
Maybe I should make a run through his mind...
Nurse Jones,
who wouldn't dare walk.
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