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Negotiating List

This list is adapted from one found on the site of Tammad some years ago. Now deceased, his site may no longer be available. (This is not like the list negotiated between “M” and “J” which included only items they both agreed to, but it does include many similar items.)

Print a copy of this page for each and then mark those items you wish to identify on your copy as follows

Abrasion
Age play
Anal penetration Dildo
Anal penetration Finger
Anal penetration Penis
Anal plug (public, under clothes)
Anal plugs (large)
Anal plugs (small)
Animal roles
Animal training
Arm & leg sleeves (armbinders)
Aromas
Asphyxiation
Auctioned for charity
Ball stretching
Bathroom use control
Beastiality
Beating (hard)
Beating (soft)
Being bitten
Being serviced (sexual)
Blindfolds
Body worship
Bondage
Bondage (heavy)
Bondage (light)
Bondage (multi-day)
Bondage (public, under clothing)
Boot service
Boot worship
Branding
Breast beating
Breast bondage
Breast whipping
Breath control
Brown showers (scat)
Cages (locked inside of)
Caning
Castration fantasy
Catheterization
Cattle prod (electrical toy)
Cells/Closets (locked inside of)
Chains
Chamber-pot use
Chastity belts
Chauffeuring
Choking
Chores (domestic service)
Clips and clamps Nipples
Clips and clamps Loose skin (non-genital)
Clips and clamps Loose skin (genital)
Clips and clamps Anywhere
Clit. stimulation Tongue
Clit. stimulation Finger
Clit. stimulation Anything
Cock-and-ball bondage
Cock-and-ball torture
Cock rings/straps
Cock worship
Collars (worn in private)
Collars (worn in public)
Competitions (with other Subs)
Corsets
Corsets (trained waist reduction)
Corsets (wearing casually)
Cross-dressing
Cuffs (leather)
Cuffs (metal)
Cunt torture
Cutting
Daddy/girl role-playing
Diapers (soiling)
Diapers (wearing)
Diapers (wetting)
Dilation
Dildo play
Dildoes
Double penetration
Enemas (retention/punishment)
Electricity
Enemas (for cleansing)
Enforced chastity
Erotic dance (for audience)
Examinations (physical)
Exercise (forced/required)
Exhibitionism (friends)
Exhibitionism (strangers)
Eye contact restrictions
Face slapping
Fantasy abandonment
Fantasy gang-rape
Fantasy rape
Fear (being scared)
Fighting back
Fisting (anal)
Fisting (vaginal)
Flame play
Floggers Soft
Floggers String
Floggers Leather
Following orders
Food play (cucumbers, sorbet...)
Foot worship
Forced bedwetting
Forced dressing
Forced eating
Forced heterosexuality
Forced homosexuality
Forced masturbation
Forced nudity (around others)
Forced nudity (private)
Forced servitude
Forced smoking
Full head hoods
Gags (cloth)
Gags (inflatible)
Gags (phallic)
Gags (rubber)
Gags (tape)
Gas masks
Gates of Hell (male)
Genital sex
Given away to another Dom (perm)
Given away to another Dom (temp)
Golden showers
Group sex
Gun play
Hair pulling
Hairbrush spankings
Hand jobs (giving)
Hand jobs (receiving)
Harems (serving w/other subs)
Harnessing (leather)
Harnessing (rope)
Having clothing chosen for you
Having food chosen for you
Head (give fellatio/cunnilingus)
Head (rcv fellatio/cunnilingus)
High heel wearing
High heel worship
Homage with tongue (non-sexual)
Hoods
Hot oils (on genitals)
Hot wax
Housework (doing)
Human puppy dog
Humiliation (private)
Humiliation (public)
Hypnotism
Ice cubes
Immobilization
Including others
Infantilism
Initiation rites
Injections
Interrogations
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage
Kidnapping
Kneeling
Knives (perm. marking)
Knives (scratching)
Latex
Leather clothing
Leather restraints
Lectures for misbehavior
Licking (non-sexual)
Lingerie (wearing)
Manacles & Irons
Manicures (giving)
Massage (giving)
Massage (receiving)
Master/slave
Masturbation Other
Masturbation Self
Medical scenes
Mindfucks
Mistress/slave
Modeling for erotic photos
Mommy/boy
Mouth bits
Mummification
Name change (for scene)
Name change (legal, permanant)
Needles (acupuncture)
Needles (play piercing)
Nipple clamps
Nipple play/"torture"
Nipple rings (piercings)
Nipple weights
Oral sex
Oral/anal play (rimming)
Orgasm control
Orgasm denial
Outdoor scenes
Outdoor sex
Over-the-knee spanking
Overpowerment
Pain (medium)
Pain (mild)
Pain (severe)
Persona training (in scene)
Personality modification (RL)
Phone sex (commercial provider)
Phone sex (serving Dom's friends)
Phone sex (serving Dom)
Piercing (permanent)
Plastic surgery
Pony slave
Prison scenes
Prostitution (actual)
Prostitution (public pretense)
Public exposure
Public sex
Punishment Scene
Pussy worship
Pussy/cock whipping
Religious scenes
Resistance
Restrictive rules on behavior
Riding crops
Riding the “horse” (crotch tort.)
Rituals
Rope body harness
Rubber/latex clothing
Safe sex
Saran wrapping
Scarification
Scratching – getting
Scratching – giving
Sensory deprivation
Service
Serving as a maid
Serving as art
Serving as ashtray
Serving as furniture
Serving as toilet (feces)
Serving as toilet (urine)
Serving as waitress/waiter
Serving orally (sexual)
Serving other doms (supervised)
Serving other doms (unsupervised)
Sexual deprivation (long term)
Sexual deprivation (short term)
Shaving (body hair)
Shaving (genital hair)
Shaving (head hair)
Single-tail whips
Skinny-dipping
Sleep deprivation
Sleepsacks
Slutty clothing (private)
Slutty clothing (public)
Spandex clothing
Spanking Paddle
Spanking Palm
Speculums (Anal)
Speculums (vaginal)
Speech restrictions (when, what)
Spitting
Spreader bars
Standing in corner
Stocks
Straight jackets
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by)
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on)
Strap-on-dildos (wearing)
Strapping (full body beating)
Supplying new partners for Dom
Suspension (horizontal)
Suspension (inverted)
Suspension (upright)
Swallowing faeces
Swallowing semen
Swallowing urine
Swapping (with one other couple)
Swinging (multiple couples)
Tampon Training (in ass)
Tattooing
Teasing
TENS Unit (electrical toy)
Thumbcuffs (metal)
Tickling
Triple penetration
Uniforms
Uniforms/military
Urethral Sounds (metal rods)
Vaginal dildo
Vaginal penetration Dildo
Vaginal penetration Finger
Vaginal penetration Penis
Verbal abuse
Verbal humiliation
Vibrator on genitals
Victorian scene
Video (recordings of you)
Video (watching others)
Violet Wand (electricial toy)
Voyeurism (watching others)
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others)
Water torture
Waxing (hair removal)
Wearing symbolic jewelery
Weight gain (forced)
Weight loss (forced)
Western gear
Whipping
Wooden paddles
Wrestling

Points for discussion

Do you have any medical conditions I should know about? (Asthma: good to keep the medicine nearby; knee conditions: not good to tie the bottom for long periods standing up; jaw dislocations: no face-slapping or only with extra care; problems with nerves in wrists: extra care/support in binding wrists, or maybe no wrist bondage at all; STDs: extra safe-sex precautions; etc.)

Do you have any particular places where you should not be hit or flogged: any particular areas on you that are extra-sensitive, bad pain, or unhealed injuries?

Do you have any emotional reactions to being hit with hands, belts, hairbrushes, or other items possibly associated with punishment, with any traumatic experience, or with anything else that is not someplace you want to be remembering or reacting to in scene?

What do you use as a safeword? What do the safewords you use mean to you? Do you use any words like “No” or “Stop” to mean “Please do go on"?

Is there anything you would like to tell me that is specifically off limits?

Are marks (black-and-blue marks, hickies, etc.) ok? Do marks need to be below clothing lines?

Is sexual touching ok?

What safe sex considerations are we to take into account? (In many communities, condoms are assumed not only for vaginal and anal penetration, but also for oral sex. In some communities, latex gloves are used for any sexual touching where fluids are involved, and certainly if there are breaks in the top's finger skin they are common. It is a good idea to ask rather than assume because customs vary.) What exposures to STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) does each partner represent?

What constitutes sexual touching for you: breasts, nipples? external touching of the genitals or anus? penetration? Is being naked ok?

What kinds of feelings and activities do you actively enjoy in scene? Do you enjoy pain, service, bondage, spanking, punishment, humiliation, fear or terror, resistance or overpowerment, fighting back, mindfucks, verbal abuse, particular kinds of role-play imagery like interrogations, being at school, age play, etc.? Is physical play part of a power exchange experience for you, or is it a sensual experience between equals with no exchange of power? What kind of experiences are exciting or hot in your fantasy life or in play for you? Is play typically a sexual experience for you or is it something else?


Original: 16 May 2002

This page is part of “Living in the Light”
found at: http://www.geocities.com/phoban2000/

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